IMPAIRED HEALTH PROFESSIONALS?

[sissy101]

This is my story.  Yes, I can say I'm addicted to opiates, but the strange thing is that it's just when I work.  When I'm not at work, I really have no desire!  I don't "drug seek" aka going to MD's for prescriptions, etc.  I don't go through withdrawals, I guess you could say its "recreational" use.  However, this is my livlihood so of course its a dangerous situation.  I have not gone to NA or anything, I was just wondering if anyone here had an opinion as to why this is with me.  There have been times when I have not worked for months and months and still I didn't "drug seek".  I just don't get it.  I have been reading a lot of posts on this forum recently and I admire so many of you who have gone through such hard times- physically and mentally.  I'd love some opinions on this.  Thanks.  RNinPA.

[alexandra_r]

I have the greatest respect for nurses--it is like being a fireman--I truly believe that people who go into these professions do it because they really care.  It's not the money or the prestige, but compassion that directs people into nursing.

It sounds to me as though your problem with addiction is under control in many ways, but totally out of control in ONE IMPORTANT way.  Whenver I have tried to determine if my problem is severe or if I even have a problem with something--I look at this--is my life manageable?  Well, in some ways, it sounds as though yours is from what you say.  You don't use unless you are at work, don't go through w/d's and don't doc shop or any of the other unsavory things that people like us do.  However, to me, if you are risking your livelihood, which you spent _a lot_ of time training and educating yourself for, then I would say--this is unmanageable.

I know there are specific help groups for people in the medical profession that will work specifically with those who are in that profession.  Addiction is an equal opportnity destroyer and it doesn't matter who you are, how educated you are or how much money and power you have.  

I wish you luck and admire you for posting here--I hope that you find help before you get caught and lose your nursing license.

Peace,
Alexandra R

[sissy101]

Thanks Alexandra.  I completely agree about it being out of control in one really important aspect of my life.  Its almost like I think if I can figure out WHY this is so, that I can stop it.  Is it a subconscious thing where I really hate my job and am trying to destroy it?  Is it just the old "feels good, so why not" thing?  I truly don't know.

[Waking up]

I am a medical professional also, i take methadone for chronic pain, when i am at work i seem to use more than if i am at home, sometimes i feel like i can talk to people better, i can do my job better, i can organize better, plus when i get someone their pain med from the narc closet i'm sprung. I guess thats why i have a problem. I have a question, you said that you dont get your meds from a doctor, how do you get them? You don't have to tell me, or maybe i misunderstood your post. I would really like to know if there is any hel for medical prof. like aleaandra_r said?

[Waking up]

I am a medical professional also, i take methadone for chronic pain, when i am at work i seem to use more than if i am at home, sometimes i feel like i can talk to people better, i can do my job better, i can organize better, plus when i get someone their pain med from the narc closet i'm sprung. I guess thats why i have a problem. I have a question, you said that you dont get your meds from a doctor, how do you get them? You don't have to tell me, or maybe i misunderstood your post. I would really like to know if there is any hel for medical prof. like aleaandra_r said?

[alexandra_r]

Try going to this site:

http://www.intnsa.org/

This is an organization for addiction in regard to nursing.

[hippy]

hi sissy , im an addict and have been going to na metings for
27 years and have seen a lot of different type's of people and j
different type's of useing,  the  one occuring theme is that
at some point with everyone there come's a time where everyone
cross's a line, that's when controll goe's out the window, and the drug's start to controll us. then all hell breaks loose and the only way it stops is by jails , institutions and death or just plain old tradgey.
my father is a member of aa and is 37 year sober and one of his
great quote's is " THE STORY IS NOT OVER YET " meaning a lot of people get away with a lot of things but sooner or later
we reap what we sow.
one of my strange habit's was i would only smoke ciggrets after dark. or when i was useing drugs. i would never smoke during the day , and not at all if i was clean. weird hunh.
well like the other comment said , to be a professional and be using drugs on the job , basicly is crazy and dangours for you and people under your care.
apperently you must like to live on the edge., like most of us.
But then agian the way we lean is the way we fall.

i hope i have in no way offended you i was just writing what came to mind after i read your post.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!! and keep posting,  michael from philly

[hippy]

10 reasons why drug addicts use drugs to escape.
#1 i hate myself
#2 i hate myself
#3 i hate myself
#4 i hate myself
#5 i hate myself
#6 i hate myself
#7 i hate myself
#8 i hate myself
#9 i hate myself
#10  i hate myself

[mrmichael67]

