Day 3 norco withdrawals

[ABalone]

Hi everyone. I come on here and read everyone's posts all the time, figured it was time to join. I'm 34 and have been on and off painkillers for the last 5 years. It started when I had knee surgery, I would get 35 7.5 Vic's at a time and they would last me a few weeks. Cut to a few years ago, I'm in and out of the er constantly for "back pain" (I broke my back when I was 18, no I never got into the pills then), really just trying to get more pills. About a year ago I found a pain doc, he prescribes me 150 10mg norcos or percs a month. At first they would last a few weeks, I was taking about 8/day. Well now I'm lucky if they last me 1 week, I'm taking 20-25/day. I have forged rxs (added pain pills to another rx), bought illegally, complained of "cough" to my doc to get codeine syrup when I run out of pills. I took my last norco 3 days ago, I really want to quit but I admit its going to be hard when all I can think about is going to my doc for more pills. I have to wait at least 2 weeks until I see him again, hopefully I will be able to be strong. Right now I feel so out of it, these few days have been total hell. I'm so depressed, sad, hopeless, anxious, have no appetite and my whole body aches, I feel like the biggest loser in the world. All I think about are these pills. Right now I've just been smoking lots of pot the last 3 days, taking ambien to help me sleep, taking lots of ibuprofen, energy drinks, water, bananas. I have an rx for soma that I might pick up tonight, but really nothing besides an opiate is going to get rid of this doomed feeling. Thankful to have my loyal dog at my side right now, he forces me to get outside for walks. If anyone out there can offer any support or tips to get through this I would appreciate it. I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow. I wish I never took that first Vicodin :(

[clean_in_ks]

You're making such progress....just since you started posting above.  Hearing the truth of addiction from other addicts is the only way to hear it.
We ALL became awesome liars.  We can't be honest with others until we are able to be honest with ourselves.  You are, right now, in the process of surrendering.  
You have 2 weeks before you can get more pills.  Why not do it now?  So you don't have to do this again and again and again.  You are still young.
Your family will LOVE you more...and be there for you.  You will LOVE yourself MORE because you will be FREE.  

Hang on to this:  you will ONCE AGAIN be active, artistic, smart, outgoing,
athletic and have close friends again.  The isolation from others and ALL we used to be and do in our lives is what addicts DO.  But you CAN recover....and you CAN be all you can dream again.

I pray you will make this you "final time".  Remember, we really don't need a backup plan.....if we are truly done.  The power of choice is awesome....and gift really.  Hope you will choose FREEDOM and a clean life~
Blessings to you,
Connie

[kyle505]

Does your family think you're perfect? Probably not. So, since they know and have accepted your past, they will certainly understand your current struggles. You have to involve them. No matter how much it hurts. I used for 15 years - my kids are 24, 20 and 18. You do the math...How much of their childhood did I miss? I'll never get those years back; talk about heartbreak.
And on top of that - imagine having your father - the provider, the strong one, the one with all the answers, the one you look up to as a child - imagine hearing that he's an addict and has been lying to everyone for 15 years. But they forgave and still love AND respect me.
You have to tell. Your emotions are in overdrive right now. That's why this all seems so difficult. But you have to tell. If you don't you will continue to use behind your secret.
K

[ariley13]

What you describe is very common addict behavior. Addicts will lie, cheat, and steal to get their drug of choice. I know how hard it is to tell loved ones that you are an addict. It is crucial though to tell at least one trusted person. We have to be accountable. Obviously none of us are very good at being accountable to ourselves, or we wouldn't be in this situation. Your family may be a little hurt at first, but they will support you. They will be so proud of you once they see that you are serious about your recovery. Please consider telling at least one person. We need all of the support that we can get!

[ABalone]

I'm so afraid to tell my family...Mom, dad, stepdad, brother. They love me and will support me but the thought of telling them right now breaks my heart. I went through a few months of cocaine addiction about 7 years ago (god, quitting that was nothing compared to this...), I told my family and quit cold turkey, it was pretty easy actually. The thought of telling them I ****** up...AGAIN...is horrible. Especially since they all think I've been doing so well these past years. Yep, I've become an AWESOME liar. I've even convinced myself of my own lies, like the pills are making me a better person, I'm happier and have more energy, I'm more social, I can control how many I take (yeah right), I'm not like other people, I won't become addicted. I believed all that crap. *sigh* in reality, I used to be an active, artistic, smart, outgoing, athletic person with close friends and interests and a life. Over the last few years I've pretty much stopped contact with all my friends, stopped skateboarding and drawing, lost my ability to think critically, basically I'm numb. I feel like an idiot at work, it's so hard for me to concentrate on anything. Rambling here, but as you all probably know it helps to write this **** down. Crying.....

[ariley13]

I have been clean for a little over 2 months. I just did it. Went cold turkey and never looked back. I actually went trough detox in a semi truck! My bf is a truck driver and I am out on the road with him. I was on the meds for legitimate pain. A lot of people on here started out that way. I just got so tired of depending on these pills to do everything. As Kyle said, the 3 S's are essential. You just really have to be sick and tired of being on the merry-go-round of opiates. Once you commit to quitting, you have to set up a plan for the steps you need to take to do that. Also now is a great time to start thinking about aftercare. AA/NA, counseling, etc. You can do this. I know that you can. You are going to have to cut off your sources though. That will be the thing that sends you right back to using if you don't do it. If you are seriously ready for this, and want it, talk to your dr. Stay on this site. It can be a great tool in your recovery. We want to see you succeed. Just remember, you can do this!

[kyle505]

All of us get to different points where we just can't do it anymore. On July 3rd I'll be clean for a year and a half - 18 months. Never, ever had that kind of clean time. The reason I got clean? I could no longer look at myself in the mirror (no drama, just the truth). The shame and regret would wash over me the minute I woke up in the morning and would never leave. The more meds I took the worse it got; the "high" lasted for maybe an hour or so, then the crap.
The way I did it was very simple...First, I cut all my sources. Told my doc, pharmacy, dentist, etc., that I'm an addict and should be red flagged as such. Then I told my secret; again, my doc, friends who used to give me meds (or if not I'd steal from them), and finally my wife, kids, family. THAT was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. They are now a important part of my support system. Which leads to the final piece - after care. I went to lots of NA meetings; got a sponsor. My wife is great to talk to but she is not an addict (doesn't understand the concept), and I need to talk to other addicts.
That's it. The 3 S's, as someone called them (Sources, Secrets, Support).
And I'll make you this promise - there is life after meds. It is wonderful. Really. Not that I don't still think about pills; my addict's brain never rests. But the longer I'm clean, the easier I can manage my mental cravings. I've accepted that this will be a life long struggle, and somehow after I accepted that, I felt sort of free.
K