Aa
Depression as a withdrawal symptom
I had surgery for colon cancer when I was 20 and immediately after was diagnosed with severe acid reflux with stomach spasms. My family doctor has been prescribing me with percocet and Losec for pain for the last 2 years. I was taking 2 pills when required (approx. 2-3x/week). There have been days before when I didnt use anypills, and I was fine. The last 2 months before I quit my job was very stressful and I was experiencing pain all day, and I started to take percocet all day-everyday (not to exceed 5 pills/day) and Ativan 1mg (when required). I now find since leaving my job I am no longer experiencing any pain and would like to discontinue use. I stopped taking them 3 days ago and now am having cold sweats, shaking, moodswings, insomnia and SEVERE DEPRESSION/PANIC/ANXIETY. To relieve some of these symptoms I started to take 1/2 pill 3-4x/day. I am no longer experiencing the shaking but still have the depression/panic. I have just started a new job and feel that I don't want to or can't do it. It comes and goes numerous times throughout the day and is so overwhelming I have to force myself not to just walk away from the job. Is this a symptom of withdrawal or am I even having withdrawals at all? If it is a symptom of withdrawal, can I expect that sooner or later it will deacrease then be eliminated completely? I am desperate to find an answer as the 3 doctor's I've seen just gave me Darvon or some other prescription that I dont think I want.
Hey tom,
Read your sincere post. I am so sorry to hear about the the decision your management made based on missing one small ASS meeting without consideration of the impact it would have on an important member of the team. (Poor Management in my opinion). One meeting does determine the outcome of a product. The Company has a schedule and if you meet that schedule so what if you missed that meeting. You seem to me to be a very well respected professional in your field and with your company. Maybee the V.P. screwed you on this project by taking the leadership role away from you just to send you a message. If he is smart he is going to watch how YOU respond to this decision and if you act like a team player and bust ass on this project no matter who is in charge and meet the company's goals then HE WILL BE IN AWE OF YOU. Take this situation and channel the negativity of the situation into something positive because it will BENEFIT you and your company and everything will fall into your lap. If you appear to be upset and pissed it will only HURT you. Hang in there we are all together here...Tom G.
Read your sincere post. I am so sorry to hear about the the decision your management made based on missing one small ASS meeting without consideration of the impact it would have on an important member of the team. (Poor Management in my opinion). One meeting does determine the outcome of a product. The Company has a schedule and if you meet that schedule so what if you missed that meeting. You seem to me to be a very well respected professional in your field and with your company. Maybee the V.P. screwed you on this project by taking the leadership role away from you just to send you a message. If he is smart he is going to watch how YOU respond to this decision and if you act like a team player and bust ass on this project no matter who is in charge and meet the company's goals then HE WILL BE IN AWE OF YOU. Take this situation and channel the negativity of the situation into something positive because it will BENEFIT you and your company and everything will fall into your lap. If you appear to be upset and pissed it will only HURT you. Hang in there we are all together here...Tom G.
Well I cant say that i have any legitimate reason for using painkillers - but slowly over the past year i have become addicted. I live in an area that has an epidemic going on with herion and opiate use, with oxycontins being the most widely abused drug lately. You can sell a 80mg pill here for $100 easy. People are stealing and robbing for them - and I know so many people that are completely caught up in this nasty circle of addiction. As for myself, i hold down a couple of good paying jobs, so i can afford to spend 20 to 40 bucks a day on pills. But that leaves no money for anything else and also keeps me using, making me more of an addict.
Reading all of these posts makes me feel better that i am not alone and also worse cause i know i have to quit sometime and its going to be hell. I cant miss anymore time at work (trying to get a promotion) since ive already used up sick time for those days when i couldnt find anything. And i dont want to go to rehab if at all possible. However i feel that its becoming necessary. Im ashamed of having to do it, and i know that it will hurt me at work even though no one has to know why i had to take time off.
Right now I usually am snorting about 20 to 30 mgs a day of oxy. This would be an average day. Sometimes I do up to 50 if i feel like splurging. I try not to ever do them in the morning so that my body doesnt get used to needing it to get out of bed. But after work i start and do it till i go to bed in little doses. When i cant get oxys i get percs or vics and chew 2 or 3 and that works the same.
Ive tried quitting pretty much cold turkey (had some muscle relaxers and trasidone) a while ago and it sucked but i only missed a day and a half from work and went 6 days before slipping back in again. However this was when i was only doin about 10mgs a day. I had some problems sleeping, but i could sleep, had some cold sweats, muscles sore, yawns, and general overall lack of all energy. I managed to get through the days and even through some full work days.
Im scared to even try this again now.
Ive tried tapering lately but i guess im not ready to make the full effort cause i keep going back to a 40mg day again without fail. I have it in my mind that i will get a supply, ration it out for 2 wks to taper down to 5 mg a day - but im not sure if this is even worth attempting.
Gotta go for now if anyone has any thoughts for me id love to hear.
