PAWS - HELP!

[moonshyne777]

Good grief, the wild mood swings, severe depression and anxiety are just killing me most days. I hate how I feel so awful in my own skin and I know I read about PAWS but I didn't realize just how bad it would hit me. The ups and downs are crazy and if I could only turn my mind off I would. I have also been left to deal with ''unfinished business'', trauma from my childhood that comes out of nowhere and leaves me paralyzed with anguish. I am going to see a psychiatrist because I think learning to let go of the past would make this PAWS thing a little more bearable. Might look into getting on to antidepressants again too. I was diagnosed with both anxiety disorder and depression years ago but for the last few years have not taken any meds for it. I was pregnant 2 years in a row and shortly after my son was born was when I was prescribed the oxy. Used the oxy for back pain and it masked my depression and anxiety.

Now here I am post withdrawal with anxiety and depression going on bigtime. I hate how I feel most days and wonder if I'll ever feel okay for any length of time again. This truly *****. How long will this last???

[HoldenCaulflower]

I know this thread is a day old, but man I feel your pain. I've been clean for 29 days and every day is a battle. A friend of mine quit the same drug I did (Methadone) and said he didn't feel right for months, but it does get better. I can go down that list of PAWS and check off every one, and then some. The hardest part for me is when I lay down it feels like my heart is pounding out of my chest, which scares me because I have high blood pressure. I have some psychological issues as well which I hate it, but I started taking Thorazine, it doesn't do much to me except when I lay down it turns the volume down on all the stuff going on in my head. I wouldn't recommend taking it though, it's got some nasty side effects, but the positives out-weigh the negatives for me.

[LateAugust]

I wish you had a thread  or a post by yourself........     so much to say  and  I pray  you have not left....  there are so many people here for you to chat with, and get support..  

[moonshyne777]

I will go on, I've screwed up but what you describe is exactly how I feel right now.  I can't believe how bad the depression and anxiety are. I had it before I ever got involved with pills but now it seems the depression and anxiety are 10000x worse. To the point of being debilitating some days. I have to just keep going on but I really have strong doubts about my husband and I. For example, tonight I wanted to get to an NA meeting. I HAVE to. Nobody to watch my little ones though because I just talked to my so called ''partner'' and he is off drinking beers with his friends. The level of support is almost zero. All he cares about is himself and although I'll give the 90 day thing a try, I'm not sure I want to be with a man who turned his back on me when I needed him most.

[avisg]

I under that feeling so well but as sara said just give it a little time the first month of my recovery I wanted to divorce my hubby ... I was all over the place one min I loved him. The next I wanted him to pack his bags and move out ...I Gave it ninety days then If I felt the same I would take care of it then.Luckily by 3months I was much better.The part that was the hardest on me was dealing with feelings. I was so used to be numb it blew me away the first time I felt emotion .Then I remembered at least now I could feel again .  

avis

[dominosarah]

Dont make any big decisions regarding your relationship right now.  Focus on you and hit your recovery hard.  Slow the train down a bit here too.....make a list of the things you need to work on and take it one at a time....We dont want to get overwhelmed and we have to learn patience during this time.  I understand wanting it all to get better right now but that is unrealistic goals.  Set small ones and go from there.  That black hole wont seem so dark.....you can do this!!        sara

[moonshyne777]

I feel your pain but what you need to do is first copy your post and post it by clicking the New post button on the forum page. You will get MANY more responses this way. I have finally quit oxy and although feel better physically, its the emotional stuff getting me. I know its only temporary but its really causing me a lot of grief but better to deal with this emotional stuff thats temporary then to go back to the pills. There are no answers in those pills, just more destruction. You can do it and you've come to the right place to find help. Read a lot of posts and post away and you will be able to get your life back. I recognize the pain in your words and just know that it can be done. It aint easy but it can be done. You should also plan on seeing someone for help. These unresolved issues we have tend to get amplified when we stop masking that pain with pills. Pills arent the answer so dealing with the pain and trauma you experienced will make it easier for you to live life without pills.

