Ok, so I have this fear of HIV for two years now and it is really difficult to live life like this. I had unprotected vaginal and oral with high risk person, after that I started to searching symptoms of HIV and I found many of them on myself. Although I had 7 negative antibody tests I cannot move on with my life because of my symptoms. Since then I had many different symptoms, coughs, oral ulcer on my lower lip every 3-4 months(never had that before on my lip), all kind of rashes, but the worst symptoms are swollen lymph nodes in my neck, groins and armpits, and balanitis which I have for two years now. I mean, that should be a really big coincidence that I developed swollen lymph nodes after my exposure and that they are not connected with my exposure. In the first month after my exposure I could palpate only my node under jaw and my groins nodes which were not very big, but they were palpable. Five to six months after exposure I started to getting more nodes in my neck and my armpits which I still have them and they are much bigger, they are visible in my neck, especially one under my jaw. Athough I must admit that I had never tried to find them before my exposure and I was poking and prodding those nodes from anxiety after exposure. I read that poking can irritate them so maybe I irritated mine and they became swollen but I will never be sure about that. When I stop to touching them, they reduce in size for some time but after a few days they start to swell again and they are always here. My biggest fear is that I know that those swollen nodes are really common in HIV positive people and that it scares me the most. I was at two doctors who saw those nodes but when I say that I tested negative, they only say to move on with my life. My last test was one year after my exposure. I don't think that I am the late seroconverter or that I have a rare strain that cannot be picked up with tests. My fear is that persons who need more time to developed a measurable amount of antibodies are very common in HIV. And PCRs are not approved for diagnostic purposes in my country so I should be satisfied with antibody tests. I don't know what I should do anymore. I have a girlfriend now and I am very scared to infect her. I have difficulty focusing on my job and my life in general. I think that I could accept my negative status if there are not my swollen nodes. I don't know if a should take another test. If it came negative again I will be peaceful a couple of months but when I see that my nodes are still there I become anxious again and again. At least I think so. What do you think?? If anyone has something smart to say please say it... It would be helpful a lot.
p.s. Sorry about my English