Chicken for kickin'

[Tiredofkickin]

Newby here......I've kicked down from the 100 fentenal patch to the 25mg patch. BUT, I'm still taking my 7.5 perks, (about 6/7 per day and about 1/2 dozen "libbies" 25mg (librium.) I DO have a history of two neck operations after a work-related accident and now my lower back is shot to Hell. I've been on this veritable roller-coaster since '96 and CERTAINLY in the Spiritual "grey-zone." EVERY morning I wake up sick and have to use my "Tens" machine while I wait for the perks to kick in. (Sometimes about 2 hours.) I have a "great"? doc"/feelgood" and this AM I'm tempted to have him up me to demeral. (Used to get ER shots for the migraines..dem) THEN I FOUND THIS SITE!!! I'll tell ya...I'm a "chicken for kickin" and have really been around the block in that department, but instead of going down in dosage, I'm contemplating kickin' in the "after-burners." (Demies)Before I end up writting a book here, I'll ask my question/s. I've TRIED MANY TIMES CT...but it NEVER ENDS!!!!!! How long DOES it take before this **** is out of my system? It seems to be a "catch-22" because the pain is intolerable when I attempt to kick..(neck/low/mid/back.)I will go 4/5/6 days until I just say Fxxx it. Would the methadone program be a better way to go? (I've heard that's going from the fryin' pan into the fire!) 12 steppin ain't for me. (Been there...done that.)This "bland" existance is gettin VERY old and if it wasn't for my 3 kids & wife, I'd seriously consider "checking-out......." I'll be 51 years old here in June, so I'm no Spring-Chickin". I also NEED support and some feedback. HELP?

[grievingwidow]

Hello,hey did you realize that you were posting to a thread from 2003?  I don't think the person you addressed it to comes here anymore.  I think you will get much more response to your questions if you go to the very first page of the addiction forum and start your own thread there, if fact I know you will get several responses if you will do this.  Good Luck.  Boy, I am glad it is you and not me, getting off that much Demerol has to be hell.  I am thinking about going the Suboxone route myself someday soon, I am addicted to methadone and percocet, have been for many years.  Well, try my suggestion and repost your story, okay?

Love, Cindy

[Bubbles1]

I have been taking 200mg demerol every 3 hrs for about 6-9 months. I am now trying to taper off and am at about 150 mg every 4 hrs. If I keep doing this are there any suggestions how much less I should take at a time and how far apart for how long to accomplish this taper way to kick the addiction? Any suggestions will really help as this is hard and I have really torn up my body injecting this "devil" drug.

[thankyou]

I wish you all well in your road to recovery.  I havent been here in awhile.  I need help.  I cant seem to find someone who has a problem of fioricet.  Does anyone have a problem with this????

[passenby]

Thanks all, ONE more day and I'm on my way.I will be back the 17 of May.My husbands is taking his lap top so I can keep reading everything you all have to say. so keep posting.

[lisabet]

Hey skipper - you sound like a good candidate for an anger management class.....heh-heh.  It's Ok, though - at least you just "killed" the door instead of kicking your dog!  We all need to let off steam sometimes.  My favorite method is burying my face in a pillow and screaming, which is probably preferable to my past method, which was putting my head in a Jack Daniels bottle....smile.  I like the way you describe your sobriety, going from bewilderment to bewonderment.  I soak all this stuff up, it really keeps me going...I also always look forward to hippee's comments; in the same vein, it's like looking through someone else's eyes at the ultimate "prize" - sobriety. I really appreciate everyone sharing your life experiences...I think I've said it before (to hippee) but I'll say it again.  There's a special place in heaven for you guys who come back to try to help ones who are still struggling.  OK...gonna go before I start to get "mushy"....heh---but want to let everyone here know I appreciate ya all.  Luvs ya all, Lisabet

[lisabet]

Hey you, I'm in the same boat as you. I've tapered down from about 12 vicodins a day to about 4 or 5 most days, and can't seem to get past that. I know in my heart the best thing to do is just stop them cold turkey, like skipper says, but I just can't seem to commit to it.  So I don't have any advice for ya, but wanted to post to let you know you're not alone. You may want to check out the Thomas recipe that's posted throughout the forum; the supplements and vitamins (and especially the valium)...smile....may ease your symptoms a bit when you decide to do the CT thing. Take care yourself. Love, Lisabet

