Oxy Withdrawal, How I did it

[Tom77843]

Hello everyone, I am finally posting to this forum. I have been eating Oxy's for over two years, at my worst: 6 / 20's a day. I have been reading your posts for a couple of months now, I have had enough and decided to quit so here is how it went for me.
You guys all seem to agree that a gradual "taper" is the way to go so this is what I tried, with no help... My wife didn't even ever know that I had a problem, or should I say, HAVE a problem. Yes, as boring as this sounds, admitting your problem is the beginning.
Anyway, from 6 pills to 4 was easy over maybe 3-6 days then to 3 pills for a couple of weeks, I need to say that, and this is very important, your body is a "creature of habit" and prone to conditioning. I never liked the way I would sleep if I had taken the drug to close to bed time so I never took any after about 5:00 PM and this was never a problem, never felt cravings at night as my body was "tuned" to this.
Now in my withdrawal, this still holds true, if I make it to 5:00, my symptoms just slacken to almost nothing until the morning (because this is how my body has been conditioned). So I find that tapering is easy if you just take your dosage and spread it evenly throughout the day so there is always some in your system. And don't take them at a time when you didn't as your body will be O.K. at this time and it's a nice place to be, no drugs and no symptoms, or at least very reduced symptoms, it's a time to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
So back to my withdrawals, from 3 it got a little harder (1 at wake, 1 at noon, 1 at 4:00 PM). I think because less than 3 you stop feeling the "nice" or highness.
I went from 3 to 2 1/2 , I just went from 1 at wake to 1/2. This is where it started to get hard. I did this for about a week then it was time to go to 2 so I started to take just halves, in 2 you have 4 halves so I now went to 1/2 @ wake, 1/2 @ 10:00AM 1/2 @ 12:00PM 1/2 @ 2:00 PM and 1/2 @ 4:00 PM, about every 2 hours. I did this for about 4 days. At this point I was feeling like I wanted more, not real bad, doable, no real symptoms yet besides the depression, this was starting to get to me but I knew where it was coming from so I fought it knowing that it would end.
I now had to start changing what my body wanted so I decided to stop the morning dose, I wanted to extend the time from my last to my first and start getting used to not having any, remember, I don't take after 4-5PM so when I took my first of the day now at 10:00AM it has been about 18 hours since my last and now I am feeling the pain of withdrawals, all of them. (I am not a writer and am doing the best I can, I hope this is making sense) This is where you will be tested, you just want the high all the time now and keep saying to yourself, ****, I'll just get high once more, it wont hurt and then I'll go back to my plan.... ********, DON'T GIVE IN. Somebody once said to me, "If your going to do something, do it, give it your all... If your not going to give it your all then don't even try, it's a wast of time and energy. ARE YOU GOING TO QUIT OR KEEP DOING THESE ******* PILLS??? Now is the time to decide what it's going to be, go one way or the other, don't kid yourself, there is only 2 choices, not three... remember this, Not three.
I went from the two pills, all halved, to now I am just taking 1/4 pill at noon and 1/4 pill at 4:00.. The pain is bad from 10:00 AM until 4:00 PM but at it's worst from about 2:00 PM till 4:00PM. By 5:00PM I am feeling OK and by 7:00PM I am like normal (as well as I can remember what normal feels like) So this has been my experience, I have posted this because I spend some time looking for a post like this so I would know what I was up against. I found that the more posts like this one that I read, the more I felt that I could handle this without going to a drug rehabilitation center. I am now at this stage, my wife still doesn't really know or understand what has been happening (I say this so you realize how easy it is to hide this problem, we are close and she doesn't even know??? go figure???)
Now I don't know how to proceed, 1/4 at noon and 1/4 at 4 and I am in pain, really want more... Should I now just quit or taper more?? I'm thinking quit, so tomorrow I will not take any, it has been over 2 years and tomorrow I will take no more... Wish me luck, I will let you know how it goes for me.
I hope this helps even one person, please stop as this is the highway to HELL.
Tom...

