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Oxycodone addiction
Hi there,
I am a 24 yr old medical student seeking advice on how I can rid myself of this burden. I'm very disappointed that I let this get to this point considering my career of choice...I guess it goes to show that ANYONE can become addicted. Anyways, right now I am running 2 separate prescriptions, 1 for 60x40mg OxyContin (prescribed 1 pill twice daily), the other is 240x5mg Pms-Oxycodone (prescribed 2 pills 4 times daily). I REALLY NEED to stop taking this stuff...I'm sure this has been said before, but I do have legitimate pain that many neuro-orthopedic surgeons say "will never fully go away." First off, I want to get back to 1 prescription only, due to the potential legal consequences of "double doctoring." I've read mixed reviews as to whether tapering is effective, but I have on occasion gone from 4-5 40mg OxyContin (crushed so 160-200mg/day - yikes!) to 7-8 5mg pills before and my body seems okay with that (but sometimes not). So I've been taking oxycodone in some formulation now for approximately 13 months. Does anyone have any incite as to which prescription I should cut out first? My thought would be the OxyContin 40mg since I can guage my dosage per day with the 5mg tabs. BUT, I'm worried that although I've "cut out" the 40mg OxyContin, the presciption is ready for pick-up every month at the pharmacy and I could easily have a weak moment and go and fill the scipt. I'm aware that seeking medical care is best, but given the circumstances (my career for example) I'd like to avoid this at all costs. Does anyone have any experience with oxycodone for approximately the same amount of time I've been taking it? I'm curious to know how long I can expect withdrawl symptoms. Basically, how long for "restless leg syndrome" to subside...I feel this is the main reason I dont sleep at night, and in my line of work, I need to be well rested. What I can tell you, is I have been short pills before (because I was self medicating and thus ran out before I was eligible to fill my next months script - the reason I started double doctoring in the first place), and more or less was forced to take less (for example if I'm prescribed 8/day for 30 days but only have 210 because I decide to go wild on day 1 and take 30 pills in that 1 day alone, I'm forced to take approximately 7/day so I dont run out; this is getting worse and worse forcing me at times to take 3/day - I guess I feel like 3/day is better than none per day). At one point, I was taking 4-5 (5mgs) per day and was able to manage quite well - slept fine, functioned normally, only real problem was the thought of going wild just once and taking a lot - but I restrained myself and stuck to the schedule until I got more pills, and then YET AGAIN, I abused them. So anyone who reads this and can help, please let me know ASAP. Its summer time and I feel now is the time to make the change while I'm not in semester. Again, I'm looking basically for advice on how to manage this ON MY OWN, without consulting a physician for reasons stated earlier. Short term/immediate goal: get back to 1 prescription, goal for the end of summer: rid of oxy's for good.
Thanks,
CH
I am a 24 yr old medical student seeking advice on how I can rid myself of this burden. I'm very disappointed that I let this get to this point considering my career of choice...I guess it goes to show that ANYONE can become addicted. Anyways, right now I am running 2 separate prescriptions, 1 for 60x40mg OxyContin (prescribed 1 pill twice daily), the other is 240x5mg Pms-Oxycodone (prescribed 2 pills 4 times daily). I REALLY NEED to stop taking this stuff...I'm sure this has been said before, but I do have legitimate pain that many neuro-orthopedic surgeons say "will never fully go away." First off, I want to get back to 1 prescription only, due to the potential legal consequences of "double doctoring." I've read mixed reviews as to whether tapering is effective, but I have on occasion gone from 4-5 40mg OxyContin (crushed so 160-200mg/day - yikes!) to 7-8 5mg pills before and my body seems okay with that (but sometimes not). So I've been taking oxycodone in some formulation now for approximately 13 months. Does anyone have any incite as to which prescription I should cut out first? My thought would be the OxyContin 40mg since I can guage my dosage per day with the 5mg tabs. BUT, I'm worried that although I've "cut out" the 40mg OxyContin, the presciption is ready for pick-up every month at the pharmacy and I could easily have a weak moment and go and fill the scipt. I'm aware that seeking medical care is best, but given the circumstances (my career for example) I'd like to avoid this at all costs. Does anyone have any experience with oxycodone for approximately the same amount of time I've been taking it? I'm curious to know how long I can expect withdrawl symptoms. Basically, how long for "restless leg syndrome" to subside...I feel this is the main reason I dont sleep at night, and in my line of work, I need to be well rested. What I can tell you, is I have been short pills before (because I was self medicating and thus ran out before I was eligible to fill my next months script - the reason I started double doctoring in the first place), and more or less was forced to take less (for example if I'm prescribed 8/day for 30 days but only have 210 because I decide to go wild on day 1 and take 30 pills in that 1 day alone, I'm forced to take approximately 7/day so I dont run out; this is getting worse and worse forcing me at times to take 3/day - I guess I feel like 3/day is better than none per day). At one point, I was taking 4-5 (5mgs) per day and was able to manage quite well - slept fine, functioned normally, only real problem was the thought of going wild just once and taking a lot - but I restrained myself and stuck to the schedule until I got more pills, and then YET AGAIN, I abused them. So anyone who reads this and can help, please let me know ASAP. Its summer time and I feel now is the time to make the change while I'm not in semester. Again, I'm looking basically for advice on how to manage this ON MY OWN, without consulting a physician for reasons stated earlier. Short term/immediate goal: get back to 1 prescription, goal for the end of summer: rid of oxy's for good.
