Need An Answer. PLEASE Help.

[hiskidd]

Hi all. I'm in living hell right now. It's my fault. I went through the hell of wds at Christmas, made it 41 days, then back on for a week, then off 20 days, now on for the last 3 months at 60-90mgs at day.

My wife is due with our 4th baby. She has a due date of July 9.

I took my last Oxy Mon, July 4 at 1045am. It's only been a couple of days but I'm in hell. I can hear in her voice and tell in her eyes that maybe she thinks this is not the right time to quit. But she doesn't want to come out and say this. It's not her fault, it's mine.

If I don't try to stop now, I won't have another gap of time until Christmas - 6 months from now. What do you think?

I'm WDing hard.

David

[jerry4664]

David

Congrats on the new addition I recently had a sit down with my pain mgt doc and while I was waiting i could over hear a lady trying to expalin why her husband thinks she needs more pills that she was already taking and for the 10 minutes it was sad to listen to she had every excuse in the book... the point is that was me 25 days ago the pills are BS my now EX doc broke his back and went through hell ?? who knows but he said he takes advil and tylonol for pain and that what i'm doing and guess what it mite not work for everyone but give it a try ..

[hiskidd]

You guys were right. It was better not on medication :) Saw my baby girl born today 7lbs 14oz. Mommy and baby are doing very well.

Praise God!

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear has torment. He that fears, has not been made perfect in love. " 1 John 4:18

[ImDONENoMore]

How exciting David!!!  What a wonderful time to be SOBER!!!!  I'm so happy for you.

Keep us posted - we're all waiting for the news!!  :)

[atthebeach]

david,
good news!!!!!
will pray for a safe,healthy and quick delivery for april and your new baby daughter.
praying for the LORD to break the strongholds of addiction for you my brother.
HIS is able
debbie
.

[hiskidd]

@rainy, thanks...

All - not used. No access either.

April's water broke early this morning. Contractions are small. Waiting. Praying. Forcing that smile.

Thanks for you prayer warriors

[RainyDay75]

Hi David, I came across your posts and wanted to offer my support. I am also in the process of withdrawal, which probably hasn't started yet, but as of today, I will be clean. I can relate to some of the pain and anguish that come across in your posts. Please stay strong. God bless.

[hiskidd]

Thanks. Knowing I'm not feeling well makes sense. I'll take any help I can get for now...

Still waiting for our baby.

[ImDONENoMore]

Hey David - just remind yourself that you're going to have to be okay with NOT being okay for a while (we can thank gnarly for that one)!

I found it easier (if it's possible for withdrawal to be "easier") when I just accepted the fact that I was going to feel rotten for a while.  And believe it or not, that mindset helped.  I think the more you prepare for the "worst" the easier it will be on you both physically and mentally as usually the anticipation and fear of something is worse than the actual event.

I have faith in you and I KNOW you can do this!!  Keep going - it will get better.  :)

[LeaAnn807]

Wow!  I just read this, and you're gonna be fine!  

I figured out one thing for sure through my years of addiction and constant WDing....there is NO good time to do it.  I guess there is no bad time either???   It's gotta be done or die using.  It's that simple.

You can do this!!! :)

[hiskidd]

Hi guys. Yesterday, I had a terrible noon to about 5. Then i forced myself to take my family out to get fast food. it was a longer drive than expected, and by the time it was over i felt better (something about the brain synapsis at work???) IDK. I then had an ok night. Was able to get on the treadmill for 11 minutes, and then watched the rest of Lincoln Lawyer and then all of The Adjustment Bureau.

The night was bad. Took a couple of otc sleeping pills and I was till up at 3:30. Then got some off and on sleep until 8. So now I feel pretty limp. Praying, praying, praying the anxiety doesn't overwhelm me. I have zero desire to get on the treadmill, but I may try later.

Sigh...

[new2thisAZ]

It's a good question about whether or not your addict, of if you are dependent - very different. I know I'm an addict. Mine started with legitimate scripts and pain... and then the pain got manageable and I kept taking the medication. And then, it wasn't giving me a feel-good feeling anymore, so I upped the dose. My thoughts were consumed with how many pills do I have left? What happens when I run out? Can I get another script? What if my pain comes back (it did - but it could have been managed with non-prescription pain pills or steroids)? So for me, it was easy.

Have you thought about talking to your doctor about it? If you're taking as prescribed to treat pain, and aren't experiencing the other effects... perhaps you're not an addict. I hear some people actually have real pain, take pain pills according to the directions, and aren't addicted - I'm just not one of those.

I'm really not trying to make light of your question or situation. It's a tough one. You've got a LOT going on, legitimate pain being one of those things. If you are truly questioning if you are addicted, definitely consider speaking with your doc about it.

