10 years of marriage...need help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[maryheather]

Hey ladies!  My h. and I have been married for 10 yrs and I'm wondering..for those of you married, does something weird happen in your marriage around the 10 year mark?I'm 33 years old, so not yet "middle age".We were so in love for many years, and we were friends-now, though, everything is changing. My sex drive is GONE(I do have 2 kids, 9 &3)-and we just seem to be growing apart.And the arguing--ugh.I was just hoping someone out there has experienced something similar. Does something happen to us hormonally, or what? Also, we've always been very stable, but we seem to be going through this weird cycle of being "separate". I don't want to keep growing further apart, but I don't like the idea of living a life of complacency, either. I feel like I'm living with a roommate who pays all the bills and I'm in charge of housekeeping! Just thinking that maybe someone knows if strange things occur around the 10 year mark.  All advice welcome!!  MH

[Ctbaum]

I'm going through the same thing. Four kids coming into our tenth year. There are at least two times this year I know we stayed only because of the children.  We are Christisn and totally committed. It's just so hard. I don't talk to anyone for fear of alienating my husband from my family. And that leaves me feeling so alone. Marriage is work. It's a choice. This is something that I know. But I too want know if its normal to feel like the only way to make it through, is by making choice. Why does it feel like the caring and respect is gone. I know we have love. But is that enough?

[Perez10]

Ive been married 9 yrs and feel so alone in bed and in my own home I've been told to f off lots of times my wife is  so rude with her word I cry in side but I won't let her see it all I ask of her is to kiss me hug me and comfort me I work so hard for love but it never comes I  remember my moms love for me it was so real now it's just hate  toward me I don't now what I did wrong for her to  hate me so much ????? Can't stand it any more :( I love my baby boy and I will miss him when l leave her I need my balls back I feel weak before I met her I was strong confident even good looking what has happen to me ??

[akmtngirl]

I have been feeling really sad lately and I don't know what to do to make things better.  I feel like we are in a rut.  My husband and I have generally had a good relationship.  We love each other and have appreciated the qualities in each other.  We have had our ups and downs over the years and all, but lately, it feels like we aren't as close and things are more fragile than they have been.  

He is angered easily and more sensative than usual.  I feel like he would just get upset (and he does) if I really talk to him about how I feel.  If I do plan a date night, (which we haven't had in a while), he complains about spending the money and seems inconvienced.  We almost never have a deep meaningful conversation about us.  Every night he turns on the TV in our bedroom.  I hate that.  That time is the only time we have without the interuption of children.  If I try to talk about my day and ask about his, I am annoying him because he wants to "de-stress" and just watch Seinfeld or something.  Is it the job, me or both?

Sometimes I wonder why I am even here.  I feel like he doesn't need me except to take care of the house and kids.  He has a good job, but is always stressed out and working long hours.  I have this need for conversation and affection.  I try to ignore it and cater to his feelings.  I know he is a good man and he works so hard to support us.  It leaves me feeling so empty and lonely though.  I ache for closeness.  

Our 10th Wedding Anniversary is coming up in 3 weeks.  It's the first big milestone anniversary and we used to dream about how we would celebrate.  I really, really wanted it to be special and fun...a time just for us.  He used to be so romantic...especially when we were dating.  I am so hurt.  When I tried to talk about doing something special, like an overnight at a Bed & Breakfast, he got really angry, annoyed that I wanted to spend money.  I don't need anything expensive.  I just wanted to make this something really romantic and special.  The fact that he doesn't, hurts my heart so deeply.  It tells me it just isn't important to him.  He spends money on things that are important to him.  Am I being selfish?  Is it not a big deal?  Should I just get him a card and gift and not be upset?  What should I do?  I know he loves me, but how can we be close again?

[majormattmason]

I've been married for 11 years. I got married later than most at 37. All I can say is we have a wonderful relationship that changes, but gets closer. My wife can be a total wingnut at times, but I just give her space and hope she forgives me for my shortcomings. You HAVE to embrace changes in a marriage.You need to do a lot more than "date night" to keep a marriage solid. You need to share leisure activities, especially those that involve some kind of challenges that you jointly overcome. And, oh yeah, DON'T GET FAT. Exercise every day and don't be a freaking baby about it. If you feel good about yourself, people are attracted to you, especially your spouse. You better have a seriously good reason not to exercise, so go do it now.

[rougie]

It's hard for women to make the decision to leave. I find myself going back and forth all the time. I'm 31 and will be married 10 years next month. We've been through so much already that I am constantly debating on whether I want another 10 years like this. On most days the answer is no. I am on a never ending roller coaster ride. We fight all the time, mostly in front of the kids. I just get so angry and I'm so fed up with him. I don't know if I like him anymore. I just would feel rotten to leave him because I can't work it out. He's a nice guy  but he just doesn't have it together. He's very sloppy, has no standards, quick to anger, curses a lot, is financially irresponsible... I just don't like his overall behavior. I am constantly dissapointed in him. He doesnt drink or cheat or is abusive but all I know is that he had a very difficult childhood that probably did this to him. Unfortunately we got married when we were both really young and in school so I had no idea what real life would be like with him. I am constantly feeling out of control and we are not on the same page when it comes to mostly anything. We don't agree on anything from the kids to money to just plain life and living! It's so hard...we don't want to rock the boat but we so desperately want to jump ship!!! Help!

[painless277]

I am 37 , and today is our 15 year of marriage, I can say that you are somehow still lucky, for my 15 years of being married, never in my life we celebrated our anniversary, there's also a point in our marriage that he cheated on me, while pregnant to our 3rd child, ( we had 4 children now),that I don't know how it happened. Love come in and out maybe because love prevails in me, I love him this much that i saty with this relatonship until now, but sometime, when hearing this kind of stories, I somehow pitty myself for some of you guys have a ahppy and successful marriage, I think now what I am working is for my children instead, I know that it is stupid to stick together becasue of the children but I just dont know to myself, that I can still manage all this things, my husband seems to be someone who stay with me because he has too, I don;t know also if I can manage to do it myself alone raising my kids, I'm just afraid of how people might think, how my children would feel, having a broken family...this is STUPID & CRAZY...I know...but this is how I am feeling now, I tend to say to myself that this is enopugh and this should stop now, but afarid of the circumstances...please help me...