Thanks,
CH
So getting close to 48hrs now...Its been horrible. Went to the hospital today to finish out the week and I plan on calling in sick next week. Its difficult to function with the slightest bit of efficiency when your feeling this way. Anyways, I've gone to the gym 4 times in the last 48 hours and still haven't had to fill the prescription for Atavan, which is a minor accomplishment. I didn't sleep a wink last night and tonight I was able to sleep from about 8-9pm until almost 2am, with the help of a few evening cocktails. I know its not the best way to get to bed, but ill take what I can get. Now I'm up and watching every movie I own, it seems like. My house has never been cleaner and I have more clean clothes than I know what to do with. You guys are right, keeping busy is important and definitely pays off. I've also found that cooking helps, and is beneficial as well. Almost gave in during a weaker moment, but called my ex-girlfriend and she coached me through it.
StillLost21, I'm glad you understand what its like "to feel" like you dont have a problem, as you said, when your able to be productive. The problem is, its not normal to have to take this stuff in order to be normal...Does that make sense? I remember a time when I didn't have to take anything (other than coffee in the morning of course - lol) and was just/if not more productive than I am now. I feel that no matter what your probably only ever functioning at maybe 80% when your on this stuff, and even that may be an overestimate. Although Abraham Maslow (an American psychologist) proposed that everyone has a "want" and a "need" self. These two selves must always be in harmony with one another, or "agree" with one another, if you will. Anyways, basically the "want self" is the side of our personality that says "I want oxycodone." The "need self" (which thankfully is the side of us that is makes the final decision and tends to be more reasonable and makes logical decisions) says "you don't need it." This means the "want" and "need" self are out of sync, and this cannot, according to Maslow, ever occur. So the "want self" essentially justify's itself to the "need self" and says "but I'm in pain and we are productive when we take it, and not productive when we don't." This is an internal justification mechanism that goes on within us daily, and I bet anyone whose dealt with this monster will tell you they've justified taking more of the drug than is necessary. Anyways, my point is, I've been justifying this addiction to myself for a long time and I'm sure you have been too. Sometimes knowing why we do the things we do gives us the strength to change our behaviour if we choose. If I can do it, you can do it. You have an advantage as well. You've had small pockets where you weren't using, which means you have incite into how/why you relapsed and thus have the ability to avoid being derailed by whatever the mitigating factor(s) was/were. I challenge you to give it another go, cut all ties with your dealer or have someone else manage your finances for a while so your not able to buy oxycodone anymore.
Anyways, off to watch another episode of Californication, i'll continue posting/updating on my progress.
