Morphine

[sna103079]

My husband is addicted to Morphine. I have never done any type of drug and I really don't know what to do to help. Every time I think I know what is going on I find out something else he has lied about. At first it was just taking the pills, then it was crushing the pills. Now I'm finding needles and spoons everywhere. He claims that he gets the pills down to liquid form and puts them in the needle and squirts it in his mouth. I just don't believe him anymore. I have never heard of anyone doing this and I don't know if it's just because I know nothing about it, or he is YET AGAIN using my lack of knowledge as a way of lying to me and he is actually shooting up. I need to know the truth to make sure I am not at risk for health issues that are involved with needles.

Please any advise would be greatly appreciated. Or even just a little knowledge about Morphine addiction.

[justgking77]

Just so you know, these guidelines vary from state to state, the physician prescribing the narcotics has to show good reason for the patient to be receiving it/them via MRI's, chronic illness or disease, or some sort of injury that would validate its use. The doctor also, in almost all cases, must have the patient sign a "pain management contract" that restricts the patient to only that physician and an agreed upon pharmacy. The physician has the ability to check certain websites that track this information and verify the patient is adhering to the contract. The problem with this is that each state uses its own system of tracking and rarely share the information making "doctor shopping" easy if one can simply show residency in each state. This is as easy as getting a PO Box at any local post office. Also, I find this one rather useless, the physician should periodically drug test the patient. I find this one silly mainly due to fact that the patient is usually abusing the drugs that are supposed to be in his/her system. Not only this, but most addicts tend to associate themselves with other users making it easier to hide what they are doing to their families and non-using friends until the situation is so severe that each relationship is close to, or is in, melt down leaving the patient in a state of heavier use. Unfortunately, hitting rock bottom isn't always a deterant from abusing or trying to mend any relationship. Having your husband come clean isn't at all any form of step toward rehabilitation. All it MAY, capitalized because you may have the exception, give him an odd rational or the illusion that you accept what he is doing. While you are making every effort to salvage your and your children's relationship with him, it can be viewed as enabling his emotional need to continue using. I whole heartedly agree with Fergman that you, and your 9 year old as well, should be utilizing the help of a psychologist while you, if you are able to convince him, get your husband to enroll in an in-patient detox program. Then, include your husband in the sessions as a family unit. I do not want to sound like an advocate of tough love. However, through out my career as a detoxicologist, I have found that, I would say, over 80 percent of enrollees fail in staying sober because the family as a unit doesn't heal. Fergman is also correct in sharing that his family as a whole is still traumatized by his abuse. I hope that I haven't offended in any way. Also, I hope that I have answered some of your questions while offering some professional advise. Good luck and keep up the good fight.

[Fergman]

It's so difficult to deal with someone who is addicted.  On any given day, my mind wanders into bad neighborhoods.  It has to be recognized soley as my disease (addiction) talking to me.  Got to change the tape.  The advice above my entry is very solid in my opinion.  Hate to share this with you but once an addict (meaning you have the disease of addiction)  it's a progressive disease that leads to some awful outcomes if not dealt with, i.e. jail, homelessness, etc.  I had a hard time accepting the disease aspect of addiction.  Yet if I'm clean say for 2 weeks, and I want some comfort or escape, I take the 1st pill and it's automatically on a roller coaster - like it becomes the priority of my mind.  Then the whole thing begins again.  Lies, sneakiness, deceit, using household monies for DOC.  It's like once an addict starts again, it's not at the entry level anymore.  Usage starts right where I left off last time I decided to get clean.  Like 4 perc's at once instead of the prescribed 1.  For me, it becomes like a guy at a bar, "one drink is too many and a case is not enough."
It's difficult to watch your husband out on the streets once again, and I understand taking him back in again.  But just remember, he needs a new mental tool box to deal with his cravings, emotional stability.  It won't be long until the new enthusiasm to get clean begins to waver, and the desire for drug comfort begins to enter the thoughts.  Surrender him entirely to God.  Entirely.  You cannot control him, but he can easily manipulate you or any others because we're so good at getting what we want.  Once you confirm the lying has started, watch out.  I hope this scenario never has to play in your world again.  It's just too early to be optimistic.  

[sna103079]

I found an old prescription. The exact Morphine he is taking is Morphine Sulfate Extended Release 60 mg tablets.

Any one know anything specific about this? What other drugs are similar to this? Anything you may know...

[sna103079]

Thanks again everyone. I'm really glad I found this forum. I always had the mindset of "I don't want to know anything about drugs" and now I see the error in that. I want to learn as much as possible so I can understand (as much as a non-addict can) what he is going through and how I can or can't help.

