Aa
AHHH
Ok, My boyfriend who im am absolutly in love with and so blessed to have in my life has suddenly picked up an addiction to roxies/blues. actually i cant even call it an addiction just yet becase its a new habit and not used regularly, YET. i know the drug and i am familiar with it, even though i never tried it myself i have lost alot of friends to it. I know he is playing with fire right now and it kills me, he has already starting with the lies and the money issues and although when he is on them i can tel becuase i know what to look for, im trying to figure out a way to help him stop before he REALLY starts (and thats saying IF its not already too late) i have a great paying job, we live in a beautiful house, and the man i know is fading. he even told me that he was doing pills oocasionally (which i already knew) and told me to help him out by basically "babysitting" him. going everywhere with him, and i didnt mind that because i love being in his company when he is sober. but when he is on it he is a maniac. his temper was borederline unbearable before, but ever since this started its been worse. Not only do i want him better for HIM, but i NEED him better for me. Basically what im asking is to all of u who were previously addicted or currently are. besides LONG talks about how much i love him and hate seeing him high.... what can i do? or what can i say? this is an opportunity to look at it from outside what ur used to. u dont know me but i cant stand watching him hurt himself anymore, and i know its only going to get worse. so whats ur best advice for someone who is genuinely trying to help? how can i help him?
please write back soon....
thanks.
please write back soon....
thanks.
You could attempt to ask him to come on and see how many people in here wish like crazy we had known what these pills will do to a person over time. They are the cause of all the mood swings etc. It strips a person of the ability to enjoy " anything"..Got to feel out if he has gotten to the point that "he" is sick and tired of it. Once that is established, then help can follow. Any idea how many a day he was taking or is taking.?.Those are 30mg pills. Quite strong
Um, he is not on them daily but i honestly have no idea how many MG he takes when he does take them, he was on them again last night, the lies are unbearable. like i mentioned he said to "babysit" him and last night when he said he wanted to go to the gas station he intentionally said hurtful things to me just to pick a fight so he had an excuse to have "time to think" which meant an opportunity to get pills. i told him i wanted to go with him to the gas station without making it sound like i wanted to "babysit" just saying i needed a pack of cigarettes and we could grab some food. HE BLEW UP. saying im controlling and overbearing and he just needed time for himself, he would be back in 20 min... and hour and a half later he comes in the door high as a kite and all worked up. i had seen him like this before but he always does this, he comes home ****** up and basically has a nervous breakdown in my arms saying he loves me and cant keep doing this to me... he was sweaty and just loooked like a crazy man, its spiriling out of control QUICKLY. he volunteered treatment for himself which obviously means he knows its a bigger problem then i even thought, but we cant afford treatment. not to mention he is on probation and worried if he goes to treatment his PO will violate him for drug abuse... but if he continues he is gonna violate again, he just failed a **** test a few weeks ago but was given another chance. Im so frustrated. i feel hopeless and helpless, im scared and alone all the time. and on top of everything its so frustrating to watch him hurt himself. he was litterally sitting in the bathroom with the lights off smoking cigarette after cigarette just noddin out and listening to music while i slept in the room. im losing it. and his temper is getting worse. as soon as he came down (like ****** 6 am) he came in the room all aggitated and woke me up to pick fights with me and call me all types of names. i want to stick around to help him, but now im stuck between a rock and hard place. do i continue to hurt myself to try to help him? i will recommend he looks at this website BUT he is not oblivious to what he is doing to himself ya know? he used to sell pills and alot of his friends are on the same **** (it feels like the whole world is) so he knows what he is doing and what to expect, and its hard to just assume he doesnt care... but thats what it feels like :( i just dont know what to do... im so unbelievably frustrated and stressed out, and because of that my period is late... which could also be for another reason. i just dont know what to do... sorry i vented to u.. its just been a very long night and i needed to get that out. thanks for the advice... if u think of anything else please let me know
Tell him to come on the site..Tell him I said so..He wants to see the consequences of where he's headed..I'm going thru those consequences. Its called irritability, migraines,diarrhea, insomnia, restless arm and leg syndrome that lasts for 4 or 5 days. Then the battle with the mental end of the dependancy..Tell him yell at me if he wants to for all of his problems. So I can tell him the problem is the drug, that he has a choice I never had because of my back rupture, and he should take this moment to look around and see how many in here are walking away from the stuff and making it..He's taking high mg doses there. Wihin a short period of time he is going to be so deep in that its guaranteed he is going to be blessed with what I'm dealing with right now..And tell him he's lucky I'm even taking time to talk with him. I'm in the middle of these wd's. He thinks he feels bad? He's not even close..If he won't..We, then you have a choice to make..One thats in your own best interest. Because if he doesn't see this now for what it is, it will get worse and he will get more abusive...Tread lightly...David
It's a hard road loving an addict. The ups and downs and rollercoaster lifestyle will rob you of your life. You'll be so busy taking care of him, you'll forget about yourself. I did it for over 18 years. We had four kids together.
