Anyone loss custody after quiting pills?

[AddictedtoVics]

I am so scared I have been clean for two months now but my ex is trying to take me to court to get custody and I'm positive his whole case is going to be based off my past addiction. I posted alot of blogs while I was withdrawling and at my lowest points and I'm afraid he will use them to try and prove I am a unfit mother. I don't know what I should do and I recently took a drug test just to prove I am clean, but I'm afraid he will use my posts against me. When I wrote them I never imagined anyone besides you guys would read them and I trust all you guys so I was really honest about how I was feeling Now I'm afraid some judge will read them and thank I'm crazy any suggestions?

[nurseone]

Hold your head up high and stay strong. People use our addictions against us and it works sometimes because we think so little of ourselves and we have the guilt. The guilt is what is worked on with a sponsor or meetings. Everyone is human....we all make mistakes. It takes an incredible human being to stand up and say that they are an addict. But look straight up at the judge and tell them yes........that is part of your story........it is past tense. You are clean and work very hard to stay that way. I guarantee you will look like a much better parent for being able to admit that than he does  in playing games to try and knock you down.  Dont let fear be your guide. We are only as sick as our secrets.........dont have secrets.  Good luck and my thoughts and prayers are with you.

[princess2000]

I have never had or even heard of anyone using things such as your posts to use against you in court.  I really do not think you have anything to worry about as long as you are clean and can provide for your kids.  Just stay clean and I would think that would be the only thing the Judge would be interested in at the present time.  Good Luck, if you need any other questions, feel free to contact me, as I worked in child services for a very very long time.

Princess2000

[Rowwen]

Hi hun, Well it sounds like you were married to my ex lol. Don't worry soo much hun. If you are clean now ,the judge will see that. From experience I can say that your ex will use only the bad posts on here. You have to make copies of all your posts to prove that he took them out of context. Also, have your lawyer tell the judge that you volunteer to be **** tested once a week to keep your kids. Maybe try going to NA and get a sponser to testify for you. That is what I did, I dragged half a meeting to court with me. I managed to keep my sons after a cocaine addiction that lasted for 10 yrs. My ex commited me, then tried to use it against me. This was back in 1994 hun,Back then they took kids easier than now. These days judges are a little more lenient because there are so many ppl addicted than before. Well, I hope my advise helps ,no mother should be without her children. You can also try getting a letter from your doctor saying you voluntarily got clean ,not pushed into it. that will be a big help too. Hang in there, I will pray for you all. Rowwen

[liscamdave]

WOW< how does he know about your posts?? Was he a member?? I can't beleive that. If you are taking the necessary steps to remain clean, you should be ok...It is really hard to take a child from its mom...Unless you are really unfit. I will send a PM to a member here who works with child services, she will know what he can and can't do.

[mtgoat911]

i am not perfect, infact i notice that sometimes, even here on the forum i pretend to be so much better than i am
but sharing about loosing custody and being homeless really made me remember that drugs are so powerful
i do want to say this, yesterday or the day before, i saw an advertisment for this new pill, they have turned my favorite cough syrup into a pill, and it was being advertised on my medhelp page
just seeing that made me sick to my stomach, and right now, all 4 of us are home sick with a stomach virus, between seeing that new drug and being sick, i felt detoxy
theres no way to explain it,
i do believe that i have a physical allergy to narcotics, no matter how many years i stay clean, i still find myslef wondering about all the new narcotics, and what if there not as bad for you as the ones that kicked my but
thats why i still goto meetings, i do not allow myself to think about using for hours or days at a time, but every now and again, i think, man what is that narc. like?
i guess thats why they say addiction is a progrssive illness
well i am sick and rambling, forgive me,
xo

[worried878]

MT...u have made it and my hat goes off to you..it is amazing what people can do when they have to,...strong person u r and i always sensed u were,,r u a capricorn?  lol  stubborn and keeps moving uop the mountain no matter how slowly we may tread


the fact that u r clean and will test free of drugs really leaves it at whose word..yours or his...u were prescribed the meds..how can he prove u abused them,.,,i would say just like i said..."i quit becasue i thought they could cause me problems and have found alternative ways to deal with my pain as i think narcotics can be dangerous"  the judge may even think u r a super human being dealing with your pain the way you did,..to be strong enough to put the pills down..i am impressed that u did

[starfish1963]

Sweet heart don't worry.  Very seldom does anyone take away children from their Moms.  Everyone makes mistakes, learn to forgive yourself and get on with it.  I'm a strong beleiver that you can't live in the past it robs you of a future.  As long as you are clean you have NOTHING to worry about!  PROMISE!!!!!!

