Anxiety was too overwhelming

[Pat1956100]

I am totally exhausted from not sleeping much but thought I had a handle on not worrying about it.  Out of the blue a major panic attack hits me.  I tried to breathe through it but it was too much.  I went down and got 3- 5mg percs off my tenant.  I took one and waited but the anxiety didn't subside.  I took the other one and finally had some relief.  Now that the anxiety is gone, I am in shock that I did that.  I can't believe that after all I have been through and all the agony that I have blown it.  I didn't feel good from the percs.  I still felt sick and have a major headache but it did relieve the anxiety.  Now I just feel like crying.  I thought I had it under control and I just feel so weak and discouraged.  I don't even have a desire to take that 3rd pill.  Now what????  

[minn66]

We're all here for you. It is a positive sign that you posted here instead of getting and taking more. That within itself is a success! You can always post here and we will help you to your feet, dust you off, and hand you a cup of tea. I have faith in you. You've learned from this experience so now it is upward and onward! Do talk to your doctor as soon as you can to see about something for the anxiety.

Also, the others have a point. Perhaps as much as you may not want to, that tenant may have to go. Don't stress about it now, yet you might have to consider that.

I am glad you felt the hug... It was a huge one :D And here is another!

[Pat1956100]

It makes perfect sense.  I am doing some research on different types of natural sleep aids and I have researched "relapses" on this forum as well.  I know I can get ativan from my doctor if necessary and I have taken it before and not had a problem but I would rather find something natural if possible.  I can't phone my doctor until tomorrow anyway so I have today to check everything out.  I just want to prevent the anxiety because even during my worst withdrawal days I didn't want to take a pill.  I hated them.

[akitagurl12]

I am so glad you decided to post this, I am sure it is going to help someone else too. The anxiety attack may have been a strong craving in disquise, especially because your mind was telling you that those pills is what you needed right there and right now.  Days 7-14 was craving after craving for me.  The good news is by week 3 that went away and now when it comes up it is alot less intense.  When I relapsed right before this quit I didn't get a buzz either.  And I think that was a blessing.  It showed me how done I really was with these pills.  It also showed me what other changes I was going to need to make that I hadn't thought of before, like making sure my supplier knew not to give me anymore.  Something I told myself when I started over which helped, was that first quit was a 'trial' run and a verision of tapering.  I know that doesn't really make sense, but at the time it helped me from not totally giving up and getting back on the pills again.  I did have some physical w/ds, but they were not like the first quit.  It was actually the mental part that took me by surprise.  So now you know:)  This journey is not a straight road, there are lots of twists and turns.  But as long as we keep walking forward, we will be ok.  I am proud of you:)

[Pat1956100]

Oh wow, you guys are amazing.  I was so afraid to post this but knew i had to and you have been so wonderful.  I have no desire at all to take any more pills but I do have to get the anxiety under control  It wasn't that I wanted to take one.  I felt so desperate from the anxiety that I didn't know what to do.  After the anxiety was gone I felt nothing but remorse.  I don't know why I didn't get buzzed off of them.  I think my anxiety level was way too high.  I am keeping on this path and just going to have to live with my mistake.  
Minn, thanks so much for your words and understanding.  I dreaded you reading this post but once again you made me smile.
I felt your hug.
xo Pat

[ribs2k]

You didn't let me down. I think the set back is part of it. Man as long as you have been going through withdrawals you can handle anything. I don't know what kind of set back 2 perc will have but I can't imagine it will take you back too far at all. Maybe it will end up just a bump in the road and it won't even effect your progress. I hope so anyway. Stay strong Pat.