Thanks again! I will keep everyone posted...

[cattalina]

You're not being selfish - you're being realistic.  It's almost impossible to deal with someone in active addiction, and even after they get clean it takes time to repair the damage they've done and regain trust.  I'm a recovering addict myself and my family and I are now dealing with my father's addiction, so I know how you feel and what you're thinking.  If your hubby is clean right now and wants to stay that way he needs to look into aftercare: NA meetings, addiction counseling, support groups, network of clean friends... An addict cannot get and stay clean on their own, we need the support of other people who have done it before us. As for you, you need your own support as well.  I'm sure you have a list of resentments and hurts that he has caused you and your kids over the years, and that stuff doesn't go away overnight.  And you do need to 'get over' them at some point because they will destoy you eventually.  But just because he's off the drugs for a week, or a month doesn't mean that life automatically becomes perfect for everyone.  It's an ongoing struggle around the board and ya'll have to be willing to put the work into yourselves and each other.  

You have a reason not to trust him and to doubt what he says to you because that's how things have worked in the past.  He needs to prove to you that he's doing the right thing by his actions.  I've learned to trust my gut instinct because it's normally always right... follow your instincts and take care of yourself and your kids.  Children are very smart and they pick up on things going on around them much more quickly than we give them credit for.  Do what you have to do for them without reservation.  

Also - keep asking questions here and doing research on addiction.  Learn as much as you can and be prepared so that it's not as easy for him to pull the wool over your eyes.  I'm here for questions if I can help and if you need someone to vent to.  Good luck and follow your instincts... they're always right!!

[sna103079]

Thanks again for chatting with me. It's almost like I'm talking to him but without the paranoia of his lies.

I definitely agree with the "talk is cheap..." I have said that so many times.
Here's an update... I have let him stay with me and the kids for the last two nights. He seems okay and I have seen no signs of drug use. He says that he has been clean since  the 12th. He says he has come out of his haze. In his words he can physically see better, like a fog is lifted. I have seen him clean for up to 2 weeks before the classic signs come rearing their ugly heads. So it's a "wait and see" game at this point. He has given me money (which he NEVER does) and went to the grocery store and bought food for me and the kids. I'm not going to lie, I have not been making it easy on him because I just don't trust him and I've been here too many times, it's like a slap in the face every time I trust he's clean and BOOM, there's a needle.

He always tells me that I need to be nicer and that I need to get over my resentment. I just know better than to let my guard down. He says that me not being nice makes him think of drugs. Well, I just look at that statement as more mind games. I just don't know how to get past this unless he's 100% not an addict, and in my opinion 8 days not using is not clean, it could just turn into another case of "temporarily quit".

Maybe I'm just not strong enough to be with an addict that may or may not go back to that lifestyle.  Am I being selfish?

[Dezdon]

"I walked around in a narcotic haze called pain management for 4 years."

THAT'S IT! Thats where I am (except 7 years) MAN  you coined it !
peace,
Dez

[Fergman]

Hey, there........just checking in.  You know it's very difficult to intrude upon another's situation.  I just love the way you girls are so committed to making things work in a marriage.  Nobody can call the shots in your situation but you.  I think the words that, "talk is cheap. actions speak louder than words," keeps ringing in my head when I last told my wife to come home.  I hit rock bottom, too - twice and just kept on going.  It's so hard to judge.  You're going to have to have a fine filter to run his words through.  I lie so quickly and automatically that it's part of my sicko personality.  His sincerity or not is not for me to judge.  Trust your gut.  I find that most women have an awesome sense of insight and wisdom.  I'll bet you do, too.  Talk tomorrow.

[sna103079]

Thanks. I really appreciate everyone chatting with me! I know what my head thinks and I know what my heart feels I just don't know which one to listen too. I also know that everyone's advise is to leave him (which I have done, and we are currently separated). My biggest problem is I don't need to search myself. I know who I am, and my kids are #1 always. I fully admit that I have an addiction to him and that I need to get over that, but I truly feel like I made a life-long commitment to him (sickness and health and all that). I truly want to help, I just don't understand what he is going through. That's the main reason I came to this site. I want to talk to people that have no reason to lie to me and will tell me the truth about this awful addiction.

After talking to him last night and hearing what he has done I have this horrible image of him doing the drugs. It's hard to look at him the way I used to. He says that this time he will do anything (I know that's clique). After telling me about the needles he says that he feels disgusted by what I feel towards the truth. Is is horrible that I'm glad he feels disgusted? I think that I am all he has... he can come home to me and his world is different... he can come home to the kids and they don't see an addict.