****I copy/pasted this from a thread way down below:

The hydrocodone as a single entity issue has come up quite a few times. I have gone to the FDA website and they have an Orange Book search that has all of the drugs approved by the FDA in it and they list no products with only hydrocodone in them. Here is the site: http://www.fda.gov/cder/ob/docs/queryai.htm

I also called a few pharmacies and they said no also. One of them was a compounding pharmacy and they said the only way it can be done is if it is compounded. They mix the hydrocodone with fillers and put it in a capsule. The pharmacist told me there is no limit on the milligrams allowed in them. If there is one out there, I would love to know what it is. It would be helpful because there are people who could benefit from that info. Can you call your pharmacy that you got it from and get the name of it? They would have it on record in their computer. I have honestly done hours of research on this subject and came up with nothing. Even the compounding pharmacist told me that it is absurd the amount of vicodins that doctors are prescribing their patients. Patrice even said she knew of one and that is what got me started on this at an earlier date...a couple of months ago. And, please call your pharmacy. It would help me greatly to have that info.  And, I am not saying I don't believe you, I just have done a lot of looking into it and have come up with nothing.

[GOD]

Howdy, mm67

I live in the same state the Skipper lives in, and I too am interested in the same Hydrocodone WITHOUT any Liver-damaging Tylenol, Etc in the preparation.

As I'd mentioned before, My Aunt is currently taking MS Contin for Pain, and MSir for breakthrough... Anyway, shes planning to begin a taper to guage where, Exactly, her pain level is. (she was taking Oxy, but her Doctor wimped out, and switched to the Morphine without giving her a decent explanation...) I called him Myself to inquire about her medications, and he implied that the medical community around here was getting heat from the DEA... Imagine that! Pain patients find a GREAT medication that REALLY works well (OxyContin), and because the media is attacking a this certain Pain Med because a few Idiots killed themselves with it, people who REALLY need it are getting screwed.

Anyway, the reason I ask is that her Doc was going to switch her to Vicodin for breakthough pain in place of the Morphine IR 15 Mg tablets. If she normally takes 2 doses of MSir 15's per day, she'd be taking the equivalent of 6 Vicodins with 3000 Mgs of tylenol thrown in (right?)! That's way to f-ing high!

So, Skip, I agree with MrMichael... If it (hydrocodone without acetamenaphen) is out there-- Where is it to be found, and what is it called?

Thanks a Million,
Jess

[the jackel]

hiya everyone out there,Well heres a little about wot iv`e been through.When i was 18 yr`s old my mum`s face changed when she came into my bedroom to ask if i wanted breakfast, as she noticed a half pint tumbler next to my bed on floor as i needed that tumbler to spit into as i was outloading half a pint of green mucas every day,so my mum foned 999 emergency number& about ten minutes l8r i was rushed away to hospital,after 3day`s o being inn hospital they told me there was a very small particle of a peanut stuck in the tubes of my lungs,so they said to me that they need to put2tubes down through my mouth&into my lungs 1 was a camera&the 2nd was a suction hose to try &remove the small bit of peanut(but it would`nt budge:(now they tell me i`m going for a major operation which left me with only 1&a half lung`s & 4`of my ribs cut away.I realy thought i was dieing&i was, but now i`m on 2inhaler`s&sometimes a doc prescribes me prednistalone"but i find a nice bit of grass or bud`s etc allow me to breath more easily without any wheazing",than any steroid would &i was lying on my death bed with pnuemonia & plourasay.I live in the UK& marijuana is a class=c& illegal,but it`s the only thing that realy helps,bud is so deer any1 got any sugestions(can i grow my own plant instead of paying heavy buck`s for this without getting into any trouble?.

[mrmichael67]

You can do either, just don't get caught.  Do whatever you think is safer.  I do feel for you as I think they should legalize marijuana....at least for medical reasons.

[I'm Done]

I am new to this forum. I have been reading for a week or so but now want to post some questions. I am now addicted to vicodin 10/325. I have been taking for about 7 months without a break. I have obtained from several sources to maintain the addiction and have not had the need to go through withdrawal. Well... I am so tired of this! Like an idiot, I thought "it can never happen to me!". My dosage went up from about 6 pills a day (60mg of hydrocodone) to about 30 (300mg of hydro). I have been on this high of a dosage for about 1 month and just said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I looovve the pain relief and the way it makes me feel but I cannot take the lows! I am fighting severe depression (never a problem before this). I started noticing that my body is just aching and if ANY time goes by where my body starts to feel the withdrawal! Wow! I can only imagine! Anyway, I am deperately trying to taper this ugly monster and rid my life of it (if possible). I have about 120 pills or so and over the past 3 days have gone from 220mg > day 1, 180mg day 2, 90mg today and I am feeling it BAD! It is about all I can do just to sit in bed and veg! My body is writhing in between dosages, sweats, chills, no appetite, diarrhea, stomach pain, crawling out of my freakin skin and my mental state, wow! All I can say is that I have NO positive mental thoughts EXCEPT just after I dose, then I feel "normal" for a few hours. I am married and told my wife what I am doing and she is happy although she just cannot understand what I am feeling. Someone please help me...