You become an addict, too. You become addicted to them and their behaviors. Everything will revolve around them. When they're clean and sober, things are good. But there's always that tiny bit of uneasiness. When he calls and says he's working late, you wrap up his dinner for later, but in the back of your mind, there's that niggling little doubt.
You know, I could go on for pages. In the end, you'll either save yourself or you'll stay. In the end, you'll grow to resent him and you'll lose all respect for him. Once respect is gone, love is soon to follow. You end up being his caretaker, not his partner. And you better hope nothing happens to you where you need his support. Because you could be sorely disappointed when he doesn't pull through. Maybe he will, maybe he won't; you just can't count on him.
Now, if he gets clean, that's a different story. But only he can do it. You can't do it for him.
Don't babysit him. It won't work. Make a decision and stick to it. Otherwise, you'll spend your life lying for him to friends, relatives, co-workers. You'll start to feel shame as you try to hide his behavior from everyone.
It's no way to live. Trust me.
You become an addict, too. You become addicted to them and their behaviors. Everything will revolve around them. When they're clean and sober, things are good. But there's always that tiny bit of uneasiness. When he calls and says he's working late, you wrap up his dinner for later, but in the back of your mind, there's that niggling little doubt.
You know, I could go on for pages. In the end, you'll either save yourself or you'll stay. In the end, you'll grow to resent him and you'll lose all respect for him. Once respect is gone, love is soon to follow. You end up being his caretaker, not his partner. And you better hope nothing happens to you where you need his support. Because you could be sorely disappointed when he doesn't pull through. Maybe he will, maybe he won't; you just can't count on him.
Now, if he gets clean, that's a different story. But only he can do it. You can't do it for him.
Don't babysit him. It won't work. Make a decision and stick to it. Otherwise, you'll spend your life lying for him to friends, relatives, co-workers. You'll start to feel shame as you try to hide his behavior from everyone.
It's no way to live. Trust me.
right on mellie! somehow, my marriage has survived. my husband must be a saint in disguise or something. your man is not happy in his own skin and is trying to change the way he feels by getting high. you cannot molly coddle him! if he is abusive you should remove yourself. until this thing has come to an end, you are dealing with his disease, not him. you are in a very difficult position and i feel for you. there is no easy answer. please protect yourself as best you can. this will break your heart. sway
I feel for you but you have to wake up. You started this post by saying he doesn't have a problem yet. The more you spoke, the more problem was revealed. He is on probation, he failed a pee test and he sits in the dark smoking cigarettes. that is not normal behavior.
Love him or not he will bring you down before you can get him clean. The reason is, you cannot get him clean. Until he admits that he has a problem, that he is in trouble, and seeks help, he will continue. It will not get better, it will only get worse. You are at a cross roads and have to make a decision. Holding his hand and babysitting him will keep him in his addiction. You are simply enabling him.
I am so sorry that no one was able to give you better news.
Please stick around and listen to the members here. There is tons of advise and suggestions to be had. I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.
Love him or not he will bring you down before you can get him clean. The reason is, you cannot get him clean. Until he admits that he has a problem, that he is in trouble, and seeks help, he will continue. It will not get better, it will only get worse. You are at a cross roads and have to make a decision. Holding his hand and babysitting him will keep him in his addiction. You are simply enabling him.
I am so sorry that no one was able to give you better news.
