Aa
Advice for a year of Oxy
I've been on oxy ocs for 13 months. I've never exceeded 60mgs in a day (10 mos of 20s twice a day, then 3 months of 30s twice a day.) I ran out of ocs and didn't care to use the ops. I had some Opana 10s, and when I took my last oxy on Sunday, I used two of the Opana 10s on Monday. Today (Tuesday), I haven't taken anything. In fact, I flushed the Opana and about 8 ox ops I had left down the toiled. I feel horrible. My back. My mind. My stomach. I'm not sure how to cope or how long it will last. I have three kids - 6, 4, and 2 - and don't want to ruin their Christmas being locked in my room sweating. My wife is trying to help, but I keep pushing her away. Any advice?
Best Answer
They would never recover from losing you with or without the money, hiskidd ... I can assure you that during wds our minds are our worst enemies, it is not only that we feel down and depressed , it is that all our thoughts are sort of catastrophic thoughts and we can not see any light at the end of the tunnel. Try not to over think, i know it is really difficult not doing it but in some days all those thoughts will be different, don't trust your mind now at all...you will see th end of this tunnel and will be in a much better frame of mind. This rebound pain is also hurting you really bad, take another hot bath, whatever you are taking for the pain and some more valerian root which is for anxiety and will help to relax a little but please, do not lose your hope nor your fightiing spirit, today too shall pass ...
I worked through my first 2 days of w/d and it sucked, but it did pass the time... U will be ok, just stay positive!
I know that you're so anxious about going back to 'normal' life now....it seems impossible, I know. I'd suggest looking back on your first few posts and knowing that you've come a long way since that short time ago. And sometimes pushing yourself into a situation in 'normal life' is what we need to start over. I know the motivation is gone right now..but look at your post from xmas eve...you were taking pics of the kids, comfy on the chair, etc.. You couldn't say any of that just a day or two prior. You've come a long way already. You still have a long way to go. Just keep pushing like you have and you'll get through it. If you can get through all the physical agony of wds and come out the other end, then you'll start to live your life again, and without the pills. Every day will be hard, but every day will get easier than the one before. And I think you'll get a great sense of accomplishment once you get trough that first day back. And be thankful that you won't be in active day one wds when you go back...right? It could always be better, but it could always be worse too. Take a deep breath and look at it as another hurdle you're bound to overcome. You've gotten through worse, right?!!!
I woke up this morning, first thought, I have to work tomorrow!!!!
Im freaking out yet again, what if I can not go back into my "normal" life without pills.
Anxiety is kicking in like crazy!!
What have I done, Im so so tired, exhausted, feel like I still have to "flu".
And I have to go to work like that? What the heck am I gona do?
Im freaking out yet again, what if I can not go back into my "normal" life without pills.
Anxiety is kicking in like crazy!!
What have I done, Im so so tired, exhausted, feel like I still have to "flu".
And I have to go to work like that? What the heck am I gona do?
Hey there.
I have spent the majority of the first part of my day reading this thread. Every time I read a new post, it was like I was going through exactly what you were describing. I could feel every emotion, every helpless feeling, desperation, etc. This is the hardest thing any of us will ever go through. I think what makes it that much harder is the shame associated with being an addict. And so what do we do when we feel ashamed?? Mask that feeling with a pill, and it continues on and on.
