One Last Time~

[dominosarah]

Wednesday nite i lost a friend/customer to a heroin overdose, he was 39.  His name was Brandon.  When i first met him he kept his head down and didnt say anything except thank you.  Over time we started talking and soon he came in, head held high and always said "goodmorning" at 11:00 p.m.  We talked of simple things and we talked of our addiction.  We always said we had to keep our Guard Up as that gnome sits in the back of our head swinging, just ready to pounce.  He thanked me for always treating him like he mattered as others in this town look down on addicts.  He lived a hard life and was working so hard at making a better life for himself and his daughter.  I know his relationship fell apart and i am not sure of all the details of Wednesday, all i know is when i was coming home i saw the ambulance at his place.  He passed away in the middle of the night.  One more time was his one last time~You will be missed my friend~

[katmandu516]

Dear Sarah, What does one say at these times? Except that I am so sorry for your friend Brandon. He was too young to die. Sending prayers and good Karma your way. You are a very strong person, and have lost many loved ones in a very short time. And for that I am truly sorry. Keep your guard up....Kat

[Heather8448]

Sarah
I am sorry...I am never good at these things I feel like the more it happens(death) the better i should be at words and saying the right things...but I get worse
This story is my friend Connie's story the anniversary of her death is this week...she came by, i was high I wasnt there she was getting clean and on methadone...she wanted to use one last time and never woke up, her son who was 15 lost his dad at age 3 from cocaine OD...no one thinks of the people they leave behind and how bad we hurt
This post made me think of her
If i use again this will be me too
I know it will because I just know

the high is temporary but dying is permanent

[EvolverU]

Sarah, I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost yet another friend & I hope you're bearing up under the senselessness, frustration & pain of it. It hurt to read this. (These tragedies always seem to open up scars in me from past deaths.) What I'm saying is that my heart goes out to you.  As others have pointed out, it serves as a powerful reminder to keep our Guard Up & (I'd add) that we're never guaranteed a tomorrow. So, we should live each day accordingly. Thanks for posting this..

[mommymarieme]

I am so sorry Sarah I will keep you and his family in my prayers. Thank you for always reinforcing that we need to keep our guard up. I have lost two family members this year to our disease and it hurts so bad. There can not be a last time for us our lives are worth so much more!

[BearsFan1966]

my thoughts and prayers are with you at this time! I get so mad when I see that commercial for the recovery center and the guy says I was once an addict but not any more! Really not any more???? We always have to keep our guard up and that gets me every time I see it!!!
love you girl!

[marycarmel]

So sorry for your loss.  Such a tragedy.

[conhall]

I was very sad to see this post,
I am truly sorry Sara.
I Lost a Close friend in my group also and Its so hard, I was so heartbroken and still am, I Miss her everyday every minute, but the thing that always sticks in my mind is something you have said so many times "Keep your Guard up"
Addiction doesnt go away it doesnt matter how much time you have a year a week a month  it will always be there and I know that I will always have to keep my guard up My Life depends on it!.
I am praying for you Sara and His family. God Bless you always.

[dominosarah]

I never hung out with him outside of work but the people that come into the station are MY customers and it is important to me that they are treated with respect.  We have a treatment center on the outskirts of town and they all come in too.  It is called "The House of Hope", to the other people in this town it is referred to as "The House of Dope".  Years ago i would of thought that too.  I was way better than those type of people as i had myself convinced that i wasnt like them.  Thankfully i found recovery and with that i found compassion~

[ActingBrandNew]

My condolences Sarah!

[IBKleen]

It seems I spend a lot of time saying I am sorry for your loss. He did not die in vein. Someone will get clean because of him. Sadly, that's the way it works. Still, it is hard to see that while you are grieving. Know I am praying for you and love you my friend.

[clean_in_ks]

Thanks, Sara, for sharing this with us.  I'm sorry your heart had to experience yet another loss of someone you reached out to and cared about.  
The reality that "that someone" could really be me if I "go out" even one more time and test the waters.  I find myself so affected now when I'm aware that addiction has taken yet another precious life.

This past week, I listened to Whitney Houston singing "I Will Always Love You"......it actually came on twice within a 3 day period which I found odd.  She had SUCH passion and tenderness.... and really belted it out and "got me" in that song.  I found silent tears running down my face both times I listened to it....and said to my husband.....what a tragic loss, what a beautiful woman, how gifted and talented she was.  I will ALWAYS hurt for suffering addicts....because you see, I was one~  

[Kbusymom]

So sorry for the loss of your friend and thanks for the reminder about one more time.  When I was on heroin years ago, I lost so many friends.  I almost died a couple of times myself; but I always wondered why them and not me?
When I started going to meetings, I heard "some die, so that others may live." I think that's supposed to be comforting, but it wasn't for me.  I still wonder.
I'm so glad Brandon had you as a friend.

[weaver71]

Well, it's all right, I'm just happy to be alive, we're going to the end of the line.

Forgive is the best we can do.

a tear roles down my cheek........................................

[dominosarah]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwqhdRs4jyA

The Traveling Wilburys say it best~

[OpenMind24hours]

Sorry to read this. You treated him like he mattered. You provided a light for him in the otherwise dark world of active addiction like I've seen you do for so many on this site. You did him good. That's all we can do.  Very sorry for the loss of your friend.

[BarbRTR]

Oh Sarah. I'm so very sorry to hear this. I personally have never known anyone who OD'd. But I live in one of the top states for deaths due to OD. And every time it's on the news, which is often, I feel like I have been punched in the stomach. I felt that way reading this. It's like why?

I can't imagine what it would feel like to personally know someone. You, his family, and all addicts, myself included, are in my prayers. A stark, sad reminder we must fight for our lives every single day.

[VICourageous]

Prayers go out! So Sad & it happens all around us. I am glad that you did get to reach down into his Heart. That was so kind of you. Still So SAD!!!

[digger1976]

So sorry Sarah, this happens to much in my area as it does in others i'm sure. I just get sick to my stomach every time I hear or read about such things. I've lost countless close friends and acquaintance's to drugs, its watching the family's faces at the funerals that gets me, and sticks with me! Hope you are doing ok my friend, my guard is well and truly UP!!!

[vicki595]

God...he was a young guy, as most are...There have been too many deaths in your town, in the last year, it seems...It's like you keep getting punched!

"There but for the grace of God..."  

[CRSeaside]

So sad. I am glad he had a friend in you Sarah & you treated him with dignity & respect. You cared & I'm sure that made a difference to him. Pamela

[tooter212]

So sorry about your friend Brandon. It's so sad to see someone go like that. Our prayers are with you and his family.

[ricart70]

Very sorry about your friend Sarah. This happens way too often in our world.
Very sorry .

[Sonrissa]

Ugh! This nightmare just doesn't ever end. I worry so much that this will happen to me. I don't ever doubt that it could.  Do you ever feel like you are getting calloused (I don't know if that is the right word) to this? Like this is almost par for the course? I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, and it's difficult to express. I can't seem to articulate right now.

I'm truly sorry for your loss Sara, and for everyone who knew and cared about Brandon.

[weaver71]

Sigh!!! Addiction is for a lifetime. That amount of time is different for each of us. My heart feels heavy one more time.