Please stick around and listen to the members here. There is tons of advise and suggestions to be had. I wish you the best and will say a prayer for you.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I have a feeling he is using more than you know as you mentioned him nodding out. Until he is ready to give this up there is nothing you can do for him. Dont enable him in anyway. You have to take care of you now. Check into Alanon. The worst thing you can do for an addict is enable him. He has alot riding on this also by the sounds of it with him on probation. Hopefully he will get the help he so desperatly needs. Just please take care of you, you dont have to go down with him.....sara
thank u guys so much, u have no idea how much i didnt expect to get anything out of this website simply because i didnt know what it was about. it helps so much and i look forward to checkin up on it daily now. its crazy how i dont have a drug problem, but in a sense of its own.. i DO have a dependency issue. not to roxies themself but to my boyfriend. i really just want to help so bad it kills me inside to see him like that. ill probably continue to use this just to vent and see where it gets me. im def. gonna have him check it out for himself and maybe him expressing himself and his feelings will help him to get a better understanding. i know what i have to do. i have to be selfish for the first time in 3 years and put me before him. were not a team anymore. he has a new team mate and its that little blue pill. i wish all of u the best as well... and for real thank u so much for taking the time to respond to my post.. it really means alot and it def. helps me to get a better understanding. xox
I think mellie4 couldnt have said it any better. An addict is going to do what they want to do and wont quit till they have had enough. Addiction is very selfish. You have to save yourself. Have the talk with him and let him know where you stand. Sometimes loving somebody means letting them go and getting rid of your need to need him and then thats when you can get back to really loving him.
COMMUNITY LEADER
We have a member here who has been where you are and she always says "support their recovery, not their addiction"......
im currently addicted and i can tell you there really isnt much you can do to help him right now....if he thinks he has it under control then there is nothing your gonna be able to do to convince him he dosent......the only way he is going to stop is when he is ready to stop......i have been in realationships while i have been an addict.....and roxann also come b4 the other lady in my life....i know its sad and its pathetic but its the way it is......if i had a fight with my lady who cares let me just get fcked up and forget about it......some much easier for us to walk away then deal with the proble because we know we have lady roxann waiting to be our support.
being that you know i guess its a little different cuz the two girls i blew it with and i say that because they were both awesome girls that in a different time or place i would have been crazy not to fight for them.....didnt know i had a problem i kept it to myself nobody knows.
there are other factors...how much is he using???? how often??? and do you think he uses more then he says he does?
being that you know i guess its a little different cuz the two girls i blew it with and i say that because they were both awesome girls that in a different time or place i would have been crazy not to fight for them.....didnt know i had a problem i kept it to myself nobody knows.
there are other factors...how much is he using???? how often??? and do you think he uses more then he says he does?
i told him about the website.... instead of thinkin it was atleast an idea he flipped out on me. i told him no one knows who i am or who he is.... but he flipped out. saying "im puttin our business all over the computer and i know what im doing to myself. i have sold thousands of pills... i know what they do to people!" this is so frustrating. i seriously spend more time crying at home then i do smiling or anything else.....
You are not being selfish if you put yourself first. In fact, you'll help him. I wish I hadn't helped as much as I did and maybe things would have been different. It hurts to see someone you love destroying themselves. And addiction is progressive ... it doesn't get better. Before you know it months turn into years and you're still playing the same game. They are really good at manipulation. And when they tell you "This is it. I'm done. I'm gonna stop." They sound so genuine and you believe them. And then they use again. And you get mad at yourself for being such a fool to believe him yet again. Thing is, he sounds genuine because he is. At that very moment he probably does want to stop.
Aftercare programs work. If they work the program. If not, it's only a matter of time before they pick up again.
Walk away now. Before you have kids. Because then you'll use them for the reason to stay, and believe me, it is no reason to stay. I stayed thinking it was better for them to have a dad. Finally left 3 years ago. Now they're 18, 15, 12 and 11. Guess what? They wished I had done it way before.
I never had any alcohol or drug addictions. As a matter of fact, I rarely drink; I just don't care for it.
You know in your heart that he's a mess. People without addictions aren't on probation, taking urine tests, etc. Staying with an addict will break your heart and you will never be the same. You'll wake up and be middle-aged and you'll be doing just what you're doing right now.
Aftercare programs work. If they work the program. If not, it's only a matter of time before they pick up again.
Walk away now. Before you have kids. Because then you'll use them for the reason to stay, and believe me, it is no reason to stay. I stayed thinking it was better for them to have a dad. Finally left 3 years ago. Now they're 18, 15, 12 and 11. Guess what? They wished I had done it way before.
I never had any alcohol or drug addictions. As a matter of fact, I rarely drink; I just don't care for it.