Much love,
CH
StillLost21, I'm glad you understand what its like "to feel" like you dont have a problem, as you said, when your able to be productive. The problem is, its not normal to have to take this stuff in order to be normal...Does that make sense? I remember a time when I didn't have to take anything (other than coffee in the morning of course - lol) and was just/if not more productive than I am now. I feel that no matter what your probably only ever functioning at maybe 80% when your on this stuff, and even that may be an overestimate. Although Abraham Maslow (an American psychologist) proposed that everyone has a "want" and a "need" self. These two selves must always be in harmony with one another, or "agree" with one another, if you will. Anyways, basically the "want self" is the side of our personality that says "I want oxycodone." The "need self" (which thankfully is the side of us that is makes the final decision and tends to be more reasonable and makes logical decisions) says "you don't need it." This means the "want" and "need" self are out of sync, and this cannot, according to Maslow, ever occur. So the "want self" essentially justify's itself to the "need self" and says "but I'm in pain and we are productive when we take it, and not productive when we don't." This is an internal justification mechanism that goes on within us daily, and I bet anyone whose dealt with this monster will tell you they've justified taking more of the drug than is necessary. Anyways, my point is, I've been justifying this addiction to myself for a long time and I'm sure you have been too. Sometimes knowing why we do the things we do gives us the strength to change our behaviour if we choose. If I can do it, you can do it. You have an advantage as well. You've had small pockets where you weren't using, which means you have incite into how/why you relapsed and thus have the ability to avoid being derailed by whatever the mitigating factor(s) was/were. I challenge you to give it another go, cut all ties with your dealer or have someone else manage your finances for a while so your not able to buy oxycodone anymore.
Anyways, off to watch another episode of Californication, i'll continue posting/updating on my progress.
Much love,
CH
You are making the right choice!
I too was a medical student.... made it to my 4th year before getting canned for my drug use. Dont let all that hard work go to waste. I will never be able to obtain a Control License from the DEA due to my bad choices, but that is something I have to live with.
As far as the guilt, believe me I know. But also believe me when I say, the guilt you have now when you counsel patients is NOTHING compared to the guilt that you MAY be in for if you continue using.
During under grad, I worked as an OR tech on the open heart team. My opiate abuse began with IV sublimaze (Fentanyl) It got so out of control that I was using at work before, after, and while scrubbed in for procedures when possible. Dont let this demon get that far into you. Once I started residency, it only got worse.
WD's are something that can not be bypassed, but they are nothing to fear either. Working yourself up as to what to expect can make things so much worse for you. The first time I withdrew from the fent, I only had some dizziness.... thats because I had no idea what to expect. I didnt do any research, ignorance was bliss! And this was coming off of over 1200mcgs of IV fent a day! The mind is a powerful powerful thing.
Fast fwd, years later I put my medical career on hold, and began flying as an International Flight Attendant. I got on suboxone and started working a recovery program.
After two years of sub treatment, I am happy to say that I am recently suboxone and opiate free, and have never been happier.
You asked about suboxone, and if you should mention it. Personally, I would try and tough out the oxy wd's first, and only go the suboxone route if you can not do it CT first.
Sub can be a real lifesaver, literally. But I would exhaust all other options first for a few reasons.
+You are concerned about people finding out, suboxone is only approved for clinical treatment of opiate abuse. Most people dose more than once per day requiring you to have your meds on you. Would be a bad day if that bottle fell out of your locker at the hosp an someone saw it, game over.
+Suboxone will not take away the oxy wd's, it only suppresses them. You will still have to withdraw from suboxone unless you choose to be on it for life. There is no get out of jail free card.
+If you are concerned about oxy wd's for 7 days.... You are in for a ride with sub wd's. You mentioned your biggest fear being the RLS/Insomnia. While sub wd's are much more mild than oxy wd's, they last much much longer, and the RLS and insomnia is practically the same. I am currently on day 18 off of the suboxone, and I am still only sleeping 1-2hrs per night.
Suboxone has many benefits too if you choose to go that route, PM me and I can tell you all about it.
I just wanted to let you know, this can be done. And to do everything in your power to make it happen before your situation ends up like mine!
Best of luck to you my friend!
I too was a medical student.... made it to my 4th year before getting canned for my drug use. Dont let all that hard work go to waste. I will never be able to obtain a Control License from the DEA due to my bad choices, but that is something I have to live with.
As far as the guilt, believe me I know. But also believe me when I say, the guilt you have now when you counsel patients is NOTHING compared to the guilt that you MAY be in for if you continue using.
During under grad, I worked as an OR tech on the open heart team. My opiate abuse began with IV sublimaze (Fentanyl) It got so out of control that I was using at work before, after, and while scrubbed in for procedures when possible. Dont let this demon get that far into you. Once I started residency, it only got worse.
WD's are something that can not be bypassed, but they are nothing to fear either. Working yourself up as to what to expect can make things so much worse for you. The first time I withdrew from the fent, I only had some dizziness.... thats because I had no idea what to expect. I didnt do any research, ignorance was bliss! And this was coming off of over 1200mcgs of IV fent a day! The mind is a powerful powerful thing.
