90 days w/d?? SUPPORT PLEASE

[Heather8448]

Hey Today has been the worse day EVER!! I have had 7 hours of sleep in 3 nights
I had a dream I was going through w/d and woke up to RLS, Dry heaves, and crawling skin I AM 90Plus days!!!
WTF?!?!?!
I swear I havnt touched a pill...
Then today I sat with a pt who lets just say has mental problems, was told she could go home today(shes been with us 7months) She had a break down crying that when people lie her stomach hurt...She hated everyone today but me! I was the only thing keeping her from 4points...
She loves me and it HURTS when staff tell her "you leaver ___day" just so shes good, she may have issues but she remembers and her anger is justified...I helped her(shes unsteady on her feet) to the bathroom several times, and I helped her bathe...
I started a carb free diet today and I went down 7-9(depending on the floor)flights of stairs 3 times today!! I feel warn out physically mentally and emotionally. I cant stop crying. I have a bad feeling like I lost someone like death is imminent...IS THIS NORMAL?!?!?!
I am so sorry guys I TRY to be the happy person you know, was even going to fake it tonight but I cant!!!
I want to fake it!!!
I want to go to bed and not wake up...I am working 60-72hours a week...
Neglecting my dogs
I feel so alone...
My ex called me and left msgs WHY DID I LISTEN...Maybe its TRUE...what he said
Hate me by BLUE OCTOBER
(Verse 1)
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you loved me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

(Chorus 1)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finaly see what's good for you.


(Verse 2)
I'm sober now for 3 whole months, it's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so ******* far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

(Verse 3)
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

(Chorus)
Hate me today.
Hate me tomorrow.
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
For you.
For you.
For you.

[Heather8448]

I am feeling ALOT better mentally Thanks for the support...Was just a bad day I suppose!!
I am in a lot of pain but my spirits are high...Thanks for all the advice and kind words...did wake up to dry heaves again though???

[Heather8448]

i am feeling better thanks!!! slept some...thanks guys

[meegWpaw]

Heather I am so sorry you are going through this.  Maybe feeling any better by now?  I am a little over 90 and you may know I have been really and I mean really struggling.  Its a hard time.  You have a lot you are dealing with, many issues from the past as I recall, and it sounds like you have a very difficult job, draining even.  Watch out, take care of yourself, you and your recovery come first.  Let yourself cry and emote but try to look at why all this is coming up as well and try not to subject yourself to any of it that is unnecessary.  Rest, be good to you and I agree, that diet?  Umm, don't know if that's the best idea right now.  I have read some of your journals and I seem to remember some of your struggles but still .... your emotional, mental and physical well being come first.  You're amazing!  Treat your amazing self with care. xxoo

[Bubbleguppie100]

Aww hunny! I'm sorry that you had a " no good, very bad day!" You're such an incredible woman. I just adore you. Why don't you have some ice cream and watch a funny movie? The movie, " knocked up" always cheers me up. I'm giving you a big bear hug! Xoxo

[Teri9498]

Awwww sweetie, I'm so sorry ur feeling like this!...like all the others said, u need to take time for YOU!!!!...You do so much helping others...watch a funny movie, listen to some  music....everything will be OK!!..you have my number, call/text ANYTIME!!!!..love ya girl...

[toothfairie]

I agree with the above comments....deep breaths and listen to some relaxing music etc....take some YOU time....all the work can wear on you mentally AND physically...you have to have some down time....take it from someone that works alot too...you will burn yourself out if you don't rest some too.

I'm here if you ever need to chat/talk!  take care of yourself girl...you're so giving on here so now it's time to take care of you.

[ariley13]

Heather, this is totally normal. Right around my 90 days I started having extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and my first real cravings for alcohol in over 2 years.( And horrible sleep, but that's the norm for me.)  I was a mess and seriously thought I was having a breakdown. I had some really great people who held my hand through this and walked me through the bad days. This will pass. Lack of sleep and crazy work schedule are probably exacerbating everything. Please do anything you can to relax (except use!) and break the cycle of anxiety. We get caught up in the vicious cycle and just keep feeding it. Please know that we are here for you. You will make it through this. Lean on us anytime you need to. I am so proud of you for reaching out and posting. Sending peace, love and lots of positive energy your way.

[ROSYouralright]

Hey sweetie!! You are one of the most amazing people I know! Like I told you earlier, you are making a huge difference in peoples lives and its taking alot out of you!! I soooo wish you were closer so we could have a girl day! REMEMBER that you have to take time for HEATHER!! YOUR EXHAUSTED and WORN OUT! You should tuck in early tonight BC you have to do it all again tomorrow! I love ya girl and you know how to reach me anytime!! Hang in there! SLEEP is YOUR FRIEND!

[Heather8448]

thanks Annie i have been trying breathing exercises im not tired now but all day i am i do need a laugh lol...my dogs are in bed w me now!! Lilahs kissing me!!! the weather is amazing...windows open

[EvolverU]

Hi there, Heather. Glad you're here & glad you posted. Big Breath now!! Exhale....You're gonna' be fine. You're under stress. It's as simple as that. You haven't slept that much (I know exactly where you're at.) Do you know when things are particularly stressful for me even now, that I get symptoms like watery eyes, fatigue, weakness & sneezing. (Particularly if I don't get 4 or more hours of sleep.)

So, we've got to find a way to get you to decouple from your stress. What you did here was great. Can you redirect in other healthy ways? Can we make you laugh? Can you listen to something soothing or play with your dogs. Deep breathing or meditation videos on YT? Yoga? Whatever it is...it's got to be the opposite of 'stressing' the stress -- meaning winding yourself up about it.

Hope you're a little better now that you posted. Don't worry about the dream. The subconscious has a great deal of power over your actual body so it's not really surprising. Before you go to bed tonight, listen to something really positive/soothing. Think good thoughts & set a good intention for rest. (You can also access 8 hr YT tracks of rainstorms, ocean sounds, etc.)

[Heather8448]

Thanks...I hope tomorrow is better

[ricart70]

Also not getting enough rest can play Hell with our emotions

[ricart70]

Sorry Heather ! ;(    You are just a good person having a really bad day and I am sure it's not withdrawals .Watch that diet !  A friend of mine was a wrestler and he went on a carb diet once and said He was crying at commercials . Try to set aside some time for you  ;)  You deserve it and hang in there my encouraging friend ;)   Tomorrow will be better