[hiskidd]

It makes sense but I always get so confused as to whether I'm an addict. My scripts are real, my usage stays within the prescription, my back/neck pain in real, etc.

I'm not strong emotionally. I don't know that there is anything I can do anyway, but I'm afraid of not getting better for 20 days, not being able to help take GOOD care of my other 3 kids, help my wife at or out of the hospital, get my school work done, start my new teaching year, and on and on and on. I'm so scared. Everything hurts. My pillows are made of tears.

[tryingtocope39]

I understand that your wife is totally stressed and stretched beyoind her limits, it seems. Being huge pregnant in the middle of summer and all the stresses of preparing for a new baby is no picnic, this I KNOW. I believe that right now, all she can see is the immediate picture. In the long run, in the GRAND scheme of things, she is going to be so much better having you go through this now and be clean when that new baby comes and the months to follow. Much better than when she has a newborn baby waking every 3 hours to eat, or an infant that requires full-time attntion, or a toddler thats growing and learning and getting into EVERYTHING! My point being, you will be much better help to her once that baby gets here than you are now, and she will come to realize this in the end. This is the BEST time for you to take the time to get clean, before the baby comes, when you will be needed most. I believe she will realize this in time and be grateful that you did it now instead of later, the long run?  Does that make sense?

[new2thisAZ]

You are WRONG.

You CAN be strong. You WILL be strong. You already were SO STRONG in getting rid of those blasted pills and the script. I'm on Day 4, my friend, and I JUST FLUSHED the last of my pills. I was hanging on to them like a lifeline. I didn't feel good about getting rid of them, it terrified me, but it's good I did. I went looking for all my old stash points. :-)  Didn't find crap, thank goodness, or I would have "popped just one."

You're about to go through hell. You know this. It's okay, you'll come out the other side. Keep posting. If it's in your nature, keep praying. You've got lots of positive thoughts and energy coming your way, helping to lift you up and help carry you through this.

Your wife is overwhelmed. She's got her own full plate. So do you.

You're doing this. You're okay. You will be okay.

[atthebeach]

david my brother and my friend,

i am praying and lifting you up. you are called out of darkness into HIS marvelous light.

please listen to these songs and be blessed.

"draw me close to you"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eA4narr2wyE&feature=related

"who am i"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q&feature=related

praying,praying,praying for the peace of the LORD to wash over your mind,body, soul and spirit.
debbie

[hiskidd]

My wife was not for this move. I should have consulted her. Maybe I did it in a panic. I can't get my pills back and now I'm stuck. It's not that she wants me high or dead, but she's beyond wanting to be done being pregnant. I thought I could be strong, but I can't. If I could get my pills back right now I would.

[ImDONENoMore]

We believe in your David.  And it's going to be okay.

:)

[hiskidd]

Thanks. Of course I woke up (if you could call it sleep) and panicked over what I had done. But I just don't like them. I don't like how my heart or the rest of my body feels on them. I really do want to be healthier and live, and I think these pills are the opposite of that.

I can't let my wife see me a mess. Pray I get some supernatural help.

[dominosarah]

Noone is leaving you....

Flushing and tearing up that script was huge!  Now stay true to yourself and continue moving forward~~sara

[vicki595]

Not leaving you...what you did was just huge!!  Keep posting here for support David...

[sudie58]

hi, i see its very late at night, where you are, but 9am here and i just got up and saw your post! just wanted to say well done! you know its the right thing , you will get through this and have so much going for you, soon, to have a bundle of joy, whose daddy will be straight and clean, you are cared about on here! god bless you!

[hiskidd]

DAY 1
I'm too scared to type much, but it is 12:30 am and I just flushed the pills. I went into my wife's purse and found the prescription, tore it, and flushed that too.

Don't leave me friends. The baby hasn't come yet, but my sickness starts tomorrow. It took me 21 hard days to feel even "decent" last time, but I know this is what I am supposed to do. Okay, can't type through the tears. You are loved. In Him, David

"I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done." - Psalm 118:17

[IBKleen]

You are in my thoughts and in my prayers David. That goes without saying.

And in that vein I was thinking about you and thought that each time you come here to attempt detox it is either an "event" or a "holiday" or something of that nature. What I am seeing is that each time you do this, you set yourself up for failure. There is no way anyone could expect you to abandon your pregnant wife right now and go through detox. I don't even think you realize you are doing this...in fact, I am sure you are not. You need to set yourself up for success.

You also need to get clean because it is best for YOU, not because it is your birthday, or Arbor Day or the first time your baby smiled. You need to get in touch with the fact that you are worth it and do it so you can enjoy your life and be a part of your children's lives. There will always be obstacles, there will always be excuses. Buckle down and make the time to get well!

I am glad that you are here and not straying from the community. People care and want to see you succeed. Please stick around.