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Helping a Friend During a Painful Process (open)
Hello ladies, (and what few gentlemen spend time here.)
I have a friend who will be going in for an abortion later on this week. Although I have miscarried in the past, I have never had a clinical abortion, and want to make her as comfortable as possible. She's not the sort of girl who asks to have her hand held very often, so I know this bothers her, and I want to support her as best I can.
So I address those of you who have had a clinical abortion: What do you think would make this young woman comfortable in the hours and days after the proceedure? I have until Thursday afternoon to get this decided on, but she'll be staying with my husband and I for a few days while she recovers. (She is a young adult who is in college and lives with her parents, and doesn't feel that it is any of their business.)
Let me know.
I have a friend who will be going in for an abortion later on this week. Although I have miscarried in the past, I have never had a clinical abortion, and want to make her as comfortable as possible. She's not the sort of girl who asks to have her hand held very often, so I know this bothers her, and I want to support her as best I can.
So I address those of you who have had a clinical abortion: What do you think would make this young woman comfortable in the hours and days after the proceedure? I have until Thursday afternoon to get this decided on, but she'll be staying with my husband and I for a few days while she recovers. (She is a young adult who is in college and lives with her parents, and doesn't feel that it is any of their business.)
Let me know.
may be i should try to get a voodoo doll for u then........lol... u are the only person on this site who keeps getting at me & keep beleiveing i'm a fake thread.....i always have to laugh at your drunk comments....i know for a fact my fiance would be more than u would ever imagine just b/cuz YOU ARE VERY HATEFUL TOWARDS ME.........i think i remebered i had a posted and aplogized to YOU yes you mrs saliorswife, as well as all the others i had problems with.....if u don't want to accept it just leave me be that's ok...... you read what u want & just judge i came back & realized what kinda person sorcor was..........but i also realized the kind of person u are also....you poor soul....so i would laugh at everything u say from now on to me..........ONE BIG HARTHY LAUGH
okay seriously I don't agree with abortion, I too have had one about 12 years ago and never have forgotten it and here I am 3 kids later... BUT, we don't know the circumstaces behind her decision! I DO think that her decision should have taken longer than it did UNLESS she was raped! The sad thing is the girl who has had 3 abortions like it is a form of birth control! Thats crazy! The thing is there are a lot of women who have had an abortion for one reason or another but to keep doing it over and over like it is nothing is really bothersome to me! I learned my leason the first time and will NEVER have another one. I was 16 at the time and did feel pressured into it! Whould I do it again? Well if I had to do it again I would have protected my self so I wouldn't have to do it again. I feel for the ladies that are TTC and my heart goes out to them! I think they are very strong women to be going through what they are! My hats off to them. It is a very touchy situation but what we have to understand that there is a difference of opinions and beliefs that many people don't agree with! That is life! I have some friends that have had abortions and I totally understand why and I have some that I look at with disgust! I do applaude the girl for going to get a form of birth control after the procedure, atleast she is going to do that and not be like the other girl that uses abortion as a form of birth control! I love this site and really value you ladies opinons on here! You are all great! But everyone is different!
I don't believe you came her to find out how you can SUPPORT your friend during her abortion. You would do the same thing you do everyday. Be there for her. If she wants to talk be there to listen. You said you waited for a few days to bring this up - this indicates you knew it would stir things up. When my friend had her 2nd mc in 5 months I asked the girls if I should bring it up to her or not say anything (I have never had a mc) and didn't know which would be more upsetting but never once did I wonder how I could support her - I knew by being there for her and doing our daily routine of talking would help her. I hope you figure out reliable bc soon because the thought of you having children or doing foster care makes me feel sick. I'm for everyone making there own decisions, but as a true friend I hope you helped her to realize all her options besides abortion. The way you worded her situation makes me wonder if she was raped. I hope not because that along with pregnancy would be overwhelming for anyone. I don't see how a decision to abort would not be difficult.
Island: You annoy me! Make up your mind and stick to it. You are always doing a 180 and never stand up for what you believe.
Island: You annoy me! Make up your mind and stick to it. You are always doing a 180 and never stand up for what you believe.
soror you need to read again what you have said in all your threads on here. you say one thing then say another. you said YOU have untill thursday to decide. what to decide? you have tried so hard to sound so educated that you have also ran around with your sentances. i laughed at your previous post when you referred to children as mutant antichrist. im thinking you have some serious issues. you want to "save" this girl but you need some help yourself. live your life how you want. go to gay bars, have your fun, but when you say you had a "stint" in college and ended up pg 3 times and all mc and you are thankful for that , well how intelligent is that? you are so against babies , and so educated, but after the first time you couldnt remember to use bc in some way? you were givin the exact info you wanted by glad, and you turned it down. your tone in your writing is on the hateful side and you seem to need to really tell yourself how much you despise children. good. you dont deserve to ever be a mother.
island you are more than i can handle. it was nice when you disappeared. you are beyond help. maybe YOU never reproduce as well. being a mother is something that is special and you my dear will just mess it up. give it a break, enjoy your so called sex addicted boyfriend (that is all he will ever be) and move on to a site the specializes in "island love" .
island you are more than i can handle. it was nice when you disappeared. you are beyond help. maybe YOU never reproduce as well. being a mother is something that is special and you my dear will just mess it up. give it a break, enjoy your so called sex addicted boyfriend (that is all he will ever be) and move on to a site the specializes in "island love" .
i do have a small apology to make and that is my long post above appeared AFTER yours from last night. you had already addressed some issues that i "presented" to you but other than that, i still feel strongly about what i wrote. i do feel that i (and others)interpret you quite well but you are just so strong willed you don't like to hear what others have to say. you are the one who put your life out here. if you don't want comments made then hit the "delete" key before you hit the "send post" key.
