Can't get the urge back

[davidleegrant]

I'm a 68 year old married male that has lost his sexual desire for my wife. This occurred after my three neck surgeries in 1995,96 and 97. During that time I developed chronic pain that could be help only by pain medication (Vicodan, Flexeril, etc.) for that time period from 94 through 2000. At that time I was in another vehicle accident which increased the pain and they put me on morprine for two years. In 2002, I had another neck surgery but it did not correct the chronic pain problem. They put me on Fentanyl through 2007. I then went to a pain specialist who gave me epidurals for pain and trigger point shots. This went on for a year then he switched me over to methadone which  I'm still on.  During the year of 2008, I was in another vehicle accident and during april had open heart surgery.  After the surgery, I was sent back to the hospital after being released from the surgery for water detoxification which put me on life support for four days.  After this epizode, I was starting to feel a lot better but I was still on 20 mg of methadone. During this period of time, I have had no sexual desire for my wife. No cuddling, little kissing, and no sexual intercouse. I want to reestablish sexual relationships with my wife but don't know how to get myself kickstarted and to have that desire back.  Can you help.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Husband

[Texxasred]

I had the same problem.... I'm 51.... I have been told that taking pain medications long term caused my testosterone to be low, and I just had no desire.  The doc can check your testosterone with a blood test.  I used a testosterone lotion for a year, which helped, but I tried the injections and that really works much better.  You only take them once every 2 weeks.... and with the lotion, you have to put it on every day.  I get my neighbor who is a nurse, give me the shot... but I can do it myself if I have to.  It is well worth it to have that back..... my wife likes it too.  Good luck !

[SixStringer]

You could do the cuddling, hugging, and kissing--expressions of love, in general, at appropriate times throughout the day.  You could go further by getting into a manual foreplay situation and see what happens.  You should have some interest in your wife's body that would be triggered and give you some desire as you are in bed or giving her a massage, for instance.  Men usually have these visual triggers often related to breast and/or butt fetishes which create sexual excitement.  If seeing and/or touching your wife does not kick in these interests or desires, then your physician might have further ideas related to your past meds and health conditions.