Chicken for kickin'

[Tiredofkickin]

Newby here......I've kicked down from the 100 fentenal patch to the 25mg patch. BUT, I'm still taking my 7.5 perks, (about 6/7 per day and about 1/2 dozen "libbies" 25mg (librium.) I DO have a history of two neck operations after a work-related accident and now my lower back is shot to Hell. I've been on this veritable roller-coaster since '96 and CERTAINLY in the Spiritual "grey-zone." EVERY morning I wake up sick and have to use my "Tens" machine while I wait for the perks to kick in. (Sometimes about 2 hours.) I have a "great"? doc"/feelgood" and this AM I'm tempted to have him up me to demeral. (Used to get ER shots for the migraines..dem) THEN I FOUND THIS SITE!!! I'll tell ya...I'm a "chicken for kickin" and have really been around the block in that department, but instead of going down in dosage, I'm contemplating kickin' in the "after-burners." (Demies)Before I end up writting a book here, I'll ask my question/s. I've TRIED MANY TIMES CT...but it NEVER ENDS!!!!!! How long DOES it take before this **** is out of my system? It seems to be a "catch-22" because the pain is intolerable when I attempt to kick..(neck/low/mid/back.)I will go 4/5/6 days until I just say Fxxx it. Would the methadone program be a better way to go? (I've heard that's going from the fryin' pan into the fire!) 12 steppin ain't for me. (Been there...done that.)This "bland" existance is gettin VERY old and if it wasn't for my 3 kids & wife, I'd seriously consider "checking-out......." I'll be 51 years old here in June, so I'm no Spring-Chickin". I also NEED support and some feedback. HELP?

[AmberHunter]

hey chicken! sounds like you have been through it. don't have any easy answers... but as far as how long it takes, well, more than 4 or 5 days... for me i don't really start to feel like myself for at least 30 days and more fully like myself for about 90 days, but that is just me. i mean, it is tolerable after about a month or so, maybe a little less...

as far as the pain thing goes... i also have pain issues and was on a pain clinic for two years... ended up on 90mg. of oramorph and 12mg. of dilaudid a day... it took me about four months that time to feel normal after i detoxed... i was in treatment for about 5 weeks and left pretty sick but pretty determined...

the pain does come back, but how much of it is actual pain and an actual cry for more narcotics from my brain/body that is used to and so desires more drugs... i have been off of all opiates since dec. 24, 2002 and i am having pain but i find that it is not as bad as i had thought it was back four years ago... and it is bad, but i get through ok with motrin most days... alot of days i don't take anything. i do alot of stretching and alternative body work for the pain and stiffness (i have degenerative disc disease, two herniated L4 and L4-5, seven cervical disc bulging and ankylosing spondilytis) and i also have hepatitis C...

that's my story, you can do it you know, but only you can do it, and it is not going to be easy, but if it is worth it to you give it a good shot, and if at first you don't succeed keep trying, always keep trying!

peace,

amber

[whatitistoburn]

Hey,Chicken! Have you ever tried to tapper off of the meds, rather than the CT type? It's much, much easier. I tapered off over 800 mg of morhphine at home, with very little withdrawal symptoms, the only one being no sleep w/jitteriness.

On the other hand, the methadone road may be the way to go for you if you are in such horrible chronic pain. There's a guy here that knows a lot about the methadone route for pain control. I have chronic pain too, but couldn't live in that terrible darkness the opiates brought to me. There was no color to my life, and I was at the same place you are right now. Very down, distraught, and no spiritual connection at all. I don't want that for my life, that is why I decided to quit. I don't feel numb anymore, I feel sooooo much, too much right now, but I know that will level out as time goes on.

Take care,

Burn

[MellyR]

Tiredofkicking, I'm sorry for what you're going through, everyone here has gone, or is currently, going through at least part of what you're going through, you're not alone. What's a "tens" machine? Just curious. Would people who post here be interested in us saying what area we live in? That way we could exchange lots of info about which clinics/detoxes we've had good experiences with, what local counselors are good, etc, perhaps people who live in similar areas could even exchange email addresses and give any good local info on addiction help information. Just an idea. On the other hand, I'm aware of the paranoia we (well, I'm probably just speaking for myself!!) all feel in admitting our problems, and the annonynimity (is that a word?) of the board is what makes it so easy to post. Anyhoo, I live in Northern California, so if anyone knows of any good drug counselors, doctors, treatment facilities, etc, let me know!! I have an appointment with a counselor tommorrow who supposedly specializes in drug treatment, I think she wants me to start attending NA as well, I'll let everyone know how that goes. Sorry to bust in on your post, but I'm noticing lately that the board is running out of room earlier and earlier every day...why is that?