[PromisedLand]

Thanks for writing that, Tom...I may show that to my wife...

Best of luck to you and keep us posted and stay with us.


Jim

[road2recovery]

Very good post..Outstanding!!!  Tapering is hard to do, so my hat goes off to you...And you are right, YOU have to want it bad...
i love the saying
"nothing changes if nothing changes"
Thanks and you will help so many
Good luck to you
R2R

[3grlz'mom]

You.  Are.  Awesome.  Here's a thought - once you wean to the one pill or half pill point, and you're experiencing all the garbage that comes w/ the w/d fully - I say when you begin to feel that - quit.  Throw away the rest of your stash - the pain has arrived, so get the poison out of your system completely asap.  To me, the only point of taper is to avoid the unpleasant w/ds.  Once they can no longer be avoided, just quit.  Please let us know how you do.  LOVE your detailed post.  I guarantee you will help people with that.  People will be hitting "print"  :)  You the Man!

[Tom77843]

I decided to go today without instead of tomorrow, it is now 2:00 PM for me and this is by far the worst of the whole nightmare. I was not expecting this as I weened myself down to 1/2 a day, shaking bad, can't think, no energy, bad depression, sweating then cold. I have come so far and am so proud of myself, I will win, I am sure. At this point I am writing this almost to myself as I am going this alone, nobody knows or suspects, wife thinks I don't like her anymore and cant understand my behaviour, this too can and will be repaired. I am confident that this will pass and tomorrow will be a better day.
I find myself just starring at the computer screen, I have no desire to do anything, I work from home and know if I get back to work, I may be able to get my mind off of this, this I will try.
Arg
Thanks for listening

[Tom77843]

Thank you and I think you are right, I think flushing is now the answear.
Oh my god

[Tom77843]

I just flushed 25 20's down the drain, I have no more, I have to do it now, I told the person that supplies me to never give me any again no matter what, I have no other contacts and I am sitting here crying.
This sucks.

[PromisedLand]

You're gonna make it, Tom. that was a big big step...what would happen if you told your wife the truth?
We're here for you.


Jim

[kaybee2]

hi tom, i feel your pain, im on day two, my husband and i were up to an 80 a day and have had a million and one day ones, well we finally made it to day 2. i have to work tonigh and i havent decided if im going to go in, i feel so crappy, goosebumps then sweaty, and bad bad anxiety. i did take a small small peice of suboxone this morning but i thin it was to small to even do anything to help. my husband has class tonight that he cant miss and feels as badly as i do. i hope and pray that we dont give in when he gets home. he called and said no way but i dont know if he'll stick to it.

[Tom77843]

I will tell her tonight as part of the process, this does need to be done, I want full cleanliness, complete and done. this is why I decided to not take any other drugs as help or replacement, I don't drink and don't smoke pot, I want this over.
I flushed my pills and I have never been so scared.
I will continue to document my withdrawal, I searched for this type of post and never found one... I want someone to read this before it's to late and stop when it is easy, I am strong willed, others may not have the strength to quit after almost three years of abuse, I do have chronic back pain, sometimes crippling, this was the beginning, I will tell you that most of this was abuse, doing the pills for the wrong reasons and always telling, lying to myself that the pills were better than the back pain, not true, I did them because they felt good, I liked the high... Now is time to pay, wanna play, gotta pay.
Part of this payment will be confessing to my beautiful, wonderful and I hope as understanding as I think wife.
Laura has been through a lot with me, she is the kind that never gets into trouble, never even touched a joint or cigarette. I will ask her to say **** (poop, this will edit ****) and she will refuse, I will say "just say S and I will know what you mean, and she will refuse. As straight as they come. We have been together for 18 years, I have done it all, been there, done that, got a tee shirt to prove it. What a wonderful person to put up with the likes of me... Now I have to tell her this, well it's my own fault and now I have to pay the piper and he wants payment in full.
I am 50, Laura is 40.. I met her when she was 21 and we have been together since, Laura had never been with another man, Now whats up with that? I don't deserve her and don't blame her for whatever happens tonight but like I said, I will continue to document this horror in hopes that my misery helps another and some good comes from this.
These pills come from Satin himself.
I got to say, talking does help, if you have someone to go this with, I recommend it, all I have is this forum and you people are great, computers are something, now I am getting support from mine.
Please keep talking to me as I suspect this will get worse before it gets better and I do enjoy reading your replies.

