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Questions about sex drive
This is going to be quite a long post, but it basically boils down to one question. Is it possible to go through ones life without having any sex drive whatsoever, and not actually realise it? Losing ones sex drive I can see as something that one would notice, however if you have never had it, how would you know how it feels to have an actual sex drive. A rather poor analogy would be that of color blindness, how would you know you were color blind unless you were tested?
So now I will begin by talking about myself and how I came to ask this question. Some history first of all. I went through most of my teenage years with no sexual desires at all, I did not discover masturbation until I was 18, and that was more out of curiosity than out of a need for release. I would masturbate almost daily for a while whether I needed to or not (no matter how much or how little I masturbated, I never actually “needed” to) Masturbation was as far as my sexual experiences went until I was about 30.
Up until this point I did not see anything wrong, even though It was VERY rare I would get random erections, I could get erections, even though it took manual stimulation to achieve them. I was able to ejaculate too, and for those reasons I did not think anything was wrong with me, at least with regards to sexual function. I tried sleeping with a few men, but they could not get me aroused but I put that down to me not being that attracted to them. The majority of men that I end up fancying always turn out to be straight.
I did think I might be asexual at one point, but the thing is I do want sex with guys, and I do find guys attractive so I don’t think it can be that, but I have a feeling that sex drive is more than just wanting to have sex with someone.
I also suffer from epilepsy, I was diagnosed at 11 years old but it was not until recently that I found out that epilepsy can have an effect on sex drive too. I am disappointed that it is something that was never checked up on as I was growing up, maybe if it had been caught early then something could have been done about it, but sexual development seems to be something that is never checked up on nowadays, it seems like something that should be checked up on since sex is pretty important.
I did go and see my GP sometime ago after I noticed a reduction on sensitivity of my penis. He suggested reducing some of me anti-epilepsy meds. I have come off one completely and reduced another by half but there has been no noticeable change. He said to me there is not much he can do with regards to sensitivity. He did test my testosterone levels, and tested for some other things too, a lot of which I don’t remember but they all came back normal.
It has come to the point where it is not just about my sexual health anymore, it is having a negative impact on my mental health too, which I am certain affects what little sex drive I have.
If there is something wrong with me, I am pretty sure its too late to do anything about it, but I am curious to hear what peoples thoughts are.
So now I will begin by talking about myself and how I came to ask this question. Some history first of all. I went through most of my teenage years with no sexual desires at all, I did not discover masturbation until I was 18, and that was more out of curiosity than out of a need for release. I would masturbate almost daily for a while whether I needed to or not (no matter how much or how little I masturbated, I never actually “needed” to) Masturbation was as far as my sexual experiences went until I was about 30.
Up until this point I did not see anything wrong, even though It was VERY rare I would get random erections, I could get erections, even though it took manual stimulation to achieve them. I was able to ejaculate too, and for those reasons I did not think anything was wrong with me, at least with regards to sexual function. I tried sleeping with a few men, but they could not get me aroused but I put that down to me not being that attracted to them. The majority of men that I end up fancying always turn out to be straight.
I did think I might be asexual at one point, but the thing is I do want sex with guys, and I do find guys attractive so I don’t think it can be that, but I have a feeling that sex drive is more than just wanting to have sex with someone.
I also suffer from epilepsy, I was diagnosed at 11 years old but it was not until recently that I found out that epilepsy can have an effect on sex drive too. I am disappointed that it is something that was never checked up on as I was growing up, maybe if it had been caught early then something could have been done about it, but sexual development seems to be something that is never checked up on nowadays, it seems like something that should be checked up on since sex is pretty important.
I did go and see my GP sometime ago after I noticed a reduction on sensitivity of my penis. He suggested reducing some of me anti-epilepsy meds. I have come off one completely and reduced another by half but there has been no noticeable change. He said to me there is not much he can do with regards to sensitivity. He did test my testosterone levels, and tested for some other things too, a lot of which I don’t remember but they all came back normal.
It has come to the point where it is not just about my sexual health anymore, it is having a negative impact on my mental health too, which I am certain affects what little sex drive I have.
If there is something wrong with me, I am pretty sure its too late to do anything about it, but I am curious to hear what peoples thoughts are.
Thanks for your response GuitarRox. To answer your questions I don't currently have a partner, I have had partners but sadly nothing ever lasted so gave up trying. I have been diagnosed as having Asperger's but that and epilepsy are the only neurological disorders that I have been diagnosed with.
