At the end of my rope

[lady67]

I feel like the most worthless persosn in the world.  I feel like my life means absolutely nothing to me or anyone else.  This is the worst I have ever felt. All i can think about is getting my hands on some pills.  I even called the person I got them from and none could be found.  I have drained my bank account by buying on the street and I dont know what I will do next.  Not only am I scared, but I am to the point of packing up and leaving town because I can't tell my husband.  Every bone in my body tellsl me that he will kick me out if I tell him what I have done.  Why not go ahead and leave now?

[desperado57]

Whatever you're doing and wherever you are, I hope you've had a chance to read the posts here. You haven't responded to anything posted, and it concerns me.  It's like you called 911, stated your emergency, but now we can't find you to help you!  :(

Count the posts - there are many people who care, and I'm sure there will be additional responses to your plea for help  Please come back.  The support here is incredible, and we will help you.

Chin up - you're strong enough to do what you have to do to get well.  "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR".  No offense intended to our male counterparts..:)

Hoping to hear from you soon....

Sue
x

P.S.  Thank you, Sara.  And, congrats on your promotion! :)

[spikiegirl]

I know how this feels.  I have never had to buy my drugs.  They were always prescribed.  However,  it doesn't really matter WHERE you get them from or if it's legal or not..addiction is addiction is addiction and it all ***** big time!!!  I have an addictive personality so I'll get addicted to most anything.  I am currently addicted to an opiate and when I don't have it the withdrawals are HORRIBLE!!!  Most of all, I wish I could find the strength or something from God to MAKE me strong enough to STOP......I'm scared to go into an inhouse program......why?? I don't know!! Just am!!

[trying23]

We have all been there... You can do it.  We are all here for you and you are not alone.  You are never alone here... Just ask for help, tell your husband, he love you and will understand.  One thing Ive learned is to be honest... Not only will you feel better getting it off your chest, you wont be lying to the one person who know all your secrets... YOURSELF.  I know its hard but you are not alone, please know that cause its very important.... Don't give up.

[10356]

Hi Lady.. I'm so sorry to read of the pain you are in.. addiction sure does screw with everything.. having a defeatist attitude will not take you very far nor will not surrendering and realizing you are helpless on your own.. we are only as sick as our secrets.. Get Honest go to AA NA Counseling the Forum.. do what you need to do..You are in a war for your life your family and your finances.. change up the attitude.. Do not look to run to the pills.. all they offer you is a grave.. grab life by the horns and reclaim the life you have built.. You can do this.. You have the Power to do this !! Do not give up on yourself !! lesa

[Holliee]

Hello If I were you I would give your husband a chance...You never will know unless you tell him. If you just pick up and leave then you will never know what he would have done. What if you tell him and he is so supportive of you. My husband was and I was very scared to tell him because he has never done anything or been addict to anything. At first he was shocked then maybe little hurt but in end very supportive and we made it to the other side.... Think about it please.

[ZJILLIAN]

You really need to find some help. AA? NA? call the local mental help crisis line ask them for help and or a referral. Remember the drug is doing the bad talking; it wants you to use. It is a war and you need reinforcements.

[dominosarah]

That was some great advice........keep it coming            sara

[desperado57]

I can't give you any advice about quitting because I am still on the wrong side of the tracks, but I'm working on it.

What I do want to say is that I am very concerned about your feeling "like the most worthless person in the world."  You sound desperate to me, and as my name implies, I too am desperate to get things under control, but I don't feel worthless.  Stupid, yes, embarassed yes, but dam* it, we all deserve to be happy and free from the monkeys on our back.

Please luv, talk to someone - your doctor, a therapist - most communities have counseling centers that don't turn away people who are unable to pay.  Or, perhaps a priest or minister or rabbi....someone! You are NOT worthless.  You don't want to compound the misery by falling into the darkness that is depression.  I've been there, and it's a long, tough fight out of the hole.

Talk to your husband.  It very well may be that your instincts are right - we usually know our spouses/partners pretty well - and that he will not be supportive, but at least talk to him, and don't do anything rash in the meantime.  You're out of money so where will you run to?  Try to calm down, and think this through rationally.

One of my favorite quotes, author unknown, is "When you get to the end of your rope, hold on tighter!"  Please, don't let go of the rope.  Hang in there, and please keep us posted.

[dominosarah]

Lady you are not a horrible person at all.  Your addiction is screaming at you and it is controlling you now.  You need to take back the control.  Where is your fight girl??  Look around and see all the things you have to be grateful for.  Make a list.  I am sure you do feel like noone cares right now but when we are actively using we keep everyone at arms length so they dont find out.  You have to tell your husband.  You are one to not keep secrets from him.  You gotta dig deep and get real honest with yourself and then your husband.  Turn the negative energy you are feeling into positive thinking.  You dont have to live like this.   We are always here to support you so let us.......sara

[abel04]

96 hours!  that's how long you are really i-want-to-die sick....it helped me to count down the hours.... you'll can do it, you have to do it & we're all behind you supporting  you helping you
annabel

[broknbck]

it sounds like you have reached the panic mode. you have to try and relax yourself. i know it is a ridiculous request.
if you are completely honest and explain everything to your husband it will help to relax you. he probably does not understand the dependancy part of it, so you have to really explain exactly what it feels like and how it has driven you to spend all the money on it. simply you just want to feel better, right? it is like being on heroin tell him. you may be surprised how understanding everyone can be. my family was very supportive and helped me thru mine. it has been almost a year since taking a pill. i used my horrible situation to educate everyone around me about how easy it is to get sucked into it and they all have learned from it. doctors are perscribing pain meds to everyone now for just about anything. then when you get hooked, they just leave you high and dry. you are no worse than all the others that have gotten caught up in this. it happens to the best of us. even nurses and doctors.
put your chin up. you are not a horrible person. that is what a husband is for. in sickness or health. for better for worse, right?

[scared1978]

I know what you're going through.  I'm into hour 36 and ready to kill myself!!!  I am doing this all by myself.  I can't tell anyone and I hate it.  Honestly, if I could get any pills I would but I can't.  We can be here to support each other.  God willing we will all get through this.

[Some_life1976]

oh sweetie i have been there how ling has it been since you took your last pill? i was useing for 3 years before my husban found out. i wanted to tell him so many time i just was so scared he would take the boys and leave but he didnt he was pissed and hurt and betrad but he stayed with me and help me through the worst days of my life all i did was cry i felt so guiltly for hideing that for so long spending money we didnt have lieing everyday to myself and my family the pills mess with your head  are you sure he would leave you?? you may be sirprised he may be mad but he just might already have some idea that theres something going on! he may be understanding and help you through this. and if you decide your leaveing why not just be honest first? i know what your going thrugh right now your sweating your achie your mind is telling you find more find more but i now i got to the point that the pills didnt even take the guilt away anymore i am only on day nine but i am so glad i had him hear to help me and this site the people here are wonderful please hang in there hun. take a hot shower cry your eyes out it helps and keep us posted you can do this

[Astray]

Sorry to hear how you feel, I and no doubt many others can relate to those feelings.

I'm the last person on Earth who should be giving relationship advice but try not to make any major decisions while in withdrawal, everything will look black and your thought processes will be totally messed up.

You need support, whether you get it here, in a group or at home just don't rush into anything. Things will get better, I know its easy to say and hard to believe but they will.