how to deal?

[chocol8butterflies]

My boyfriend and I have a really REALLY open relationship. I know all about his past and he knows all about mine for the most part. There has only been one thing that I have neglected to tell him and that's the fact that I got raped about two years ago. When I told my boyfriend the other day, he flipped out and started saying that he can't trust me because I kept something this big from him and he started asking what else I havent told him. I tried telling him that the only reason I didn't tell him is because it is really personal and it's something that I dont want to think about and I only want to forget it. I can understand how he is feeling but at the same time, he should understand how I feel too right? I'm looking for some honest feedback here... should I have just told him to begin with or is he just not being understanding? I don't know what to do. He says we're okay and everything but I know that he really doesn't trust me right now. What can I do?

[chocol8butterflies]

Thank you for reassuring me that this is not my fault. I had a discussion with my boyfriend and it turns out that the real reason he was pissed off is because he wants to kill the guy who did it. I don't really blame him. I would kill him too if I knew who it was. But the problem is, even though I know how my boyfriend really feels, I know that he is still really hurt that I didn't say anything and he feels like I don't want to include him in those parts of my life. We have had countless arguments about it and haven't really gotten anywhere with it. It just worries me because we are supposed to be moving in together in April and I know that things are going to be hard even then. I just wish I knew exactly what to say to him to get him to understand.

[Steph4302]

I am so sorry for everything that you have been through. Your boyfriend should NOT be getting mad at you over this. He should be way more understanding. And, to be honest, I think his reaction is horrific. As if you haven't been through enough with the rape, now he has to almost hold it against you for not telling him sooner. You did nothing wrong here, in my opinion. I can only imagine how hard it was to tell him. It must have been equally as hard to keep it from him. I work in a sexual assault center. You are like every other individual that has been through this in that you want to forget it and put it behind you. You don't want it to control your life or take over you. Each time you have to tell your story, you relive it in every way possible.

The only advice I have for you is to continue to talk to your boyfriend about why you kept it from him. He should not even say that he doesn't trust you anymore. That is only punishing you when you did absolutely nothing wrong. Don't let him get to you in this way. Do not feel bad about this. This is his problem to deal with. If he can't understand, then you need to seriously think about where this relationship is truly going. Stick your ground on this one. Let us know how it goes and if you need any support, we are all here for you.