Oh my goodness, I'm quite sick of this. I've been taking vicodin for about six years. It started out innocently with one 5/500 for the first 2-3 years - oh the pep in my step it gave me! Then a few years ago, of course, I started taking more. As of recent, I've been up to 8-10 7.5/300 a day. I've been really trying for about the last six months to quit it. The most I've been able to go without it is 11 days - and boy do I wish I had kept going to that 12th day, but well.......
So I'm now on day 4 and the hardest part for me has been the energy, although it's not half as bad as it was before. I started taking that new system, Thrive. It's working wonders for me compared to the last several times I've tried to quit. I didn't actually begin taking it for this reason - I wanted to take it for the benefits it says it has such as weight management, mental clarity, energy, etc, but it really has helped cut my withdrawals down tremendously. Incredibly, actually. I think without the Thrive my energy would be about half what it is and that would drive me crazy. I have two small children, and being an older mother, I have a hard time keeping up with them. Now, before anyone says anything - believe me, I'm not trying to promote or recommend Thrive in anyway. It's just what's helped me with the physical withdrawals. That said - it doesn't touch the mental part. I crave that little buzz of energy I get when I pop two vics - and it's amazing how much housework gets done, how much I can go outside and play with my kids, how much happier I seem to be because I'm not dragging around.
I know my addiction is hurting me - it's hurting my body. I know that. But I also know that it's not hurting my family or anyone else. I think that's kind of what always makes me go back to it too - my addiction isn't hurting anyone. I'm crabbier without it. I'm lethargic without it. I can't keep up with my kids without it. My personality only changes for the happier with it. I guess, and I'm hoping that after a few weeks or a month that I will have the full energy on my own - that my brain chemistry will change back and not depend on the opiates to make me upbeat.
Now on to another problem. I do need to get one more prescription filled because I took my mom's prescription - and I need to replace it before she notices. She was in a car accident last year and her doctor gave her 20. She's never taken even one. She just doesn't take pain pills unless it's absolutely necessary - I'm sure not like my mother, huh? But I know she has them, so I've taken them and replaced them when I've run out. I have to replace them now, and in order to do that, I need to fill one more script, and I need to do it next week when I'm able because if she find out I've taken hers then she is going to be furious with me. I'm scared every day that she's going to find her empty bottle before I can replace them. So....when I replace her 20, I'm left with 110. What to do with those? I guess I'll give them to my husband to get rid of - I'm really hoping I'm strong enough by next week to do that.
Here's to hoping. Hoping that I'm upbeat and have my own energy without the opiates. Hoping that I will stop missing that little buzz it gives me. Hoping that I can do this.