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IMPAIRED HEALTH PROFESSIONALS?
This is my story. Yes, I can say I'm addicted to opiates, but the strange thing is that it's just when I work. When I'm not at work, I really have no desire! I don't "drug seek" aka going to MD's for prescriptions, etc. I don't go through withdrawals, I guess you could say its "recreational" use. However, this is my livlihood so of course its a dangerous situation. I have not gone to NA or anything, I was just wondering if anyone here had an opinion as to why this is with me. There have been times when I have not worked for months and months and still I didn't "drug seek". I just don't get it. I have been reading a lot of posts on this forum recently and I admire so many of you who have gone through such hard times- physically and mentally. I'd love some opinions on this. Thanks. RNinPA.
Thanks for your kind words. And no, I'm not going anywhere. Believe me, the **** I've been through has given me a thick, tough skin. I guess he just took me by surprise cause all I've seen around here has been support. Actually, my main objective in writing was not for "support" but for some insight.
As to your question re: withdrawal, no, I do not go through withdrawal. Maybe thats my problem. I've been on 2-3 week vacations and have not had a single urge. It really may be hard to believe but its the god-honest truth. Its just when I'm there, when I see it, that the urge is soooooo strong. Your right about the energy thing too- I do feel that. It's so ironic! Here is this medication that is considered "sedation" yet I feel like its an amphetamine!
Little more of my history: I have had surgeries in the past (oral, spinal, c-section) so of course I had pain pills- and although I really enjoy them, once the prescription is done, its over. Please everyone, I know you may take what I've said as some kind of "oh Im not an addict like them" statement- but thats far from the truth. It doesn't matter what "kind" of addict I am, just that I am one.
As to your question re: withdrawal, no, I do not go through withdrawal. Maybe thats my problem. I've been on 2-3 week vacations and have not had a single urge. It really may be hard to believe but its the god-honest truth. Its just when I'm there, when I see it, that the urge is soooooo strong. Your right about the energy thing too- I do feel that. It's so ironic! Here is this medication that is considered "sedation" yet I feel like its an amphetamine!
Little more of my history: I have had surgeries in the past (oral, spinal, c-section) so of course I had pain pills- and although I really enjoy them, once the prescription is done, its over. Please everyone, I know you may take what I've said as some kind of "oh Im not an addict like them" statement- but thats far from the truth. It doesn't matter what "kind" of addict I am, just that I am one.
hey everyone!!!long time no chat??? where is anghts?????// i hope shes ok. i have to say i am a nurse and i did divert from work-mostly by over pulling meds and saving waste but like i leartn on this site- its our secrets that kill us and so yes, i was a **** ,i stole from patientsBut i can not change what i was,only improve who i am now.there is nothing i can do to justify what i did or allow forgiveness for it but i am sorry. to any nurse i found a great support sit- called nurses in recovery NIR.it offers support i only dreamed of. stay well and get well laura
Jessy-like it or not, you did just scare the #()% out of me about the seize of drugs, them coming to my house, arresting me, etc. etc. I just wrote back and cancelled (I hope) the order, for the Oxy's - if they can't credit my account or send me a check for the order, then maybe, once and for all, I'll learn and end up paying out a couple hundred dollars for nothing!!
I'm back on for July 25th and still need to know about the ingredients for the GNC stuff to take and I assume that GNC is the place to get all those ingredients? Should I just go in and hand them my list of stuff? Will they know what it's for? What is the 5htp stuff (sounds wicked).
Jessy-thanks for responding so quickly and to the point. In a way, I'm looking forward to Thursday (the 25th) because I know/hope that this time next week, I'll be over the withdrawals and the start of a new me. I've tinkered with narcotics my whole 40+ years but never to the extent I have since March of this year - yesterday, I ended up taking 30 Ultram and all I seem to do is just sweat - how much fun is that!!
Again, Jessy, thanks and if you were sitting here, I'd give you a big 'ol hug!
I'm back on for July 25th and still need to know about the ingredients for the GNC stuff to take and I assume that GNC is the place to get all those ingredients? Should I just go in and hand them my list of stuff? Will they know what it's for? What is the 5htp stuff (sounds wicked).
Jessy-thanks for responding so quickly and to the point. In a way, I'm looking forward to Thursday (the 25th) because I know/hope that this time next week, I'll be over the withdrawals and the start of a new me. I've tinkered with narcotics my whole 40+ years but never to the extent I have since March of this year - yesterday, I ended up taking 30 Ultram and all I seem to do is just sweat - how much fun is that!!
Again, Jessy, thanks and if you were sitting here, I'd give you a big 'ol hug!
Oh... I forgot to mention this, but just for your Information:
You had mentioned that you ordered Vicodin from that overseas site, so they were going to send you Oxys for the same price. Well, that's fine, but, I hope you realize that you have a 90% probability that your order will be seized by US Customs! I talk from experience, in that my last internet order of Ultram, and Vicodins WERE seized, and I got a nasty letter from the DEA and Customs. I think it was that event that scared me into sobriety, and made me realize that I had a problem.
I don't want to scare you, but just wanted to shed light on the subject! Good luck to you!
Jess
You had mentioned that you ordered Vicodin from that overseas site, so they were going to send you Oxys for the same price. Well, that's fine, but, I hope you realize that you have a 90% probability that your order will be seized by US Customs! I talk from experience, in that my last internet order of Ultram, and Vicodins WERE seized, and I got a nasty letter from the DEA and Customs. I think it was that event that scared me into sobriety, and made me realize that I had a problem.
I don't want to scare you, but just wanted to shed light on the subject! Good luck to you!
Jess
Hey there....
I know what you're going through! Trust me.... ANyway, like I've said before, you may ust want to do the "Cold-Turkey" thing.... Prolonging your withdrawl with Vicodin and Oxy will really **** you off if you're anything like me...... As you just said, you just toook 4 lortab, and didn't feel ANYTHING. I think Ultram will "Kill" any good feelings with opiates that you used to have. Oxycontin did NOTHING for me. NO BUZZ, NO good feeling.... All it did was to stop the pain of the early withdrawels, BUT you are just going to end up addicted to Oxy instead of Ultram, and the OXY is even MORE expensive.
I'm wishing you the BEST of luck in kicking this thing!
GOOD LUCK!
Jess
I know what you're going through! Trust me.... ANyway, like I've said before, you may ust want to do the "Cold-Turkey" thing.... Prolonging your withdrawl with Vicodin and Oxy will really **** you off if you're anything like me...... As you just said, you just toook 4 lortab, and didn't feel ANYTHING. I think Ultram will "Kill" any good feelings with opiates that you used to have. Oxycontin did NOTHING for me. NO BUZZ, NO good feeling.... All it did was to stop the pain of the early withdrawels, BUT you are just going to end up addicted to Oxy instead of Ultram, and the OXY is even MORE expensive.
I'm wishing you the BEST of luck in kicking this thing!
GOOD LUCK!
Jess
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