[whatitistoburn]

I'm from Michigan.

Burn

[AmberHunter]

will try this one more time! lol!!!

i started a very simple forum, you can post there and there is no wading through all sorts of business type stuff... very simple to use. i have noticed that this board can only handle so much traffic and thought it would be fun to hang out somewhere in addition to this board.

if ANYONE is interested please email me at ***@****

okie dokie??

peace,

amber

[hippy]

hey melly.
im frm phila pa.

and a tens unit ia a little electrical
unit , that sends electical  viberations
to the area where you tape it to your body,
like on your back, it has two wires with  two
flat rubber  squares about 2 inches  in widt
you put a kind of clear jell on the area and tape the
squares on the area that is hurting, then you turn on the tens unit, it  sends out fairly strong electical vibrations,

when you are in severe pain it , works for some while you have it on. when yo turn it off , it is like it was never there.
it is  the ultamate in false optimism,
i have one , that i never use, they cost about 4 hundred.
chiropractors use them.
i would be interested in what others have to say about them.
i get better results from a heating pad. or   a bag of ice.

peace hippy.

[hippy]

hey melly.
im frm phila pa.

and a tens unit ia a little electrical
unit , that sends electical  viberations
to the area where you tape it to your body,
like on your back, it has two wires with  two
flat rubber  squares about 2 inches  in widt
you put a kind of clear jell on the area and tape the
squares on the area that is hurting, then you turn on the tens unit, it  sends out fairly strong electical vibrations,

when you are in severe pain it , works for some while you have it on. when yo turn it off , it is like it was never there.
it is  the ultamate in false optimism,
i have one , that i never use, they cost about 4 hundred.
chiropractors use them.
i would be interested in what others have to say about them.
i get better results from a heating pad. or   a bag of ice.

peace hippy.

[steve1981]

Hey everybody, I'm back from the beach.  It wasn't too bad...CT is rough but better since I tapered a lot beforehand.  However, the third day I felt minor WD symptoms, and the next day the body aches got 10 times worse.  Then my tonsild got infected.  This is the third time this year that I've had tonsilitis...bad timing this time.  I had body aches from the 101.2 ºF fever, and a mild sunburn that gave me chills...so everytime I got a chill it felt like needles.  Bad time!  800mg of ibuprofen took care of it but I didn't use that as an excuse to go back to the oxys.  I did have to go to the doctor, because I knew from the last two times I got tonsilitis that it wouldn't go away without antibiotics.  They also gave me ULTRACET.......It says it's a non-narcotic, but I do feel like I took a lortab or two.  I'm not going to abuse them, even if they're not even narcotics.  I am 100% mentally committed to staying away from now on.  Just thought I'd check in and let everyone know I'm doing fine, except for the bad luck of getting sick.  Do you think there could be a connection to coming off opiates and getting tonsilitis/pharyngitis???  That would be a good question to ask the doctor but I can't ever get one in before it fills up.  Oh well, maybe one of you guys knows the answer, I definitely see a connection.  That or a triple coincidense.

[peaz]

Hey!! I posted a little something to you right after you posted when your dealer called.....Doesn't matter now, but THAT IS AWESOME that you didn't succumb!!!  That's really great!!  You will begin feeling better day by day....hang in there.  
    I'm not An MD, but my comment on the tonsilitis  gig would be that, during detox, sleep is the LAST thing that we get.  In my case, when I would get run down from lack of sleep, my tonsils would swell  and I'd feel like **** until I either got sleep or an antibiotic or both.
   Ultracet is apap (acetaminophen) and tramadol, which, though it ISN'T classified as a narcotic, is STILL highly addictive, and you can find horror stories about detoxing from it on any given thread in this forum.  So WATCH it. That buzz you feel  is telling you sumthin'.....I fyou don't need the remainder of the RX---PITCH THEM.  Just MHO.
     Best of luck --good to  hear from you!!! Peazy

[Trying2Stop]

For anyone who is interested I just posted my story in a nutshell from being until today on Ambers new forum.  I don't know if Amber wants me to post the name of it on this board, but I am sure she has already given it to most of you.  

I was doing good, Friday night me and 2 of my dearest friends went out and were out until 5:30AM.  I drank 7 Long Island Ice Teas.  It's ok b/c alcohol is definately NOT my DOC.  I very RARELY drink alcohol.  We had a blast and I forgot all about my evening med.  Even in the morning I didn't feel the w/d.  But it hit me in the afternoon so I had to take something.

Then it happened.  Yesterday afternoon I had a terrible slip and fall and messed up my neck and back.  Well if you want to read the rest, go visit Amber's new board.  It is Great...Thank you Amber for starting it.  You people are my rock.  I will be drug free by 2004.  

