Husband Cant Stop Using Coke

[lola3681]

Recently found my husband snorting coke in his truck at 5:30am before work.  This was when I first discovered he used the drug.  I knew things were different for a couple of years.  He worked out of town for a year and did a lot of night work so I didnt see he much.  Anyway, he said he would stop.  So I ordered some drug tests and when I tested him, I couldnt tell if it showed clean or not.  So I then ordered some coke swapbs.  you can wipe them over a surface and the cloth will turn pink.  anyway, I did this and sure enough, he was still using.  Then this morning, he turned his truck on and went into the garage with the lights off for a few minutes.  Came back into the house.  I asked what he was doing in the garage with the lights off and he tried to tell me he was looking for something...really lame!  Anyway, I told him I wasn't buying crazy anymore.  He would always tell me I was crazy if I accused him of using.  I told him he needed help!  He then admitted to using.  I don't know what to do at this point.  I basically told him either he came home with a plan to get clean or I was going to make some phone calls and that I didn't want to be in a relationship based on lies.  We have a six yr old and a 3 yrd old.  I'm not going to fix any spelling errors in this post, not worth my time.  Also, how can I help him get clean?  Any prescriptions or herbal drugs he can use to help him with the withdraw.?  Anything would help.  Thanks

[LeaAnn807]

Hi!  Cocaine doesn't have a horrible physical WD, but taking some vitamins and amino acids will help him.  B12 for energy too.  

I would encourage you to go to Al Anon.  Get some help for YOU!  You don't deserve to suffer alone!

[IBKleen]

Hi & Welcome,

I am sorry to hear about your husband. Cocaine is tough to STAY clean from because of the mental withdraw. It is an easy drug to GET clean from. The only withdrawal he may have is that he may be tired and sleep more than usual for the first few days.

Back to the mental part. He is going to need help and I have to suggest that he get professional help. I don't always recommend in patient treatment but if he has been doing this for years and he has any sort of substantial habit, it may be the way to go.


Please understand this is something he is going to want bad. He cannot be pushed into this or it may not work. When is he due to come home?

[chronicmistake]

I agree with the last comment.  You cannot want or make him get clean, he has to want it.  I hope for the best for you.  Maybe giving him an ultimatum would scare him enough to go to rehab and get help.  as for now as others suggested, go to Al Anon meetings so you can do your part.  As a family we are all a part of the addiction.  Good luck and keep us posted.

[gizzy32]

Staying clean from coke is so hard, the mental cravings are something most don't understand and it takes work and truly wanting to quit. It's my DOC, but I have been almost 3 years clean from it besides a few mini relpapses. We will lie, manipulate and do whatever it takes to keep our addiction alive and keep feeding it when not ready to quit. I agree with IBKleen, he's going to need some help by the sounds of it. Ask him what he is willing to do to STAY clean. He has to make some changes and get support and aftercare.

He will not withdrawl, but there are effects from stopping. The depression is horrible at first and serious cravings for more blow. No energy, I even had RLS, but I think that is rare. Would he be willing to come on here for some help to start? Take care of you ok, I wish you both the best and I am sorry your going through this:(

[IBKleen]

Please think long and hard before you give him an ultimatum...that is NOT good advise again. We do not take kindly to being given ultimatums. Attempt to talk with him and be firm. You will know when he is lying, you already do.

I think it is a great idea to see if he will come on here. He may be willing to talk to us about things that he may not feel comfortable speaking with you about, and that is not unusual or a bad thing. It is certainly worth a try for both of you.

[gizzy32]

As sick as this sounds, ultimatums made me want to use more and just say **** you, Ill show ya, but that is the mind of an addict or maybe just me. We are here to support both of you, so keep posting ok. How long do you think he has been using?

[chronicmistake]

Okay, when I said ultmatums I was thinking of the show intervention and when the family and friends write a letter stating how the addict affected their lifes.  In those letters they would say stuff like, "If you do not go to rehab  I will no longer have you in my life, or I will not give you money for drugs, etc.

[jayeye]

he really is going to need your support on this.....which it looks like he already has....you cant give up on him.....does he really want to stop? do you think he is just telling you he will but plans on keep using?

like others said the only way somebody is going to stop is if they really want it....nobody can make them.....not even the closest person in their lives.....try and convince him to post on this forum....it really is a great support system....i wasnt even sure i was ready to stop doing what i was doing when i first joined.....but after 3 days on here i saw it was possible......and how so many others have done it

[lola3681]

Thank you all for posting a comment about my situation.  He would never post here and he would never "get help".  I don't think he is a heavy user...not exactly how to word that.  Dont know the lingo.  But he uses enough that I know when he uses and his sister has noticed something was off with him...and that it is not just a social drug for him.  I would not call it an ultimatum, but a life choice.  You have to remember, I have two small children, myself and a full time job.  I would rather take care of the situation now while the kids are clueless than when they are older.  I don't want my two boys thinking that if daddy did nose candy then it must be okay for them.  That is not acceptable for me.  I cant be a good mother if I am in this situation anymore.  He knows this and he agrees.  Basically I'm pretty pissed.  His plan is to keep busy...whatever that is.  

[shadow740]

Ultimatums don't work because addicts justify lying to you.  He'll say "okay" ... stop...go back...lie to you some more and justify, justify, justify it.

My bf and I did this about a two months ago so I told him that I was sorry he had a drug problem and that I wished him well, but that I needed to be well.  I left him, turned off my phones for three weeks, and didn't answer emails.  When we spoke again he was ready for "help" because he missed me.  I knew better than to make him angry or to guilt him.  I just made him see without rancor the repercussions of doing drugs.

I then drove him to a methadone clinic where he got a physical and the doctors spoke to him for 2 + hours, got him on a program, and now its like having him back.

I refuse for my own mental health to assist someone in killing themselves and injuring me.  You have two children that deserve: safety, security, and honest love.

YOU deserve a medal.  Remember that.

IF you want to keep him...this is awful...but even if you don't mean it, be as sweet, loving, and tender as you can when you tell him to go home and live with his parents because you can't have drugs around your children.  If he gets busted with drugs in your house...guess who gets in trouble with him?

Give him a few weeks, talk to him nicely every day and see if he is ready to quit for himself.

God bless

[desire592]

I feel he is a man driven to the edge by his standards, by his job. He was away from his home and family and took to coke which gave him relief. BUT now that has become the major wall between him and his family "not in his mind" but in his families mind. He is lost, he is not crazy, he is a mental addict to this drug, mental addicts cant be given physical treatment, they need to be given emotional support. Think about what his pressures are, try get him a break from work, save some money, go on a vacation, make him feel he's got a family... By the way I see it he's abusing the drung to help with the pressures of his profession and now has sort of got addicted to it... But that is no excuse for someone to use drugs but it is one of the major reasons to drug abuse among urban adult me and women "WORK PRESSURE". So obviously but not easy is to get a bit of pressure out of him for a start and get him off his routine for atleast a couple of weeks followed by some intense emotional contact 'maybe getting back to old memories of how you to started your family'. Hope this helps..