Advice for a year of Oxy

[hiskidd]

I've been on oxy ocs for 13 months. I've never exceeded 60mgs in a day (10 mos of 20s twice a day, then 3 months of 30s twice a day.) I ran out of ocs and didn't care to use the ops. I had some Opana 10s, and when I took my last oxy on Sunday, I used two of the Opana 10s on Monday. Today (Tuesday), I haven't taken anything. In fact, I flushed the Opana and about 8 ox ops I had left down the toiled. I feel horrible. My back. My mind. My stomach. I'm not sure how to cope or how long it will last. I have three kids - 6, 4, and 2 - and don't want to ruin their Christmas being locked in my room sweating. My wife is trying to help, but I keep pushing her away. Any advice?

[notaffraidnemore]

So I am into day 6, I by no means feel 100% but I am feeling a lot better.  Sleep is still really bad, but thankfully I am one that can function without sleep, I guess it was all the years I would work the 15hr days, that trained me.  It is still really rough in the bathroom, but what has helped me the most is getting out, socializing with family and friends, it ***** at first and it is tough, but once you get going a couple hours will pass and you will think to yourself, wow, I just felt normal for a little bit and your moral boosts.  First. I would just go out to the grocery store to get started, run a few erronds but you need to stay positave, and not dwell onit or yes, it will eat you up. I don't know if it is because I am a positive person by nature why I am feeling better then some of you by day six or that our chemestry is just different.

[gnarly_1]

HI the to of you are doing good right now your hitting the emotional part of the withdrawal your emotions will be all over the place times of joy times when your down and times the littlest thing will set off tears it all part of beginning to feel again your no longer numb on the pills right now your brain chemistry is a mess your serotonin is ether way hi or dead low
your dopamine is messed up that why you cant sleep and you are no longer pouring endorphins into your brain with the pills your brain will start to make its own again but it takes time this is why I say this is 2/3 mental your mind will play games with you do yourself a faver and live in the now dont woorie about what tomorrow will bring take it one day at a time just get threw today....all of us do it  ''just for today'' and when you start to string them together your recovery has begun I just want to encourage both of you to keep pushing threw with this you close to the prize and it is so so worth it once you get there keep posting for support we all want to see you succeed ......Gnarly    

[WantToBeNormalAgain]

First off, you did the right thing. You are doing the right thing. Of course you have doubts. It was easier at a point to take a pill instead of ___fill in the blank. It became the condition rather than the exception. Sleep is important for every human being, and you are a human being. What you're feeling is exactly where most of us were at some point or are currently at or about to go through. If you need assistance with sleeping, go ahead and take something, but only as needed. Keep it in check and don't expect for things to go back to 'normal' overnight. But take something for sleep so you can heal a little more. Again, only take it at night, don't exceed the recommended dose, etc.
Think about the fact that you were on the pills for 13 months..so why would all your symptoms go away in 13 days? It's going to balance out little by little by little....I know right now you have the grand canyon to hurl over and it seems you're only taking tiny baby steps. But you are moving in the right direction...onward and upward.
You have the fighting power in you, and you're ready to do this. You have to be selfish a little while longer to get better and that's ok!!!! As someone said here before, it's ok to not be ok for a while.
It's hard to accept what we have done, but we are now on the right track. The track is a hard one, no one said it wasn't, but it does get a little smoother the longer you stick with it. Please take it from me, as someone who has struggled on and off for nearly 7 years...relapses get worse as does withdrawals every time it happens. You find yourself at the bottom faster and hitting harder, so best you get through these next few hard steps than starting all over again...
You're feeling everything now...you're anxious, scared, emotional. I know..but you will live to see another day. And each day truly is a little better than the one before. I know these are just words and you are the one feeling helpless and alone, but know that you're not. You've pushed through so many things to get to this day, this hour, this minute. Just know that things are turning around, although it feels the walls are closing in.
I think maybe you should get into some kind of therapy or meetings or aftercare...that is so important to keep things in check. If you can just call an make an appointment to talk to a therapist or whatever route you want to take, you'll begin to see more light at the end of the never-ending tunnel you think you're in right now....You found your way into the tunnel, got lost, and now you're on your way out..you're getting there. Just keep going. I believe that you can do it!!! I'm pulling for you, thinking of you, praying for you. This too shall pass, I promise.
Alison

[hiskidd]

i'm having such a bad day - mostly night now - that im wondering if i did the right thing. i have serious doubts now. now i think, "i was ONLY taking oxy for 13 months," etc. etc. this is going to be another night of OTC sleeping pill AND an ambien to hopefully get sleep. what if it ambien starts to take hold of me????????????? crap. i'm sorry guys for the regression. shaking legs, crying, everything is bad, and as strong as my wife is, i'm trying to hide the regression from her because she looks so tired now from all of this. it's like she's raising 4 young kids and one with severe emotional problems. my head is humming on the right side like it did over a decade ago when i started taking clonazepam.

i'll try to post. i don't know anymore.

[WantToBeNormalAgain]

I know all too well what you're talking about. The 'new normal' is a hard one. But you can't be so hard on yourself. You're actually feeling right now, and I know that $ucks! The anxiety is all too familiar. But as far as your physical symptoms and sleep, those have gotten a little better, right? I know you still don't feel human, and I almost would get angry at people for being able to smile naturally without forcing it..it's so hard to comprehend, I know. But you'll get there. We love our immediate gratification and when we don't have it, it's like we're trapped in a cage going in circles. Take a few deep cleansing breaths, as deep as you can open up those lungs. You are in this moment and there's absolutely nothing that makes that clock go any faster unfortunately. Nothing magical will make you feel better this instant. But take a look back at the hell that was the first 24, 48, 36 hours..and how you never want to feel that again, and that if you get ahold of those pills, you'll be back to where you started, only faster and worse each time you relapse..that's how it always went for me.

I wish there was one simple thing to answer you're thoughts of 'when do I get to feel human again?'  But there's no one thing I can say that will make you all of a sudden have clarity and peace. I wish..we all do. It's a struggle every day but it's SO worth it. You'll look back at one week be thankful you're not at that first agonizing night..then it's 2 weeks and 3 and so on..you'll get there, we'll get there together. We're all in this together..

My motto used to be 'immediately if not sooner'. Now it's just to live in each moment that I get further away from my bottom...you're on your way back up. It's horribly difficult, but each passing second is one more sober second. It's easier said than done, but only look at the day you're in and commit to being sober that hour, that day, etc. Then  you'll get to the next hour, day, etc. And again, you'll be another hour or day away from that first step out of hell. We're not out of the woods yet, but we can see the horizon from where we're stuck....My thoughts are with you and my heart goes out to you. Keep reading and posting, it will truly help more than you know...Take care
Alison

[hiskidd]

feel like im going backwards. didn't expect to feel this much regression. sense of hopelessness, fear, anxiety. i don't know this "new normal." i don't like it either.