Thanks, Tom...

[wannaquit]

Dangit, Tom.  Your story is inspiring and frightening at the same time.  I'm trying to taper myself from the Darvos, and I did well for two days and today not so well.  I have to start over.  This sucks.  You are so right; these pills are straight from Satan, and I wish I would never have taken the first one.  The more I try to taper off, the more I remember why I liked them so much to begin with, and the harder it is to think about never having them again.  I can't tell my husband either, so I understand the pain and fear of going it alone, only I'm the "good one".  The one who has never done anything, the one who doesn't swear, smoke, yadda.  He WAS the bad boy, now reformed, and I can't bring myself to tell him that I've actually been doing this *stuff* to myself since before I met him.  

I really applaud your bravery.  Kudos to you for flushing those vile things and being so strong.  I hope, some day soon, to be that brave.  I am so sick of this, but I'm finding it near impossible.  I have no willpower, no strength.  I have found a little bit of strength in your story, though, and that is what I will cling to for right now...the faint light at the end of the tunnel.  

[Calzy]

Way to go with your taper and now quiting. I hope some ppl can try your taper plan. My taper plan never worked because there never was a taper plan, either 100's of lortab on hand one day and zero a few days later and w/d's. When you take 3-5 at a time and 20-40 per day for years, than try to take one or two at a time, it  just didnt work for me. It's been months and i know if i took two now that i would not feel a thing from them. You are a strong person Tom to be able to taper down and quit on your own, i would have to have someone dish out the pills for me and it would have to be a big person who could beat my butt because i would want to hurt the person holding out on me. lol  Your taper seems to work because you are only hurting a few hours in the day and lets see if that holds true with stopping all together. Look forward to your next post.

[Tom77843]

Please quit, just do it---- the longer you wait, the worse it will be, I love these pills and just flushed my stash, please try... I need to know that you will try, keep posting here, I will help you, tell you how I did it, what to expect and yes, expect the worse, if it's better than that, good for you.
The beginning is the easiest, then as you progress, you have accomplished something and going on has backing, all you need to do is want it, if you don't, you will fail.
Please reply again and talk to me???

[wannaquit]

I want to quit.  I want to quit.  I want to quit.  I want to quit.  I want to quit.  THIS SUCKS SO BAD!!!

[Tom77843]

If you really want it, just do it. Make a plan, how many are you on, how old are you? How long have you been taking these and what do they do for you?
Tell all, let's see if everybody here can get you off and clean.. A lot of support can be found and if you commit, even to us, this may help you.
What's your name? if you don't mind.

[Tom77843]

You need to want it, just like anything else, ask yourself if you want to quit or not. If not, you never will but you will keep lying to yourself and thinking someday you will. If you do want to quit, things are different and being able to taper is easier than you would think. I am not so strong, I just had enough and want my life back, I don't want to schedule my days around pills anymore, I want to talk to my kids without the influence of drugs, and I don't want them to know I am using. They are getting older, 9 and 12 Girl and boy and soon they will suspect, I can't have that. It's got to end sometime so how about now??? Later may be to late so now is the time.
Quit Now.

[3grlz'mom]

You're good.  You're good.  You're good.  It's ALL good.  It's always, always, always, ALWAYS going to come down to this.  So it's now.  You are getting it over with NOW.   I cannot believe you flushed that stash - I have no idea who you are but I am so proud of you I can't stand it!!!!!!  I have goosebumps!!  You are going to win, Tom.  Every day gets a little brighter.  This will pass. I Promise!  And PLEASE tell Laura.  It is the right thing to do, and she will help you through this.  This isn't you.  This isn't any of us.  We are good people who have love in our lives and deserve it.  This lunacy is from narcotics, and you are ending your nightmare NOW.  Please keep posting as many of us are searching desperately for posts with the nitty gritty and from the heart.   THANK YOU, TOM.  We are with you!