[suzneedshelp]

Hey!  WEll just dont use it daily as i did.. the stadol that is.  If you are quitting then let someone hold it for you...any narcotics in the house or refills left at the pharmacy call you 24 hours per day!  "COME TAKE ME;...YOU NEED ME...I AM YOUR ReFUGE... I'LL HELP YOU...JUST ONE WON'T HURT...YOU CAN CONTROL IT!"   NOT!!!!!!!  B.S gone wild!  Believe me and others.. that is how i relapsed.
beST WISHES..E-MAIL ME IF YA LIKE AT ***@****  opppss did not mean to still be shouting like our disease in our heads!
Peace...
Suzie

[skipper]

passerby:
for what it's worth...i've neve been able to taper.. my hats off to those who can... inalways took what was left in one big blast and let the horror show begin... but the thing is it is never as bad as i think it will be... when it comes time to be quitting, best be on your way...aint nobody gonna feel to bad for ya', so best clean up
your act (at least for awhile)!!

like i told lisabet...button up your coat, it still gets cold at night....
and keep an angel on your shoulder...
god loves junkys and fools (i'm both)
kip

[skipper]

Lisabet:
what a night...a telephone arguement with Rose (she is out of town with work)...even got mad at my dog (meaty-boy). wound up breaking the back door to my workshop...really made a first class ass of myself...so just finished fixxing the door and talking to rose on the phone...such a wonderful woman..she even wanted to tell me where her stash of hydros were...wouldn't touch her pain meds until i'm sure she wouldn't need them (she recently threw out her lower back)

see i used to wake up to a world of bewilderment...
angry with god and what ever.
now i like to awaken to a world of bewonderment...
a small creature...growing ever smaller as the world expands
with it's infinite multitude of posibilitys...

sorry about the spelling...
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[passenby]

I could use a little help here.I'm three days away from CT day and feeling really lo .I'm losing my confidence even before I get started because I have done so lousy tapering before the D-day. I dropped from 8 vikes a day to 6 in two weeks then this last 2 weeks I haven't been able to go down at all I tried dropping to 4 because the first two seem fairly easy couldn't do it so I decided it was to fast tried 5 didn't last one day. So here I am still stuck at 6. whats up with that I did so good on first 2 and couln't do anymore. We had a plan that we would try to taper till my husband could take off but keep me in some what of a comfort zone untill we left for cold turkey day well I slip in to that comfort zone at 6 and couldn't drop anymore without getting sick plus I had to work this week. I am a nail tech, can't do nails with the shakes. feedback please.

[lisabet]

I LOVE/RESPECT your ideologies (sp) - as in taxes, death and jonesing...smile....Sadly, it's the goddamn truth...heh-heh...glad you have your "irish rose" to keep you grounded; I remember her posting, but can't remember if she herself had a drug problem or she was posting because you had one.  (Sorry, past drug/alcohol use PLUS pre-menopause has made my memory short-circuited!!!)...smile.  Thanks for your concern, I've pretty much gave up the Jack Daniels thing, although I just can't seem to totally give up the vicodins, although I HAVE reduced  my usage about 50-60%.  I'm writing "frantically" in a journal every night; seems to help - I never realized I had so much to say....ha.  Again, thanks for your input and encouragement.  Love, Lisabet

[passenby]

Hey this is passen.I got one script for sadol nasel spray that has 10 sprays I thought I would use it only if things got really ugly and only as prescibed. once every 24 hrs you think thats taken a big chance? Let me know, not going to disreguard any ones advice.

[skipper]

lisabit:
so hydro and ethyl? i sure hope you send JD down the road...very much bad medicine...

the first time i ever tried hydrocodone was in in 1973. i ripped off
a famous pill rolling MD's office in Iowa city...this crusty old dude had a 900 ml. botttle of tussenex cough syrup....i drank the whole bottle and was ripped for several days...it sure beat the heroin that was around at the time...i've always been a drug store thief...like to know what i'm putting into meself. that was back when i had health and youth to burn...now all i have is irish rose and several hundred mgs. of oxycodone a day. the only thing i'm sure about is rose... i did run wild in the 60's and 70's... now the whole scene has decayed into money, guns, lawyers, and really scary jitterbugs...i gues it all comes down to the big three...the taxman, blind joe death, and our buddy jones...

