Aa
Lost and Alone
I have just started my first peroid after my abortion about 7 weeks ago. These last 7 weeks feel like hell to me, and now i've started getting my peroids i feel like i just want to curl up into a ball and cry.
The pregnancy was unplanned, We had taken precations to prevent it happening. We are still unsure of how it happend... But it did.
I strongly believe that abortion is wrong, but more than i seeing it as being wrong, from my early teens i was alone myself without family or friends till midway through college. I always loved children, and from the age of 10 grew up with an image of my own daughter. This image of my own flesh and blood, someone which will always love me, is what kept me going.
I never dreamt i would ever have an abortion. But i was left no choice, i was treatened to lose everything i had left in my life, my parents and my partner. Everyone was threatening to leave me if i didnt go through with it, and then finally my partner booked it and dragged me there. The clinic also didnt seem to be to concerned that i was in tears, they just kept repeating not to be stressed. sorry for getting carried away.
But basically these days i cant even face my parents or partner, i feel like there total strangers, they knew how much my child meant to me but forced me to do it. Now am scared to face them also. I feel lonely and abandoned.
I think it was 2nd week after the abortion, i couldnt take it and tried to do something stupid, i wanted to join my daughter in heaven, but someone saved me and put in hospital. and hence am here today.
I was feeling little better, cuz although some total stranger saved me i felt someone cared. But ever since i started getting my periods again 2 days ago. I feel like am going through everything again. I've contacted the my doctors and a coucilors to try and help me feel better, but i just get told to move on, it will get better. The Councilor just keeps asking me questions i've already answered to her, Which makes me irritated with her. No one seems to help, i feel like am going downhill again.
I was reading some other post on this site and felt that some of the other women on here had a more caring heart and might be able to help me feel better as compared to my doc or coucilor.
The pregnancy was unplanned, We had taken precations to prevent it happening. We are still unsure of how it happend... But it did.
I strongly believe that abortion is wrong, but more than i seeing it as being wrong, from my early teens i was alone myself without family or friends till midway through college. I always loved children, and from the age of 10 grew up with an image of my own daughter. This image of my own flesh and blood, someone which will always love me, is what kept me going.
I never dreamt i would ever have an abortion. But i was left no choice, i was treatened to lose everything i had left in my life, my parents and my partner. Everyone was threatening to leave me if i didnt go through with it, and then finally my partner booked it and dragged me there. The clinic also didnt seem to be to concerned that i was in tears, they just kept repeating not to be stressed. sorry for getting carried away.
But basically these days i cant even face my parents or partner, i feel like there total strangers, they knew how much my child meant to me but forced me to do it. Now am scared to face them also. I feel lonely and abandoned.
I think it was 2nd week after the abortion, i couldnt take it and tried to do something stupid, i wanted to join my daughter in heaven, but someone saved me and put in hospital. and hence am here today.
I was feeling little better, cuz although some total stranger saved me i felt someone cared. But ever since i started getting my periods again 2 days ago. I feel like am going through everything again. I've contacted the my doctors and a coucilors to try and help me feel better, but i just get told to move on, it will get better. The Councilor just keeps asking me questions i've already answered to her, Which makes me irritated with her. No one seems to help, i feel like am going downhill again.
I was reading some other post on this site and felt that some of the other women on here had a more caring heart and might be able to help me feel better as compared to my doc or coucilor.
@ CassCore - I can understand how much it would have changed you also. I am definatly a different person now then i was before. As for my parents, i doubt theyll understand, my parents see me as someone that should even be there these days, they keep looking at me like i am some guest thats outstayed my welcome. :'( mum hasnt spoken a word to me since she found out :'( and dad talks only when he need something from me :'( At the same time i am not afraid i wont have kids again, To be frank i havent even thought about having kids again, the thing is the only thing in my heart is my daughter i just lost.
