On-line relationship results in confusion

[barn babe]

I met a man on-line in January. I am 47, he is 46. We have corresponded by phone and email regularly, exchanging photographs, since that time. We finally met in person this past weekend. I planned my trip to be 5 days. He met me at the airport in his town, and we went for coffee. He seemed attentive and "as advertised," so to speak. I felt an immediate physical attraction to him. We returned to a hotel room that he had booked, and we talked and began "making out." I never removed my clothes. He wore an undershirt and his boxer shorts. He prematurely ejaculated on my trousers. Then he said, "Let's go to bed and hold each other tonight." There was no further touching, no further physical contact, in bed or otherwise. He showed me around town the following day. He was cold, distant, and inattentive during our remaining time together. That evening, he told me there were "no pheromones." (He was not attracted to me, apparently.) I was stunned and saddened. I asked to be driven to the airport the following morning, and he did this. We slept apart that night. Once I arrived home, I had two emails waiting for me, saying he made a mistake, he missed me, he loved me, and he did not express what was really in his heart, he had shut down, and everything, all of his actions, were wrong, and he was ashamed of his behavior. He apologized.
I have not responded to him yet. I am torn about this man. We have much in common, but I was humiliated during my stay with him. He is someone I could fall in love with, or thought I could. How should I proceed?

[krushing]

I too did the online "dating".  I met this guy in a chat room.  We talked through emails, mail, telephone, etc. for almost 2 years.  We then met in person.  He lived way up North and I was a Southern girl.  We met half way.  Meeting in person was nothing like what we "had" online and through talking on the phone.  We didn't hit it off, but remain good friends.  Like the other poster I met my DH online, through Match.com.  It may not be the same as in a chat room because they supposedley match you with people with common interest, etc.  We have been together for 7 years total and have been married for 2 years, working on 3 years.  You just have to be careful and go with your gut feeling a lot of the times.

[yoy]

Many posible reasons for his behavior.  But for you thhe issue is, given this was your first live meeting, is this something you want to "work out."  If this was a first date without internet, would you keep it going?  Plus the travel.  He may seem fine again, but in real life, will he act this way again.  Rather than deciding which problem he has, embarrassed about sex and unable to cope, or just a guy who drops his drawers, finishes early and gives your the cold shoulder, you don't need either.  It is a lose lose situation.  Lose him and his problems.

[siren of the sea]

i thought id add my take as well. i did online dating too. the conversations online and exchanging of pictures are sometimes a way of living a life you can sort of make up. we say things that maybe we wouldnt normally say, present ourselves a way that we wouldnt had it been a normal date setting. i met some weirdos for sure. i dont think the i love you on email you recieved after your shortened trip is normal behavior. but its easier to say what you want through email or messenging. i met one man that lived across the states and after our conversations for a brief time wanted me to fly out to meet him. i did not. now after saying all that let me tell you i met my dh online. we were just friends talkng online then to telephone. this went on for 6 months. then a date. it didnt go very well. we continued to be friends. it was a few months later that we tried again and what do you know. this isnt my way of saying to go for it. i think he sounds bizarre in his behavior. how do you know he doesnt have this kind of relationship with others? i dated one man and when he was in the shower i snooped. and he had weird secret women i knew nothing about with online names i knew nothing of. i think in your heart you know he could be dangerous. i mean as far as your heart goes. there are great men out there and i dont totally knock the online dating but keep it to your area perhaps. and please, keep your first several meetings in a public place. good luck .

[oceans3]

i could write so much more but the dr. and other posters (especially "who") said it all for me. i totally agree with them. i have been following this post and have one thing to add....
my opinion is the whole "online honeymoon" is over. all of that anticipation of seeing you is done. it happened. now there is no more excitement. he is trying to get that back via the emails and phone. it seems thats all he is cabable of having...an online relationship. he clearly didnt know what to do in person and it wasnt as if he didnt have chances....he had 5 days. the whole experience would have left me with a bad taste in my mouth thats for sure!
i would give it a couple more days and talk with him about what happened. then move on without him but be honest and let him know straight out that you are not going to correspond with him anymore. you dont want him stalking you if you ignore his calls, emails without any explination.

[who_dis]

I worry about you, Babe.

When you meet someone for the first time, you are generally on your best behavior.  If this was his best behavior, I shudder to think what he'll be like later, when he relaxes.  I think you saw a flash of what he is really and truly made of.  

I liked the moderators answer.  Very well thought out and objective.  

[barn babe]

This website is fantastic. The responses I have received - well, I can only offer my heartfelt thanks for the input, from everyone.  Thank you for helping me sort out my thoughts about what happened.

He called me last night and left a message; I was not home, but I probably would have taken his call if I had been. I have not returned his call, yet. I need a few more days to think about what happened, think about how to proceed, or not.

The input here is invaluable.

barn babe