Thank you all for being so wonderful....

[Trying2Stop]

BTW. is there a chat room that any of you go into...it would be nice if we could all chat instead of having to wait for someone to post on the board.  Especially during those times when we are desperate and need immediate responses....just a thought.

[hippy]

there is a chat room , you will have to get in touch with suzzeeneedshelp

[Trying2Stop]

I was told that I could get in touch with you about a chat room you all go to.  I would really liked to get in too, if possible.

[MellyR]

suzzeeneedshelp.....me three, I'd like to get in on the chat room if possible.

[hippy]

hippy here,
email suz
***@****

[skipper]

hey tired:
i use to post to tis forum several times a day for several years. i've kind of dropped back into the "gohst mode" for a long time now, but after reading your thread i decided it was time to come out in the daylight for a while. see your story really touched me....

i'm an ex-drug store thief who used to put abut every kind of opiate (and a few other things) in my arm i could. i went for the beter part of 20 years shooting all the dope i could get my hands on. never once did i ever stop to think what i would do if i actually needed an opiate pain killer, what i would do. then i got clean for 17 years, only to have an old spinal injury come back to haunt me. i have had 2 surgerys at c4/c5 and c5/c6. the neuro surgeon claims there isn't enoug of my spine left to put any mor screws in, and more or less turned my case over to a pain specialist. i take a ****
load of oxy c and roxy every day...this isn't what i want, but my choices are limited. i have a love/hate relationship with oxycodone, but it seem to be the least of all evils at this point.
for what i's worth...i would avoid the meperidine (demerol). junky's generally don't respond well to it. it is one of the few narcotics that actually can damage the neverious system.

are you working with a good pain doc that you can be honest with? if not find one yoy can...it will make all the difference in the world!!

keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[mrmichael67]

I wrote to someone else about demerol.  Meperedine metabolizes into normeperedine and it accumulates in the body.  If it is used chronically and reaches a certain level, you can have seizures.  It is not used anymore for chronic pain and should be avoided like the plague.  The good doc mentioned methadone and for the same reason I think it is excellent for certain chronic situations.  Your tolerance will level out and stay put.

[RobynBanks]

I think there is a connection....not specifically to tonsilitis, but when in a state of withdrawl- I would think your body's immune system is not as strong since it is dealing with the detoxification process. This makes one more supseptable to any illness....ie: common cold and infections.
I definetly find I get a lot of colds when in a perpetual state of withdrawl. I also have Hep C and 2 small kids though. There are many variables to look at but I still maintain the withdrawl doesn't help...your body is doing a lot of work.
Feel better, Robyn.

[lisabet]

Hey skipper - I remember you posting quite a bit when I first found this forum, about 8 months ago. I always got a lot out of your posts, and your closing "angel on your shoulder" made me remember ya. Am I wrong, but aren't you married to another previous poster "Irish Rose"? For some reason I'm thinking this, but forgive me if I'm mistaken. Anyway, hope you've got your pain under control, and I'm glad to see you posting. Thank you for sharing your experiences, past and present. Take care, Lisabet

[passenby]

So glad to here you did well.I'm new and have only posted a few times while you where gone but before you left I had been reading everyones post and came acrossed your and wanted to post to you to wish you luck. I had just got back from Florida Keys where I had tried to go off vics secretly but I failed miserably after I read everyones post I got brave enough to tell my husband who was very understanding. He is now taking of a week this Saturday to take me somewhere with just the two of us so I can go CT.I AM SO GLAD YOU DID WELL YOU WILL BE MY INSIRATION.I am trying to taper and I'm on 6 500 vikes a day. how for did you taper before you left. I'm working on just 5 this week then were out of here. hang in there and keep your post coming please.

[Wardman]

Be careful with your tonsils my friend.  I let a tonsil infection go for 4 months and it got into my blood stream and nearly did me in in 2000.  I had to have them removed and i was 30 at the time.  It was the most miserable experience I have ever been through in my life. Now that I think about it during that 4- 6 month, I did develop tonisilitis alot during my clean time. It is a very dangerous thing I did and let it go.  The doctors tell me I was lucky I am healthy because it was going to kill me.  Scary stuff.  I did get percocets galore for a long time during this period LOL.