From what I read here everyone's words of experience support and insight are helpful and can even be overwhelming. Like a few others have said, you've unfortunately got to go through the symptoms alone, no one else can bear that cross for you. I cannot count how many times I've been through wds. It's never easier if you relapse. Sure, you may know what to expect, but that doesn't change the symptoms! I only wish I would have found this forum when I went through it before. All that said, I cannot tell you another trick and everyone has pretty much said all that can be said. The reason I wanted to add a little support here is because I can so relate to the pain aspect. I've been through the ringer when it comes to pain, all legitimately backed up with tests and experts and surgeries and such. The rebound pain that others have spoke of are legit...you'll feel your pain that much more because your body got used to the narcotics relieving the pain instead of trying to fight it off by itself. so you have a pain management appointment? I think I read that, right? I really hope that if that's the case that you are honest with them and tell them you have an addiction to opiates. They won't turn you away or judge you. At least from my experience as working as a receptionist at a pain clinic, the doctors were caring about people in our situation. (I no longer work there as it was too much to be around all these people with their rx's and such!) there are alternatives, and it's not just a write off. There are non addictive pain relievers, and with a back problem, a lot of times they can do pain blocks or nerve blocks or shots. The hardest part is having to tell the doc your situation. It's very hard to do...again, we have that shame a lot and tend to be way harder on ourselves than we deserve..I had gall bladder removal in September and had to tell the surgeon to not give me vicodin (my drug of choice) to go home with. He gave me darvocet. I didn't abuse them, and for the level of pain I was at, they didn't do much at all, but still I told him, and I was in the pre-op room alone, so it's not like I had my husband saying it to him or anything. It was a huge huge step. After all, I was about to be given a generous amount of my drug of choice!! But the pride I had almost (almost is the key word, ha) outweighed the pain. It was a big hurdle I had to overcome and I did it. I knew if I hadn't that I'd be back at square one, seeking more doctors and drugs and lying and hiding and then ultimately wds again. So not worth it.
I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and was given Norco 7.5/325 when nothing else was working. I had to push past the pain and ask myself if I was doing the drug seeking or if that's all that was working for me. I tried a million different alternatives before jumping back on the narcotics route. But after a month or so of being back on them and taking them as directed and getting pain relief, I started to get 'that old feeling' after a dose and started watching the clock for when I could take another. I immediately flushed what I had left and have been back off them for almost 2 weeks. I'm now faced with maybe having to get shoulder surgery...scary, but I'll get through it somehow. I'm finding with little clearer head now, and although the pain is still very bad, I just can't go down that road again. I can't. Then what would it have all been for? So forge ahead, I know time is crawling second by agonizing second. The emotional aspect is hard too, but it sounds like you have an amazing wife who is very supportive. But when the physical stuff is done, aftercare is the most important thing to keep us sober. Talking to family and posting and reading here is a tremendous help, kind of like group therapy, but you need some sort of plan for meetings or therapy or counseling. I've been through it all so many times and thought I would be ok on my own...it does not work that way at all..
For me, the emotional is worse than the physical, only because it lasts so long! I don't want to scare you but I think you should know that you're in for a long ride. You've already done an amazing job getting through the torture that is physical wds. But the mental side of things can get crazy sometimes. I'm finding with each day that passes I think about pills and pain less and less. It's not all consuming anymore. And when I do get sleep, I wake up immediately with anxiety. just this morning though, I woke up with the anxiety and just about talked myself out of it and actually fell back asleep...I thought that was an impossible task just a few nights ago. But again, that's another reason for good aftercare. To get to the root of things...and in situations like ours, where we're still dealing with legit pain, it's only beneficial to find a good primary doc and be honest with them.
The only thing I can say is that every moment gets a little better than the one before. Early on it seems that it will never end or get better. The desperation really sets in, and unless you stay on top of your game, you'll end up worse off than before. You hit your bottom faster with each relapse. Just take it second by second, then minute to minute, then it's hour by hour. Soon, you'll be able to break up the day into morning afternoon and evening instead of watching the second hand on the clock. It's a slow and painful process, but it'll happen. Us addicts want the immediate gratification with everything! I know that too well!! But try and retrain your brain to take things at face value and take them as they come, and try not to look at tonight or tomorrow or next week. This will happen for you if you continue to fight the way you already are. We're all pulling for you!!!! My heart goes out to you and I can relate so much to the panic you feel. But it will get better if you stick with it.
@Kuckma - I'm so happy to hear that you're doing a bit better. I'm so happy that you didn't get your refill, that takes all the courage in the world, I know. And what a good idea about taking pictures while going through the wds..might deter us all when we get tempted...we'll rationalize anything, won't we??!!!
I hope that both of you continue on the sober path and find more and more peace as time goes on. We call all do this!!!!
I have spent the majority of the first part of my day reading this thread. Every time I read a new post, it was like I was going through exactly what you were describing. I could feel every emotion, every helpless feeling, desperation, etc. This is the hardest thing any of us will ever go through. I think what makes it that much harder is the shame associated with being an addict. And so what do we do when we feel ashamed?? Mask that feeling with a pill, and it continues on and on.