button up your coat...it still gets cold at night...
and keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[suzieneedshelp]

No one knew about my 10 year addiction to a synthetic narcotic ..stadol nasal spray.  Only one person knew.  I thought i cuold never tell my parents.  They held me on some dayum pedistal. WEll it felt good to finally come off of it!  My niece took me to their house the day she asked me if i had a drug problem and i told em everything.  Even legal consequences, etc.  It was terrifying but very freeing to finally be honest and let the chips fall where they would.
Melly..also..I just got out of inpatient rehab about one month ago and it was awesome.  But many had been to other places and said this one was by far much much better.  Plz check out the place.  Mine was in the top 1 % in the nation.  I did not want to leave that safe place with such caring knowledgeable staff and pateints to relate to all day every day.  Best luck to you.  They told me i had to be willing to do anything to save my life...FOr this disease is more deadly than cancer.  So i went to inpatient and it has changed my life forever.  Now i have hope that i will be the best person i can be once i get this 12 steps under my belt and continue to keep active in my recovery for the rest of my life.
Love,
Suzie

[steve1981]

Where are these doctors???  I was surprised that I got Ultracet from the doc even though I was hurting bad from the high fever...  Every time I go to the doctor, even if it's for the common cold, I feel like they "know" and they always make me feel guilty, even though I have never once actually came outright and asked for a narcotic.  I have had pretty bad knee pain due to football and improper alignment of my kneecap.  It was justifiable-hydrocodone-prescribing pain and all I ever got was some unheard of arthritis medicine or NSAIDs that has more severe side effects than overdosing on narcotics IMO.  That's why I don't ever go to the doctor unless I need antibiotics.  If I'm hurting, I go to my "other" doctors...heh heh.  Sorry everyone, I just never had a bit of luck doctor shopping and even had to deal with some serious knee pain for months, which I may have at least 50% right to blame my addiciton on...the other 50% my ex-wife of coarse!

BTW, I'm doing great.  No narcotics for 5 days.  I only took 5 Ultracets today (the bottle says take 2 three times per day for 6 total).  The ibuprofen helps the pain in my tonsils better anyway.  I do have the urge to take 5 or 6 Ultracets at once to get that little bit of high, but at the moment the urge to get over my addiction is stronger.  My fever broke this morning but my tonsils are still horrible.

[suzieneedshelp]

Eeeeeekkkkk!  I was addicted to stadol for 10 years!  That is wut i just came off of and still am suffering the withdrawal (post acute withdrawal now).  
This thread btw is awesome.  Some real honesty and help here!
If anyone wants to e-mail me it is
***@****
Peace...
Suzie

[passenby]

one of my doctors I have been going to since he started his practice.He is my GP and gives me meds like singular for asthma and meds like darvocets and vikes for migranes. he trust me completely. He is also the Doc that I called and told him I wanted the stadol nasal spray. then of course I have my head Doctor who has given me all my anti depressents.neither of them know that I now have this problem but they are both trying to help me through the loss of my son. They were his Doctors too. a Thats my story about my drug suppliers.LOL

[MellyR]

