In fear all the time

[vyom]

Hi,
First i would like to tell about myself. I am good educated and well employed. All my life i have been kind of people pleaser and i always consider what others would think before doing anything. I never get over drunk, neither shout even at home cause it might trouble my neighbors. I can't yell at people; even if i do, it would be in my mind for months.
I somehow find it normal and thought myself a good human being nothing more who cares about others.
But from past year or so, things have gone out of control. These days i m afraid of going out, and spend most of the weekends just sitting at home and weekday working late in the night.
I am always worried that i would get in fight with someone and i always think that people somehow notice me even if i m in a crowd and hence i become point of attention all the time. I have had couple of fights in my previous life and as a kid too but they never used to bother me until now. These days whenever i go out i want some friends with me and if i m alone, my heartbeat goes up and i kind of pray for something bad not to happen.

Apart from that i dont know .. i am kind of person who thinks a lot about society and people, scrutinizing everything. I read lot of books and follow almost all the news around the world. And somehow i have started to feel that in general people are bad and whenever i am in trouble no body will come to help me, and everybody is trying to get whatever they can out of strangers.
I am living in a place where i have language problem so the situation becomes even worse.

But my friends are all normal and they go out and enjoy life. On the other hand i just want to sit and wait for the weekend to get over so that i can go back to office and drown myself in work.

I really want to travel and see the world but!!!

I hope somebody out there could help me. I really do.

[rammstein37251]

I agree that it could definitely be social anxiety.  With a little bit of strength you'll be able to get through it :).  I would go and see a therapist.  They can show you stress-cooping techniques to use when you find yourself in a social situation.  Take it one step at a time and you'll manage just fine.  

[April2]

It sounds like you have a lot of anxiety and maybe a social phobia. I really think you should talk to your doctor. They may be able to prescribe a medication to help or refer you to a therapist to help you over come this. I hope you feel better soon. God bless.