appropriate age for girls

[milehighguy]

what age is the appropriate age for a father to stop picking up his daughter and letting her wrap her legs around his waist while they hug and kiss each other on the lips?

[milehighguy]

Thank you dazon50 for such kind words. I only did what I thought was the right thing to do for his daughter and for him. He just didn't see it that way, but has changed and toned down his affection now. There is love and has been since our high school sweet heart days. I just hope he realizes that. I like how you put it. Thank you for giving me sound judgment/ advice.

[Dazon50]

I admire your approach.  You were willing to face this sensibly and do what needed to be done, even at the expense of risking the relationship.  I think you just summed it up as to how it could be....if there is love, it will still be there when the dust settles and he comes through his taking time to think.  Love freely given is worth the wait.

He may feel embarassed for all I know and need to regroup to get his thinking straightened out & decided what he truly values.

Thank you for sharing like you did.  Learning goes out in all directions :-)))

[milehighguy]

Dazon50, thank you so much for your kind words of concern and for the informative site. I believe like you said he was unaware of his actions and how they were being perceived. The fact that he has stopped makes me think he has taken notice of my concern with his awareness. As of now he has told me he misses me, but he has turned his heart off to me because it hurts him so much and he needs some time and space to think. I'm just afraid the time and space will move him further away, but the old saying is that if you let something go, and it returns to you, then it was meant to be. I am hoping he will return because he knows, like I do, it is meant to be. You rarely get a second chance at a first love and I believe second chances happen for reasons.

[Dazon50]

This will get you started with looking over what is out there on the subject.
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=ie7&q=emotional+incest&rls=com.microsoft:en-us:IE-SearchBox&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&rlz=1I7TSNA_en___US365

The thing is that some people are unaware that their actions can be mistaken for meaning something else, so it is best to be aware and make an informed decision as to where to go with it.

Giving a peck on the cheeks or quick kiss on lips as a greeting is one thing but the lingering and plenty and straying to other things is what makes it appear more than just parental affection.

My heart goes out to you and you are being courageous in speaking up, risking the relationship for your values, etc.  Standing firm in the face of opposition is not always easy for any of us, but in the end, we are glad for it.

Please keep us posted.  We care :-)

[milehighguy]

Thank you margypops for your help. I believe what happens is for a reason and if its meant to be it will be. Dazon 50, I have not heard of emotional incest. What is that all about? Thank you for validating my concerns. As for his background, his mom wished I was her daughter when we were in highschool because she miscarried her girls and only had him. she does not show emotion often. His dad was very compassionate but he died a few years back. His ex cheated the last 3 years while he tried to keep things together and she is a fluzzy around the kids. She ended the marraige and took all his rights. he fell for her lies about getting back with him so she could have full rights to the kids and when I was with him I got an attorney and redid the papers so he could get his rights and got her to agree to terms that benifitted him. I put alot of effort into this relationship. The child looks like him and the others look like her. I will answer any more questions you have that I can. Thanks for your help.

[Dazon50]

I am going to throw in my two cents worth here and say that I would be disturbed by what you are describing.  Boundaries are important and the examples set are lasting.

http://www.theginblog.com/2007/11/butterfly-kisses-do-you-consider-it-inappropriate-for-a-father-to-kiss-his-daughter-on-the-lips/

Lingering too long or doing too much of something like that seems inappropriate, also wearing tight fitting undershorts and leaving the door open.  Seems like you have red flags popping up.

I wonder what his background is that this is acceptable to him?  Do you know how he was raised?  The thing about us not knowing any of these facts or him, leaves me wondering about his relationship with his ex.  Was it his choice to end the marriage?  Does this child resemble her more or less than the others?  I didn't want to read more into his behavior but it brings up a number of questions.  I have read about emotional incest before as well as other direct types of  behaviors.

A concern (red flag) is the way he is reacting to this.  Pushing you away or distancing you when you are showing concern for his daughter is strange.  Your view is valid.  I hope also that you are able to work things out for the best for all.  I believe you are right to be concerned.