Depression problem, plz help

[CleandUP]

Hey guys I need some help/advice. I am really down right now, (in tears) it is day 12 for me and I feel nothing more than depressed. My life feels pointless. I know this will go away after time but I really don't know if I can deal with it. My g/f and I have got in a fight today, tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary and valentines day. I just don't know. I feel that I need to be "high" or my mind needs to be somehow altered to be happy again. And to be myself again. I did this to myself and I am just so ashamed..the only thing I feel I can do is pray. I want to be happy, but more than ne thing else, want my g/f to be happy.
                                

[worried878]

Agree with NICK...exercise releases endorphins that your brain has been getting by u taking pills...If u take something long enough and your body doesnt have to produce it...it will just quit as the body knows it is not needed anymore..it will come back tho...u have heard of finatics that cant quit exercising because it becomes the only way they can get that "high"   Now I am not talking about going to that extreme.....I went to eat oysters with my friends and everyone was complaining of being tired...not users mind you...I had been to the gym and it was so weird...I said..."I am not tired"  I was so tired when I got to the gym and after thirty minutes I was kicking....I am 7 days clean...first day clean I only made it for 20 minutes on the treadmill...have been every day and went an hour today full force....I just can not tell you how good it cn make you feel but I do know how hard it is to make yourself do it....some cant do this type of exercise...I have a chronic back condition but found that when I do nothing it did not feel any better than when I stay active....there is some type of exercis that almost anyone can incorporate...has been a life saver for me but know everyone is different

[CleandUP]

Thats a good idea, even better tho, I have a great heart-shaped box ( kind of like the song , lol) of chocolates. It has a great quote that she'll love. I think I'll give that to her tonight. Thanks for the advice!

[VicUser]

Hey, why don't you make your girlfriend some chocolate chip cookies or brownies. Baking with chocolate is a direct path to their heart.

[VicUser]

Be very careful when you have kids or you will warp them and the will become Engineers too. I have one done and an Officer in the Air Force and the other one starts OSU in the fall.

[CleandUP]

He's right about the sense of humor thing. even so much to where I am in a good mood now!!! thanks!!!

[CleandUP]

Thats a good one. haha me and my friend mad a song for a freshman engineering seminar goes kinda like " TI 83- you know were shining dawg, e to the x we look back and do our natural log, you know we multiply, while memorizing pi, take limits to the sky, be sure to simplify" "distance is rate times time, the sine graph ain't no line, exponential decline, your grade can't beat mine" lol that was great and pretty funny.

[VicUser]

For anyone reading this and wondering what we are talking about and why. We engineers are warped and have a very strange sense of humor and party topics

[VicUser]

Oh, OK I had 4 calc classes and diffy Q. I feel better now knowing your getting all you paid for

[VicUser]

One more quick one. During Engineers on campus one year they were selling T-Shirts That said Lim as GPA approaches 0 in Engineering = Business School. It sort of looses something not in proper notation

[CleandUP]

Diff EQ is calc 4 (Differential Equations is the name of the class) here. lol but yeah that is what is mostly applied in engineering problems.

[VicUser]

WHAT, no diffy Q, your being cheated. Quick move to Ohio we'll show you the light.

[CleandUP]

Haha good idea. I believe that would be in polar coordinates and cartesian coordinates are enough for me. Yeah I'm in Calc 4 right now, we'll see how it goes but after this semester, done w/calc! As far as a foreign language, I am semi-fluent in Spanish due to 3 years in highschool, traveling in Mexico, and mostly having a friend whom is an international student from Ecuador : )

[VicUser]

Calc and English were the tough parts for me. Calc I was always a quarter behind on the learning curve and English I still don't get. I'm just glad I didn't have to take a foreign language. Hey you could impress her with 1-sin(theta), as you know, it graphs a heart.

[CleandUP]

I agree with the whole love from a woman thing. I tell her I love her as much as I can and how thankful I am to have such a person in my life. I can't wait for her to come home tonight because just the touch of her lets me know I am important to someone. Electrical engineer huh? Man, taking physics 2 (magnetism and electronics) was enough for me lol. Mad props on that though, heard its one of the toughest. Thanks for your help!

[VicUser]

Write, call, e-mail or if you have to send smoke signals. Tell her your sorry, tell her how much you love her and that you need a hug. There is nothing better for depression than the love of your woman and her touch. After many fights in the 30 years I have know my wife sooner or later I have relized that she was right. Even if I wasn't wrong, she was right. BTW I am a EE and totally understand about writing papers. I once explained to a history prof that I can write proper equations, but have problems with proper sentences. She said she understood and cut me a little slack.

[flmagi]

Yes, the depression is a normal part of withdrawels, especially where you are at with them.  But..... if you find the depression is not lifting in a week or 2 and feel it's getting worse, then you may want to see a doctor about it. The damage we have done to ourselves can/ does alter your brains chemistry and you may find the depression lasting to long or getting to severe. I was clean for 2 months but ended up so depressed, I relapsed.  Don't let this happen to you. I'm not saying run out right now and get anti-depressants, just don't let it go to long or to severe.
Good luck and Happy Valentaine Day!!

[Jacqui805]

I'm glad you've got some clarity.  Letting it out really does help.  Sometimes it helps just to know that you're not alone and that others really do know what you're going through.  I'm glad to know that you've got your mom and your girfriend to talk to.  The more the merrier, especially because sometimes we need to find the right person to talk to about whatever we're dealing with.  Good luck with your paper tomorrow.  Having that out of the way will be a relief I'm sure.  