We have been separated about a month now. He says this is his rock bottom (lost his wife, kids and home). Just don't know what to do. Is he where some of the posters on this forum are and really quitting or is he just feeding me more lies?

[Fergman]

Thanks for your honesty!  It took me a long time to understand this next point because I'm so self-centered.  You, too, have an unhealthy addiction that is ruining your life, him.  It has to be tough for a mom with kids to look into the alternatives out there.  When I was actively abusing, I just stopped my responsibilities, i.e., paying the bills, keeping up after myself, totally giving up on anything organized, began isolating.  All of it fell on my wife's shoulders.  She didn't know what hit her.  For her, she had to leave me to really become her own person again.  She was so into keeping things going around the house.  She did twice the work because I was so far gone.  It has been 8 months now since we've been apart.  She is still becoming that person she once was, and I'm trying (albeit slowly) to get my life back together again.  I'm still suffering from Post-Addiction-Withdrawal Symptoms - anxiety, sleeplessness, forgetfulness, etc.  I just never thought I would find myself in this predicament ever.  Think through your options.  It doesn't sound like change or rehab is in his future, but that's none of my business.  Keep posting.  Feel free to PM me if you want to.

[Shelwoy]

The sad truth is, unless he is ready to end this nightmare, he will continue to do what he has been doing all along.Suboxone is a tool of recovery, not a cure- if he isn't using a well rounded recovery program- he is doomed to failure.Anyone can change- but they have to want it- and be willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make it stick.
You and your children are a part of his disease, and you need treatment as well.He has dragged you into his world, and because you love him- you are confused, it really hurts, and you feel betrayed, I'm sure.
I hate to see families go through this- and I wish there was an easy answer, but there isn't.The best thing for you to do is get help for you, and those kids.What would you do if your 9 year old found a needle and poked herself with it, what if if was infected with Hepatitis? You can never be too careful, and how can you trust an addict who is in active addiction and will do ANYTHING to not suffer?? I had done risky things I would never admit to when I was using- and now that I have been off the needle for a few years- I can admit that.I could have put allot of people at risk because of my addiction, and no one would ever have known.Thank God, I didn't.
Only you can decide what is best for you.Your husband is sick, he is an addict and nothing you do will make him change.He will lie,beg, connive,steal, and everything else that comes with addiction.My advice is- save yourself and your children.They did not ask for this and they are the innocent victims that need someone to look out for them.Their safety and well being should come first.I am not trying to say you are not considering that, but I know how torn you feel.If you think with your head first, heart second- you will find the answer inside yourself.I will keep you in my thoughts.

[sna103079]

I am coping okay. Well I like to think so anyway. It's really hard on this side of things... maybe not as hard as his addiction. But sometimes I think of it as I have my own addiction; thinking he will be different. In the past 5 years we have lost almost everything. I work a full time job and don't make bad money but it's difficult to survive off one paycheck when you have two kids and rent. I get less than most single moms because the majority of them at least get child support. He spends all of his paychecks on drugs. The only time I get any money from him is when he comes home begging for me to take him back and to "support him through this". I feel bad because I know that he doesn't want to be like he is but the fact remains... he's an addict.
Just in the last year we have had his truck, which is also in my name, repossessed twice. The first time I was 9 months pregnant and had to borrow money from my family to go get it back. I'm still paying on that through a 401k loan that I got to pay my family back. Now I am looking for a place to live because the house we are renting was a rent with option to buy but now that the repossession is on my credit I can't buy it and the homeowner has put it back on the market.  
It's really tough to be the one without the addiction too. Sometimes I think he's a coward for taking the "numb" way out.
Sorry to pour all this out there but I really want to get advise or just knowledge from unbiased people who can relate to him more than I seem to.

[Fergman]

a lot of pain management doctors are just rolling profit centers.  the state is supposed to check up on the distribution of narcotics to individuals, and, you can imagine, it's not too big a priority unless you're like a Rush Limbaugh who just got out of control in his doctor shopping.  I'm not in a position to be much of an advice giver.  I also know people who clean up temporarily with suboxone and then reabuse........."the heart is deceitful above all else, who can know it?"  How are you coping?

[sna103079]

I've heard the "suboxone will help me" story from him more times than I can count. He will take them for a while and be "clean" then it all starts over again...

Does anyone know if the pain management doctor is required to report addicts to other facilities.

