My BFF

[bsktballchick315]

I have been using heroin for a while now. I relasped in June and have been using the very minimum since then. And when i say very minimum, i mean VERY MINIMUM. Anyways, i was talking to my bff on the phone last night and we have been getting into alot of arguments latley. She is very aware of my addiction and has been the one who has helped me out the most. She has always beleived in me and and always been there for me. Just recently i have been extremely irratable latley and i get so frustrated so easily. It really is ridiculous. But we were arguing about something stupid im sure, i dont even really remember what started the argument, but we started arguing bad and she said that she was done. Later that night, while still arguing she said that she didnt beleive that i will ever don anything to fix my problem. This broke my heart in half. I have always tried my a$$ off to get clean and stay clean, and she tells me that im not trying that i will never do anything about it. She then said that me using is going to ruin our freindship. Now this is my best friend. The bestest friend i have ever had. I have never been so close to somebody in my entire life, and she is telling me that my addiction, something that she has known about since the frist day she meet me is going to end our friendship, and basically she doesnt beleive in me anymore.

I just dont know what to do. Last night i was just so upset. We were both crying on the phone and just ugghhhh. So i said to her last night that if she thought that was going to end our relationship that fine im done with using. I told her that i am willing to do anything to keep out relationship strong as it has always been and together. She told me after i said that i am done, she said no your not and you know your not. But i really am. I cant be strong however when the person that has kept me strong through this does not beleive in me anymore and is giving up on me....i dont know what to do.

[bsktballchick315]

I would go to something such as NA or a meeting of some sort except i am a senior in high school still and i cant commit myself to such a thing like that. My parents are blind when it comes to my addiction. If i were to tell them i would get kicked out the house. When i am going through withdrawl i just tell them that i am sick with a cold or something. They beleive me without asking questions. I am at school from 8 till 4, and my parents are strict when it comes to letting me out places. Especially if i was going to a place at the same time the same days. They would get suspicious and follow me one day. I think it would be a very good idea if i could bring my bff to a meeting such as that so that she could see that i cant control some of these things and that i am not the only person who goes through it. She really does not understand me or the way i think when it comes time to that subject. She knows more about me that i know about myself except for that topic. It really is a seperator. I am going to quit cold turkey. I mean i havnt used for about a week anyways and im just about past withdrawls so i just wont use anymore. I just wish she could see that i am trying and even if i fail again that i am doing this for the best for myself and for the best for our friendship. But i realize that is impossible because she does not know or understand it.

[liscamdave]

THe process we all go through as addicts, is just nothing I could have ever imagined. No one knows what actually happens to people once they are physically and mentally addicted. We change completely. I remember back before my husband died, both he and I were just soooo miserable if we couldn't get pills or were in w.d. It was horrible. And I know what its like to be miserable all the time due to addiction. Your friend doesn't understand that its not her, and your not doing it on purpose..its just how you feel. And it *****..i am so sorry. But it will get better. I promise...Good luck

[bsktballchick315]

thank you so much for the advice it helps me think alot clearer. What you said makes alot of sense. Thank you

[liscamdave]

No one can understand an addict, unless they themselves have been an addict. I sat with one of my best friends a couple weeks ago, and watched the Oprah about the family from Ohio who were all addicted to Heroin. She instantly started to say "just stop, just don't do it and you WONT be an addict". I just looked at her, and wanted to tell her how that is just not so and how hard it is to stop. But I couldn't. She knows nothing of my addiction and would never understand. SHe is not someone I could go to.

I am sure that the argument on top of your irratibility, has caused your friend to say hurtful things. Things, that if she has helped you with in the past, she does not truly mean. I am sure that she wants you to get help and its frustrating to see you go through what you are. I can tell just by reading what you wrote that this friend does care about you. It will get better. Just try to do what you can to stop. And to also let her know this is all part of the process...Good luck.

[cathy5841]

please check out some meetings...take her wit you...she can see first hand what an addicts life is like...it would help you both.

[bsktballchick315]

Thank you all for the advice and support.

[wayway1414]

Yeah, that seems like it would hit home pretty hard! I know that there are certain people in my life that believe in me, and their belief keeps me strong! Without it, i would feel very weak! All you can do is prove her wrong!!! You are only 17, so imo, you can do this! Just get it under wraps ASAP!!!
Good luck

[Clamity2]

I agree that seeing is believing when it comes to promises not to use coming from a high addict.
I agree with her decision to let you go if you continue to use. We are all responsible for the friends we choose. Today I choose to hang with winners.  Loosers are a drain emotionally, spirtually and every other way.  Choose to be a winner. we will all support you in that decision.
If you choose to continue to use you will choose a hell that your friend doesnt want to be a part of.

[bandnmom]

You are gonna have to prove yourself to her. Plan and simple. We as addicts hurt the ones we love without meaning to. Even though you say you really meen it this time she has ,im sure ,heard that before. Just stay strong and show her that she is way more important to you than the drugs. Best of luck to you!!

[owhatamistake]

As I see it, all you can really do is prove to her that you're done by quitting completely.  You also should consider some sort of therapy or meetings.  It is just a fact that people....friends and family....finally loose trust in us and we have to earn that trust back.  I'm fairly sure that once she sees that you are REALLY done (when you stop completely and stay off the stuff) she will come around.  Good luck!