[kimmieb]

no, if you are truly clean now, i wouldn't worry about your kids being taken away....

here's my very recent (and still extremely traumatic) experience....almost made me want to go back to the lortabs RIGHT after i had detoxed and been off them for a week...

i was in the hospital detoxing....not from a large dose of lortabs, about 5-6 per day, sometimes only 4 in the latter stages before i voluntarily decided i wanted to do this and get it over with.....not fully realizing i would come out of there all raw from my experience and very, VERY fragile....

anyway, i was discharged after 2-3 days in there.....i had an appt. at mayo clinic that i wanted desperately to keep (i made that appt. 3 months ago).....i was pretty much detoxed already and promised to follow up with counseling and/or seeing my regular doc/psych.  or anything they suggested....and they discharged me, saying all was fine.....well, when i called my husband, he absolutely REFUSED to come get me....ditto for my entire family (which was my mistake to begin with, letting everyone know what was going on, but that's just me, and it came back to bite me in the butt big-time)

ok, so to KEEP me in that hospital even longer (which prevented me from getting to mayo clinic for my health issues), my husband broke my trust, used my password and went into my e-mail.....found an e-mail i had written my cousin (we've written HUNDREDS of e-mails back and forth over the year) where i was having a bad day with the kids (what mom has NEVER had a bad day here or there with the kids???), and in the e-mail, i said something like, ugh, it's days like these that  make me wish that God would just painlessly take me in my sleep!  but, i said, there's one big glitch, and that's that i'm a mommy of two young kids, and i could NEVER leave my kids mommy-less, so i said i guessed i'd have to wait for the rapture and hope that ALL of us would be taken together, whenever that happened....

well, guess what?  after reading hundreds of MY personal e-mails, my husband found this one and called the hospital about it.....they, of course, got all freaked out about it, saying i was not only suicidal but homicidal (for goodness sakes!!!), and that my discharge was being taken back (score one for my dear husband).....to say the least, i was absolutely FURIOUS......next thing i knew, hospital was getting DCFS involved....so when i came back home after a week in a hospital where i didn't belong (and was under 24-7 suicide watch, was given NO utensils to use, couldn't even use the bathroom without having the door open for the "suicide watch nurse's aide" to watch me), i was interviewed by a DCFS caseworker and told that i wasn't allowed to sleep at my house for a week....after my kids were tucked in, i had to leave the house....i could come back in the morning, but they were in school all day until 2:30....and i didn't have much time with them until i had to leave again.....try explaining THAT to an 8 and 9 year old....it was, no doubt, the most horrifying and traumatic life event for me to date....even worse than detoxing.....but bottom line, i was allowed to go back to the house after only 4 nights, the case has been determined "unfounded" and wiped off the books, i'm clean again but still very fragile and in recovery.....believe me, that entire thing did NOTHING to help in my recovery.....and i relapsed for a few weeks, not back to my old level of lortabs, but still taking 2 a day.....i finally got myself off of those myself and i'm back on the hard road to recovery once again....

all of this to say, that's why i do NOT think your children will be taken away.....if you are clean or are taking something under a doctor's knowledge and supervision and are a good mom like all the rest of us (which it certainly seems there's no doubt YOU ARE), then you have nothing to fear.....let your husband blow smoke all he wants....you stay proud of what you've accomplished for you AND for your kids and family --- that speaks VOLUMES in itself!!!  now, i'm not an attorney, but i just wanted to share my experience with the whole "fear of kids being taken away" thing....so hang in there, keep your head and spirits up, and don't let him drag you down....you are an amazing woman for doing what you did for your kids and yourself, and you deserve some hearty congratulations, not someone stripping you of your kids.....i really can't even see that happening.....your husband is using scare tactics.....keep strong and keep your faith.....my thoughts and prayers and blessings will surely be with you....

love,
k.

[princess2000]

Way to go!!!!!  See if you want something bad enough, ANYTHING AND I MEAN ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!  Congrats to you for all that hard work and for getting your life back. God has a plan for us all, and he will help anyone in need if they ask for it.  God Bless you and your family.