How long do these symptoms last? How did you people stop and work at your job at the same time!?! I feel useless! Can someone advise me on a practical time table for tapering and any other advise that could help?

I am feeling so alone and desperate right now.

   -- I'm Done

[hippy]

hi my name is michael and your story is the sam as mine
,except i kept up the high dosage for about a year, then i found this fourm in may of 2002, i have been clean off the vike's since the last friday in may of 02.
i tried to taper but i was a complete failure at it.
i tried to let my wife hold the pills but i would get more on the job site and not tell her,
i statred to take the pill for two rotator cuff operations about 3 years ago, i did real good for about 2 years i only took them as
prescribed 4 or 5 a day at the 2 year mark the doc stoped the script and i was still in pain so i got them on the street.

any way when i got to this fourm i was sick of myself, and the pills had sucked the life right out of me , i'm 42 and everyday i woke up i felt like i was 70.
the hardest thing for me any time i tried to stop was the severe depression and the lack of energyand the feeling of panic and fear.

the people here on the fourm wecomed me and suggested  this
receipe of vitamins called THOMAS"S RECEIPE

i started taking it and stopped taking the pill's and i was amazed that it really worked , it took the depression away and gave me enough energy to work, it was not easy but it was very doable.

the receipe is

L-TYROSINE 500 MGS 8 A DAY WEEK 1 - 4 a day the following weeks
b-6 100mgs  2 a day
a strong mulyi vitamine
vitamines- A- c and e
phosphorus
calsium-magnisum
copper magneesse
zinc

imodium for the runs
----------------------------------------------------------------

also some people recomend gatoraide for lost eletrolite's

banna's for leg spasams and restless leg

5htp  if you still have depression after taking the receipe
for a week or two.
and if you have something like zanax to help toiu sleep at nite it would help in the begining.

the vike 's stop your endorfins from working and the l-tyrosine kicks them back into gear.


good luck.

peace!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keep posting

[mrmichael67]

You are doing it way too fast!  You don't have to feel that way.  Go down one pill every three days or something like that.  You know how you feel on what you take, so experiment a little.  But, generally, the slower the better.  A lot of people have a hard time tapering, but that is the way to do it comfortably.  And, you didn't get addicted overnight, so you don't have to get off of them overnight either.  There is no magic number for tapering.  Just make sure there is a steady decline in your intake over time.  You can't taper for a week, then reward yourself for a good job because you will then have to start over again.  Maybe you can go down two pills or three pills every three days.  If you start to feel the willies, then you are going too fast.  Like I said, there is no magic number to taper with as everyone is different.  Just make sure you go down a certain amount every three days religiously and you should do fine.  You can even do it every week instead of three days.  It just depends on how long you want to take.  Hang in there, it can be done.

[alexandra_r]

Hi There,

I completely agree with mrmichael--I've been doing a slow taper off of vicodin and only cutting down 1/2 a pill and then I stay at that level for a few days and then cut another 1/2.  Through a suggestion I got on the Forum (thanks hellbent), I had my doc call in a prescription for codeine 3's which I will use tomorrow to complete my taper.  For the most part, I have been comfortable with the w/d _except_ for the back pain that I took the vikes with to begin with.  I think the reason why tapers don't work for most people is because they try to do it too fast, end up feeling too bad and then go off the wagon.  Try to cut down slowly and if you don't feel you can do it yourself--your wife sounds lovely and perhaps she can help you.  

I hope you acheive your goal.  Keep posting--it really helps!

[Nod]

Know your story well. Everyone is correct, your going way way to fast.  I'm clean now 4 mos after 2 yr same level hydro addiction. The last tapper took 45 days to complete. besides going slow here is something else I found worked:
1.  the lower the dose the longer you should stay at that level before reducing more. "The lower the slower."
2.  when dosing, spread it out thru the entire day. By that I mean don't take a bunch, then 4-5 hours later more, etc.  Wake up, take 1, then take 1/2 or 1/4 pill every hour or so.  This will keep the edge off and keep you feeling more comfortable. Key is to always have some hydro running in the system to stop the ups and downs.  The tapper slowly reduces the amount over time.
3.  write down your schedule .. ie 7/27 - 8 pills..... 7/28 - 7pills... etc.   You have to write it down to make it work. You will feel great crossing off the days.

