I just simply need a little support

[mybabytwins]

I am a first time Dad of twins, 51 years old, with both of my shoulders having full rotator cup tears. Approx. 5 months ago I went to a pain clinic with MRI's in hand and was given a script for hydrocodone 10/325 - 6 per day. Well as time went by I found myself taking more and more until I ran out last weekend. My last pill was Saturday. I have been getting a few from a neighbor to hold me over however this time he was out. So I am on day 3 now and last night with some help from Melatonin I got some sleep. My wife works as a full time nurse and I stay at home with the little angels. I am suppose to go to the clinic on Thursday but considering the hell I have been going through I don't want to take them anymore. I want to be the best Dad I can be. I do have a past (9 years ago) cocaine addiction that I was able to stop via a 60 day treatment program. I don't want to be these pills anymore, I want to be free and clean from the daily schedule of living my life around a pill. I was probably taking between 7-9 10's per day. My head feels cloudy, I feel anxious, my shoulder pain is tolerable. I am taking Imodium for the runs and that seems to be helping me, along with some magnesium and potassium for the RLS's. I guess my question is....how long knowing that I have been on these pills for 5 months now will it take for me to begin to feel like a normal human being. I will not go back to the clinic. I want to be the best Daddy I can be to my little babies. I love them sooooooo much, and they give me the strength to stop taking them.

[mybabytwins]

Thanks Kansas,,,yes I understand what opiate induced hyperalgesia is all about however I feel in my case it was simply a tolerance issue. "For those that have never heard o,i,h. here is a simple explanation. If an individual is taking opioids for a chronic non-cancer pain condition, and cannot achieve effective pain relief despite increases in dose, they may be experiencing opioid-induced hyperalgesia. In this case, they may benefit from complete withdrawal from opioid therapy. Many individuals report reduced pain levels when opioids are withdrawn". With that said, when we first experience pain the "go to" solution from most Doctors is a narcotic pain solution, thus was the case for me. Hey those little pills did take the pain away, now without hydrocodone my pain is only at night. I will eventually have my shoulders surgically fixed however I can't at this time dedicate the 2-3 months of physical therapy that is required from a rotator cup surgery. I am going in a week to have cortisone injected in them.

Thanks again for the words of encouragement.

[clean_in_ks]

Good for YOU!!!!!  You are DOIN IT!!!  Having twin babies at 51 yrs old is a miracle in my book!

You may have read about opiate induced hyperalgesia...and you may know that initially....our pain is worse.....rebound pain.

But after a bit, your REAL pain levels will reveal themselves and you can decide what you want to do about your shoulders.  

I'm so glad you are ABOARD the RECOVERY TRAIN!!!!

[mybabytwins]

I do understand about the children. If it wasn't for God blessing me with these 11 month old twins, I really don't know how I would of survived. I have a story that is important to me much the same way that everyone has their own which is important to them. I knew my drug and alcohol problem when I was 15 years old but I was able to hide behind my mask of athletics. It got me a full ride to college and a degree which enabled me to get a decent paying job for my entire life. After getting out of treatment for my cocaine addiction, I built a place in Tennessee to help others learn how to live a drug free life, so I do know a thing or two about addiction. I started building this place in 2007 and got burnt out and capital poor so we are now making it a home for our children. Lot's of work and the pain I was having in my shoulders while my wife was on bed rest was pretty tough. I was doing construction jobs here and there to pay the bills.  

So as I said in my post, 5 months ago I had a couple of MRI's on each shoulder where I learned that both have full thickness tears. I figured hydrocodone would help. But here is the deal for me...I look at my babies and they have their mom and dad, plain and simple. I would much rather deal with the pain then have a distorted brain that the narcotic tricks into thinking the stuff that isn't even true. I will, for the first time in my life be the man and now father that I know I can be. These withdrawals simply suck but I am not going to give in. Tomorrow will be 4 days and I'm already feeling better. Here is what I did the last 4 days...1) Finished the last pill on Saturday at 3 PM, 2) Played with my kids and when they went to bed I went outside and asked God (and I meant it) to give me the strength to get through this. That night as usual because I had the dope in my system, I slept great. 3) Sunday morning my wife (and by the way she knows what's going on with my DESIRE to quit) went to store and picked up the following: Imodium for the soft craps, Magnesium and Potassium for the legs flopping around like fish out of water when I tried to sleep, Melatonin for sleep. During the day on Sunday I felt terrible but I forced my *** to go outside and walk (not too tough), I have a hot tub on my deck so after my walk I sat in that thing with a gallon of water and sweated in 106 degree water for 50 minutes. Sunday night I went to bed...oh my was that a horrible night. It was like peeling my skin off, legs going everywhere, nothing that I took seemed to work, however I finally found a slot on my pillow and continued to repeat my babies names on every breath, BAM I fell asleep until 7:30 am. Not good sleep by all means but I was sleeping. On Monday, I did the same thing but the legs weren't as crazy, fell asleep  last night around 1 AM and slept okay till the babies woke me up at 6am. Today I pushed myself hard, I hiked through these mountains for a good hour, another solid hot tub deal, and I'm feeling better. I bet I will sleep better tonight. Keeping on keeping on...no way will I ever do another hydro. My kids need me and I need them.  

[Jtb12]

No I have not. I just joined this group because I want to. I haven't even tried   I had my surgery oct 1, 2012 and been on them pills since.  I'm beyond ready to do it but I'm affraid of living with the pain and worried about future surgeries.  I have 2 children 11 and 7 and they are the main reason to wanting to get off them.   I always wonder am I going to be worse off being off them? I know mentally I will be better off but am I going to be able to deal with the pain to be able to be active with my children

[mybabytwins]

Have you gotten off the Oxy's?

[Jtb12]

After reading a lot in this forum, I realized that everyone is different and as well as their addiction.  I was prescribed Percocet 5 then 7.5 for close to 10years which I never became addicted to.  I thought I was one of those people who never was going or could get addicted. "I didnt have an addicted personality"    I would take my whole rx within a week or 2 because I would have to take 7 to 10 for it to help my pain since I was on them for so long then the rest of the month I would just have to go without.  Then I decided to have back surgery to fix my problem and not have to worry about taking pills    Boy was I wrong, I was given oxycodone 15mg after my surgery and that's when I became addicted.    Best wishes