Found heroin on boyfriend again! need some help please

[tiff7598]

Last week i found heroin in my boyfriends bag.  He had a bad problem with it for about two years and has claimed to not be using for the past year and a half.  We have been together for almost a year and moved in with me two months ago.  I found it on him a couple of months ago and he claimed that it was not what i think, that he had done it just once.  Like a fool i took his word for it.  Then last week i thought he was acting weird and something was not right so i looked in his bag and found three bags of herion.  When i confronted him he flipped out on me and told me he has just been partying a little that he does not have a habbit and that i am blowing it way out of proportion.  I am sick over this i dont know what to do. Do I kick him out, do i give him another chance? Also i bought a home drug test and he did not want to take it because he says it stays in your system for a month, i though it only stayed in your system for three days. is he lying about that to.  sorry this is so long but i wanted you to have all the info

[Mightyted]

No One uses Heroin recreationaly. I am on rehab #10 in 3 years with my fiance and belive me there is nothing you can do to make them quit. Hide your money and valuables. Don't believe words only actions. And let them know that you love them, but be tough! They will lie cheat and steal from GOD. It is absolutely not in their control. So my advice is shield yourself. Give help to get clean ,but zero help to use. Good Luck

[FLaddict]

Can he get into a half way house or some kind of "sober living" place?? Having him come home after only a week in detox is not a great idea. I think he and you both need more time. Addicts will tell you what they think you want to hear so they can gain your trust back. I don't think its a good idea to let him back after only a week. Maybe a month of him being clean, and then with strict rules like outpatient, random drug testing, and NA meetings.
For you, some Alanon meetings would be great. Also some co-dependency counseling. You need to be strong and stop supporting his choice to kill himself.  

[tiff7598]

Latest update. It turns out my boyfriend checked himself into a detox on monday.  He will be there till saturday.  This is my big problem, he wants to come back home and i dont know if i should let him.  He promises that i can drug test him when ever i want and that he is done with it.  I just dont know what to do.  i know its a good thing that he went to detox but it is not a rehab.  Do i let him back in under the terms that he has to continue treatment in an outpatiant thing and have to get a job right away and give him this one last chance or do i just tell him no.  I miss him so much its killing me but i am terrified at it all happening again.

[tiff7598]

Hey every one.  Could not post in a couple of days, i have been home sick with pneumonia and could barely move.  Well friday night he called me and asked if he could come home because he had no where else to go so i felt bad and was to sick to argue and let him.  Saturday morning he was cranky and irritable, I left to go to the doctor early and by the time i came back he was done he said he had stuff todo.  by 9pm i was really pissed he knew how sick i was and did not give a ****.  He kept calling n saying he would be home soon and of course he just never came home.  He did not call me till monday.  I was so upset that the first thing i said to him was when are you comming to get your ****. He blew up at me calling me selfish and all i do is worry about me and the he is going through alot of **** right now and all i say is come get your stuff.  Guys am i crazzy? What the hell did he expect me to say to him.  It turns out that he totaled his car at 2am in the morning but i did not know that. but besides that what were you doing driving into the city at 2am.  he really must think i am stupid!!!!  Is it me? am i being selfish? Then he had the nerve to call me yesterday and ask if he could come home and i told him no.  It took everything i had to tell him no but i did it.  I miss him so much its killing me.  but he is just in such denial that he is using.  God i hope i am doing the right thing!

[mak17]

i have been reading all of this and think you have done the right thing if he is gone.
i am putting my fiance through my addiction and w/d right now and know how much it is affected the trust we have.  i also know if i do not stick to my word to get off of this and recover, that trust will be gone and i will lose someone who cares so much about me and is willing to fight through this with me.  your bf has destroyed your trust.  he needs tough love from you.  you have sufferred enough and have to start your own recovery;  i know it takes so much strength but it sounds like you are getting there.  just as he needs to feel it is time to get over his addiciton, YOU need to realize it is time to treat yourself better as well...no one can  tell you when that will be.  stay strong and remember your worth.