Anyway, that was my key to getting clean.  Took 4 tries at tapperring before I made it so if you stumble that ok, just get right back on schedule with your tapper.  Keep reading the forum for support.  Its a long journey but you can make it!
Regards,
Nod

[skipper]

hey guys:
i was wrong about the plain hydro-c. i talked to the drugstore to-
day and they looked up what was perscribed about a year ago. it was
a cough tablet that contained 5 mg.hydro-c and 1.5 mg homatropine
(an anticholinergic). it seems the clinic of neurosurgeons i was
seeing, like to move high dose hydro-c patients over to hycodan as
it does not damage the liver or kidenys. all i can remember is i
took 4 tablets every 4 hours for a period of 60 days, and they
seeemed to work as well as lorcet or lortab. they were also quite a
bit cheaper. oh this stuff was called hycodan and is available in
tablet or syrup. Jess, perhaps your aunt would be able tp take
this? it's worth running it by her pain doc.
keep an angel on your shoulder
kip

[hippy]

hey there, i just wanted to let you know i meaosed to be taking care ofnt no offense,

im sorry if it sounded that way, i can tell you that more than half of the women on this fourm are health care workers, RN's and such.
also most of us here are addicts who have lived lives at some point of lie's and deception, we did what ever we had to , too get our drug's of choice. there are no saints here.
there are of plenty of x-nurse's  here and in reading there post over the last few months, they at some point got addicted to pill's and it ruined thier careeer's.
i am sure everyone here care's enough to hope that the same thing does not happen to you.
we as addicts alway's hurt the one's we love,and in some addicted nurse's situation's it's the same ,they wind up
hurting the people they are supposed to be helping, or caring for.

i know it may sound harsh ,but if we don't care enough
about ourselves ,it's hard to really care about other's
even tho we have the best intentions to do so.

take the time to read through all the post, you will find that the peole here are for real, this thing called addiction is
very serious, life threatening, job threatening along with
destroying famlys and lives.


so take it light, and keep posting,
there are no saint here like you said. but we do care.

[mrmichael67]

They can compound capsules with only hydrocodone in them.  I talked to a pharmacist and he said that they only add a filler and can make them in any strength the doctor wishes.

[GOD]

Welcome, Sissy....

Please don't feel attacked in here... You, and everyone else, are welcome here. Skipper wasn't trying to attack you (although I can see why you would think that, being new in here) Sometimes others in here try to have us face questions of ourselves that we may not have faced yet. In your case, you were obviously judged without all the information, so please don't leave with a bad feeling about this forum. Skipper is a Hell of a great guy, and VERY supportive of everyone... I think he was just trying out a little "Tough-Love" on you because you *kind of* fit into a certain profile. Now that you've cleared up who you are to Skip and to the Forum, Please accept our appologies if you were hurt. One of Skip's favorite sayings is, "I'm going to LOVE you whether you like it or not!"

Anyway, I know what you mean when you said that you only used at work! I have several friends who do the same thing; They say it gives them ENERGY and puts them in a better mood, Etc... Both of those guys work with the public in some fasion, so I can see why they choose to use during those particular hours.

My question to you is: "Can you just drop it [go off the drugs] for like a week or something with no withdrawl?" If I could do that, I would probably still be using, but my last withdrawl was so HORRIBLE, that I REALLY don't want to start back at it again, because they say every time you withdrawl, it gets even WORSE!

Believe it or not, I was an ULTRAM junkie... And I mean BIGTIME -- 30-50 pills per day for the last couple of months of my use. I finally felt "Normal" for the first time in my life! I had several Scripts, and bought it off the internet for REALLY cheap prices... But, I'm done with THAT **** now!

Feel free to write back!
Jess

[GOD]

Thanks for that info!
I'll run that by my Aunt and her Pain docs....

Hope we didn't scare Sissy away....



"Get back here!" ;-)

[GOD]

Hey, Thank you too, Mrmike!

It looks as if she DOES have some better options.....!

[cindi]

I have been an impaired nurse for 12 years  the last straw came in 95 when I was arrested on 12 felonies   to make a long story short I was a mess,,,never lost my license but gave up practicing in 95  Prison or my freedom   freedom won....  Hey they do have Nurse support groups and the board of nursing will work with you...I am so greatful to the Ohio board of nursing...

Hey Skipper   have you heard anything at all from JB  I haven't posted here for awhile but I tried to get ahold of him and I am prying to God he is ok  He was not well last time I spoke with him   has anyne here heard from JB?    thanks    cindi

[galawyer]

Just wanted to let you all know that I think everyone on this forum is brave and wonderful.  Keep up the good work