appropriate age for girls

[milehighguy]

what age is the appropriate age for a father to stop picking up his daughter and letting her wrap her legs around his waist while they hug and kiss each other on the lips?

[milehighguy]

Narla, I have been contemplating leaving for quite some time, but he is my high school sweet heart and first love, and I really believed a second chance at a first love was meant to be. Call me a romantic fool, but I thought so. I just didn't believe he would be this way. I worry that his little girl will see how its ok to be overly affectionate with dad and think its ok to be that way with any guy. That behavior will get her into trouble quick. I also worry she will try to get closer to dad than what she already is. Once you start giving into that extra attention, it eventually needs more extra attention. He is not teaching her to respect him or herself. I don't like the idea of my son being made to feel that way. I'm an adult, but he is a child still, even at 16. I'm so glad you agree with me and see it is not appropriate. I was wondering if I was overthinking it? Lisi251, a simple peck is understandable, even though that was something my parents  and I stopped doing in my preteen years. I know of other families who still do and that's ok. This is not simple. Thank you rockrose, the descriptions are no comparison! Last we talked he demanded I deal with it, but I cannot in any way be comfortable with this type of behavior. I have to end it regardless of how I feel for my son's sake. I showed him how he can still show her love,  but in more appropriate ways, but he kept going back to the old way. We have an incredible relationship when his kids are at their moms, but when they come to see him, we do not get along because of this issue. I can't find a way to be comfortable with this, am I wrong? Is there a way?

[narla]

I totally agree RockRose this isn't just a peck on the lips,he was holding her running his hands through her hair and kissing her all over the face,He is also caressing her she is 9 and impressionable at this age in my opinion it is not appropriate.

Denise

[RockRose]

I agree Lisi,  giving a person a peck on the lips to say hello or goodbye isn't strange and i don't think anyone would think it was.  It's really hard to imagine comparing what you are describing with what milehighguy is describing -

[Lisi251]

Hmmm. my children are 25 & 27 I still give them a peck on the lips as I say hello & goodbye
didnt know anyone would think that was strange.

[narla]

I'm sensing a real problem here,If you're not comfortable with the way their relationship is I'd leave,he obviously doesn't want to discuss it and personally I find it strange.Also you have to think about your son ,it sounds like he is uncomfortable with the situation as well.I just don't like the thought of leaving the girl in this situation it sends up red flags to me.

Denise

[milehighguy]

Thank you all for your comments. I really appreciate the outside views. To Narla, my dad never kissed me on the lips like that either, it was on the cheek. My dad was always dressed appropriately when around me. This guy feels comfortable in his tight fitting underwear around his daughter and nothing else. He also goes to the bathroom and doesn't close the door at night. I worry she may get up and see more than she should. I feel her dressing provocative and prancing is a bit much for her to do, but he thinks it's cute. He smiles in encouragement. To Margypops, he and I have a long history. We were highschool sweat hearts and almost a year ago, we rekindled our love. I try to explain to him the behavior is inapprpriate for her age and it makes me feel very uncomfortable, and he told me she can love all over him all she wants and whenever she wants and he wasn't going to stop her. If I felt uncomfortable, find a way to deal with it. That really hurt. I explained to him I didn't believe he was a pedifile, but to someone who doesn't know him, he may appear that way. He is divorced from the mother of the child and she is a fluzzy, not the best motherly material. I expressed to him ways to show her love and be appropriate, and he claimed he understood my reasoning at first, but quickly went back to what he was doing. It honestly makes me sick to my stomach to see him carressing her and then try to do the same to me. My 16 year old son asked me why they are acting like boyfriend and girlfriend when I am suppose to be his only girlfriend. I couldn't answer that, but to say it was inappropriate. If my child sees it, why can't he? Rockrose, I agree with you. I was raised to kiss on the cheek and feel kissing on the lips is appropriate for an adult relationship only. Besides, that is how you spread things to children like canker soars. When I had my son, I was told it was better for the child's health to kiss on the cheek to prevent that. If an adult who has canker soars kisses a child, it can spread to the child. I would not want to do that to my son. I feel like you behave around your child or role model,  the way you would want them to chose a spouse, with respect for themselves and the other person. I think too that he is too encouraging. I worry about how she is going to act around guys when she starts dating or what this is doing to my son's image of a father daughter relationship. He and I both have never seen a father act this way with his daughter, so we both find it uncomfortable. I expressed my son's concern to him and he just yelled at me about pissing him off and told me to never bring it up again, he was not molesting his child! I never accused him of that and clearly explained that to him, but he quit talking to me days ago. It seems to me like he is feeling guilty or something if he brought up the subject of molesting and he is aware he is in the wrong. I was shocked when I first saw him holdding her on the couch and running his fingers through her hair while he kissed all around her face. I am not accustomed to this kind of behavior outside an adult relationship. He hasn't talked to me in 3 days and I am hurt and confused. I just don't know who is right and who is wrong in this situation???