Glad to help,

Jacqui

[mimi1313]

I know what you mean about the paper. My degree is in Biology and I hated the English classes. I think if you are science/engineeriing based its hard to write long papers. We're used to scientific reports, just facts.

I really hope you have a better day tomorrow. I went on Lexapro and it really helped me. I'm not saying you should do that. Just telling you what worked for me.
If you need anything, let me know. And it is okay to just cry and go with your emotions,

There are good days ahead, I promise!

[CleandUP]

Thank you, that helps. I know about the good days and bad days, I guess today was just one of the worse days. I am feeling a little better now, like you said, crying and getting it out just needs to be done sometimes. I thought I would never say something like that, being a 20 year old male. But I have come to realize that life is a precious thing and needs to be taken wisely. Who cares if your a guy and cries, my g/f tells me that she loves having a sensitive b/f because I have a big heart. I grew up with a dad who was "the hard *** type" and my mom divorced him 2 years ago after 26 years of marriage. My mom and g/f are the ones who I feel I can talk to whenever and about whatever. I will keep my head up and go on. Thank you again, I really appreciate your understanding

[jim811]

Hey There...

Can you exercise...cardio, swim, weights, racquetball, etc?  Exercise helps because natural endorphins are released as you push yourself...natural high :-)

With exercise comes need for food, H2o ad more....

Day 23 ... exercise and few other things (no drugs) came through big for me...

Be cool with yourself first....

Nick

[Dmom55]

Hello...
As you may know...anytime you use drugs to alter the chemicals in the brain...as in the feel good natural chemicals....your brain chemistry begins to change.  Soon, you need the drug to have the same good feelings you had before the drug. Your brain can't make them naturally for a while and needs time to heal. So then depression hits.  You didn't say what drug you were using?

Please take solice in kowing your brain needs time!!  The depression is part of the w/d and healing because your brain isn't use to feeling good without a drug. It will get better and YOU WILL feel happy again without drugs. Depending on the drug, it can take up to 4 weeks to begin to feel good but each day it gets better!  Right now your brain is confused and as 'allaboutmary' said, this is also the addiciton feeding your mind trying to get you to feed it!   It's a perpetual thing.....  
I learned at Betty Ford to think of the addiction as a seed in your brain, the more you water the seed (addiction)... the more the seed grows and the more it grows...the bigger the plant becomes and it controls your mind to want more water (drugs). You have to stop watering and starve the addiction to kill the plant!  

Keep telling yourself you're doing this for your g/f and mainly for YOU!  It helps if you can talk with your g/f and she can support you.  Also, this way she will know the depression is not personal or towards her. I hope you are able to be open with her.

Are you going to any NA or AA meetings?  Do anything you can to get support...it helps to reach out like your are on here when you're feeling low.  Hang in there....YOU CAN and WILL have a better quality of life and a better life with your girlfriend, in every aspect once you get past this. Think of the depression as the flu, it's an illness and it will get better. If you need too.. you can get a therapist or doctors help too...Do anything you can to stay the course.

Don't be ashamed, you're human, no one is perfect. You're on a positive path now so embrace that!!  All any of us can do is learn from our life struggles and you will grow wiser, stronger and HAPPIER!

Remember this when you're feeling weak and KEEP repeating to yourself!
         "You're worth it!!"  "Don't water the plant and it will die!"

May God Bless you and keep you strong!
Dmom55

[Jacqui805]

Like everyone said, the depression is normal.  I know it took me by surprise.  It all came to a head a couple days ago and I was a bawling mess.  I do feel better today.  It will pass.  I'm sorry about the fight you had, and this holiday thing can be stressful in and of itself too.  Alot of people blow off the trouble and stress younger folks have and forget that at different stages in life we get different troubles.  They're all stress no matter what they are, they just change from year to year.  My daughter was stressed out bigtime last week and talked to me and cried about it and felt better afterward.  She just needed to get it out, and I think it helped her to know I understood (she's 16).  Hopefully talking about it here helps?  Good luck with your paper and your girlfriend.  - Jacqui

[road2recovery]

unfourtuntly this is so normal....who would of through after all our bodies go through detox, depression would come next..I was on lexapro so thank god i didn't have it too bad.....But all these things should give you more reason to never go back....
Just go forward and everyday will get better...When everyone would tell me that i was like when?  and i hung in there and it does, actually you will get so many good feelings back, better then the bad ones...you will want to do so much more with your g/f., and u will wonder how and why were you so numb before and didn't even notice the simple touch she will give you will make your day...Or the simple hug or touch you give her, you will actually feel it like the first time you felt those butterflies...LOL...it is true..

you are so young have so much to look forward too..
Also, what are you going to school for??  think about your future, how hard you worked through school to get the career you want...These days they are drug testing like crazy...i know where my husband works, he is the one that orders the test...GO FIGURE!! lol...Anyway his company have decided to do hair analisis s/p? instead of urine, etc.....Just try to think on all the positive...But we know the depression can get bad...I SO hope you can get passed it...YOU have come so far!!!!
KEEP GOING!!  u will be surprised, wishing you strenght!
r2r

[CleandUP]

A paper for my IAH class. Latin America and the World..it's a humanities class that Michigan State Univ. requires students to take. The bad thing is I suck at writing/literature hence I am a Civil Engineering major. So...I gotta write about the book La Malinche and I am just totally not interested because I am so down and out..it sucks knowing I am only 20 years old and I have got to such a point in my life and I wonder what the hell else is ahead of me