From what I read here everyone's words of experience support and insight are helpful and can even be overwhelming. Like a few others have said, you've unfortunately got to go through the symptoms alone, no one else can bear that cross for you. I cannot count how many times I've been through wds. It's never easier if you relapse. Sure, you may know what to expect, but that doesn't change the symptoms! I only wish I would have found this forum when I went through it before. All that said, I cannot tell you another trick and everyone has pretty much said all that can be said. The reason I wanted to add a little support here is because I can so relate to the pain aspect. I've been through the ringer when it comes to pain, all legitimately backed up with tests and experts and surgeries and such. The rebound pain that others have spoke of are legit...you'll feel your pain that much more because your body got used to the narcotics relieving the pain instead of trying to fight it off by itself. so you have a pain management appointment? I think I read that, right? I really hope that if that's the case that you are honest with them and tell them you have an addiction to opiates. They won't turn you away or judge you. At least from my experience as working as a receptionist at a pain clinic, the doctors were caring about people in our situation. (I no longer work there as it was too much to be around all these people with their rx's and such!) there are alternatives, and it's not just a write off. There are non addictive pain relievers, and with a back problem, a lot of times they can do pain blocks or nerve blocks or shots. The hardest part is having to tell the doc your situation. It's very hard to do...again, we have that shame a lot and tend to be way harder on ourselves than we deserve..I had gall bladder removal in September and had to tell the surgeon to not give me vicodin (my drug of choice) to go home with. He gave me darvocet. I didn't abuse them, and for the level of pain I was at, they didn't do much at all, but still I told him, and I was in the pre-op room alone, so it's not like I had my husband saying it to him or anything. It was a huge huge step. After all, I was about to be given a generous amount of my drug of choice!! But the pride I had almost (almost is the key word, ha) outweighed the pain. It was a big hurdle I had to overcome and I did it. I knew if I hadn't that I'd be back at square one, seeking more doctors and drugs and lying and hiding and then ultimately wds again. So not worth it.
I was recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and was given Norco 7.5/325 when nothing else was working. I had to push past the pain and ask myself if I was doing the drug seeking or if that's all that was working for me. I tried a million different alternatives before jumping back on the narcotics route. But after a month or so of being back on them and taking them as directed and getting pain relief, I started to get 'that old feeling' after a dose and started watching the clock for when I could take another. I immediately flushed what I had left and have been back off them for almost 2 weeks. I'm now faced with maybe having to get shoulder surgery...scary, but I'll get through it somehow. I'm finding with little clearer head now, and although the pain is still very bad, I just can't go down that road again. I can't. Then what would it have all been for? So forge ahead, I know time is crawling second by agonizing second. The emotional aspect is hard too, but it sounds like you have an amazing wife who is very supportive. But when the physical stuff is done, aftercare is the most important thing to keep us sober. Talking to family and posting and reading here is a tremendous help, kind of like group therapy, but you need some sort of plan for meetings or therapy or counseling. I've been through it all so many times and thought I would be ok on my own...it does not work that way at all..
For me, the emotional is worse than the physical, only because it lasts so long! I don't want to scare you but I think you should know that you're in for a long ride. You've already done an amazing job getting through the torture that is physical wds. But the mental side of things can get crazy sometimes. I'm finding with each day that passes I think about pills and pain less and less. It's not all consuming anymore. And when I do get sleep, I wake up immediately with anxiety. just this morning though, I woke up with the anxiety and just about talked myself out of it and actually fell back asleep...I thought that was an impossible task just a few nights ago. But again, that's another reason for good aftercare. To get to the root of things...and in situations like ours, where we're still dealing with legit pain, it's only beneficial to find a good primary doc and be honest with them.
