Oh my God, what now????

[debsally]

Sally and I took my son to his diabetes doc this morning and then we went out to lunch.  I noticed at lunch, she started to have those symptoms....hands shaking a little and slowing down and rubbing her face....all those symptoms she would have on the soma and I thought that I am just crazy or parinoid.  Then she started driving funny taking me to work and by the time we got to my work and I looked into her eyes, I could see it.  So I said something to her and she got out of the car.

When I looked right into her eyes, face to face, (still feeling a little crazy), I said she lookes like when she used to take the soma and her face just dropped.  I asked her if she took some and she said yes and that she was going to talk to me about it last night but I was too tired, so she figured she would talk to me about it today.  I asked her if she picked up an rx and she said yes.

So we are standing in the parking lot of my work and I am looking at her and feeling like all we just went through meant nothing.  She even told me the other night after reading more from this site and more that I wrote that she never wants to take soma again and that it is poison and she cannot take it.  I reminded her of it and told her to flush it, that I am not going to change my mind.  She said she wants me to hold it so she can take it prn.  Bullshyt!!!!!!!!!  I am totally in shock and have no idea where to go.  I told her if she gave them to me to hold, I will flush them down the toilet and the last thing I told her was she needs to flush them.

Oh you guys....help me.  I am so sad and hurt and disappointed.  I feel betrayed.  I need advise.

Please, I need you.  This is totally unfamiliar territory for me.

Love,

Debbie

[hopeless]

Deb, i am so sorry to hear this. The other day you posted and were so happy, i also figured that it was too soon. She can/will tell you anything, but deep inside her, she is NOT ready to quit yet. She can sit and say she is time and time again, but for her to go get her script filled just goes to show you that she is not going to do this. I also feels that the only true way for her to overcome this addiction is to have her put in a rehab center. When you said that she told you she only got it filled so she can use it "ONCE IN AWHILE", this is what we all say. It will NOT work! You either have to just up and quit completey, or it can't be done! I am sorry i am saying all this to you, but you need to know the truth. I am an addict, and i know how our minds work.

You need to stay strong, and be tough on her. The tough love thing does work. Don't feel bad, and don't give in to her. If she don't want to flush them, then if it were me, i would just take them myself and do it. She will be miserable for 10 days or so, but you know what, she WILL get over it!!!

I am here for you, for anything you need! My heart is breaking to hear this but please know that this is possible, and a person can do anything in life that they set their minds to. Life is NOT easy, and we get tested alot in our lifetime, but we need to deal with it. Like i said, it'll be rough the first 10 days or so, as you already know, but she needs to do this. She is too young to die, and too young to live her life like she is. I would rather be miserable and sick for 10, 20, or even 60 days than to continue taking and die.

It took me a long long time to learn all this, and i needed the boot up my azz more than a few times to make me realize just what i was doing to myself and the ones who loved me.

I just came from a funeral home, my cousin died Tuesday morning, age 31, she left behind a 12 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. Well her 12 year old son is taking this so damm hard, it is the saddest thing i ever seen. He was leaning in her casket crying his little eyes out. When i seen this today, i sat there and thought to myself, "If i wouldn't have got my addiction under control, that could have been my little boy crying at my funeral" I'll tell you what, this opened my eyes so greatly today. I can't have my son coming to my funeral when i am so young and have a whole lifetime ahead of me. Especially when i have control over the addiction.

This is hard, trust me i totally understand! Been through it all time and time again. Please don't take anything i said the wrong way, i just care so much about you and her. I also know this is beatable! You need to give her that kick in the azz like everyone gave me. Flush them pills, get rid of them. She might get mad, but oh well...You are doing this to save her life, just keep telling yourself that. What would happen if you don't get rid of the pills or get her in a rehab, and one morning you wake up and find her dead? Then i bet you wish you would have flushed or looked into rehab, right? So please Deb, do this for her. Let her get mad, just know you are saving her life...

You know i luvs ya, right? (ya better, lol)

I am here for you, you need anything, ok?

Hopey

[TimH2]

Thanks so much for your kind words. :) Just a simple sentence can make you feel better and I do. I know how awful addiction is and I am praying for you. You are not alone and will find a lot of support here. Keep on posting and we will help you through this. Do you have a plan to quit? Try not to be scared or frightened. It is not a picnic, but you can get through this. You have already made the first steps by posting on the forum. Give me a holler anytime and I will answer as soon as I can. Hang in their my friend and know you are not alone.

God Bless,
Tim

[debsally]

I was afraid too, but I couldn't not say something and I was trying so hard to be gentle but firm. I didn't want to say something I would regret.  Thank you for being with me.  Thank you for understanding.  I too have learned so much being here which it why I came straight to this site as soon as I could.  It is hard, but she is worth it.  Iknow that for sure.  Thanks again, deb.

love,

deb

[littldeb]

I believe, I too was in the position that you are in and there has been at least two occasions when my husband seemed "high" with that look of nothing but pupils in his eyes.  I can relate to how you are feeling.  I got angry but tried ignoring it.....I know it's probably not the thing to do, but I didn't trust myself at the time to say anything.  I was afraid of saying something I would regret.  I don't have any real advice for you because I don't understand the addiction as well as those that have been there, but I do know how your feeling and it's painful.  Just hang in there and know that your not alone. I search these posts day after day to try to understand this better and have learned a lot, but the pain of seeing someone you love hurt themself is very hard to deal with, but it just takes time it seems.
take care,
deb

[TimH2]

((((((((((((((((((((((((debs))))))))))))))))))))))  I am praying for you my friend and it will work out. Just be a little more agressive with her on the soma. She loves you and love will win out!!! I am not saying to let her go at all, but let her know that this is going to STOP now. She has her other pain meds and doesn't need the soma. Scare her about them.....they can stop your heart (muscle relaxer) as it is our most important muscle.

Thanks for the kind words sweetheart.

Love to ya,
Tim

[debsally]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TIM)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you so much.  You really are a God-send.  It is so not a mistake that you are back just when I needed to hear from you.  I know God is speaking to my heart through you and I know everything is going to be okay.  Thanks, man and I will be strong.  I love her too much to let this go and I can't and won't let her go either.  What we have is too precious and the Soma will NOT win.

From my heart,

Debs

P.S. Thank you everyone for your advice and comments.  I will take everything you have to say to heart.  I appreciate each one of you and your opinions.  It helps to hear different perspectives.