My son, age 24, has had problems with drugs since he was 16. Two years ago he went to rehab health but never really gave up his drug habits. At first it was MJ, but has progressed to snorting diladin and opiate type drugs. I don't know if he has done Oxycontin or not. Anyway, he has been having nose bleeds and difficulty breathing as his nose is always running and congested. He uses inhalers to help, but until he gives up his snorting habits, I really worry what will happen to him.
Today was an intervention of sorts as his two older sisters came here to explain to us, his parents how serious his problems were. He is about to lose his job unless he goes for drug addiction therapy and kicks his habit. I am out on medical retirement and will turn 63 this year and my husband age 64 plans to retire at the end of this year. We don't know where to turn as whatever he does will impact on our lives and quality of life. He lives in our basement apartment but pays us monthly rent, which he is always good with. Without his rent we cannot stay living in this house as my husband didn't have a work pension and our income will be reduced considerably when he retires and only gets his old age pension.
We are prepared to stand by him and help him get through this addiction but can't put our lives on hold forever and wait for him to clean up his act. He is likable and has a good personality when he wants to but the drugs keep him from living a normal life. He sometimes stays up for two days straight and then has to sleep for two days straight to function again. He is also a heavy smoker so we fear for his health as the two habits are doing major problems with his lungs. He says that he doesn't do it everyday and sometimes has gone a couple of weeks without snorting, but his habits always seem to return.
He doesn't want to give up his current friends, which we suspect are doing the same thing that he is yet, we can't force him to do anything, since he is of legal age. Our daughters say that we are enabling him by letting him live with us and he doesn't have any responsibilities or things to worry about. Yet, how can you throw somebody out on the street when they need your help at a critical time in their life and it is winter out. If he loses his job, he will not be able to find another one without references and his current employer may not want to give him any.
I know that nobody can really help him except HIMSELF and if he has to really want to change and ask for help. He has agreed to go into a detox program, when they can find a bed for him. But at this stage of our lives I do not want to be his baby sitter until we die. I think the only reason he has agreed to go to detox is that he has no other alternative right now, but if he had the means he would continue on with his self destructive habits.
Sorry the post is so long, but I just needed a place to vent at the moment and hopefully gain some much needed advice.
Sometimes tough love is the only way. Until he is willing to help himself, there is not a lot you can do, just DO NOT enable him and DO NOT find excuses for him. I agree, you should not have to be his babysitter, you don't have to take on his addiction. I wish your family the best and here is a link for alanon, I think if you went it could help you, help him. Take care:)
I agree you cant babysitt for him forever but if you throw him out, what will happen. Go along to the meetings with him, help him go into rehab and see if he is really willing to do it this time. I know a lot of people will disagree with me but i couldnt just put my son out and just re-rent his room. We bring our kids into this world and i feel we must help them all the way, that is our job as mothers. Putting him out into the street could even make him worse and just put him into a downward spiral of harder drugs and a worse lifestyle. At least just now he is still working and giving you his rent money. Id give him all the help he needed and see what happens when he goes into rehab but i woulodnt make any rash decisions just now.....Kim
You need to go to Alanon. It would really help to show you how you are enabling your son and what you should do to help yourself first, and hopefully would be helping your son at the same time. His addiction is affecting you so much but you are making excuses for him. My mother does the same thing with my little brother. He is 22 and has been doing drugs since he was 16 as well. He tells me it is just a couple of times a month, but I don't believe him. He is always running out of money and needing to be bailed out of a situation every week because he goes through his money so fast. My parents give him money every Monday or Tuesday and he always has some excuse why he needs it. This is their baby and they won't let or make him grow up and pay the consequences of his own actions. I keep telling my mother what she needs to do but I feel like I am talking to a brick wall. She never takes my advice and then tells me I am jealous of my little brother. I guess they think I am jealous because they do so much for him. He took over my mother's new car and she let him. Instead of him going out and getting his own car, my mother gave him hers because my dad retired so now he can take her to work everyday. Not to mention them paying his cell phone every month, and they give him money for rent. This is all enabling him not to ever be responsible for himself. I feel sorry for him because they never put any boundaries on him. He doesn't even come to see them for their birthdays or for most family functions and hollidays. Even his own birthday two weeks ago he did not come to see them after my mom planned a family b-day party and baked him a cake. He said he had a headache or a tooth ache. I don't remember which it was. He is so selfish and only cares about himself.
Whatever you do, make your son responsible for himself so you are not a babysitter like you suggested. I highly recommend getting some Alonon material to read or go to a meeting. They are very informative and helpful. Good luck and God bless.
Thanks for taking the time to reply and your comments. We feel sorry for our son but we do not intend to enable him to continue with this drug lifestyle. We do not and won't give him any money or pay his cell phone etc and he knows that. But, at the same time, we are aware that by his renting our basement apartment that we are enabling him in a way. However, by having him here we can at least keep an eye on him and be in a position to help him out with his addiction. We had a serious talk with him today and he knows that this is his last chance. He has to go to addiction and clean up his life and regain our trust. If he can't do that, then he will have to fight this on his own, as we can no longer put up with it. His lifestyle and the worry over him OD'ng and the abuse of his physical health is affecting our lives too. I will check out the Alanon Support groups. Both my parents were alcoholics so I have seen addictions firsthand for most of my life and my husband is a recovered alcoholic too. The funny thing is that I swore I would never drink or do drugs or put my children through what I experienced and now I have to sit by and watch my son repeat it all over again, which just brings back even more sadder memories.
I had two serious surgeries this past summer and am still recovering from the hernia rupture and the total rearrangement of my stomach. I had enough injections of morphine and pain killers that would kill a horse but I still have my pain meds left over that I haven't even finished taking, since I didn't want to risk getting addicted to them. I suffer from nerve pain and take neurontin for that but only take the minimum dosage to ease the pain so I can sleep. I have suffered through burning nerve pain so bad that I would have sawed off the foot and leg to stop the pain. The sad reality is that too many people are fighting for their lives when they get sick with cancer, etc. and there are other cases that risk their lives on a daily basis by playing russian roulette with their drug use.
I have a son who is detoxing from pills as we speak..I want to know how to help him stay off the drugs.and does anyone know of a chip or something to that they put underthe skin to help stop the cravings?
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