I just can not quit, feel like it is taking over my life

[divorceddruggie]

I have been addicted to oxys for a few years, I have tried to quit a few times, cold turkey, through detox, even tried lowering my dosage, I feel like this is taking overmy life and job, I don't know what to do, It gets worst each and every day, my tolerance is up to 10 80's a day, I do not want methadone, as I beleive it is swapping one drug for another, nothing against methadone sounds great but just not for me, I need suggestions or advice on how i can get this done, I do want to quit, just have run out of ideas

[gutsnglitter]

i think it has gotten as bad as it can get honestly i figure if i dont stop now its going to kill me, thank you for all of what you said, and i wish you the best in your taper and recovery

[divorceddruggie]

I have never done heroin,as I said the only people I know that do drugs to my knowledge is the person that I get from, and the people here, but the people here do not know who I am, as I do not know who you are and don't need to. As for what I am doing to better myself is, I am going to try to taper down my dosage over a period of time, that is the plan right now. I want this and need this more than I need anything in this world or want. I would sell my soul to go back a few years and say no when someone gave me a few for an injury, from there it went crazy, I watched my consumption go up and up and up over the weeks and months that past to where I am now and that only keeps me from being sick each day (10 80's). I in the past (a long time ago) was addicted to speed and coke, and quit them both easily, no problem but this one I can not quit, I have tried a few times, I just can't seem to get a hold of it, so I am going to try to taper down, I can do to a degree what I put my mind to, I keep my consumption at 10 a day no matter what so I am taking the thought that I will simply do 9 a day instead, I will keep a positive attitude and just do it, if I fail, I don't know what I will do,I really don't I just know I cannot go on like this. Watching my wife leave cause I couldnt stop something was the worst feeling and not an hour later I did a pill (I know what an idiot). One thing I don't need is anyone reminding me how I screwed up, I think about it daily and live with it daily, as I am sure everyone still using does.
  I know I got off track, as for you, you can do this, it sounds like you have your head on right, and I beleive you will be able to do what you want, don't do like me and just let it get worse please, get a hold of it now and nip it in the butt, your young and have your whole life ahead of you, please don't do like I did and just watch everything slip away. If you have the time and can, do whatever you have to to get a hold of your addiction now. I don't know many addicts, I only know people who don't use, and that makes it harder, my friend of course doesnt want me to quit, I think over time I have paid for the house and car and any other toy he has,don't be like me please. I am always around if you need to talk, just post on here, this is the only site besides Facebook and the intranet I log into at work that I visit so I will check here often for advice for myself and to help you if I can or just to listen to you if need be.

[gutsnglitter]

i just clicked on your name i see your from Burnaby i used to spend ALOT of time there, when i was doing heroin, i wont tell you anything more, it might be a trigger i dont know.
but i went to the detox on the hill in new west minister once and they are very good to you there, i was thinking of going again, and i will if this fails, if there still even open its been years since then.
i dont have a social life anymore either and really dont want one, i dont want anyone to know who i am on this site either, if thats where you live then we are very close so thats kinda scary lol, since it seems everyone from this site is from out of canada so far from what i have seen.
i want to get out of this city so bad, everyone i know here are addicts and i know i will go back if i dont because i have 1 clean friend and there moving to alberta so ill be left with no one healthy for me.
thank you for replying i like having this site, if i didnt i bet i would have giving up all ready, but these people make me feel like i can actually do it this time! and i think i can.
what are you doing to get better?

[divorceddruggie]

I seem to have missed a post by IBclean, my apology, I will agree it was easier to get on these things than it will be to get off of them. I tried once to go the morning without and I was so sick it was not funny at all, and it took three to get rid of the sickness, my morning seems to be the worst it will take 3-4 just to be able to leave for work, at break off to the car I go to do one, lunch is a couple, I am tired of this life, it seems to be all I think of in one way or another, I need a change, I can transfer to a different city with the same position, but again my employer cannot find out, I don't want to be demoted or dismissed, when I took this position I signed a contract and one of the things in it was narcotics, non association with criminals, etc, so this is something I have to do for myself and my life, it has cost me a wife and I don't want to loose anything else, and frankly I am tired of having to have a pill or two just to get motivated at all. So in short I will be looking at an after care program somehow.

[divorceddruggie]

I don't mind if you want to talk to me, I haven't quit cold turkey though, I am doing a different process, however I do wish you the best, as for what day would that be, I would count it as day 1 but that is just me, others may see it differently and I am sure will say so if they do, The one thing I like about this site, is the honesty so far, if someone has an opinion they will give it, that I like, So yes by all means feel free to talk to me whenever you need or want to. I may not respond right away, but I will respond to you everytime you address me, I may not have the answers but I won't lie to you I will let you know. If it's just someone to talk to to fill time, I am here for you, I have no social life as I  can't with the pills, it makes it real hard anyways, so I am usually home when not at work.
As for after care, I can go to a different city or suburb to receive councelling or something, I will have to check into that, but will it take a referral as I have said telling my physician about this is out of the question, I want to succeed at this so if I need after care then I shall have to have after care also. I checked into this induced coma treatment that is offered in the States, but it seems to be certain States, and I'm not so sure about the safety of it, I will be reading up on it further, any input on personal experiences with it, or family and or friends who have done it would be appreciated, as this might be an option for me.

[gutsnglitter]

hi,
im new i have read your story i want to say you sound strong and you sound like you want this, i am in the same boat but i have to do it cold turkey and im on day 1 ( day 2 ) maybe i had my last pills at 6am yesterday so i dont know what day that would make it im so sick i cant even think. im trying to be active on this site because i too have no one to talk to at home or in my community. so  im trying to suck up my anxiety and post to people but **** i feel like im sticking my nose where it dont belong, so im sorry if im overstepping here, just looking for some friends to do this with. i wish you luck, its so hard isn't it! i need friends to talk to so im around if you want to talk, i know i need it!
if you dont want to, well i wish you all the luck to kill this addiction