[Tiredofkickin]

I would like to thank first the "forum-M.D.rcb" for his responce to my post yesterday and also, "AmberHunter","whatitistoburn", "MellyR" "hippee" (lol..me too..) "mrmichael67", "robynbanks", "steve1981", "tryingtostop","suzie" and "skipper"...(kip:-) (glad I gotcha otta the closet, Kip:-)TO THE DOC; Yes, I HAVE gone to a pain clinic, BUT had a very bad experience. (Some kid in water-therapy start twisting me around like a pretzel...so I pee'd in his pool and never went back:-) And NO; I have NOT exhausted "physical therapy" treatments...in fact, I asked "docfeelgood" for a new referral now that I'm in Minnesota as opposed to Wisconsin. (There's supposed to be an excellent pain clinic about a mile from me.) No..I won't pee in their pool:-) I shall be RIGOROUSLY HONEST with them! I HAVE had 2 neck surgeries...(5 thru 7 distectomy)Apparently the "bonding" DID happen with the 2nd surgery. Then I had a low back injury that has aggrivated my pre-existing neck problems. I DO have apparent permanent disability of my low back. MRI does show broad base disk bulge prominent level of L4,L5 as a result of this injury; anterior left lateral aspect of the fecal sac at that level and changes creating a mild degree of central canal stenosis. I have mild broad base disk bulges,L3,L4,L5,S1 levels without compression adjacent fecal sac or focal disk herniation. I have radicular pain and straight leg raising persists positive in right leg. Course has been complicated by mild to moderate depression.Currently setting up pain clinic referral. Doctor feels I have 19/20% disability rating w/back injury. I DID talk to my doc after posting yesterday and he's sending me out a 'script for "liquid morphine". ANYBODY OUT THERE KNOW WHAT THAT IS? I presume it is a faster acting and stronger med for AM pain. Then supposed to continue with "7.5s perks) plus my librium. AFTER READING THE FEEDBACK TO MY POSTING, I THINK I WILL NOT "CASH IN" THE MORPHINE 'SCRIPT TIL I HEAR FROM MY "NEW FRIENDS". I TRUELY believe I "stumbled" onto this site for a REASON! (AND...pretty sure WHOM is responsible for that:-)I certainly concure that we DESPERATELY NEED an available "chat-area" where we can support each other as we go through this PROCESS; ESPECIALLY when one is really down and in need of support immediately. ANYONE PLEASE FEEL FREE TO "IM" ME ANYTIME I'M ONLINE OR CONTACT ME VIA E-MAIL @ "***@****". My name is garry and have been a contemporary Christian musician since April 23rd, 1989. Since my accident in '96, I havn't written a coherent tune and believe that the "meds" inhibit the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. (I now know whom dwells in this filthy so-called-Temple.)Furthermore, I truly believe that this is indeed a spiritual attack, if you can dig that. I have/had a music Ministry since '89 and now have my own recording studio at home with 6 guitars, 2 keyboards and a drum-machine. (The perfect island of isolation to continue my downward spiral.)My wife dutifully brought my AM coffee to me in bed,(as usual,)with 3 7.5s(perks) and 1 libby.(Now, after about an hour and 1/2, the pain is gradually subsiding and I'll be able to hit the shower now and put on "The Mask." (Gotta have that phoney fuckin' smile, don't I?) How's THIS for hypocracy?! I had lunch with my new Pastor, and, after hearing my 3 new CDs, he has big plans for my music-so-called-ministry...He wants me to do an outdoor gig at the Church to wow em with the tunes, AND get the "Board" to Ordain me with some Minnesota credentials within 5 months! (He said this will open up MANY doors for me to fufill my "God-Gifted-Music-Ministry" regionally. (If he only KNEW the TRUTH!) I'm nothing but a low-down, spiritually bankrupt wannabee. I feel like going back to the Church and telling him, "sorry dude, I'm just a junky and my music now is bullshit." Ya...after the shower I'll go play in my playpen and get alittle more prolific at bullshitting. Then an hour before the kids come home, I'll pop my junkie **** and greet the children with a phoney, drug induced "smile". (Like always.)BUT.......YOU PEOPLE HAVE GIVEN ME HOPE......I DID NOT HAVE THAT YESTERDAY. I sincerely wish to get to know you all better. I cannot see the proverbial "forest for the trees", and need "guides" to traverse this potentially lethal terrain. I do not know the "lay-out" of this land...but it IS grey/black and demon infested. I'm a MASTER of "gameplaying" and BSing....but that stopped yesterday... (I think?)
TRYINTOBERIGOROUSLYHONEST,
Sincerely,
garry (***@****)

[passenby]

WHOA WHOA wait a minute, now your talking about something I do know a little about.Do you think God would prefer you to just suffer I think not. Thats like calling a cancer patient a junkie.Just know what it is your dealing with ,take it for what it does, and deal with it as you can. Don't be so hard on yourself and believe in your reason for finding this place and these people. Don't forget we are his children . Would you feel annomosity towards your child if you found them in your condition?would you feel they must not love you if they could do this. Again I say think not. hang in there have faith he is the hound of heaven we are the ones that turn or back on him. I beleive in you and God. Good luck  you can do this.Didn't mean to preach.