[moonshyne777]

Thanks so much,

I have read paws over and over but my problems seem to be all emotional, head ******** that leaves me struggling daily. I know I need to leave those pills alone but at the same time living some days is pure agony. I have lost touch with everyone I used to talk to and am feeling incredibly lonely and hopeless a lot. My husband and I are also on the verge of a breakup it seems and although in the very beginning he was supportive now he's not. I wanted to get out of the house last night, I NEEDED to and the BS I had to go through was unreal. Arguing and then even this morning he stomped around the house until it woke our two toddlers up at 7:30. He's been a real selfish ******* and very inconsiderate lately. I might put my kids in daycare full time, go back to work and split up with him.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who bails on me when I needed him the most. I dunno its all piling up this **** and not sure how much more I can take. I hate my life.

[Greatgreebo]

I'm sure you've read up on PAWS.....I've got 3 entries in my JOURNAL entitled PAWS parts 1-3. If you want, go to my profile page and read them. Sometimes it helps reading about it (again) because it reinforces the fact you aren't crazy and it's not something you're making up. It's real.
Don't dwell on it though.
You'll make it.

[dominosarah]

You will feel better.  Once you start dealing with your past demons things will fall into place.........pm me if you need too okay??  Chin up girl, this is only temporary.....sara

[gnarly_1]

hey girlee...well you made it threw the detox stage now your in what I call the "mind screw" part of the game.....my substance abuse conslor says a lot of this isent so much as PAWS but something called "rebound emotion''' its where you swing from hi to low and back again...your emotions come back on line and everything is sorta amplified
its also our brain trying to talk form A to B  but instead its going A to C to D  to B ...
things arnt quite firing right in our brains yet and you become an emotional reck
just know it gets better with time but it can take a few mo to start to get things firing
from A to B again...im the beginning I thought I was loosing my mind but again my conslor told me it was completely normal to be going thew this stuff ...so just hang in there PAWS is a whole other animal and is best described by avisg"s  post....this will pass with time just give it a chance....good luck and God bless...Gnarly

[dopestricken]

Hello people, I just made an account on here and im in desperate need of help. My name is jesse. I am an opiate addict. Im 22 years old and have been on and off of them since i was 14. When i was 14 years of age. I had a moped accident and broke my leg. I was never addicted to any drug until it happend. I went to the hospital and they gave me morphine for the pain. They sent me home with a script of oxycontin. I was pretty much on them the duration of my broken leg. When i recovered and healed they tried tapering me down and it did work. Even then after that up until now I can never get the pills out of my head. I was never fully physically addicted to them until 8 months ago. I just did them 1 or 2 times a week. I bought them off the street. I have always had a mental addiction to them but, I seemed to control it. My older brother died in a car accident 1 year ago. After that i just felt like life came to an end for me. I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital diagnosed with post traumatic stress and an anxiety disorder. The stress and anxiety was so severe for me it was causing me to get olsers. I hated being on the xanx. I didnt like feeling like i had to be on medicine to be able to go through the day. About 3 months after taking xanx i cold turkied and went through some ugly withdrawal symptoms. I did it at home. From what i read though. It could of been alot worse for me. I'm glad i was only on benzos for only 3 months. During my withdrawal i took morphine pills to sleep and avoid some of the pain. Next thing i know I'm on them for 8 months and i cold turkied opiates also. yesterday was my 10th day clean. The first 5 days were the worst until the 6th day i felt physically fine but mentally trashed. This would of been the 11th day but i got high again today. I feel incredibly screwed because all i think about is the opiates when im sober. Though when im on them i hate myself. The 8th and 9th day clean i felt really accomplished and have been working out eating great and all. Even though i got high again today. I still work out and eat right. I feel like i will never make it off the pills. I do not do any other drugs. Infact i hate drugs. When im sober i feel really strung out.... I try to work myself to death with excersize so im so exhausted i don't think but no matter what when the night comes i get a surge of energy and anxiety. I feel extremely tired like i want to lay down and sleep. When i do lay down. My eyes are wide open and i cant fall asleep to save my life. I think if it wasnt for the fact that i cant sleep i wouldnt of taken anything. The opiates make me fall asleep fast. I take alot of sleeping pills but the just make me more restless. I can't sleep and heal from the workouts i do. Its making me crazy. My girlfriend broke up with me because " I'm a ticking time bomb of anger and anxiety " ... her words. Shes right but, I love her so much and i hate myself for losing her also. I'm losing control of my life and that causes me even more anxiety. The fact that i can't be normal kills me. I walk to the walmart stand in the middle near the registers and watch all the normal happy people and wish i were them. I constantly drown my mind with reasons to live. I try to think about a family in the future and all the more life i have to live as best i can. The only happy moments i have in my life is when i reminess in memorys of me and my brother playin around but thats in the past. I feel at only 22 like ive lived my life already. I pray alot... way to much. I want lightning to strike me in prayer and take me to heaven. That thought makes me way to happy. All i really want is to be happy and sober, and in life i want to make a change for the good in others lives. I can't do that if i can't even help myself. someone please help me. I've never turned to the internet before but im completely alone. I know noone. I live by myself in lehigh acres florida and have not seen anyone else in my family since my brother died. Most of them didn't go to the funeral. I have no other brothers and my mother is dead and my father in jail for life. I wanna feel alive again with sobriety. I just don't know the first step out of this insanity. I only have just one question... How long after opiate withdrawal would i be able to fall asleep naturally. I hate being awake all the time. 10 days of no sleep seems like 20 days awake. Considering the fact that 8 hours is natrual. i would kill for it. Sorry for it being so long. I'm hurtin.

