Father- Daughter incest? Or is it just my imagiation?

[sweetiegirl1985]

I have been with my fiance for about 1 year. He is a bit older than me and has a daughter that just turned 14 years old not too long ago. Her mother has not been in the picture since she was 4, so he really had to pick up the slack for her not being there. He learned how to do hair, nail, shopping, and is very opened about talking about "girl things". Anyhow, we just watched a scary movie  and ever since then she thinks that there are demonds in our house. The movie scared her so much that the night after we watched the movie she didn't sleep all night. The reason I am writing this is because now my fiance is sleeping in bed with her because she is scared and this moring he had glitter all over his chest. I asked him what that was from and he told me from her shirt. I understand that it could just be that, but why was he holding her like that? I tought for some reason that was weird. They have a close relationship, but I think this is too much.. Can someone help me on this topic?

[rafecu]

U know what, The two of them may have only had eachother to love in thier lives up until now. I agree that the girl is getn to old for hi to have to sleep with her. But it does not mean that anything sexual is going on at all. She may feel alitte threaten by u even if she doesnt show it. But lets not make the an out to be a sex offender for sleeping with his daughter. Just tell him how u feel about it.

[Mom4Peace]

I don't agree that you should talk to her future step-daughter about sexual abuse. You might frighten her.  I suggest to discuss the event, if it was only one time, that the father slept in same bed with his daughter.  Make it known that you feel it is inappropriate and her fears should be dealt with in a healthier manner, like talking about them with both her parents. Be assertive but gentle and caring as well regarding a healthy relationship with father/daughter. She's a teenager and emotions run wild. If that doesn't help, then suggest that she talk to a therapist. Maybe she has some resentment of you and future sibling and fears more loss in her life. You know if you talk to her without her dad there, she will tell him that you said this and you said that(her version will not be your version) and it will only create resentment. That's why it is best to have the discussion with the 3 of you present.

[AmberMarie86]

You are the one that lives in your house and if you have a gut instinct it might be for a reason. You should def have a talk with him & there are ways of asking her without actually ASKING her. You could talk to her about what it means to be sexually abused and tell her if it ever happens with her she could talk to you.

But in my experience (my dad raised me) it might just be a father being a mother. since he had to take on both roles mom and dad then maybe he is just acting as the mother right now. do you know what i mean? also when he looks at her he probably doesnt see the almost teenager that you see. he sees his little girl that he raised from a baby. besides you dont know the kind of things they went through together. she might have went through somethings when she was younger dealing with her mother leaving. since you are pregnant (which is a big deal to her) she might have some fears of losing her father.

[johnis64]

When I read your post I freaked out. Listen, my father was the pillar of our community, distinguished Ph.d, won awards for his community service work, etc. He never drank, smoked or said a curse word and was the Sunday school teacher for teenagers for many years. We went to church 2 to 3 times per week. I found out 6 years ago that this monster has been living the secret life of a *********,probably for decades, according to experts that did testing on him. He didn't molest me or my 3 sisters. He only molested boys. I had no brothers. This explains alot about him coaching teams and being extra nice to boys who were going through tough times. I cannot go into details except to say my parents decided to adopt a son when I was 16. My brother was 8 when he was adopted. 30 years later, 6 years ago, a very brave boy came forward and then others, who are adults now Some as old as 45 told their story for the first time. It is NOT normal for this man to be sleeping with your daughter, regardless of the situation. Why is she not sleeping with you if she is scared? Why not the both of you in your bed? I am a community trainer teaching adults how to identify certain behaviors in other adults and other children which are called yellow light behavior and red light behavior. This situation, in my opinion, is bordering on red light behavior and you need to have a frank discussion with your husband. The most important thing I teach? Ttust your gut. If it feels as if something not right, go with it. I'd love hear from you and hope you continue posting. Good luck!!

[jo929]

I just saw the part about you being Preg, if you have plans to marry this man you should be in his bed and also have that talk pretty PDQ  luck  jo

[jo929]

He may get upset when you talk with him, but someone needs to, no man should do a 14 year old girls hair and nails they are almost grown, and when and how will she ever grow up, i took so much psyc stuff before i started working withpeople and they had many different psyc Dr talk with the class i was in my 30 when i took this class and had been working with people since age 23 one child psyc said a child should have their own bed the minute it was brought home from hosp for many reason and certainly at a certain age a boy or girl should never sleep with parents the Dr said at a certain age a mom ought to tell a girl never to sit in a mans lap as their body part cant help having an arousal at certain times and when i was about 9 i remember my brother was sick and we did not have many beds and i usually slept with my sis and my brother slept on a pallet that night my dad slept with me so mom could take care of brother i remember waking  up and feeling a hand on my body starting down close to my panties and i remembered my mom saying never let a man touch you near where you pee pee or under your panyies, i felt funny and knew something was not right so i acted like i rolled off of the bed and i slept on the floor the rest of the night i will never know whether it was intentional or it was habit because he usually slept with mom. so when a man is asleep does he know whos body is in bed with him, there is something going on, and i am not saying he is doing something but it is weird that he treats her like this at this age she should have friends that do these things together, if you are both serious you need to talk because they both need to grow up and she needs to act her age i would let him talk to her as she is his daughter  luck  jo