[Fergman]

Thanks for expanding your situation here.  SNA, you've got a full blown situation on your hands.  Can he face this problem alone?  I had to take suboxone for 6 weeks.  It was a "miracle drug" for me because it entirely eliminated my cravings.  I was able to get off a 4 year out of control usage of percocetts and morphine.  I also went to a 15 week out patient rehab 3 nights a week.  But it worked, or should I say the grace of God helped me get off that poison.  However, my wife and children are still emotionally injured, and they won't deal with me until they see a "big change."  It has been 8 months now.  SNA, if you can afford to see a counselor (an addictionologist) please do so for you.  Please keep talking to someone.

[sna103079]

Thank you. It sounds like you are exactly who I should be talking to. I appreciate it.

He started with cocaine about 6 years ago then moved to pills. It has ranged from Oxy to heroin (again only what I know, I could be way off).

Just curious, isn't the doctor required to report addicts to other pain management facilities?

[Fergman]

The sad part of all this is that he is emotionally and probably physically absent from you and your children because the drug is # 1 priority.  Take it from me.  My wife left, my children are estranged, almost lost my job, etc.  I walked around in a narcotic haze called pain management for 4 years.  I needed outside help to come clean.  It was too big for me on my own.  Mending the relationships has been seriously challenged because I was a liar for so long.  I let my wife come to the doctor with me, too.  Then I went out and doctor shopped somewhere else the next day.  I'm here for you if you need me.

[sna103079]

Thanks everyone. I had a long talk with him last night and let him know he will never be clean unless he starts with the whole truth. He told me that he is in fact using needles between his fingers and sometimes arms. He said he does also use the needle to squeeze the liquid morphine in his mouth, he claims that he uses a cotton ball to soak it up from the spoon and then uses the needle to get it out of the cotton. I'm still not convinced that I know the whole truth but I'm still glad he admitted the needles. He gets the morphine from a pain management doctor and he has agreed to let me go with him to his next appointment to talk to the doctor about his addiction.
I'm still at a cross road though, I'm not sure if I should be there for him and risk getting blind-sighted again when he goes back to the drugs or if I should walk away and see if he gets clean. I have two children with him, oldest is 9 and youngest is 11 months, so I don't want my oldest seeing and hearing everything that will be involved in being there for him.
I really want to get opinions from others that have or are walking in his shoes to get a better understanding of what he is going through and know how to tell whats true and what is Bulls**t.

[worried878]

Morphine is not a good high for most unless used intravenously...it is not a usual DOC for most pill poppers...not the high most r looking for unless used IV then it is really almost equivalent to heroin which is a street form of morphine...he is treading on thin ice...he needs help....he is lucky to have u

[recoveringfromdetox]

This is not easy what you are going through. It's very easy for the person this is not effecting. I was one opiates for a very long time for illness and got hooked . Tihe only way for my was to get into the hospital and go through what is call detox . It took five days and I came out clean . He needs to want to do this for himself . Dont let the Drugs He is one hurt you. You might want to ask him if he would like you to go into the emergency room with him and get help. Even if you dont have insurance they have to help you. Tell the truth and get help . I will pray for you now! Good luck and GOD bless you Both in JESUS name.

[sna103079]

Thanks. He does get them prescribed from a doctor but usually ends up getting off the streets when they run out. He says he wants to quit but I've heard that TOO many times. I believe that he only tells me that because I'm the only thing normal in his life right now. I am the only thing that makes him different than all the "friends" he hangs out with.

[bluespence]

Hello! I take percocet and morphine together, but mine are prescribed from a Dr for a medical reason. I would suggest doing some research on the internet. Just put morphine in the search engine and you will find  a lot of info. All narcotic prescription drugs are addictive, they give you a high feeling and they take away pain...I am not sure if your husband takes them fr a Dr or does he buy them from the streets? Feel free to send me a PM if you like! Once a person is physically addicted it is very hard to stop and he will have to want to stop before he will be successsful. I hope you aren't taking anything your husband says or does personally because if he is addicted it is the drug talking, not him. I wish I could be more help!..good luck

[122 Tactical Fighter Group]

No one puts a drug in solution and then in a needle to squirt in their mouths. They could use an eyedropper to do that. You may need to wake fully up here if you wish to save your marriage. And you have legitimate concerns for health. I have already done a years worth of experimental chemo from the Mayo Clinic because of my carelessness. It is no joke. I would be glad to chat if you wish to PM me ----  unfortunately the bottom line seems to be that he needs to want to quit for himself. He cant do it for you or the flag or apple pie. He has to want to not use any longer. You can influence him though. And best of luck to you. You are making the proper first steps. Good luck to you......