[passenby]

I'll do better on your name next time just got excited after your post sorry.

[Thomas03]

Offhand, I wouldn't suggest discontinuing the paxil and trazedone while withdrawing. Either of those might have a WD syndrome of their own (pretty sure paxil does). During the first few days of WD, you almost certainly will benefit from more Xanax, but how that interacts with paxil and/or trazedone, I don't know. If you don't have a problem skipping the trazedone, the increased Xanax would undoubtedly help you get through the days and sleep without risking the combination.

Thomas

[vettezr1]

Yea, Amen Dude, let it all out. Anger it great I was so Damn pissed when I stopped my pain, meds I was able to beat my old bench press record of over 400 lbs.
Don’t let the sissy’s start on you about how you shouldn’t let your self suffer find a better way to deal with the pain any way is better then the Narcs I know trust me.
Good luck man.

[steve1981]

Hey,
I tapered from about 80mg of oxycodone per day down to maybe 10-15mg per day.  I was crushing and snorting oxycontin.  It was easy to taper to about 30mg per day, but after that, it just got harder with every miligram, so I decided to go cold turkey from there.  I think that is the best approach...taper as much as you can comfortably, then go CT.  A good way to taper is to wait longer periods before each dose.  When I would start craving it, I would tell myself "I am not going to get any high from this small amount unless I wait at least another three hours" for example.  The thought of getting a better high will motivate you to increase the length between taking your pills.  It's like using your addiction to your advantage I guess.  Well, anyway, I got to where I would wait almost 24 hours and snort a tiny bit of OC, and still feel a bit of high off of it.  At least the instant relief from the cravings was a high in itself.  Xanax did not help like I thought it would.  I was up half the night on the first day of CT, I took a lot of xanax before bed.  It was WEIRD!  I was kicking and thrashing around, but because of the xanax, I really has LESS control over it, granted I didn't really care about it, it was still pretty rough.  Good luck, sorry for the delay in posting.

[steve1981]

I read that it is a pretty big surgery for an adult.  I don't want to do it, but I promised I would last time I had tonsilitis.  I need to wait and be opiate free for a few months...Two reasons:  make sure the pain medicine they give me works, and also to make sure I don't relapse.  It's probably inevitable that I will take all the medication they give me after I am released from the hospital, whether I get 30 hydros, or 60 perks, ya know?  I just don't want to be calling them back saying it's not taking care of the pain, or it still hurts after I run out of medication.  

I'm only 22.  I have only gotten narcotics prescribed to me once I think for a really bad cough (hydro syrup), and once for the flu (darvocet).  So I am little scared that I might actually need more or stronger medicine, and they will assume I'm just wanting to get high.  

One the other hand, I guess I deserve to be in this situation, considering I have contributing to the OC problem.

[hippy]

hey t of k, how ya doing today, i read youir post.
you sound like the rest of us here ,that are addicts.
you mentioned religion.  it is apperent that you do not have a religion problem. like many of us ,you probably have a very
indepth understanding of religion.
tho we my have an indepth understanding of religion
this doed not help us with our problem of addictin,
if anything it may complacate it.
getting better from addiction has different approches,
one thing is common tho , that is , keeping things simple.
begining to untangle  the knots of addiction,
it is to our best interest to set our religion on the back burner,
and try to foucus on the things we have in common with the other addicts, who are in the same boat with us,  struggling
to get and stay clean.
getting honest with ourselves., is a good start,
lack of honesty and self deception is a SPIRITUAL PROBLEM,
and calls for a spiritual solution.
admitting we have a problem is half the battle,
having the desire to get clean is  another very important
begining
we start by gathering information, what is spirituality,
what is recovery, how do we get a day clean , how do we detox,
how do we deal with withdrawls,
do we need a mddical doctor.
keep posting here at the fourm,
let us know how your doing.
peace !!!hippy

[skipper]

lisabet:
words cannot describe how pleasent it is to be remembered on this forum....

yes i am married to one "irish rose!" a woman whose temper is only surpassed by her beauty. when i refer to her beauty, i do so both in the emotional and physical.....i guess God truely does love and watch out for foolish junkys!!...

enough about my ****! if you have been around for 8 months you must have something of a story of your own! i (for one) would be be very intrested  in hearing about it. pleaes indulge an old junky in the details...

i've always believed that every addict who posts here, deserves an
audience of their own...