the more you write, the more we can "read" you. you sound very intelligent and articulate but your age (still young compared to most of us)peeks through your writing. so much of what you write explains the reason for your initial post of "snip or not to snip". i do wish to clarify that the fact you do not want children does not bother me in the least. i decided that in my late 20's early 30's that may be the way i want to go. however, someone else decided for me that's not the way to go and i found out i was pregnant. like i said, i am not sure i want anymore? i dont know. i respect people who know what they want. they just need to be willing to look inside themselves. there is a reason WHY you hate children. just know what that reason is.
you cannot post here and just ask to have your question addressed and expect others not to digress or open their own lives and hearts. it just isn't realistic. besides, in your title you write "open" which means to us "open forum" so that is an invitation to say what we want to say. whether or not we adhere to the topic at hand which is how can you help your friend during this painful process?
my question to you is this. let's say you are like most woman here on MH TTC for years and anti-abortion. let's say your heart aches to carry a baby in your belly and hold that baby in your arms never letting it go. let's say you walk down the street seeing moms and dads pushing strollers wishing it was you. now, your 19 year old friend comes to you that she is pregnant and contimplating abortion. tell me your instincts would be the SAME as they are now with you....that you are remaining neutral about it? are you telling me that those "anti-abortion" (for arguments sake) beliefs wouldn't "leak" through your discussions with your friend? it's only natural.
i guess my long winded point is present her/educate her about ALL OF HER POSSIBLE OPTIONS. have you done that??? does she know what her baby is like at 7 weeks? does she know about each proceedure inside and out? does she know about adoption and what that entails? have you presented scenarios about what her life could be like if she keeps her baby? not every life is destroyed with a baby. fill her in. i feel everyones situation is different. the very least she should be educated about all options in the end so she can confidently say, i made the right decision with the information i had. no regrets whatsoever. isn't her procedure scheduled for tomorrow?
the more you write, the more we can "read" you. you sound very intelligent and articulate but your age (still young compared to most of us)peeks through your writing. so much of what you write explains the reason for your initial post of "snip or not to snip". i do wish to clarify that the fact you do not want children does not bother me in the least. i decided that in my late 20's early 30's that may be the way i want to go. however, someone else decided for me that's not the way to go and i found out i was pregnant. like i said, i am not sure i want anymore? i dont know. i respect people who know what they want. they just need to be willing to look inside themselves. there is a reason WHY you hate children. just know what that reason is.
you cannot post here and just ask to have your question addressed and expect others not to digress or open their own lives and hearts. it just isn't realistic. besides, in your title you write "open" which means to us "open forum" so that is an invitation to say what we want to say. whether or not we adhere to the topic at hand which is how can you help your friend during this painful process?
my question to you is this. let's say you are like most woman here on MH TTC for years and anti-abortion. let's say your heart aches to carry a baby in your belly and hold that baby in your arms never letting it go. let's say you walk down the street seeing moms and dads pushing strollers wishing it was you. now, your 19 year old friend comes to you that she is pregnant and contimplating abortion. tell me your instincts would be the SAME as they are now with you....that you are remaining neutral about it? are you telling me that those "anti-abortion" (for arguments sake) beliefs wouldn't "leak" through your discussions with your friend? it's only natural.
i guess my long winded point is present her/educate her about ALL OF HER POSSIBLE OPTIONS. have you done that??? does she know what her baby is like at 7 weeks? does she know about each proceedure inside and out? does she know about adoption and what that entails? have you presented scenarios about what her life could be like if she keeps her baby? not every life is destroyed with a baby. fill her in. i feel everyones situation is different. the very least she should be educated about all options in the end so she can confidently say, i made the right decision with the information i had. no regrets whatsoever. isn't her procedure scheduled for tomorrow?
First of all I like Oceans TRIED to hold my tongue, and secondly I am NOT ANTI-choice. I'm all for choice but totally believe the time for choice takes place BEFORE pregnancy.
Contrary to popular belief, nineteen does not equal stupid...the decision was NOT difficult, though she is worried about the proceedure itself.
How on earth can the decision to end a pregnancy, no matter how the pregnancy came about be "NOT difficult"??
As for her worry about the procedure itself... The "procedure" is no picnic for the unborn child either and I quite frankly am glad that it won't be a walk in the park. It SHOULD be difficult and memorable. Maybe this will prevent her from doing this again.
And a final note.. You claim to be her friend. Have you told her what these women have said. That the medicinal abortion is a lot more painful and difficult than the cinical abortion? Have you given her the information you have obtained from these knowledgeable women? This information might educate her and that's what friends do on top of simply holding someone's hand. If you haven't shared this thread with her, then you are NOT the friend you claim to be.
Contrary to popular belief, nineteen does not equal stupid...the decision was NOT difficult, though she is worried about the proceedure itself.
How on earth can the decision to end a pregnancy, no matter how the pregnancy came about be "NOT difficult"??
As for her worry about the procedure itself... The "procedure" is no picnic for the unborn child either and I quite frankly am glad that it won't be a walk in the park. It SHOULD be difficult and memorable. Maybe this will prevent her from doing this again.
And a final note.. You claim to be her friend. Have you told her what these women have said. That the medicinal abortion is a lot more painful and difficult than the cinical abortion? Have you given her the information you have obtained from these knowledgeable women? This information might educate her and that's what friends do on top of simply holding someone's hand. If you haven't shared this thread with her, then you are NOT the friend you claim to be.
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