[mr.lucky66]

I hope he is gone. Junkie's emotions and reations don't make sense. I was that junkie, sort of. all the best

[MizDemeanor]

Tifffffffffffffff are you out there? What happened last night with the bf? I hope you are doing ok. I am sending positive energy your way, please catch it ;)
Peace

[worried878]

You are young..I would run..I know you love him but we do not always love what is best for us..If he is not willing to stop or get help...i would get out...thats me,,,you have alot of life left to live...it will not be any fun with a junkie or addicted person...I knew if I ever wanted a relationship, I had to give it up....people dont like addicts for relationships unless they are one as well...then I guess it really gets crazy...keep posting

[MizDemeanor]

Thanks for letting me know, Tiff. I hope he is gone when you get home. Sounds like he is out of junk for now, hence his anger and bad behavior towards you. Dont take it personally that he is "mad" its typical behavior. He's mad at the world right now. Hopefully you putting him out will make him realize he does need treatment. If he doesnt, then he wasnt going to stop while living with you either, and now its going to be in HIS court to do something or not. Always remember, its not something you created and you cannot "fix" it. (I know thats harder than it sounds) I hope he does seek treatment, and gets his life in order.
Hang strong my friend, and please keep us posted. We do care. *hug*

[tiff7598]

HI MizDemeanor,

Yes i am fine. I stopped home on my lunch break at work to see if he was up yet.  He was not there so i called him and he acted like nothing was wrong.  I asked him if he even read the letter, he said he looked over it real quick! What an *******!  Then i told him that he should start making arraingments to go somewhere else because i cant take it any more and that he should go to rehad.  he got really mad and said i dont know what the hell i am talking about and he would make other arraingments and hung up the phone on me.  I just dont get how he can have the nerve to be mad at me! I just dont get it! And he also said that he was tired of me telling him what he is doing and what he should do.  I just hope he is gone by the time I get out of work because i just dont want to face him.  But dont worry the people who live up stairs from me will be home so i wont be there with him if he flips.

[MizDemeanor]

Tiff are you out there? I'm thinking of you and what happened when the bf woke up (if he has yet) and read the letter. Please know we are here for you and please keep us posted. I cannot quit thinking about what you are going through, believe me girl, been there done, that, the tshirt slucked, LOL.
Hang tough, and please let us know how you are. Also please remember what I said about confrontations. If he gets mad, get OUT of his way.
*tapping fingers on desk, hoping Tiff is ok*

[treglx]

If your goal in life is to have kids, then it is  your responsibility to to find the best man to be the father of your kids. Be smart about it. As of now you aren't married to, or have kids with this guy. Cut your losses.
There are alot of fish in the sea.........why start out with problems?

[mr.lucky66]

He was sleeping and felt bad because he was coming off dope. It makes you sleepy when it wears off then you wake up and feel worse. You are doing the right thing. He needs to go and not drag you down with him. all the best

[nuredshuz]

Good for you girl!!  I hope and pray you have the strength to stay strong even when he tries to manipulate you and lie to you so he can have "one more chance" to stay there and behave.  He is gonna be lying to you when he says all that sh!~t.  He is a herion addict and he needs rehab help.  He isnt gonna be able to quit that stuff on his own.  If he goes for the help, great, God bless! Please remember your health is JUST AS important as his, you need sanity and for you it is him OUT either in rehab or gone.  You have support here and I hope you try and get some face to face either in al anon or some other type of support group.  I really am routing for ya.  peace ~

[MizDemeanor]

Tiff,
There is another thing no one has mentioned that could be dangerous to you. Confronting and giving ultimatums to a high person who doesnt want to stop can be PHYSICALLY dangerous. NOTHING is as important as his heroin right now. Not even himself. If you try to take it from him he could get violent. As I stated before I was married to a hard core coke addict when I was your age. I can promise you it was NOT pretty. Please honey....just get some back up when you put him out, if you are planning that. I am not saying that he definately would get violent but it does happen. He is not in his "right" mind, and anyone or anything trying to stop him from getting his drug is going to make him mad.
Please take care of yourself. This is going to affect the rest of your life if you stay with him, and more than likely not in a good way.
Peace.

