Stagefright!

[BH2010]

So I have been with my man for 6 years in December. We're engaged and I love him to pieces.  There was a portion of time where our relationship was rocky.  I got with another guy. No excuses. I confessed and it almost destroyed us but, after some time, he forgave me and we worked it out.  

For a time after that I felt very guilty and didn't want to have sex with my bf at the time (now fiance). He has been very patient with me.  I look at him and think that he is a sexy man and he treats me well and I find him very physically attractive.  We also are so balanced and perfect every where else, we laugh, we talk etc.  We've talked about my issues regarding sex as well...I have horrible stage fright now after our slump.  I get turned on and I get scared to follow through-I get a lump in my throat and get butterflies.  The idea of having sex really scares me because its been long enough that maybe I think it will be bad or awkward.  Like I said, I do get turned on and can even take care of business by myself. But the idea of sex gets me totally stressed out.

Help!

[John987]

This may be off the mark, but it sounds like you might be punishing yourself subconsciously for "getting" with another guy and you may be imagining that sex will just be a reminder of things you wish to forget.  You might want to try non-sexual stages of contact.  Have him massage your back and do the same for him--but backs only.  Then, the next day ask him to give you a foot rub. Sit close or lie together fully clothed (don't say "cuddle" to a man;).  If you are feeling bold and have a big tub, take a bath together with the lights very low. Try to do something like that every day.  But tell yourself that it's not going to lead anywhere. And it's good that you can talk about it.  Keep doing that as it might help you resolve it. Tell him that you are easing back into it over time so that his expectations aren't too high.   If you can get comfortable with non-sexual contact with little or no expectation, one time you will be very pleasantly surprised.  This will be okay in time, or maybe much better than okay.

[AnnieBrooke]

Have a glass or two of wine and go for it.  The first step is the toughest.

[jefelex]

Do you have sex with him now? I don't think you should worry about it - I'm sure that if he loves you and you love him, it will be so natural and such a turn on that he can reassure you and also realize that guys have "stage fright" too!