and i truely mean " keep an angel on your shoulder" (i "stole" that from a Tom Russell song)

so...keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[lisabet]

Hey skipper - well I'm thrilled I remembered correctly; that shows I haven't burnt up ALL my brain cells...smile  As for "my story", I'm pretty much typical of most people on the forum. I was dependant on vicodins (about 12 a day), plus supplementing it with Jack Daniels at night.  My family or friends know NOTHING about my habit; sometimes I wonder how they can not. I'm considered pretty much the "strong one" both in family and with my friends.  I don't know what it says about me that I can't confide in them of my troubles, but all I know is I keep a good guard up...smile...  I found this forum, and it's helped me so-so much.  I just can't get enough of reading about everyone's life experiences.  More personally, posts such as hippees, Thomas', oxic, suzies, Jess, Mrs. Rat, peaz's, so-so many more have given me so much strength.  I've poured my heart out on this forum, plus for only a few weeks I've started keeping a journal.  At this time, I'm pretty much off the J.D.'s, and have tapered down to 4-5-6- hydros a day.  I'm very much a "work in progress"...smile.  Thank you for your interest and concern, and I'm really glad to see you posting again, and I'm really-really trying to keep "an angel on my shoulder"....Love/Peace, Lisabet

[passenby]

Thanks again for the info I'm writting everything down.Doc says I can take up to 400mg of traz a day plus 3 xnax so I'll try the 200 hundred first with more xanax then if I have to cut traz I will. This Doc doesn't know about the vicodin.I have 540 xanax he keeps giving them to me but I don't use them. after I read someones post about Sadol nasalspray I called the doc and got one of those too.

[steve1981]

Where are these doctors???  I was surprised that I got Ultracet from the doc even though I was hurting bad from the high fever...  Every time I go to the doctor, even if it's for the common cold, I feel like they "know" and they always make me feel guilty, even though I have never once actually came outright and asked for a narcotic.  I have had pretty bad knee pain due to football and improper alignment of my kneecap.  It was justifiable-hydrocodone-prescribing pain and all I ever got was some unheard of arthritis medicine or NSAIDs that has more severe side effects than overdosing on narcotics IMO.  That's why I don't ever go to the doctor unless I need antibiotics.  If I'm hurting, I go to my "other" doctors...heh heh.  Sorry everyone, I just never had a bit of luck doctor shopping and even had to deal with some serious knee pain for months, which I may have at least 50% right to blame my addiciton on...the other 50% my ex-wife of coarse!

BTW, I'm doing great.  No narcotics for 5 days.  I only took 5 Ultracets today (the bottle says take 2 three times per day for 6 total).  The ibuprofen helps the pain in my tonsils better anyway.  I do have the urge to take 5 or 6 Ultracets at once to get that little bit of high, but at the moment the urge to get over my addiction is stronger.  My fever broke this morning but my tonsils are still horrible.

[passenby]

one of my doctors I have been going to since he started his practice.He is my GP and gives me meds like singular for asthma and meds like darvocets and vikes for migranes. he trust me completely. He is also the Doc that I called and told him I wanted the stadol nasal spray. then of course I have my head Doctor who has given me all my anti depressents.neither of them know that I now have this problem but they are both trying to help me through the loss of my son. They were his Doctors too. a Thats my story about my drug suppliers.LOL

[suzieneedshelp]

Eeeeeekkkkk!  I was addicted to stadol for 10 years!  That is wut i just came off of and still am suffering the withdrawal (post acute withdrawal now).  
This thread btw is awesome.  Some real honesty and help here!
If anyone wants to e-mail me it is
***@****
Peace...
Suzie

[MellyR]