The lack of intimacy has really been getting me down to the point that I often feel suicidal. If I just felt that I never wanted sex, then I might have been ok with it and been just able to get on with my life, but I can't.
The lack of intimacy has really been getting me down to the point that I often feel suicidal. If I just felt that I never wanted sex, then I might have been ok with it and been just able to get on with my life, but I can't.
1 Comments
Ah. First, nothing is worth taking your life over. Please please please reach out for help for this depression and suicidal thoughts. Your doctor can refer you or guide you if necessary and do not be embarrassed. Many suffer depression and since you have aspergers, know that it is common. Treatable though! Therapy also is very beneficial. call a crisis line or text them. Tell me where you are and I'll get info for you on how to do that, We want you HERE! You matter and I sincerely mean that.
So, your question is about sexual desire. That was your original question. I would give this time. Do you exercise? This helps boost testosterone and feel good hormones. It does help. I understand that your medication may impact things. They can do things like 'drug holidays' which is to back off medication just briefly say for the weekend which can work (if it is deemed safe for you and your doctor agrees) so that when you are in a relationship, you can have sexual relations.
ALL people, male and female, have different sex drives with some lower than others. You aren't alone although it feels like it right now in this sex crazed society and media driven society we live in. Don't fall for it. You are FINE as you are. It makes you bummed so we will work on it but it's fine to be exactly who you are and there IS and ARE people out there that you will be the right match for in terms of a partner.
Affection is a good thing. You don't have to be sexual to physically show affection and this sends warm messages to your future partner. Cuddling. Back rubs. Holding hands. All of this can be done and IS intimacy as well. Hugging is a great healer. :>)) This is intimacy. It doesn't have to be direct to your penis, my friend. Maybe down the road you can worry about that but for now, I'd work on connection. Connection to others and building relationships. The rest will follow.
You are worthy to be with others and others will want you. A kind soul who cares about them is a wonderful thing. I can tell just from how you have written these posts that you are a thoughtful, articulate person with a lot of feelings and emotions. That makes you a catch. I promise you.
Have you ever tried a neurodivergent meet up?
So, your question is about sexual desire. That was your original question. I would give this time. Do you exercise? This helps boost testosterone and feel good hormones. It does help. I understand that your medication may impact things. They can do things like 'drug holidays' which is to back off medication just briefly say for the weekend which can work (if it is deemed safe for you and your doctor agrees) so that when you are in a relationship, you can have sexual relations.
ALL people, male and female, have different sex drives with some lower than others. You aren't alone although it feels like it right now in this sex crazed society and media driven society we live in. Don't fall for it. You are FINE as you are. It makes you bummed so we will work on it but it's fine to be exactly who you are and there IS and ARE people out there that you will be the right match for in terms of a partner.
Affection is a good thing. You don't have to be sexual to physically show affection and this sends warm messages to your future partner. Cuddling. Back rubs. Holding hands. All of this can be done and IS intimacy as well. Hugging is a great healer. :>)) This is intimacy. It doesn't have to be direct to your penis, my friend. Maybe down the road you can worry about that but for now, I'd work on connection. Connection to others and building relationships. The rest will follow.
You are worthy to be with others and others will want you. A kind soul who cares about them is a wonderful thing. I can tell just from how you have written these posts that you are a thoughtful, articulate person with a lot of feelings and emotions. That makes you a catch. I promise you.
Have you ever tried a neurodivergent meet up?
Some people have lower sex drives than others. Some have neurological differences in which they may have almost none. It's not really a problem EXCEPT typically having a sex life is part of a healthy relationship. But there are others who aren't as into it and then finding someone that has a low sex drive works well. We are world FULL of diverse people. Asexuality is an actual sexual orientation. https://www.healthline.com/health/inhibited-sexual-desire
Now then you speak of medication. And absolutely medication can impact libido, drive, etc.
Do you have a partner wanting sex? That's hard. Have you ever been diagnosed with Autism? Or Sensory issues? Or adhd? Or any other neurological disorder?
Therapy is helpful for mental health. And here is a link to some natural ways to increase sex drive in men and women. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323918
Now then you speak of medication. And absolutely medication can impact libido, drive, etc.
Do you have a partner wanting sex? That's hard. Have you ever been diagnosed with Autism? Or Sensory issues? Or adhd? Or any other neurological disorder?
Therapy is helpful for mental health. And here is a link to some natural ways to increase sex drive in men and women. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323918
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