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Celebrated my 52 Birthday 11 months clean and sober
1 year ago, I thought I was going to die in active addiction and alcoholism. I was severely addicted to very high doses of prescribed Fentynal patches, handfuls of Vicodin daily, benzos. And a drunken alcoholic. After an overdose, and a failed suicide attempt.
I surrendered ...
After numerous attempts to seek help thru a detox facility, and denied except for a 3 day alcohol detox, no place would take me on fentynal and benzos because it was a lengthy tapering process. I was scared to death. Desperate and terrified that I was so sick from using for 6 years, drinking for most of my life with periods of sobriety, one lengthy 17 years ago. Yet always relapsed over presciption meds prescribed from a near fatal car accident " alcohol related " and lived with cronic pain.
I found this forum, after sharing with my Dr about a desire to come off the pain meds prescribed by another PCD who abruptly dropped me after an 11 year relationship. Leaving me with no meds, and no Dr who would take me as I was labeled a drug addict. " which I was " but only started abusing my meds 6 months before I stopped. My Dr had no idea the process of detoxing off all the meds but to offer soboxone which I declined, knowing it was another drug I would have to detox from down the road.
It was here I found help when I was HONESTLY ready to stop.
People who had come off the same meds I was on, some will remember me. I was terrified, but ready. So I choose to start my process of detox.
I was told what to expect, how to handle the physical stuff that was going to happen, and it was pure hell. Absolute hell. But I needed to stop. And trusted what people shared. So I started my tapering cold turkey, NOT RECOMMEDED for the faint of heart, nor if you are not serious about cleaning up your life. Maybe you want to wait till it gets so bad that you choose death imstead, If you survive.
" I say this because this addiction WILL kill you, or worse leave you on a life support in which then your spouse, parent, or even your child will make the end of life decision for you " this is not a joke.
My detox was horrendous, because the tapering was too much, I did in 3 months what most people do in 9 months to a year. That was a personal choose.
But people here, walked me thru hours that turned into days, then months of physical withdrawl which was not pretty, nor easy. It's not suppose to be ! After years of addictions within months. I was completly clean.
Still delt with side effects from detoxing, but nothing as unbearable as being addicted and not knowing where the next high was coming from, the come downs, the depression, the fear, the doing anything to insure I had the money to get my high, the exsausting planning, the lying and manipulating that went on for years. That was unbearable.
Today I am 11 months clean and sober thanks to the kind people here. And the attendance of daily AA meeting and NA meetings.
I celebrated a Birthday today which 12 months ago I knew I wouldn't see.
I would not trade my life today for anything, and there's no substance " drugs or alcohol " that I crave or would concider taking today, for fear of going back to that hell I spent years in battling addiction.
So if you are here today, thinking about stopping, or planning to. Please, please, take the advice of those who have been clean. Or are getting clean. Your life depends on it.
If I continue doing what I'm doing in 3 week I will be a year clean again. That's amazing. For this addict who couldn't go a day without using.
Life is damn good. Certainly not perfect nor do I need it to be. I just want to be clean. And the best gift is. I don't hurt those who love me anymore with the constant worry of when I'm going to die, or worse hurt someone else while high. People trust me today. The jobs I lost are replaced with ones that help other recover today.
Anyone here tonight, if serious about getting clean, can. It will be hard.
But I promise. You will forever be grateful not to be in active addiction.
With love & respect
May your journey be a pathway to peace
My name is Denise, and I am an addict in recovery
I surrendered ...
After numerous attempts to seek help thru a detox facility, and denied except for a 3 day alcohol detox, no place would take me on fentynal and benzos because it was a lengthy tapering process. I was scared to death. Desperate and terrified that I was so sick from using for 6 years, drinking for most of my life with periods of sobriety, one lengthy 17 years ago. Yet always relapsed over presciption meds prescribed from a near fatal car accident " alcohol related " and lived with cronic pain.
I found this forum, after sharing with my Dr about a desire to come off the pain meds prescribed by another PCD who abruptly dropped me after an 11 year relationship. Leaving me with no meds, and no Dr who would take me as I was labeled a drug addict. " which I was " but only started abusing my meds 6 months before I stopped. My Dr had no idea the process of detoxing off all the meds but to offer soboxone which I declined, knowing it was another drug I would have to detox from down the road.
It was here I found help when I was HONESTLY ready to stop.
People who had come off the same meds I was on, some will remember me. I was terrified, but ready. So I choose to start my process of detox.
I was told what to expect, how to handle the physical stuff that was going to happen, and it was pure hell. Absolute hell. But I needed to stop. And trusted what people shared. So I started my tapering cold turkey, NOT RECOMMEDED for the faint of heart, nor if you are not serious about cleaning up your life. Maybe you want to wait till it gets so bad that you choose death imstead, If you survive.
" I say this because this addiction WILL kill you, or worse leave you on a life support in which then your spouse, parent, or even your child will make the end of life decision for you " this is not a joke.
My detox was horrendous, because the tapering was too much, I did in 3 months what most people do in 9 months to a year. That was a personal choose.
But people here, walked me thru hours that turned into days, then months of physical withdrawl which was not pretty, nor easy. It's not suppose to be ! After years of addictions within months. I was completly clean.
Still delt with side effects from detoxing, but nothing as unbearable as being addicted and not knowing where the next high was coming from, the come downs, the depression, the fear, the doing anything to insure I had the money to get my high, the exsausting planning, the lying and manipulating that went on for years. That was unbearable.
Today I am 11 months clean and sober thanks to the kind people here. And the attendance of daily AA meeting and NA meetings.
I celebrated a Birthday today which 12 months ago I knew I wouldn't see.
I would not trade my life today for anything, and there's no substance " drugs or alcohol " that I crave or would concider taking today, for fear of going back to that hell I spent years in battling addiction.
So if you are here today, thinking about stopping, or planning to. Please, please, take the advice of those who have been clean. Or are getting clean. Your life depends on it.
If I continue doing what I'm doing in 3 week I will be a year clean again. That's amazing. For this addict who couldn't go a day without using.
Life is damn good. Certainly not perfect nor do I need it to be. I just want to be clean. And the best gift is. I don't hurt those who love me anymore with the constant worry of when I'm going to die, or worse hurt someone else while high. People trust me today. The jobs I lost are replaced with ones that help other recover today.
Anyone here tonight, if serious about getting clean, can. It will be hard.
But I promise. You will forever be grateful not to be in active addiction.
With love & respect
May your journey be a pathway to peace
My name is Denise, and I am an addict in recovery
COMMUNITY LEADER
I am so impressed!! You have come so far and are so deserving of this. Congrats on your 11 months!! See you in 3 weeks!!
WHat a great post! It is always so wonderful to read the success stories! Congrats on 11 months!!! It is amazing what happens to our lives when we are finally ready to surrender! With willingness and aftercare life can become better than it has ever been!!! Thanks for sharing your story!!!
Hi well a big congrats...I remember the hell you went threw and it makes my day to see you in recovery....im so glad you dropped by to give us a update it gives people hope that are trying this....what a great post.... aftercare makes all the difference in the world I like you have choosen recovery N/a has given me my life back also and I to have lost the desire to use....your doing great kudos to your higher power your a living example of someone that was and are willing to do what ever it takes to not only be clean but live in recovery thanks for dropping by may God continue to bless you abundantly....Gnarly
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