Lisbet -- I had to respond to your comment regarding your friends and family don't know, and you wonder how could they not? That's exactly how I feel. Although I've always been the "loudmouth" of the family, when I'm high as a kite and rambling on and on and can't shut up and my pupils are the size of pins, how are they unaware of how high I am? Then again, my family has always had a propensity for denial.
Everyone -I went to a counselor yesterday, I really liked her. My insurance had told me they wouldn't pay for any drug treatment besides outpatient, once a week counseling, but my therapist got on the phone with them while I was there and navigated through the dreaded insurance for me to find a way to get at least some inpatient detox, if necessary. She was extremely helpful in laying out all my options for me, although she feels that (and I have to agree) that an hour a week counseling is not going to get me sober. She wants me to go to NA and find a sponser, if not that find some sort of outpatient support, and wants me in some sort of medically supervised detox, because she feels that with my "level of addiction" I shouldn't try to do it alone. Hm, when two mental health professionals tell you that your "level of addiction" warrants inpatient treatment/detox, how am I to justify not doing it? Yikes. On the other hand, there's people out there going C/T off of heroin, so it's not like the withdrawls will kill me. The hardest part is admitting this whole situation to friends and family who would be wondering where I was, if I chose inpatient. Do I lie, or come clean? I don't even know if it's an option, though, as I would have a lot of trouble finding anyone to watch my kids. My mom would just say, if you're having trouble with pills, just stop taking them, why should I be inconveinced to watch the kids when you did this to yourself? And don't say I'm being paranoid, that's the kind of person she is. Plus we just had a big falling out. How many people in this forum are parents? It adds a whole nother dimension to this addiction, doesn't it? Sigh. The counselor said she would only continue to see me if I signed a release to allow her to discuss this with my doctor, so there's some sort of medical supervision here. That would be fine, but I am so very scared to level with my doc that I've been getting pills from him, and elsewhere. Plus how many times have I lied and said I need him to call in a refill RIGHT NOW because I'm going out of town right away (big lie, I had run out of pills and was in the midst of CT, always swore, I will never do this again, I will ration the pills so I don't have to lie like this...what a joke!)or I need my refill early because of this or that. I can't imagine telling my doc how I've manipulated and lied, and not having a big huge nervous breakdown aboutit. So that's where I'm at right now.

[passenby]

Thanks again for the info I'm writting everything down.Doc says I can take up to 400mg of traz a day plus 3 xnax so I'll try the 200 hundred first with more xanax then if I have to cut traz I will. This Doc doesn't know about the vicodin.I have 540 xanax he keeps giving them to me but I don't use them. after I read someones post about Sadol nasalspray I called the doc and got one of those too.

[lisabet]

Hey skipper - well I'm thrilled I remembered correctly; that shows I haven't burnt up ALL my brain cells...smile  As for "my story", I'm pretty much typical of most people on the forum. I was dependant on vicodins (about 12 a day), plus supplementing it with Jack Daniels at night.  My family or friends know NOTHING about my habit; sometimes I wonder how they can not. I'm considered pretty much the "strong one" both in family and with my friends.  I don't know what it says about me that I can't confide in them of my troubles, but all I know is I keep a good guard up...smile...  I found this forum, and it's helped me so-so much.  I just can't get enough of reading about everyone's life experiences.  More personally, posts such as hippees, Thomas', oxic, suzies, Jess, Mrs. Rat, peaz's, so-so many more have given me so much strength.  I've poured my heart out on this forum, plus for only a few weeks I've started keeping a journal.  At this time, I'm pretty much off the J.D.'s, and have tapered down to 4-5-6- hydros a day.  I'm very much a "work in progress"...smile.  Thank you for your interest and concern, and I'm really glad to see you posting again, and I'm really-really trying to keep "an angel on my shoulder"....Love/Peace, Lisabet

[Wardman]

Be careful with your tonsils my friend.  I let a tonsil infection go for 4 months and it got into my blood stream and nearly did me in in 2000.  I had to have them removed and i was 30 at the time.  It was the most miserable experience I have ever been through in my life. Now that I think about it during that 4- 6 month, I did develop tonisilitis alot during my clean time. It is a very dangerous thing I did and let it go.  The doctors tell me I was lucky I am healthy because it was going to kill me.  Scary stuff.  I did get percocets galore for a long time during this period LOL.

[Tiredofkickin]