Lisbet -- I had to respond to your comment regarding your friends and family don't know, and you wonder how could they not? That's exactly how I feel. Although I've always been the "loudmouth" of the family, when I'm high as a kite and rambling on and on and can't shut up and my pupils are the size of pins, how are they unaware of how high I am? Then again, my family has always had a propensity for denial.
Everyone -I went to a counselor yesterday, I really liked her. My insurance had told me they wouldn't pay for any drug treatment besides outpatient, once a week counseling, but my therapist got on the phone with them while I was there and navigated through the dreaded insurance for me to find a way to get at least some inpatient detox, if necessary. She was extremely helpful in laying out all my options for me, although she feels that (and I have to agree) that an hour a week counseling is not going to get me sober. She wants me to go to NA and find a sponser, if not that find some sort of outpatient support, and wants me in some sort of medically supervised detox, because she feels that with my "level of addiction" I shouldn't try to do it alone. Hm, when two mental health professionals tell you that your "level of addiction" warrants inpatient treatment/detox, how am I to justify not doing it? Yikes. On the other hand, there's people out there going C/T off of heroin, so it's not like the withdrawls will kill me. The hardest part is admitting this whole situation to friends and family who would be wondering where I was, if I chose inpatient. Do I lie, or come clean? I don't even know if it's an option, though, as I would have a lot of trouble finding anyone to watch my kids. My mom would just say, if you're having trouble with pills, just stop taking them, why should I be inconveinced to watch the kids when you did this to yourself? And don't say I'm being paranoid, that's the kind of person she is. Plus we just had a big falling out. How many people in this forum are parents? It adds a whole nother dimension to this addiction, doesn't it? Sigh. The counselor said she would only continue to see me if I signed a release to allow her to discuss this with my doctor, so there's some sort of medical supervision here. That would be fine, but I am so very scared to level with my doc that I've been getting pills from him, and elsewhere. Plus how many times have I lied and said I need him to call in a refill RIGHT NOW because I'm going out of town right away (big lie, I had run out of pills and was in the midst of CT, always swore, I will never do this again, I will ration the pills so I don't have to lie like this...what a joke!)or I need my refill early because of this or that. I can't imagine telling my doc how I've manipulated and lied, and not having a big huge nervous breakdown aboutit. So that's where I'm at right now.

[suzieneedshelp]

No one knew about my 10 year addiction to a synthetic narcotic ..stadol nasal spray.  Only one person knew.  I thought i cuold never tell my parents.  They held me on some dayum pedistal. WEll it felt good to finally come off of it!  My niece took me to their house the day she asked me if i had a drug problem and i told em everything.  Even legal consequences, etc.  It was terrifying but very freeing to finally be honest and let the chips fall where they would.
Melly..also..I just got out of inpatient rehab about one month ago and it was awesome.  But many had been to other places and said this one was by far much much better.  Plz check out the place.  Mine was in the top 1 % in the nation.  I did not want to leave that safe place with such caring knowledgeable staff and pateints to relate to all day every day.  Best luck to you.  They told me i had to be willing to do anything to save my life...FOr this disease is more deadly than cancer.  So i went to inpatient and it has changed my life forever.  Now i have hope that i will be the best person i can be once i get this 12 steps under my belt and continue to keep active in my recovery for the rest of my life.
Love,
Suzie

[skipper]

lisabit:
so hydro and ethyl? i sure hope you send JD down the road...very much bad medicine...

the first time i ever tried hydrocodone was in in 1973. i ripped off
a famous pill rolling MD's office in Iowa city...this crusty old dude had a 900 ml. botttle of tussenex cough syrup....i drank the whole bottle and was ripped for several days...it sure beat the heroin that was around at the time...i've always been a drug store thief...like to know what i'm putting into meself. that was back when i had health and youth to burn...now all i have is irish rose and several hundred mgs. of oxycodone a day. the only thing i'm sure about is rose... i did run wild in the 60's and 70's... now the whole scene has decayed into money, guns, lawyers, and really scary jitterbugs...i gues it all comes down to the big three...the taxman, blind joe death, and our buddy jones...

button up your coat...it still gets cold at night...
and keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[passenby]

Hey this is passen.I got one script for sadol nasel spray that has 10 sprays I thought I would use it only if things got really ugly and only as prescibed. once every 24 hrs you think thats taken a big chance? Let me know, not going to disreguard any ones advice.

[lisabet]

I LOVE/RESPECT your ideologies (sp) - as in taxes, death and jonesing...smile....Sadly, it's the goddamn truth...heh-heh...glad you have your "irish rose" to keep you grounded; I remember her posting, but can't remember if she herself had a drug problem or she was posting because you had one.  (Sorry, past drug/alcohol use PLUS pre-menopause has made my memory short-circuited!!!)...smile.  Thanks for your concern, I've pretty much gave up the Jack Daniels thing, although I just can't seem to totally give up the vicodins, although I HAVE reduced  my usage about 50-60%.  I'm writing "frantically" in a journal every night; seems to help - I never realized I had so much to say....ha.  Again, thanks for your input and encouragement.  Love, Lisabet

[skipper]

Lisabet:
what a night...a telephone arguement with Rose (she is out of town with work)...even got mad at my dog (meaty-boy). wound up breaking the back door to my workshop...really made a first class ass of myself...so just finished fixxing the door and talking to rose on the phone...such a wonderful woman..she even wanted to tell me where her stash of hydros were...wouldn't touch her pain meds until i'm sure she wouldn't need them (she recently threw out her lower back)

see i used to wake up to a world of bewilderment...
angry with god and what ever.
now i like to awaken to a world of bewonderment...
a small creature...growing ever smaller as the world expands
with it's infinite multitude of posibilitys...

