Helpp?!

[Taylorr20]

Ok well first im 15, go ahad make your comment about my age, im used to it...
Well i started doing weed in 5th grd then it progressed to pils, acid, cocain, crystal..... Well early this year i had a lttle "seaziure" or somthing, becuse of cocaine. So i got put into a rehab, i was there for like 38 days ish. Anyways. When i got out, i started smoking agian, but not crack anymore. Like pills and weed... nothing to bad... Well im on probation beacuse i got sent to a mental hospital or some **** and i faught this girl and broke a bone in her face.... anyways, they sent me to jail and i got charged but they were droped beacuse i was in the Loonybin. Well anyway, i broke my hand and had to get surgury, so i was pretty happy cuz i got hydros.. yea well i abused them i guess and got cuaght with cocaine in my system beacuse i overdosed. So now im on probation.... So where im getting at is, Sense im on probation i cant really use. And ive been somkin spice, Its like weed but leagal! and i drink more then i have before. And i have acid reflex and i guess that whats making my stomach hurt cuz- When everr i smoke or drink, i throw up like within minutes. Then ofcourse i go back for more cuz i felt like i wasted it :/ And i dont know why my stomach dose that!!! it hurts SOO bad, like to the point of fainting of pain sometimes. but i always throw up from it :/ I think i might have an ulcer?!!!  they thought i did last year so they put me on some reflex meds.. but i don t take them. OHHHHH here im also like "not menatly stable" as they say, so they got me doped up on alottt of stupid pills that are suppost to help me not be a crazy person:/ Do you think this can effect with drinking and smoking?!!  I just cant really go to the doctor about it, yakno. Ohh and i smoke cigarets as well. But i aint stopin those aha. -taylor

[Taylorr20]

haha yeaa like i never understand how you can be happy with out something to actully make you feel "happy" in confuses me, thats why i get so defensive. Yea thats how i am now the party people. execpt its kinda diff, i have one side where they party and use and the side who party and dont use....soo as you, i isolate my self. Wow that makes me realize im not the only one with the not wanting to assosiate with frnds. I tend to neverr return texts, or the worse is never chill with ppl if they arnt gana use drugs....

[McGinger]

a lot of judgment going on here, and yes, Taylor you would've probably been perceived a little better if you didn't talk like a gutter rat (hey, I'm only in my mid-20's I remember what it was like to be 15...), and I'm certainly not here to throw stones.

Anyways, I feel you on the being sober thing is total hell.  I won't pretend it isnt, however, you gotta buck up and put on your big girl pants and get your **** together, because if you dont want to 'fix' yourself, no one else will or can.  It sounds like you want to rationalize your behavior.  Hey, I'm kind of dead inside too, but I'm taking personality responsibility (you should look into that), and changing the stuff in my life that isnt leading me towards a positive future.  You mentioned liking softball and wanting to go to college... that sounds like a positive path.  

I wont waste too much time on the post because it sounds like you don't care about your future or your health... I hope for your sake that changes or I'm wrong.  Those OD's, whether or not you want to admit it, were cries for help.  Maybe not consciously, but subconsciously you want someone or organization to step in and help you.  It's also why you're posting here.  Just read the advice, and consider that folks older than you who have dealt with substance BS in some cases longer than you've been alive might have something helpful to say that's relevant to you.

[Taylorr20]

nooo i wasnt asking how much it got her high, i was asking how much currentlly she was takeing a day. i actully didnt mean to seem that way, i was asking to know what she was really dealing with on a daily basis.

[StillLost21]

Yeah, it's really common to hear people who are using to see naturally happy people and think that or wonder how they are happy. For me, when i'd see a happy person that was not on drugs I was just baffled, like I didn't understand how a person could be happy if they haven't taken something to produce that happiness lol. And yes I was using with people, I had a large group of friends that were all really social and partied a lot, but the thing is, by the end, I isolated myself. All I cared about was myself and the drug. I had a lot of friends, but I didn't see them, return calls, or anything, just wanted to be by myself with my drug. It was pathetic.

[Taylorr20]

That is good reasons, you seem like you know what you are wanting... but like me, im in highschool, no one knows what they are going to do even in a year, its not like i have much of a choice. So i guess i haent really found a reason yet. Yea my life is small right now anyways cuz of the drugs as well... i do this thing where if i see a happy person, im just like *** off. :/ but i d k why i even do that, i guess im jelus of hapyness. yea you telling me this helps, like you said when im ready. Im ready but not ready yakno. I do need to apply those, I need to apply alot of thigs, possitive things. I have nothing possitive in my life, well atleast i make it neggitive. Did you start with people? or like By ur self?

[StillLost21]

Your question was,

"What sort of pills do you have? Do you swallow them?"

By asking two questions like that, it seems no matter how she answered, it could have offended somebody. Being a new member, and you a person who was giving advice and helping, I think it's fair to think Taylor assumed she could answer those questions in detail because you were asking questions that invovled detail...the type of the pill, and whether she was swalling them or not, which also implies that if she was not swallowing them, in order to give you a complete answer, it would be assumed the next thing to say is how she is taking them.....