The only thing I can say is that every moment gets a little better than the one before. Early on it seems that it will never end or get better. The desperation really sets in, and unless you stay on top of your game, you'll end up worse off than before. You hit your bottom faster with each relapse. Just take it second by second, then minute to minute, then it's hour by hour. Soon, you'll be able to break up the day into morning afternoon and evening instead of watching the second hand on the clock. It's a slow and painful process, but it'll happen. Us addicts want the immediate gratification with everything! I know that too well!! But try and retrain your brain to take things at face value and take them as they come, and try not to look at tonight or tomorrow or next week. This will happen for you if you continue to fight the way you already are. We're all pulling for you!!!! My heart goes out to you and I can relate so much to the panic you feel. But it will get better if you stick with it.
@Kuckma - I'm so happy to hear that you're doing a bit better. I'm so happy that you didn't get your refill, that takes all the courage in the world, I know. And what a good idea about taking pictures while going through the wds..might deter us all when we get tempted...we'll rationalize anything, won't we??!!!
I hope that both of you continue on the sober path and find more and more peace as time goes on. We call all do this!!!!
:-D your finally nearing the end of the physical wd, that's great. Vitamins would be a really good idea, you've no doubt lost a lot through frequent bathroom trips etc so keep drinking lots of fluids and a good multivitamin would def help. Ester c is good and I took a lot of it when I was "sick" and it helped.
And the roadkill feeling is normal. Your body has been through a lot this week. For me day 7 was the turning point. Day 6 was when I felt like you..so limp and drained like I'd never been in my life. But somehow day 7 was 10x better. You've done an amazing thing. The pills will no longer hold you hostage and you will really be free! The emotional stuff is also normal..after months of being numb it takes a while to "level off" and the extremes will become less and less. But do some aftercare..this is where I faltered..where many people do. We found a substance that became our answer for lifes problems. We have to learn the right tools to deal with it and consider using to be simply not an option. Anything that makes you this sick when you stop just isn't the answer. I'm glad to hear you have the support of who sounds like a really special lady. Hats off to you April for taking such good care of your hubby. I think you two will realize a much closer bond on every level with those damned pills out of your life. And another plus, your kids have thier real daddy back :)
And the roadkill feeling is normal. Your body has been through a lot this week. For me day 7 was the turning point. Day 6 was when I felt like you..so limp and drained like I'd never been in my life. But somehow day 7 was 10x better. You've done an amazing thing. The pills will no longer hold you hostage and you will really be free! The emotional stuff is also normal..after months of being numb it takes a while to "level off" and the extremes will become less and less. But do some aftercare..this is where I faltered..where many people do. We found a substance that became our answer for lifes problems. We have to learn the right tools to deal with it and consider using to be simply not an option. Anything that makes you this sick when you stop just isn't the answer. I'm glad to hear you have the support of who sounds like a really special lady. Hats off to you April for taking such good care of your hubby. I think you two will realize a much closer bond on every level with those damned pills out of your life. And another plus, your kids have thier real daddy back :)
hi guys. thank you for the follow up... with the help of some sleep aids, i got about 5 straight hrs of sleep last night, and then a couple more off and on hrs. i've been laying in bed because i feel like roadkill. so it was refreshing to hear that this is how i'm supposed to be feeling. it's not "day 6, you slept, and you're done," it's "keep fighting, and here's how."
im literally so tired i want nothing more than to fall back asleep, but i know i should get some liquids in me and maybe some other healthy stuff. speaking of which, should i keep taking the valerian root, niacin, or whatever else i was doing to get to this day? i never did start vitamins, but i can. i have a pretty weak stomach (lactose intolerant too), but i'll eat flintstone vitamins if i have too.
legs are shaky a bit, and i may need the sleep aid tonight, but my goal is to get to melatonin and v-root if i need sleep help only. oh i feel like a lump of mess, but it's so much better than... well, i don't even want to think about those days right now. love you guys.
im literally so tired i want nothing more than to fall back asleep, but i know i should get some liquids in me and maybe some other healthy stuff. speaking of which, should i keep taking the valerian root, niacin, or whatever else i was doing to get to this day? i never did start vitamins, but i can. i have a pretty weak stomach (lactose intolerant too), but i'll eat flintstone vitamins if i have too.
legs are shaky a bit, and i may need the sleep aid tonight, but my goal is to get to melatonin and v-root if i need sleep help only. oh i feel like a lump of mess, but it's so much better than... well, i don't even want to think about those days right now. love you guys.
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