[tiff7598]

Thanks guys, you have know idea how this site is helping me right now.  You guys are the only thing i have right now.  Yesterday i got home from work at 5:30 and he was sleeping.  I tried to wake him up around 7 and said he does not feel good went back to bed and did not wake up till 4:30am!  So this morining i left him a note basically saying that i know he is lying and that maybee he should leave because i cant live like this anymore.  The lies and the ******** and that he does not even think about how he is hurting me.  My stomach is in knots right now, waiting for him to wake up and read the letter.  I feel like i am going to puke!  God please give me the strengh to tell him to get out! And not cave into his lies.

[avisg]

I think you missunderstood newmang post he , was upset that someone would suggest she NEEDS stay with him .
avis

[Ghilly]

Sweetie, I know this is your relationship and not mine, but if I were you, I would get off on my own and away from this guy.  He's obviously not ready to stop using, and as long as he's not ready, he's only going to lie to you about it.  And because you love him and want to believe him, you will believe him, but you're only kidding yourself and enabling him to continue using in the process.  You've been together a year, true enough, but unless he decides to get clean, it's going to have been a wasted year, and the longer he doesn't get clean, the more of your life is going to be wasted.  You're so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't use it up waiting around for someone who doesn't seem to want to help himself.  If, after you leave, he is jarred back to reality by losing you and decides to get clean, then go back if you love him.  But sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.  You said that you want kids, but do you want their dad to be a heroin addict?  You'll never know whether or not he's telling you the truth about where money went, or where HE went...  please take care of yourself and worry about YOU as much as you're worrying about him, because your worry over him is wasted unless he is worried about himself as well.  I know it's really easy for me to say, because I'm not in your situation, but you have so much life to look forward to, don't tie yourself down to someone who doesn't want to help himself and lies to you about what he's doing.  

Ghilly

[newmanagment]

so wutcha point wit me house? i was suggesting she leave the whole time, and help from afar, and why did ya marry three of them?  i was replying to the post above me , where mariah was saying dont leave him ,it will make it worse. iwas askin MARIAH why she would say that. so wut now?

[house1]

Newmanagement people here are just voicing an opinion. I was married to three of them and let me tell you if you listen to there lies over and over and week after week month after month sometimes year after year.
She is talking about Heroin one of the most addictive drugs in the world.
In many instances Heroin is used with a needle which is stuck into a vein in their body.
This is not someone taking to many Tylenols for a headache this is a dope addict.
If I was married and had kids yes then I would give them all the opportunities to get clean.
A boyfriend are you kidding me? A man is not attractive to me that shoots Heroin lies all the time get very upset when I find Heroin bags in his possession and instead of saying I need to get some help and stop this horrible disease from crippling me but instead just lie some more and get all upset defending their addiction. Sorry but I think your dead wrong I would dump that bum in a NY minute, but that is only my opinion and I respect yours as well.

[avisg]

You cant stay because it will make him worse , its going to get worse whether you are there or not ..... addiction is progressive until you are in recovery ,it gets worse over time .
YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR HEALTH .
It his job on his own to get into recovery , He has to do this because he wants to get clean . Not because you busted him using .
This is not a healthy environment for you ,if he gets clean  then go from there but if he truly wants to get clean for a while he needs to be on his own .so he is put everything into getting well .

[newmanagment]

im sorry mariah, but i disagree, which i usually dont do.. but leaving him will make it worse. make wut worse, his drug use. she is totally getting suked into a codependent relationship!! and she needs to convince him he has a problem???wake up , we as addicts cant be convinced we have a problem , except by ourselves. sorry , i just dont understand where your advice is comin from????

[Mariahwent7]

You need to help him. He may not believe it is an addiction.  You need to convice him to get help because this could easily ruin his life.  Help get him into rehab but definatly don't just leave him this will only make it worse.  

[avisg]

we as addicts get defensive when we are using ......... we try to twist it around ..... we will manipulate things any way we can to continue our using .The other thing that concerns me is he using the heroin by needle ..... There are many risks here hepatitis HIV plz go to the doctor for a good check up and blood work , Let the doctor know you have a boyfriend that uses heroin..... Even if he says he is not this is your life plz don't put it at risk.