Fast fwd, years later I put my medical career on hold, and began flying as an International Flight Attendant. I got on suboxone and started working a recovery program.
After two years of sub treatment, I am happy to say that I am recently suboxone and opiate free, and have never been happier.
You asked about suboxone, and if you should mention it. Personally, I would try and tough out the oxy wd's first, and only go the suboxone route if you can not do it CT first.
Sub can be a real lifesaver, literally. But I would exhaust all other options first for a few reasons.
+You are concerned about people finding out, suboxone is only approved for clinical treatment of opiate abuse. Most people dose more than once per day requiring you to have your meds on you. Would be a bad day if that bottle fell out of your locker at the hosp an someone saw it, game over.
+Suboxone will not take away the oxy wd's, it only suppresses them. You will still have to withdraw from suboxone unless you choose to be on it for life. There is no get out of jail free card.
+If you are concerned about oxy wd's for 7 days.... You are in for a ride with sub wd's. You mentioned your biggest fear being the RLS/Insomnia. While sub wd's are much more mild than oxy wd's, they last much much longer, and the RLS and insomnia is practically the same. I am currently on day 18 off of the suboxone, and I am still only sleeping 1-2hrs per night.
Suboxone has many benefits too if you choose to go that route, PM me and I can tell you all about it.
I just wanted to let you know, this can be done. And to do everything in your power to make it happen before your situation ends up like mine!
Best of luck to you my friend!
Thats great I am soooo glad you decided to get clean. As far as flushing the pill I know how hard it was to do that. Didn't that give you a sense of empowerment. You will make it I know you are strong, you have proved it. It is not what we say it is what we do. GO GO GO. I am sending what strength I have left your way.
Congrats on making the choice to get clean, I am a 21 year old girl and addicted to oxycontin, usually snort 2 or 3 80's a day and I buy them from the street which is about 40 dollars a pill so over 100 dollars a day. It is such a horrible and expensive habit. I admire your determination to stop, I have been addicted for about two years now and have tried to stop so many times, only to relapse after a few weeks. Eventually I broke down and went into rehab, and that seemed to work for several months, but now i've been back at it for a few months, and it is so shameful, dishonest, and makes me feel guilty. I relate to what you say, about getting everything done while on the pills, that is what makes it so hard for me to see that I need to stop. When I wake up and do the OC it gives me a boost throughout the day, I go to work, I clean, I am super enthusiastic, get a million things done, and then I try to stop, and I am depressed and sick, and it really messes with my head. I hate being dependent on a drug just to get through my day though. I tried to stop again today, but the pain of withdrawal led me right back to my dealer. I used to be so much more strong minded and could get through the WD and do this, and now I seem completely tired and unable. You seem like you're ready and it's so great how you've decided to stop. This experience will make you such a compassionate and understanding doctor, and your patients will most certainly notice that in you and gravitate to you because of that. Please keep me posted on how you're doing, I know a lot about WD as i've gone through it probably ten times myself, and i'd love to hear how you are doing to hopefully help to motivate me to stop as well.
Wow...i am so impressed with your enthusiasm.I am tickled pink that you are going to quit the opiates and start a new life clean from these drugs.
The experience will make you a better doctor and a will be a valuable life lesson.
You have so much to be clean for and a whole lot better life ahead of you.
Sending cyberhugs and congrats to you on your decision
The experience will make you a better doctor and a will be a valuable life lesson.
You have so much to be clean for and a whole lot better life ahead of you.
Sending cyberhugs and congrats to you on your decision
Okay, back from running errands. Got pretty much everything listed in Thomas' recipe, minus the benzodiazepines, I'm going to try chamomile and some other OTC sleep remedies and see how those work. I have an prescription for atavan if those dont work that I can fill anytime. I just flushed the OxyContin 5mg down the toilet and called the pharmacy to cancel my refills. My god, a month ago, you'd have to bring an army to wrestle those pills away from me...Feels like a weight lifted though, although, I'm starting to feel the beginning of the restlessness in my legs. Haven't taken a pill since I woke up at 6am. I think I'm going to make a trip to my local gym and go for a swim and lift some weights while I still have energy. I'm going to try and make it everyday I think, at least to swim.
Thanks for all the support, I'll keep everyone on here posted on my progress throughout the next well...however long it takes to shake this addiction.
Thanks again,
CH
Thanks for all the support, I'll keep everyone on here posted on my progress throughout the next well...however long it takes to shake this addiction.
Thanks again,
CH
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