[wannaquit]

My name is Michelle.  I'm 28 years old, married mother of 2.  When I was 19 years old, I got meningitis, thought it was a migraine, so I let it go on for 3 days, and had to be literally carried into the hospital.  The pain in my head was so bad that I couldn't see, and they said I was almost dead.  When EMS brought me in, the first conscious moment I remember was this burn in my arm like it was on fire, and then this wave of complete relief.  After the relief came the euphoria.  For 2 weeks, I was on demural through my IV tube, and when I was discharged, I was given a script for Vicodin.  I took them until my head quit hurting, then put them down and didn't think about them until the next time I had a migraine.  I didn't even really think about the vicodin then, but when my dad found out I had a headache and was going to miss work, he gave me one of his pills that his dr had prescribed for him.  Darvocet N.  He gets 120 pills every 2 months, so he had plenty to spare, because he never used them.  That's when it started.  I didn't do it every day, but any time I would have any kind of pain, I'd help myself to one.  PMS cramps, headaches, stubbed toes, paper cuts, sore throat, you name it, this magic little pill took it all away, and seemed to make my time at work fly by to boot.  I seemed to have extra energy and just feel GOOD.  

My mom and I fought alot, and I found that they also made me feel better after a fight with her.  So I'd take one any time I got really stressed.  This off and on lasted for a year, and then I decided I'd just keep enough on hand so that I could always have one every day.  I'd take it mid morning, and was satisfied.  I knew I couldn't take more than that because my dad would notice, but as it was, I told him that during 7 days of my period, I took 4-5 a day, so he gave me 30 pills every month, and I spread them out one a day for 30 days.  

That went on for years until I found an unlimited supply.  I still was at one a day, but my husband ended up running around and bringing me home a VD.  I was so stressed and depressed, even though I forgave him, and I began to think that if one in the morning gave me more energy and made me feel less stressed, why not one with every meal?  I'd feel no stress all day, have tons of energy, and be able to be supermom, superwife, superworker...Of course any time I'd get sick or get hurt, I'd take extra, but for the most part it was 3 a day. If I got really bad hurt (like a van accident or ski accident) I'd go to the ER, and made sure I got the demural or morphine injection.  That's been about 5 times in the past 4 years.  

Then I had oral surgery last year around this time.  I had serious complications, and was in unbearable pain for weeks.  I couldn't eat solid foods, open my jaws without them popping, I got dry sockets, an infection, you name it, I got it.  Since my body was so used to the pain meds, I had to take two every 4 hours, somtimes it would wear off and I'd have to take a third before the 4 hours was up, so when the pain from the surgery was gone, trying to go back to 3 a day was impossible.

That's where I've been for a year.  Sucking down two at a time 4 - 5 times a day.  Occaisionally on weekends, my husband likes to go out.  I'm not a very social person, so in order to not feel the social anxiety, I've popped as many as 6 pills in a 4 hour span and had a few shots of hard liquor to boot, but I don't care for booze, so that's not very often.  When I'm sober (from the booze) I'm too scared to take more than 3 pills in a 4 hour span.  Kinda stupid, huh?  Mix alcohol with it and I loose my fear of OD.  I guess that's how people accidentally OD??  Impared judgement.

Anyhoo, I have an unlimited supply of these disgusting things, and I've been feeling guilty about this for so long but never really have had the WANT to be done with it.  I do now.  I have this nagging desire to want to walk away from them and never touch them again, but the thought of that is so daunting.  They've been with me for my entire adult life.  They've been my security blanket to help me function in social situations that I wouldn't other wise be able to function in.  They've helped me stay up crazy hours and get the house clean.  They've comforted me through the nasty affair that my husband had, and all the countless verbal beatings that he used to dish out before he straightened up...and now that he's all Mr. Perfect and Mr. Responsible, they've been my crutch that helps me forget how terrible I feel that now I'm the one with the bad temper and I'm the one who can't wake up in the morning to get my daughter off to school and I'm the one who hasn't showered in 2 days and I'm the one who's cheating on him with these blasted pills.