[Beccabeccalynn]

I had paws so bad. Mostly the memory stuff it did get  better when I am really stressed it creeps back up. Thanks for all the info on paws a good refreasher for me and if you are new or don't know about paws now is a great chance to read up on it.
Becca

[avisg]

I hope this helps a little
The symptoms of PAW typically grow to peak intensity over three to six months after abstinence begins. The damage is usually reversible, meaning the major symptoms go away in time if proper treatment is received. So there is no need to fear. With proper treatment and effective sober living, it is possible to learn to live normally in spite of the impairments. But the adjustment does not occur rapidly. Recovery from the nervous system damage usually required from six to 24 months with the assistance of a healthy recovery program. Recent research is showing that for some recovering people the symptoms of PAW often occur at regular "moon cycle" intervals and without apparent outside stressors. Often those 30, 60, 90, 120, 180, and 1 & 2-year sobriety dates seem to be "triggering" times for PAW symptoms to increase. People recovering from long term opiate and stimulant use often have PAW symptoms for no apparent reason for up to 10 years after they have stopped using their drug of choice. Often PAW symptoms appear to come and go without apparent reason and without any specific pattern. Individuals who intend to have consistent long-term recovery must learn to recognize these symptoms and learn how to manage them.

SYMPTOMS OF POST ACUTE WITHDRAWAL

How do you know if you have PAW? The most identifiable characteristic is the inability to solve usually simple problems. There are six major types of PAW symptoms that contribute to this They are the inability to think clearly, memory problems, emotional overreactions and numbness, sleep disturbances, physical coordination problems, and general problems in managing stress. The inability to solve usually simple problems because of any or all of these symptoms leads to diminished self-esteem. A person often feels incompetent, embarrassed, and “not okay” about themselves. Diminished self-esteem and the fear of failure interfere with productive and challenging living. Let’s take a look at some of the PAW symptoms that contribute to the inability to solve usually simple problems.

TYPES OF PAW SYMPTOMS

1.   Inability to think clearly

2.   Memory problems

3.   Emotional overreactions or numbness

4.   Sleep disturbances

5.   Physical coordination problems

6.   Stress sensitivity

Inability to Think Clearly

There are several thought disorders experienced by a recovering person when PAW is activated. Intelligence is not affected. It is as if the brain is malfunctioning sometimes. Sometimes it works all right. Sometimes is does not

[Danny111]

When did you stop taking the pills and how many were you taking?  Usually the worst of the wds last about a week or two.  The mental stuff seems to be at it's worst during the first week however things are different from person to person.