Oh no. So grandpa could actually be dad. I guess you could sue for child support, and then he could respond by demanding a DNA test. Does your boyfriend know you had sex with his dad?
That's a complicated situation. Does your ex pay child support now? Does your ex or his dad have any relationship with your son? I'd think in terms of being practical. It probably won't make your son feel good if he learns the person he thought was his dad isn't and their father really is. If these men are positive in your child's life, I wouldn't rock the boat personally. If you want to know and don't plan on making the information public, then it's okay. but if it is a ruse for a big brawl between dad and son, not worth it. I'd just stay practical. What will create the best and most peaceful situation for your son---- a relationship with either man and child support that is your child's right from his dad (or dad's dad or family or whatever). good luck
Hi, when you say "I asked my non partner if he wanted to find out and he refused to do a test," what person was that?
Seaside, I would feel differently if I thought it would ever affect your child's trust in you if he grew up and discovered the guy he thought was his grandpa was his dad. But it sounds like you are saying your child would never understand or care. And if it is a huge fuss, hassle, would cause uproar, and hostility between your ex and his dad, and if it would require legal help to get Grandpa/Dad to test, and if testing would bring you nothing in terms of financial assistance, I just don't see testing or trying to force the issue, especially if your main motivation is just your own curiosity.
What I would do is try to get on as firm of financial footing as is possible yourself. Get more education or training, try to find a way to a more lucrative profession, because this is mostly going to be on you since both guys are pretty much going to be deadbeats financially.
OK, so, let's talk about the long, long run. If you can get onto a financial footing where you are taking care of yourself and your son without the ex's assistance, I think you probably should test with the ex-boyfriend. Or at least, let him off his child-support obligation. I can't stress enough that you do this with legal advice, though -- you do not want to have your ex come at you to get all the child support back!!! Only test if you are ready to let go of claims on your ex for child support and if your lawyer assures you that you will not be obligated to pay back your ex. (I can't stress enough that if you do test, you should only use a legitimate lab under the supervision of neutral lab techs and under the authority of the family court. No cheapo drugstore tests, too much potential for him to fake it.) Do it right and with legal advice, or don't do it.
The only reason I suggest testing and possibly losing your child support (such as it is), is that it is really not fair to ask for child support from someone who is not the real father, whether he is the son of the real father or not. But again, this is a decision to make when you have your financial feet under you and can stand on your own. It's a practical decision you have to make in the face of a moral issue.