I Don't Want To Live For Vicodin Anymore

[MzLoLo]

I am 19 years old and have been using Vicodin for about 1 1/2 years now do to a herniated disc in my spine. I tried to quit last January 2008 and I did well for about 3 weeks and then my brother died and it started back up again. I was up to taking about 6 a day and now if I don't control myself I can go through a bottle of 30 10/325 tablets in a 24 hour period. I want to quit but at the same time I have been using for so long it has just become a part of my life that I really don't know what to do. My family knew that I had a problem before and thinks that I have rid myself of this drug but relapse *****. I have tried rehab and I only lasted a day. It was more depressing to sit in a dark room, write letters, talk to your family for 10 minutes, and see them twice a week than it was to just go get another bottle of pills. That kind of help is not effective for me. I want to be healthy, enjoy my wedding in November, and be able to have a family but I just don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I really do have this back pain so I have to have some sort of meds ( I am allergic to NSAIDS aka Motrin, Naproxen, etc and Tylenol does not even begin to ease my back pain). My plan was to just quit cold turkey, get into some physical therapy for my back, and see a psychiatrist to help with the depression and other things. It sounds like a good idea but I don't know what to do. Any positive advice would be helpful. Thank you for your time.

[worried878]

"These will take the face off of you"..eagel...quite graphic...but they do steal ur identity away from u and u become someone else...my someone else i did not like too much...my pill self is not my real self....i am better than that and u r as well...how od u want to quit? taper, ct...options out there and the people here can help u...keep postig

[wannabefree330]

Rehab is not a fun environment to be in.  Do you think if you tried again with a different attitude and an open mind it might be different for you?  Are you willing to go to any length to get sober?  I volunteer at a rehab facility and usually the ones that say it *****, are the ones sitting in the corner not participating whatsoever.  You can get out of it what you put into it.  Maybe even a different program altogether?  Another option would be to involve your family.  Let them know you've had a slip and need their help getting back on track?  I commend you for reaching out, and wanting to get sober.

[ochooked]

Just wanted to say 'ditto' to the other posters here - --  - almost all of us are in the boat we are in from legit pain ---   we still deal every day with it.  When I began to realize that I was not taking the pills for the pain but in order to alter reality a little and have energy (artificial), I knew I needed to get this monkey off my back - --- we are all trying to get back to 'real' reality :), not one we get from a bottle -------- this **** masks every real emotion so we are really only 'plastic' images of the people we were at one time.   I wish you luck and I think you have already taken that first big step - to acknowledge just where you are and what you want from your life.

[sadinmichigan]

I am glad you want to end this craziness..we have all been there..first I'd like to point out that most of us are in pain, which is why we took the meds..and although you have some back pain you are not taking them for that..You are taking them for emotional reasons. I have discs L4-5 herniated and S1 is toast..the pain meds didn't help enough to justify being addicted to them. And the longer those types of pain meds are used the more likely you will have whats called opiate pain syndrom..the pain meds actually start to mimick the pain that you had originally started taking them for.
You mentioned your upcomming wedding?? Can you talk to your spouse to be? You really just need to make a decision and stick to it..i know it sounds all easy but the truth is..it's not..as Eagle said..it will fight back..I am a cold turkey person . I didn't have the discipline to taper. I think your plan sounds great..so whats stopping you?? Get the w/ds over and fight this thing...keep posting, we have all been there.

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

Most people on this forum are quite familiar with your situation.....fortunately it could be worse. You are just at the beginning of a curve that will steal your face right off your head. Currently you have several choices. You already had a negative experience with rehab. There are always the old standby's....methadone or suboxone as maintenance or to assist in quiting. Some people have the discipline to gradually taper their habit and get off. Usually this is done with another trusted person to hold the pills. And there is cold turkey. Use the health discussion pages with links to many aspects of the disease. Read and use the Thomas Recipe and the Amino Acid Protocol. Obtain as much knowledge as you can to fight this battle. You can win this one. It isnt easy or simple. And it fights back hard. If you work out - keep it up and maybe knock it up a bump.Good luck to you and keep posting - this forum is outstanding .....

[justme__]

Hi! I know exactly how you feel hun. I am going through the same thing (minus the back pain) and I as well feel trapped. I started working out, and boy let me tell you it helps just to get your mind off of it for a while. Physical Therapy sounds like such a good idea for you.. and I am also going to see a psychiatrist on the 1st of august for my anxiety and depression. Its a good start and I know you can do it!! If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me.. Good luck to you!!