Princess2000

[dominosarah]

Stand up and be proud of who you are and what you have accomplished~~~~~~~sara

[mtgoat911]

fyi, i am not bragging by talking about my house, i just re-read my post, i should have left that out
but heres the deal
i went from the homeless shelter, to a stank drug infested hotel, i listened to my kids cry for me on the phone,
next i moved into a getto apartment in the worst neighborhood posssible, and walk my every day to my job as a cashier, then left there and went to work at a rehab,.
that was part of my bottom, i post a good bit and i know some of you think i am an opinionated bitcch....
but theres the deal, i would not come on here to help people if i was trying to be an arsewhole
xo

[mtgoat911]

yes,,, and to get them back i had to do the following, it took almost 2 years
complete 12steps
keep a job for 1 yr
insurance
house, not apartment
approval from my therapist
1 yr clean drug test (hair not urine)
at 2 months clean my children did not need to live with me, i needed to work on my needs so i could take care of them
my children have been back with me for 3 school year, and i am 4 yrs clean
it was hard leaving them with my parents, but i looked at it as something that needed to be done, i was protecting them
give yourself and your kids a break , work the steps
i am now working on a parenting in recovery workbook, when my children did move in with me, they were hurt and also needed to heal, i hired a life coach and did a parenting in recovery program by hazeldon
the entire program is for facilatators and very expensive, but you can order parts of it, cheap
i can guide you to this information, i can also help you during the court proceedings, but if you accept my help you have to goto na
i can honestly say that doing the nest right thing is the best defense, i have proven myself to everyone around me, parents, therapist, husband, judge
no one questions the descions i make when it comes to parenting my childre,
you can do this, you can stay clean with or without custody
remember, we reep what we sow
even if we get clean the wreckage of our past can come up and bite us on the bottom
if he uses post from this forum, atleast the judge will know your clean
you can do this
my sitaution seemed hopeless, even people in na thought i would fail
but others believed in me and wanted to help me in my recovery, you must get out there and find those people
i pulled my arse out of a homeless shelter, last year i bought a $200,000 house, and in my neck of the woods, thats a nice house, none of my neighbors know i was homeless or that i lived in a homeless shelter (clean) and lost custody, i am not that person anymore, addicts can and do recover you can to
xo

[Breakingfree]

Omg. I have been there. I was actually still on the vicodin when I went to my custody hearing. Now, my pills were Dr prescribed, but I obviously began abusing them after a yr. or so. As a matter of fact, my ex stole so much medicine from me...but wasn't taking it everyday like I was. He stood in front of the Judge and said that he found a 'huge clear tote' full of empty vicodin bottles. It was a total lie, but I WAS still taking them at the time. The same thing happened to my best friend. The Judge said 'so are you saying she has a problem?' and the Judge blew it off as it was nothing. It WAS nothing! I may have taken too many vics back then but I was a good mom then and still am one now. If you are off the pills now, you are going to be ok! Those Judges hear this stuff daily. They are used to a lot of **** and pointing fingers in court. You had a problem. You don't now. I just do not believe from what my friends & I have been through in the courts that he can hurt you in this matter.

You stand tall, dress nicely and look that Judge right square in the eyes when you speak and make it come from your heart. They see that. They will know. They didn't get where they are from being stupid. I can't say not to worry because you will anyway, but I think your going to be fine.

God be with you : ) N

[tim772]

I would think the judge would be proud of you. It is extremely hard for a father to take kids away from mom.  Im sure the kids are in good health and happy.  I wouldn't worry about it to much but easy for me to say.  Congrats on staying clean. Don;t let this make you slip back into addiction.  

[flmagi]

I just did a quick read threw of all your past posts. I don't think you really need to worry, as long as you're clean now and Stay Clean.  Your posts start out looking for help to get clean, then to the process of getting clean and worrying about loosing your family and now being clean.  If for some reason he does try to use those against you, stand up for yourself and be proud of having gone threw one of the hardest things anyone can...... Getting clean, staying clean and doing it for yourself and your family.  Now that's love. What amazing thing has he done for the family lately?
Take it easy and try not to worry about what has not yet happened.
You can also put in a request to MedHelp to delete all your posts.
Good luck to you and stay strong and be proud.

[Madisonjsmom]

That just pizzes me off~Has he ever done anything wrong in his life....I bet he is not perfect.  You beat your addiction do not let him scare you into thinking you will loose your children.  I don't know how that works with the custody.  Just wanted to tell you to hold your head high and be proud of what you have accomplished.