Reading all of these posts makes me feel better that i am not alone and also worse cause i know i have to quit sometime and its going to be hell. I cant miss anymore time at work (trying to get a promotion) since ive already used up sick time for those days when i couldnt find anything. And i dont want to go to rehab if at all possible. However i feel that its becoming necessary. Im ashamed of having to do it, and i know that it will hurt me at work even though no one has to know why i had to take time off.
Right now I usually am snorting about 20 to 30 mgs a day of oxy. This would be an average day. Sometimes I do up to 50 if i feel like splurging. I try not to ever do them in the morning so that my body doesnt get used to needing it to get out of bed. But after work i start and do it till i go to bed in little doses. When i cant get oxys i get percs or vics and chew 2 or 3 and that works the same.
Ive tried quitting pretty much cold turkey (had some muscle relaxers and trasidone) a while ago and it sucked but i only missed a day and a half from work and went 6 days before slipping back in again. However this was when i was only doin about 10mgs a day. I had some problems sleeping, but i could sleep, had some cold sweats, muscles sore, yawns, and general overall lack of all energy. I managed to get through the days and even through some full work days.
Im scared to even try this again now.
Ive tried tapering lately but i guess im not ready to make the full effort cause i keep going back to a 40mg day again without fail. I have it in my mind that i will get a supply, ration it out for 2 wks to taper down to 5 mg a day - but im not sure if this is even worth attempting.
Gotta go for now if anyone has any thoughts for me id love to hear.
Just listening to your story I have a pit in my stomach. It's the worst feeling ever when your addiction causes you to do something and the consequences seem irreversable. I have never read a post like this from you and it is almost frightening. I read your posts everyday for reasurrance and I have never seen you this down. It just goes to show how much power these pills have over your life.
Tom, it is a shame that this has happened and I can only imagine how hard it will be for you to face your co-workers everyday but you are a strong person. The good thing is, is that you are right now indispensable within that organization and you can still rectify this situation. The important thing is that you understand how this has happened and how you can prevent this from happening again. If you look at your old posts, they are so inspirational and I think that the best advice you can seek right now is the advice that you have offered that has helped so many of us get through times like this.
You are very experienced with this and you are one of the most knowledgable people that I have seen on this board. I know it is easier said than done but I think you should view this as an event in your life that you can strive to make better and use it as an incentive to your recovery.
I hope you are feeling better Tom.
Take Care!
Tara
Tom, it is a shame that this has happened and I can only imagine how hard it will be for you to face your co-workers everyday but you are a strong person. The good thing is, is that you are right now indispensable within that organization and you can still rectify this situation. The important thing is that you understand how this has happened and how you can prevent this from happening again. If you look at your old posts, they are so inspirational and I think that the best advice you can seek right now is the advice that you have offered that has helped so many of us get through times like this.
You are very experienced with this and you are one of the most knowledgable people that I have seen on this board. I know it is easier said than done but I think you should view this as an event in your life that you can strive to make better and use it as an incentive to your recovery.
I hope you are feeling better Tom.
Take Care!
Tara
well, well, well ... here we are again. I'm writing this at 5PM Sunday. I've got to go into work in an hour. Why? Because I got myself into major dutch at what should be a dream job. What happened? I'm writing the manuals for a new piece of software as it is being developed. We have this ridiculous date to go to beta because the company is desperate to bring out a new product before they issue their first IPO. So, here I am -- in charge of writing these books while trying to deal with my addiction. Naturally, I can't tell anyone at work why one day I seem to be on top of things and then totally lost the next (when I run out of my pain pills). Last Friday, I had a choice: make my doctor appointment so that I could get all my meds refilled, or go to a meeting about this rush-rush project. Guess which I did. I rationalized some excuse to make the doctor appointment and then returned to work, totally flush with the drugs that keep me going, feeling on top of things again. Five o'clock comes around and I get an e-mail. For missing the meeting my name is mud and the VP takes the leadership role away from me and puts me under another writer, who is now in charge of the project. I now work for someone who last week worked for me. Embarrassed doesn't quite cover it. They can't afford to fire me because no one else knows enough about the software. But, now, I get the silent nods from project directors that called me by my first name last week. I'm now "the guy who can't be counted on." Why did this happen? Drugs. Always drugs. I look back at my life and all the squandered opportunities and trace the causes. I don't have to look very far. Drugs. The taking, the finding, the buying of drugs and all the hung over mornings when I called in sick so I could get high and pull the bed sheet over my head and hide from my responsibilities. Every single failure in my life can be traced to some or all those aspects of using prescription narcotics. So here I am, about to come into work on a Sunday evening just to salvage whatever is left of my reputation. AND I CAN'T TELL ANYONE WHY!!!!!
Only to my friends on this forum can I say these things and know that I will be understood. Not excused, just understood. I have what should be a dream job with great pay and great opportunities and what am I doing? Just what I always do. Seek out, obtain and use pain pills or risk coming apart at the seams. Thirty years of almost making good, almost achieving that special thing, almost, almost , almost. I think that my headstone should read "He was almost someone."