sorry about the spelling...
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[passenby]

I could use a little help here.I'm three days away from CT day and feeling really lo .I'm losing my confidence even before I get started because I have done so lousy tapering before the D-day. I dropped from 8 vikes a day to 6 in two weeks then this last 2 weeks I haven't been able to go down at all I tried dropping to 4 because the first two seem fairly easy couldn't do it so I decided it was to fast tried 5 didn't last one day. So here I am still stuck at 6. whats up with that I did so good on first 2 and couln't do anymore. We had a plan that we would try to taper till my husband could take off but keep me in some what of a comfort zone untill we left for cold turkey day well I slip in to that comfort zone at 6 and couldn't drop anymore without getting sick plus I had to work this week. I am a nail tech, can't do nails with the shakes. feedback please.

[skipper]

passerby:
for what it's worth...i've neve been able to taper.. my hats off to those who can... inalways took what was left in one big blast and let the horror show begin... but the thing is it is never as bad as i think it will be... when it comes time to be quitting, best be on your way...aint nobody gonna feel to bad for ya', so best clean up
your act (at least for awhile)!!

like i told lisabet...button up your coat, it still gets cold at night....
and keep an angel on your shoulder...
god loves junkys and fools (i'm both)
kip

[suzneedshelp]

Hey!  WEll just dont use it daily as i did.. the stadol that is.  If you are quitting then let someone hold it for you...any narcotics in the house or refills left at the pharmacy call you 24 hours per day!  "COME TAKE ME;...YOU NEED ME...I AM YOUR ReFUGE... I'LL HELP YOU...JUST ONE WON'T HURT...YOU CAN CONTROL IT!"   NOT!!!!!!!  B.S gone wild!  Believe me and others.. that is how i relapsed.
beST WISHES..E-MAIL ME IF YA LIKE AT ***@****  opppss did not mean to still be shouting like our disease in our heads!
Peace...
Suzie

[lisabet]

Hey you, I'm in the same boat as you. I've tapered down from about 12 vicodins a day to about 4 or 5 most days, and can't seem to get past that. I know in my heart the best thing to do is just stop them cold turkey, like skipper says, but I just can't seem to commit to it.  So I don't have any advice for ya, but wanted to post to let you know you're not alone. You may want to check out the Thomas recipe that's posted throughout the forum; the supplements and vitamins (and especially the valium)...smile....may ease your symptoms a bit when you decide to do the CT thing. Take care yourself. Love, Lisabet

[passenby]

Thanks all, ONE more day and I'm on my way.I will be back the 17 of May.My husbands is taking his lap top so I can keep reading everything you all have to say. so keep posting.

[lisabet]

Hey skipper - you sound like a good candidate for an anger management class.....heh-heh.  It's Ok, though - at least you just "killed" the door instead of kicking your dog!  We all need to let off steam sometimes.  My favorite method is burying my face in a pillow and screaming, which is probably preferable to my past method, which was putting my head in a Jack Daniels bottle....smile.  I like the way you describe your sobriety, going from bewilderment to bewonderment.  I soak all this stuff up, it really keeps me going...I also always look forward to hippee's comments; in the same vein, it's like looking through someone else's eyes at the ultimate "prize" - sobriety. I really appreciate everyone sharing your life experiences...I think I've said it before (to hippee) but I'll say it again.  There's a special place in heaven for you guys who come back to try to help ones who are still struggling.  OK...gonna go before I start to get "mushy"....heh---but want to let everyone here know I appreciate ya all.  Luvs ya all, Lisabet

[thankyou]

I wish you all well in your road to recovery.  I havent been here in awhile.  I need help.  I cant seem to find someone who has a problem of fioricet.  Does anyone have a problem with this????

[Bubbles1]

I have been taking 200mg demerol every 3 hrs for about 6-9 months. I am now trying to taper off and am at about 150 mg every 4 hrs. If I keep doing this are there any suggestions how much less I should take at a time and how far apart for how long to accomplish this taper way to kick the addiction? Any suggestions will really help as this is hard and I have really torn up my body injecting this "devil" drug.

[grievingwidow]

Hello,hey did you realize that you were posting to a thread from 2003?  I don't think the person you addressed it to comes here anymore.  I think you will get much more response to your questions if you go to the very first page of the addiction forum and start your own thread there, if fact I know you will get several responses if you will do this.  Good Luck.  Boy, I am glad it is you and not me, getting off that much Demerol has to be hell.  I am thinking about going the Suboxone route myself someday soon, I am addicted to methadone and percocet, have been for many years.  Well, try my suggestion and repost your story, okay?

Love, Cindy