Aa
A Little Humour
My Favorite Stress Diet
A diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
BREAKFAST:
Grapefruit
1 Slice whole Wheat Toast
8 oz Skim Milk
LUNCH:
4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 C Steamed Spinach
1 C Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreo's in the package
2 Pts Rocky Road Ice Cream, Nuts, Cherries and Whipped Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
DINNER:
2 Loaves Garlic Bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke
1 large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza
3 Snicker bars
LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat
more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part
of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples:
Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the
process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the
calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her
plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.
A diet designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.
BREAKFAST:
Grapefruit
1 Slice whole Wheat Toast
8 oz Skim Milk
LUNCH:
4 oz Lean Broiled Chicken Breast
1 C Steamed Spinach
1 C Herb Tea
1 Oreo Cookie
MID-AFTERNOON SNACK:
The rest of Oreo's in the package
2 Pts Rocky Road Ice Cream, Nuts, Cherries and Whipped Cream
1 Jar Hot Fudge Sauce
DINNER:
2 Loaves Garlic Bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher of Coke
1 large Sausage, Mushroom and Cheese Pizza
3 Snicker bars
LATE EVENING NEWS:
Entire frozen Sara Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)
RULES FOR THIS DIET:
1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy
bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat
more than they do.
4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate,
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
6. Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part
of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. Examples:
Milk Duds, Buttered Popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots & Tootsie Rolls.
7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes
calorie leakage.
8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the
process of preparing something.
9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories.
Examples are: Spinach & Pistachio Ice Cream; Mushrooms & Mashed Potatoes.
10. Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other
food color.
11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to
gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
12. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the
calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her
plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.
Elaine ... There is much humor in your post and it provides a chance to laugh a little. You see ... I bet each one of us can claim one of these "excuses" or have a few of our own. Let's see if we can own up to some OR add some new ones!
13. I took the cake, stood on the scale, and by golly I would only gain 1 pound so I ate the whole thing.
The eating privately thinking noone would know (#1) was an unrealistic thought as they could tell by my widening fanny! ;)
Have now developed a new philosophy ... DESSERTS CAUSE ME TO BE STRESSED!!!
Thank you for being you and posting such interesting articles and inspiration! We couldn't do this without YOU!
(#8) was another one I succumbed to. Those bites, likes and tastes (BLT's) really add up .. just add them to your Food Diary and see. I really had to learn this one.
13. I took the cake, stood on the scale, and by golly I would only gain 1 pound so I ate the whole thing.
The eating privately thinking noone would know (#1) was an unrealistic thought as they could tell by my widening fanny! ;)
Have now developed a new philosophy ... DESSERTS CAUSE ME TO BE STRESSED!!!
Thank you for being you and posting such interesting articles and inspiration! We couldn't do this without YOU!
(#8) was another one I succumbed to. Those bites, likes and tastes (BLT's) really add up .. just add them to your Food Diary and see. I really had to learn this one.
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