I am really struggling - pill popper here

[mommyshouldntbehere]

Addicted to Fioranal/fioracet "drug of choice" -- but at this point, I would be willing to have any kind of painkiller back in my hands.  I am REALLY struggling. I really, really want them back, badly. I'm having a really rough time. Things are very hard to deal with, soberly. Dealing with my realtionship issues with a clear-head and feeling un-loved, un-masked no-barrs-hold, all out there... really *****... depression kicks in, and I feel like I can barely get out of bed.  I'm already on antidepressants and anti anxiety, but it's still overpowering. I just want to be in lala land, so effing bad!

[mommyshouldntbehere]

vicki- I notice the way it "smells" -- I thought you meant the 'pills' not the other way! teehee.  I know what the other poster was meaning by the rebound headaches - I struggled with that a TON.... I am still struggling with it - kind of with excedrin or anything I take... cuz it's been really hot/humid here and I've literatelly been taking something everyday... midrin being one of them, and I actually pulled a muscle on my right side in my neck/shoulder, and the pain is so intense.... I won't get any pain meds for it, so I kind of suffer with it, take midrin for the headache pain - sudafed for the sinus pain and heat for the muscle pain and cold pack for the eyes... other than that -- I'm "narc" free!!! I'm ALSO 32 days MIGRAINE free!!!!!!!!!!! yeah!! So.... this topamax really IS helping me. I'm now up to and stable at 100mg/day to prevent my headaches... I have the weird tingling side-effects, the super-great weight-loss side effect (lost 13 pounds and feel great!) and haven't had a major attack in 32 days. awesome!  My marriage is back on track and we are doing well. I had a liver and blood re-check and levels are back down to normal, so I'm doing well.

THANK YOU TO ALLL OF YOU! who helped me survive this!!


I apologize to anyone who has sent me a private message.... I WILL get back to you--- I've been so busy getting a part-time job and getting the kids registered with school that I haven't had much 'net time.

Take care you guys. and hugs from me! thanks!

[click833]

how do you stop if you have actual pain to cope with and your physicin isn't helping.

[ang_811]

i understand what ur going thru> this is what i do. i think about how my life is now and compare it to what my life active addiction life was. i think about all the positive things that r happening for me since im clean and living sober. im running again and back nto swimming at the Y, when i was using i wasnt doing nething but sleeping all day and feeling guilt and lonely. just know it gets so much better it really does. i was doing every pain pill out there from perks and loris to oxycontin 80mg. then went to methadone at 90 mg. then to suboxone this is after 5 years of use and i gave up i considere myself a lost cause and thought living in addiction was the only way to live for me. but here i am at 38 days clean and sober and coyldnt be loving life nemore then what i do right now.

[click833]

I have a problem with fioranal...........i am now taking up to 4 pills a day, two at a time just to control my rebound headaches. i have a headache every day of my life. my physician does not see a problem with this but it makes me feel crazy. Any suggestions on what has worked for others to stop the rebound headache feeling that makes you want to take the pills again?? it's like every morning by the time i get to work, my front sinusses and the back of my head start throbbing and i only am getting relief from this medication. I also take Migranal for migraines, but totally different type of headache. I'm a mess. please help.

[vicki595]

Listen to me:  They feel good in your body until they stop feeling good !!    They WILL turn on you!  Remember that.  They will cause seizures,memory loss,accidents,loss of fine motor skills,inability to speak and more. They are not your friend. You need to focus on THAT.  They are not good at all and really should be taken off the market...

I do know how you feel. I couldn't let them go for a very long time and when I finally did
I had a lot of help.   I don't think I could have done it on my own even though they were makig me so sick.  I kept trying to conquer the sick feeling. What I didn't know was that I was becoming more and more toxic.  God!!!  It was crazy scary.  I couldn't even think straight!!!

I asked my husband to help me and he did. He created the taper plan I used and kept track of everything. He saved my life but I was a very willing candidate by that time.

I'd really hate to see you go that far so please stop thinking about the pills. Put them right out of your mind. They are poison.  Keep telling yourself that...

And keep posting......lol  !!   I sound like I'm yeling,huh?
V.

[mommyshouldntbehere]

yep - she knows all my meds that I'm on and all of my "history" with my "abusing" meds too -so this should be good to go. I hope this helps, because I'm afraid to take the Imitrex (1 because of side effects and 2- because of the what happens IF I don't have enough and then have to go to the hospital, etc.)  

all in all it's a daily struggle. people who haven't been in our shoes just do NOT understand it at all. they don't get how it crosses our minds like ever other minute. how every hour you can wonder how good it would feel to have them in your body.... nobody gets it... :(

[vicki595]

Yes...I'm very familar with Midrin. I used to take it and it works pretty well if you take it at the first hint of migraine.  I didn't become dependant on it at all. It's really okay to take.  It's been around for quite awhile...I don't take it now because I can't stand the way it smells!!  You may not notice it and it's not bad but just sickening to ME!!

So,she knows what she's doing..it's okay,in my opinion,to take it.

V.

[ultimatebattle]

I know how you feel, im doin it right now, try and find a pool to swim in, relax and do some laps and be active for at least 25 minutes, not 5 min here, 5 min there, its hard but you got to make yourlself, I just made myself cut my yard, I almost quit in the middle a few times, but I wouldnt let myself, it is extremely difficult to detox on yoru own, call your doc and get a script for valium to help with the anxiety, rapid heart beat, its helping me, hope some of this helps, oh and if you cant get to a pool, go for a walk, you need to get your blood goin

[mommyshouldntbehere]

thank you for posting back so quickly, vicki. :) that makes me feel better. :) just knowing that someone is out there, not just "me" feeling the way that I am. I will check out the link right now. :) I'm afraid to look for help in my area b/c of the small town I live in, but I could check the surrounding areas.  I have lapsed on zumba classes for lack of energy - but class is tonight--- your saying I should go, eh? :D lol.
I don't want, defintely do NOT want mommy to be stupor on the couch -- never! I want mommy to be HAPPY and normal happiness, that comes from, within...

I do have a question. I talked with my doc, since my ins. will only cover 4 imitrex pills a month (otherwise out of pocket cost is $300/pill) for my migraines, and she put me on midrin... now, I know NOTHING about this drug. This is the same doctor who knows ALL, so she knows....  but still, I'm afraid to take it... do you know anything about it?

[vicki595]

Hey~  This is a normal feeling for many people.  Go to the health pages,upper right of this page and about PAWS.  Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome.

You need to do a few things:
Exercise...just force your self
Seek out an NA meeting;this REALLY helps in the beginning when you don't have any support lined up. Everyone needs recovery care to avoid relapse. That care comes in many forms : therapist,doctor etc..

I have to tell you that as much as you want those pills back,they WILL eventually kill you. They aren't good at all.  They WILL turn on you and your kids will come home to Mommy in a stupor on the sofa.

Keep fighting!!  Post back!!

Vicki