So I tried Saturday (before discovering this site) to just quit cold turkey.  I took 2 Saturday morning, went to church and there I decided that I wouldn't do them anymore.  I went all day Saturday and into the morning Sunday, and the WDs hit, and I found this site where I read you're supposed to taper if you have enough pills to do so.  So Sunday I had one every 4 hours, and yesterday, I had one every 4 hours until last night when my husband and I got in a spat, and I had 2 at a time, and then this morning when I woke up I had a headache from the crying last night, and I took 2 again, and then I had a headache as I was coming off of them and so I took 2 more.  

I want to try to go the rest of the day as long as I can without one, and try again, but when I get angry it's the worst.

Well, is that enough info??  Sorry to be so long, I just started typing and couldn't stop.  Thanks for listening.

[3grlz'mom]

Okay folks, here is a question for you?  Is Tom technically on Day One tomorrow?  To me, it seems like Tom's been uncomfortable for a few days, now, so if we are looking at the average 5 days of misery with Day 3-4 being the worst, shouldn't Tom's detox be further along now than Average Joe who c/t's from taking 6 a day to zero?  Shouldn't Tom consider himself on Day 3 or so?  Start counting the Days from the onset of full w/d pain.  What do you guys think?  Am I splitting hairs?  (Maybe, but when I was on Day 3, and you would have given me Day 4, I'd have emptied my bank account for you.)

[Calzy]

Actually Tom, i did quit taking pain pills about 8 months ago, not because i wanted to or was ready but all the wheels came off at the same time, pharmacy double up which lead to losing some drs and out of money. On top of all that i lost my drive to even want to go look for more pills. After a week with the mother of all w/d's, even with being in the VA hospital a acouple of days,  i started on methadone and stay on 6 mos, got tired of the side effects and c/t from 115 mg of methadone a few mos ago and by the grace of God, i didnt go though much of any w/d's, and have been hanging clean since. If i could do it again, i would want to do some kind of taper, even if it is a short one. You said you want to be clean for your kids, I have two teenagers and twin 12 year olds and i pray to God none of my kids will go thru what i did. It was hard but i told them their dad got sick from taking to much prescribed pain medication, and said it can make you just as sick as someone that gets hooked on street drugs, because i want them to know how bad it can get and if their do have a problem, they can come to me. They already saw their mom and I divorce over this disease.

[Tom77843]

Hi Michelle,
OK so you have a past, so do all of us, we also have bad times and stress and fights and so on, you now have excuses and you are using these excuses very well as we all do. You need to not have any excuses, life without drugs will be just that and you will always have these problems. Now you need to make a plan, do not try to make the rest of any day thinking that this will work, it will not. You need a plan and need to stick to it, the idea is to taper down so you experience as little discomfort as possible, then when you can't taper anymore, in other words when the withdrawals start to happen, then it's time to just flush the pills, you need to get your dad involved so he doesn't give you any more after this. But first things first, you need to want it and need to start now, then you need to do what you say you will do. As I said before, if you are not going to follow through, and you give in, then you will lose, you need to want it, you need to want it, you need to want it. This is the key, nothing else will help, nothing... Do you want it and are you going to do this?

[Tom77843]

I didn't understand, I am glad you are clean.
as far as my kids, we share everything, they can come to me and tell me anything, I now find myself being a hypocrite, you are right, I must tell the whole family and will be ashamed that I have been keeping this a secret more than the fact that I am using. This will make me not what they think I am, they thought we don't keep secrets and never lie to each other... S H I T The mess thickens. I have been telling them all their lives that they can tell me anything and they will now find that I didn't do this... I will come clean tonight, there will be no more ghosts.

