Looking for tips and just overall support

[Bamnuts]

by Bamnuts, 10 hours
I know I am not the worst addict on this page and I finally hit rock bottom the other day when my wife says I have. Changed over the last year (SWIM have been doing  Vic's, percs, morphine, and my favorite o contin for 2 years now).
I am a loving father of two 9 yr and 5 yr old daughters.  I can't lose them and my awesome HOT wife!  I make pretty good money and we Are struggling finincially. I rationalize it is not because of the habit then I reluctantly did the math and saw how much money I have WASTED in the last 2 years. Then guilt sets in. I am at the lowest of lows. I was a former world class athlete and even competed at the 1996 us olympics. My brother and I had a gym and it closed 4 months ago.  I wAs at least able to workout and keep my body in shape.  From the gym closing 4 months ago.....I have gained 40 lbs and cannot even see in the night airn see my privates (without a mirror). My fears are dying early for my kids, my wife leaving me, and losing all my nice things In life (house cars, etc....the morale of the story is I quit. COld turkey (my last pill was Saturday at 7pm).  It is now 9:13 as I type And I took enough immodium to stop the diarea. Now the problems are depression an guilt along with insomnia from shakey legs. I have read a lot of sites and everyone says to use benzos for sleep.......why doesn't anyone reccomend ambien?
Is it bad for u?  I M on hour 50 of wd and started a diet today. ( I weighed in at 295.4 ). That was rock bottom along with wasted money. The other problem I think I am going through is alchol wd. I don't use alcohol without a opiate with it........I say what is the point?  AlcOhol is not my drug of choice ......I just use it to maximize my opiate buzz. I don't know but maybe I am going throough a double withdrawal. I M just seeking for help with suggestions and support. I need to "right this ship" and support will help me. I have not told anyone my demons I just want to exorcise t
hem.  I look forward to comments And support!
Take care!

[133113]

Hey Bam,

I read your story and it is was a lot like mine.  I was a great athlete, been very successful career wise and have an amazing family.  

The truth of the matter is, 3 years ago I got clean from pills after a few years of use after an accident.  I went about 6 months and then occassionaly would use.  This behavior eventually led to using every day.  Now for the past 2 years I have struggled to stay sober.  I will go a week or few weeks, then use for a week or a few weeks.  It is a sh****merry go round to be on.

I wish 6 months ago, 1 year ago I would have been good enough to myself to just stop using and start my recovery.  In the beginning the mental part will kick your a** for about 30-90 days, but it gets better every single day.  If you still have access to pills at home, through the doctor, though friends, you will cave and you will use.  I wish you all the luck.  

Right now, try and stay busy, get out of the house, go for a drive, listen to music, but whatever you do don't use.

[Bamnuts]

What is ativan

[vicki595]

I'm concerned more about the alcohol...talk with the Doctor about that today....you may need to be on Ativan for a bit...be honest though....

[vicki595]

Well...no.   It's the mental stuff getting you right now. That's why we always urge some kind of recovery care: AA,therapist,addictionologist...something. It really helps. You also need to DO something!!

Work out. Go for a drive. Clean the yard. Empty the attic! HAHA!  Keep busy....

[atthebeach]

do you want to quit for good? change your life? be free from the substance abuse?   if the answer is yes, get rid of the pills.

look for a na/aa meeting. keep yourself busy. yes you will have cravings.
you have to work through them.

[Bamnuts]

In terms of detox center. My family would kill me!  And they would be embarrassed plus I can't take that time off work. If they knew they would fire me!