I was afraid of myself?

[Life360_Dave]

During my detox i tried to make some sense of what was going on with me. Other than the withdrawals there was a great deal of fear involved. I finally realized that i was in fact afraid of ME as if there were 2 different people in one body. This was a major step in my recovery process as i got ME involved with my life again. How could i be afraid of the one person that has always been there for me? HOW CAN I BE AFRAID OF MYSELF!!!! To all you that are struggling with addiction dont be afraid of yourself you are your best friend. YOU will make it all possible to recover even if it means reaching out for help to someone else. Its YOU that makes the decision about what will happen to YOU!!!

[kyle505]

You are correct...But for me, that part of me that craves pills is also the part that has the humor; the part that makes me different from others. The creative part. Maybe that's why a lot of creative people self-destruct early on in life. I was heading that way, but met my wife and she reeled a lot of my foolishness in. Good post. Good observation.

[laurel453]

yes it is weird and i had also, i still have a feeling of "self assurance " that whatever changes and pains i would go through after making up my mind, they will be good for me because as you said, to me, my moment of clarity after hitting my bottom was the one when i convinced/believed myself that i deserved fighting for my life, that i was an addict but i deserved better ... yeah, but i was going to have to fight and go through pain to pull through .. anyway, i was suffering every day while on active addiction and  at least, the pain of quitting, detoxing, recovering was going to give me something worthwhile, myself and my life back !.

[brice1967]

Makes total sense to me.  I think it takes a moment of clarity for us to see us through the addiction.  That, along with finding bottom makes it possible to start the recovery process.  It is weird to try to start trusting "you" again.

[weaver71]

I've said it before, recovering addicts are the most loving, tolerant, giving, sincere, intelligent people on the planet. Practicing addicts are equally opposite. It is as if we are magicians who can work white magic or black magic, but non-the-less, we are magic. Only saints come close to such humility and altruistic intentions.

[Life360_Dave]

"best friend vrs worst enemy" nice way to put it!!!

[laurel453]

i guess that we have spent a lot of time, of years beating ourselves down , we don't trust ourselves, i was scared of living without the pills. For a long time, we haven't dealt in a healthy way with emotions and it is scary when we are "alone" but i knew also that  the day i quitted the pills was the day i recovered myself as my best friend, i spent many years being my worst enemy.. the change is... a miracle ? sort of it.