Chad, tara, Maryanne, Dan, JB, Charlie, Katie, Brighty (and so many more)
Only to my friends on this forum can I say these things and know that I will be understood. Not excused, just understood. I have what should be a dream job with great pay and great opportunities and what am I doing? Just what I always do. Seek out, obtain and use pain pills or risk coming apart at the seams. Thirty years of almost making good, almost achieving that special thing, almost, almost , almost. I think that my headstone should read "He was almost someone."
Chad, tara, Maryanne, Dan, JB, Charlie, Katie, Brighty (and so many more)
face it, you're an addict, like the rest of us. Doesn't matter how you started. Self-tapering is extremely difficult, and you're using a drug with a particularly addictive quality and nasty withdrawal. You need to seek professional help. Since you work, perhaps you have insurance and can get medically detoxed, after which you will have to cope with the psychological part of your addiction (the part that makes it impossible to taper) with AA or NA meetings.
go to AA and NA's web sites with meetings listed all over the place. Cheer up. You're not alone at all. You started taking a powerful and powerfully addicting medication for a legitimate reason, percocet, and the inevitable happened. You're physically and psychologically hooked like everyone on this site. But help is out there. Your doctor could refer you to a detox, or, since you've got a new job and can't take time off, detox you as an out-patient -- not as comfortable, but at least you have someone else supervising your recovery. It' best to get detoxed first, then find some AA or NA meetings in your area to go to. It's scary walking in to a meeting the first time, but that evaporates in the first five minutes when you realize that you are with people who accept you, people who have experienced what you're experiencing, people you can be totaly honest with, since it is anonomous. No one will force you to talk, but it's highly recommended that you do. Tell them your story and just watch all the looks of recognition in the room. You'll realize that you're just a normal, decent person with nothing to be ashamed of. Addiction is a disease and help is out there. Ask for a sponsor when you speak. You'll learn why. About the darvocet: darvon or darvocet is a lower grade narcotic but is good at relieving the withdrawal symptoms of drugs like percocet. If they offer you some, take them and see if they help. As long as you don't use the darvon for too long, it would be easier to taper than the stronger percocet you're on. Percocet is oxycodone and is considered to be in the morphine class of narcotics, so it's very, very serious stuff. Just don't try to do all this alone. Secrecy will just keep you using. Find some meetings you feel comfortable in; don't just accept the first meeting you find. That's important. And, from what you've said, I'd personally recommend trying AA meetings over NA. You might be more comfortable there. Besides, all those drinkers are pill addicts too, just like you. Remember: there is no shame in what you've done. Hold your head up high and ask for that help. You'll make it, tara. You're in very good company. Take care. Post again, if you want to talk. Good luck.
go to AA and NA's web sites with meetings listed all over the place. Cheer up. You're not alone at all. You started taking a powerful and powerfully addicting medication for a legitimate reason, percocet, and the inevitable happened. You're physically and psychologically hooked like everyone on this site. But help is out there. Your doctor could refer you to a detox, or, since you've got a new job and can't take time off, detox you as an out-patient -- not as comfortable, but at least you have someone else supervising your recovery. It' best to get detoxed first, then find some AA or NA meetings in your area to go to. It's scary walking in to a meeting the first time, but that evaporates in the first five minutes when you realize that you are with people who accept you, people who have experienced what you're experiencing, people you can be totaly honest with, since it is anonomous. No one will force you to talk, but it's highly recommended that you do. Tell them your story and just watch all the looks of recognition in the room. You'll realize that you're just a normal, decent person with nothing to be ashamed of. Addiction is a disease and help is out there. Ask for a sponsor when you speak. You'll learn why. About the darvocet: darvon or darvocet is a lower grade narcotic but is good at relieving the withdrawal symptoms of drugs like percocet. If they offer you some, take them and see if they help. As long as you don't use the darvon for too long, it would be easier to taper than the stronger percocet you're on. Percocet is oxycodone and is considered to be in the morphine class of narcotics, so it's very, very serious stuff. Just don't try to do all this alone. Secrecy will just keep you using. Find some meetings you feel comfortable in; don't just accept the first meeting you find. That's important. And, from what you've said, I'd personally recommend trying AA meetings over NA. You might be more comfortable there. Besides, all those drinkers are pill addicts too, just like you. Remember: there is no shame in what you've done. Hold your head up high and ask for that help. You'll make it, tara. You're in very good company. Take care. Post again, if you want to talk. Good luck.
I was doing so well with tapering off of this percoset, I had a really bad day today and just took 4 after I got down to 1 a day. Does this mean that I have to start over? I am very upset I feel like I totally failed and now I want to throw it up before it hits me but I cant. I am more depressed than ever right now. Please, can somebody give me some reasurrance as I am alone right now and very upset. I feel like a total screw-up. What am I supposed to do now? I feel like I am throwing my life down the drain. I am only 22 and thought I was past all this or working towards it and now I am right back where I started. I cant stop crying, and I'm shaking and I dont know why and I feel like I have a very weak mind. Please somebody tell me where do I go from here?
Tara
Tara
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