[Tom77843]

I am on day 1, this is the first day without drugs in almost three years, I have been in wd's for a couple of days now but this is day 1 as far as I am concerned.
It is now after 5 and the pain is less, this day has been the worst and I still have tonight to go through with telling the family and all. This is day hell.

[wannaquit]

I didn't mean for you to take what I was saying as an excuse.  I'm done with the excuses.  I know what I did was wrong, and that everyone has stress and pain.  You asked for some history, I was just trying to get some stuff off of my chest.  Those excuses are the excuses that I've been feeding myself for 8 years now, and I don't want to believe them anymore.  It's been such a part of me for so long that I'm just having trouble with the long term picture of loosing this part of myself that is actually not a part of me at all, but a separate entity that has been strangling the real me.  I want me back.  I want the life back that I haven't let myself have.  I want to be a normal mom, a normal wife, a normal everything.  I know that I can't be super anything, and I think that's one of the things I'm having the most trouble coming to grips with.  I want to be everything for everybody, but these pills that started out to be the best thing since cheese whiz have recently turned me into an absolute recluse.  I don't want to go out and do anything anymore because it will ruin my high.  I don't want to go to the gym and work out with my husband, don't want to go to the park with my kids, don't want to go to the office, I've been running my husband's office from home, and barely getting the housework done anymore because I'm so darn zoned out all the time.  I blew the whole summer away only went fishing like 3 times the entire season, fought tooth and nail everytime my husband mentioned a camping trip because it sounded like too much work...that's not me.  I'm under all this poison somewhere, and I want to come out.  I'm trying to figure out a way to keep myself accountable as I taper off, because when I'm angry, I DO use that as an excuse because it's what I've done for so long.  Better the devil you know than the devil you don't...know whatimean?  

Oh, and as far as my dad, he is not my source.  I haven't gotten any pills from him in years.  My source is a company, and short from emailing them and telling them not to allow me to buy any more pills, I don't know how I could cut that avenue off.  Them being in it for the money and all, I doubt that they would honor my request if I did start to loose my mind and beg them to sell me more pills.

But that's besides the point.  I just wanted to make it clear that my dad isn't the one giving me unlimited meds.  He had no idea that I ever used the pills for anything other than PMS cramps.  

So, it's down to this.  I've taken 4 pills today so far.  My last pill was at 11:30 am.  It's now 5:00, and physically, I'm 100% fine. Mentally, I'm...well, I'm hangin in there.  So, I will take one at 8pm IF I absolutely feel the w/d kicking in, and then I will wake up in the morning, go to the gym with my husband, work out like crazy, come home around 9am and take my first pill for the day.  I will go to the office with my husband and work to keep my mind off of this.  I will not sit around at home, because that's when it gets really really bad.  I will not take any pills with me.  Whenever I get home from the office, around 1pm, I'll take my second.  I'll take one around 7pm, and let that be the last one for the day.  I know my body will be able to handle it, because I lasted all day Saturday with only the 2 pills that I took early in the morning.  So if I spread three of them out over the course of the day, I should be okay.  I will do that for 2 days, and then on Friday, I will go down to one in the am and one before bed.  I'll do that over the weekend, trying to stay as busy as possible, and then Monday, I will have only one.  By this time next week, I will be ready to flush the remaining pills.  In fact, I wonder does it sound like a good idea to calculate exactly how many I will need to taper and flush the rest?

Thanks again for sharing your story, and for taking the time out to encourage me Tom.  You've been an inspiration.  I wish you all the best with your family.

[3grlz'mom]

Yes, that makes sense.  Day 1 is Day 1.  I guess I meant that technically, some of the w/d's are behind you now, due to how you tapered.  I think you will feel much better after telling the family.  I have a 13 year old and a 9 year old and they are capable of understanding a great deal.  I think it is a super parent who can open up to the child and say, "I made a mistake, and now I'm correcting it.  Adults make mistakes, too."  Tell them you are sorry for keeping it a secret and ask for their forgiveness.  What a great lesson for them!    You will feel the weight of the world off you, and they can support you through the next few days, without having to wonder what on earth is wrong with Dad.