You know in your heart that he's a mess. People without addictions aren't on probation, taking urine tests, etc. Staying with an addict will break your heart and you will never be the same. You'll wake up and be middle-aged and you'll be doing just what you're doing right now.
after going back and reading some of your post sounds like hes doing a lot more then you think
the nodding out the fight and than the breaking down....he is getting the the cross road....i know im at the same fork.
i either take the road to reocovry or i take the road to darkness.....there is no inbetween...i either clean myself up or i end up in jail or dead......sounds like your BF isnt far from where i am...BUT he needs to come to where i am mentaly and take baby steps and realize he HAS to stop if he wants to live life....it really is that simple....your life or the drug....does he want to be the guy who ran into hard times and was able to get past it or does he want to be teh guy who ran into hard times and gave up and willingly accpets to lose the battle.
i know what road i want to take
the nodding out the fight and than the breaking down....he is getting the the cross road....i know im at the same fork.
i either take the road to reocovry or i take the road to darkness.....there is no inbetween...i either clean myself up or i end up in jail or dead......sounds like your BF isnt far from where i am...BUT he needs to come to where i am mentaly and take baby steps and realize he HAS to stop if he wants to live life....it really is that simple....your life or the drug....does he want to be the guy who ran into hard times and was able to get past it or does he want to be teh guy who ran into hard times and gave up and willingly accpets to lose the battle.
i know what road i want to take
He's nearing breakpoint Prettywings..There was not hesitation in throwing the wall up with all the reasons this site is the wrong place, not the right place..About the best you could do is try one more time and tell him that this site is the safest place he could ask questions without fear of reprisal..Its the closest thing to a counselor he could get..Virtually everyone in here is fighting a battle with something. It isn't a site full of drug counselors in a rehab facility. Its a group of people dealing with substance abuse problems just like he is.. Many are dealing with the same as he is. I for one.. The difference inbetween him and us though is we "are" trying to find that way to turn things around..You have to be the judge on reapproaching the subject though..He's really flip flopping there. His outbursts worry me some..
Jaycee has made some very valid points..The only other suggestion I can think of is approach him with this..If you know what its doing to you and want to change it,,then please search for help..If he doesn't want to look here, then look somewhere else.....I'm afraid if something doesn't change soon, you may have to leave for your own good..
Jaycee has made some very valid points..The only other suggestion I can think of is approach him with this..If you know what its doing to you and want to change it,,then please search for help..If he doesn't want to look here, then look somewhere else.....I'm afraid if something doesn't change soon, you may have to leave for your own good..
thanks dav
did you also have a pill problem? How are you doing with it?
I'm so sick of being stuck in this cell.....i just dont know how to open the door!
did you also have a pill problem? How are you doing with it?
I'm so sick of being stuck in this cell.....i just dont know how to open the door!
Not necessarily a pill problem, a back and then surgery problem. Surgery was two weeks ago but the results now are not very encouraging. I'm trying to believe what my surgeon is telling me about the nerve recouperating and pain I still am having in bursts, but it seems to be getting worse.I had this done 5 years ago so I've got something to reflect upon..
.But I guess in answering your question,,yes,I have a pill problem and my meds were taken by a third party recently..Had to do a super fast taper the past 4 days from a high dose of oxycontin and percocets..I am in forced CT at present..The level of wd's I'm having tell me I'm in deep..Not too good..Had an 8 day taste of this once..Trying to see if I can endure this and walk on. I'm so sick of being sick and tired..Somethings got to give.
.But I guess in answering your question,,yes,I have a pill problem and my meds were taken by a third party recently..Had to do a super fast taper the past 4 days from a high dose of oxycontin and percocets..I am in forced CT at present..The level of wd's I'm having tell me I'm in deep..Not too good..Had an 8 day taste of this once..Trying to see if I can endure this and walk on. I'm so sick of being sick and tired..Somethings got to give.
Sent you a note about that Jayeye...I hope prettywings is making some progress here..
well wish me luck, tonights another night and im gonna sit down and have YET another discussion( that will probably turn argument) about how heavy this is burdening me. thanks for all your help everyone. ill keep updating. it feels good to vent. i dont have anyone except him to vent to....
xox
xox
well... looks like his time kinda ran out. he has probation today and well... hes not gonna pass a **** test... and i know his PO will give him one since he failed the last one and gave him a "chance"....
well see what happens. but maybe jail will be a good place for him for a little while. it will clean him up and give him a better perspective on things... i just hope he doesnt go away for a long time.... i need him :(
well see what happens. but maybe jail will be a good place for him for a little while. it will clean him up and give him a better perspective on things... i just hope he doesnt go away for a long time.... i need him :(
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