I would like to thank first the "forum-M.D.rcb" for his responce to my post yesterday and also, "AmberHunter","whatitistoburn", "MellyR" "hippee" (lol..me too..) "mrmichael67", "robynbanks", "steve1981", "tryingtostop","suzie" and "skipper"...(kip:-) (glad I gotcha otta the closet, Kip:-)TO THE DOC; Yes, I HAVE gone to a pain clinic, BUT had a very bad experience. (Some kid in water-therapy start twisting me around like a pretzel...so I pee'd in his pool and never went back:-) And NO; I have NOT exhausted "physical therapy" treatments...in fact, I asked "docfeelgood" for a new referral now that I'm in Minnesota as opposed to Wisconsin. (There's supposed to be an excellent pain clinic about a mile from me.) No..I won't pee in their pool:-) I shall be RIGOROUSLY HONEST with them! I HAVE had 2 neck surgeries...(5 thru 7 distectomy)Apparently the "bonding" DID happen with the 2nd surgery. Then I had a low back injury that has aggrivated my pre-existing neck problems. I DO have apparent permanent disability of my low back. MRI does show broad base disk bulge prominent level of L4,L5 as a result of this injury; anterior left lateral aspect of the fecal sac at that level and changes creating a mild degree of central canal stenosis. I have mild broad base disk bulges,L3,L4,L5,S1 levels without compression adjacent fecal sac or focal disk herniation. I have radicular pain and straight leg raising persists positive in right leg. Course has been complicated by mild to moderate depression.Currently setting up pain clinic referral. Doctor feels I have 19/20% disability rating w/back injury. I DID talk to my doc after posting yesterday and he's sending me out a 'script for "liquid morphine". ANYBODY OUT THERE KNOW WHAT THAT IS? I presume it is a faster acting and stronger med for AM pain. Then supposed to continue with "7.5s perks) plus my librium. AFTER READING THE FEEDBACK TO MY POSTING, I THINK I WILL NOT "CASH IN" THE MORPHINE 'SCRIPT TIL I HEAR FROM MY "NEW FRIENDS". I TRUELY believe I "stumbled" onto this site for a REASON! (AND...pretty sure WHOM is responsible for that:-)I certainly concure that we DESPERATELY NEED an available "chat-area" where we can support each other as we go through this PROCESS; ESPECIALLY when one is really down and in need of support immediately. ANYONE PLEASE FEEL FREE TO "IM" ME ANYTIME I'M ONLINE OR CONTACT ME VIA E-MAIL @ "***@****". My name is garry and have been a contemporary Christian musician since April 23rd, 1989. Since my accident in '96, I havn't written a coherent tune and believe that the "meds" inhibit the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. (I now know whom dwells in this filthy so-called-Temple.)Furthermore, I truly believe that this is indeed a spiritual attack, if you can dig that. I have/had a music Ministry since '89 and now have my own recording studio at home with 6 guitars, 2 keyboards and a drum-machine. (The perfect island of isolation to continue my downward spiral.)My wife dutifully brought my AM coffee to me in bed,(as usual,)with 3 7.5s(perks) and 1 libby.(Now, after about an hour and 1/2, the pain is gradually subsiding and I'll be able to hit the shower now and put on "The Mask." (Gotta have that phoney fuckin' smile, don't I?) How's THIS for hypocracy?! I had lunch with my new Pastor, and, after hearing my 3 new CDs, he has big plans for my music-so-called-ministry...He wants me to do an outdoor gig at the Church to wow em with the tunes, AND get the "Board" to Ordain me with some Minnesota credentials within 5 months! (He said this will open up MANY doors for me to fufill my "God-Gifted-Music-Ministry" regionally. (If he only KNEW the TRUTH!) I'm nothing but a low-down, spiritually bankrupt wannabee. I feel like going back to the Church and telling him, "sorry dude, I'm just a junky and my music now is bullshit." Ya...after the shower I'll go play in my playpen and get alittle more prolific at bullshitting. Then an hour before the kids come home, I'll pop my junkie **** and greet the children with a phoney, drug induced "smile". (Like always.)BUT.......YOU PEOPLE HAVE GIVEN ME HOPE......I DID NOT HAVE THAT YESTERDAY. I sincerely wish to get to know you all better. I cannot see the proverbial "forest for the trees", and need "guides" to traverse this potentially lethal terrain. I do not know the "lay-out" of this land...but it IS grey/black and demon infested. I'm a MASTER of "gameplaying" and BSing....but that stopped yesterday... (I think?)
TRYINTOBERIGOROUSLYHONEST,
Sincerely,
garry (***@****)

[passenby]

WHOA WHOA wait a minute, now your talking about something I do know a little about.Do you think God would prefer you to just suffer I think not. Thats like calling a cancer patient a junkie.Just know what it is your dealing with ,take it for what it does, and deal with it as you can. Don't be so hard on yourself and believe in your reason for finding this place and these people. Don't forget we are his children . Would you feel annomosity towards your child if you found them in your condition?would you feel they must not love you if they could do this. Again I say think not. hang in there have faith he is the hound of heaven we are the ones that turn or back on him. I beleive in you and God. Good luck  you can do this.Didn't mean to preach.

[passenby]

I'll do better on your name next time just got excited after your post sorry.