@Stevegurl1970 - i really hope it does get better with time, i dont have any hope of getting support from people around me, parents just see me like i dont belong anymore, and my partner talks fine as long as i dont mention i am upset, if i show any signs i am upset he'll start yelling at me, one of my friends talks with me when am upset but she is young and doesnt realy understand and just listens to me rambling, so i feel bad for leaning on her. I feel i am still having to support others around me when i am collapsing inside myself. anyway, thank you for the >==HUG==<,
BOTH - i dont know who the people in this community are, but i feel that you guys care more than anyone around me. sometimes all i need is a shoulder to cry on, but i get yelled at for crying, and told of for remembering the past. it feels nice that you guys care enough to atleast read my post and share you emotional reponces
@Stevegurl1970 - i really hope it does get better with time, i dont have any hope of getting support from people around me, parents just see me like i dont belong anymore, and my partner talks fine as long as i dont mention i am upset, if i show any signs i am upset he'll start yelling at me, one of my friends talks with me when am upset but she is young and doesnt realy understand and just listens to me rambling, so i feel bad for leaning on her. I feel i am still having to support others around me when i am collapsing inside myself. anyway, thank you for the >==HUG==<,
BOTH - i dont know who the people in this community are, but i feel that you guys care more than anyone around me. sometimes all i need is a shoulder to cry on, but i get yelled at for crying, and told of for remembering the past. it feels nice that you guys care enough to atleast read my post and share you emotional reponces
hi there hunny..i know exactly how you feel as i went thru the same thing myself..i had an unplanned pregnancy ..i already had 3 babies my youngest being just 12wks old..firstly dont be ashamed of what you did..everybodys situation is unique ....you need to focus on you now...you will never forget what you have been thru EVER,,but it will get better intime sweety i promise you that..you need people round you who can give you the emotional support that you need right now...lots of hugs and to be told from the people who love you to say"ITS OK WE UNDERSTAND...i do hope you keep up the counselling as that will help hunny..i do hope that you will feel better real soon.....im sending you a big hug from me ;0)......take care and DONT do anything silly again as the world is a better place with you in it ;0)
I have never had an abortion, but my little sister did when she was 15. I saw the pain she went through. I am the only person in my family that ever even knew she was pregnant. She was very depressed, but like you felt as though she had no choice, not only because she was 15, but because the father was also 15, my parents would have been so disapointed, and she had so much life ahead of her.
People can say that they would act a certian way in a situation, but until it happens to them, no one truly knows what they would do. I do not support abortion, but I still drove my sister to the clinic in fear of what would happen to my family if my parents found out. My sister is now 19 almost 20 and very happy. But I can tell you that even I had to go to counciling and face myself. I felt as though I didn't know myself because I thought I had such strong convictions and in the moment of fear they changed.
You have to know that no matter what, you are still a valuable person to very many people. Your family was scared. I understand that the last thing you need in your situation is a lecture, you just need love and understanding and support. Tell your parents that's what you need. Continue with counciling, even though it seems frustrating now, it will help. You will one day have the chance to have a baby again, and although you will never forget your unborn child he or she is in a better place. Don't be ashamed, your story could help so many women because you are not alone in this. Find a support group and participate. You will heal. It just takes time. Hang in there :)
People can say that they would act a certian way in a situation, but until it happens to them, no one truly knows what they would do. I do not support abortion, but I still drove my sister to the clinic in fear of what would happen to my family if my parents found out. My sister is now 19 almost 20 and very happy. But I can tell you that even I had to go to counciling and face myself. I felt as though I didn't know myself because I thought I had such strong convictions and in the moment of fear they changed.
You have to know that no matter what, you are still a valuable person to very many people. Your family was scared. I understand that the last thing you need in your situation is a lecture, you just need love and understanding and support. Tell your parents that's what you need. Continue with counciling, even though it seems frustrating now, it will help. You will one day have the chance to have a baby again, and although you will never forget your unborn child he or she is in a better place. Don't be ashamed, your story could help so many women because you are not alone in this. Find a support group and participate. You will heal. It just takes time. Hang in there :)
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