Please read and answer

[Mioster]

Hello everybody, my name is Michael. I have been taking about 50-60mg of Hydro's/day for the last two years. On April 15, I took my last pill. My question is about all kinds of WD symptoms. I am having muscle twitches, headaches, and sometimes rapid or pounding heartbeat, mostly in the middle of the night. Also, anxiety is getting the best of me. I do not have cravings for the stuff, but physicaly and mentaly, I am not nearly OK.
Muscle problems and heart is particularly bothersome. Please share if you or someone you know had these.
Thanks a lot for your help.
Michael.

[jennyfla]

Oh yes, we are all so alike!
I play the role of being a wonderful mom to three beautiful kids.  I do everything right for them, lots of attention, i participate in all their daily needs, etc. etc.
I own a nice house, i have a good job, everyone would think everything is fine.
I'm married to an addict, so this complicates my life tremendouly!
It's hard enough trying to play the game of life being ok when you are an addict, but when you are married to one too, then the games really begin!!!!
Especially when a person is as codependant as i am!
Life is definately 'a ride', but even with my addiction, i try to remember that i am a good soul dispite my illness!
Never forget who you really are inside!!!
Good luck to you!
Lv Jenny

[IrishRose]

Welcome, ernie jr.- when I first cleaned up some people in my life that thought they knew me well were amazed at me admitting I had a problem with addiction. I was very adept at holding it all together and creating a pretty life on the surface. If they only knew what a train wreck I was inside! But my addictions are not me, they are part of me but my affliction is not truly who I am. At times it has threatened to consume me and all I love. I should've gotten an Oscar, I was a pretty good little actress at concealing all the **** and misery going on in my life, but year after year the Acadaemy people ignored me! However, if I had continued as I was, I would've indeed gotten the interest of law enforcement personnel and the like. There is a way through this. It sounds like you have an addiction specialist on your side. Have you checked out anything like NA or AA? Hope to hear more from you. Take care.

[J.B. to Brian and Vicky]

You wrote a nice and honest post. Having played this addiction game for many years, I am still amazed that all of us are indeed, so much alike. Everyone thinks I'm so wonderful, too! My family members and friends don't have a clue as to how much of a scoundrel I am. My biggest fear presently is that I will "lose it" and be found out...again. The law of averages are heavily stacked against us and we will eventually lose.

At least you've chosen a new road that will take all of those guilty feelings away. Our biggest problem is in dumping the fears we amass daily as addicts and replacing them with something that gives us hope to go on and stay clean. So used are we at doing it all wrong that doing something right for a change is a monumental challenge!

Take care and be well, my friend. Please don't weaken to the point that a few pills will change your chosen course!

J.B.

[groovygirl]

welcome ernie - and congrats on quitting.  the 3rd - 7th day are always physically the worst for me then comes the depression.  i hope you can hang in there - it's great you are being watched by a dr. and you are in therapy.  it is surprising to me how many people choose to go it completely alone - no friends or families knowing let alone dr's.  for me, the more people that know what i'm dealing with the better - it makes it more challenging/scary mentally for me to relapse knowing how many people will know about my failure.

good luck to you - keep posting...

[Ernie_Jr]

It's heartening to see that these posts continue to thrive as the battle of us addicts perpetually continues.  On the surface my life looks wonderful..great career, house, family, financially capable to do the important things in life.  But I love to be high.  Drugs of choice..Vicoden ES, Percocets, Marajiuana, Alcahol, and Zanax.  I used to justify the need for all this ****, and I've always had it somewhat under control.  I'm connected to the medical industry, and my mother has fought cancer for six years, so needless to say, I've been able to swindle, lie, and steal like the best of them to obtain by drugs.
All throughout, everyone whom I deal with thinks I'm just a great person.  Meanwhile I live a life of deceit and guilt.  Imagine stealing from your mother, using the trust of physicians, and faking illness to get high.  I know some of you can possibly relate.

I've used on and off for around ten years.  Quit over two years ago and stayed clean from the opiates for over a year, started drinking, smoking pot, and eventually relapsed.  After my first detox and recovery, I swore I would never get back to this state again.  I saw an addiction specialist at that prior time, and after weeks of therapy I was diagnosed w/ OCD, deppression, and hyper-manic behavior.  We tried a few SSRI's and I finally began to take 20mg of paxil to this day, which really helped me stabalize my mood, as well as some of my obsessive behavior which they think leads me to want to get high... I think we can all agree that getting high is merely the bandage which only temporarily disguises and numbs our true inner pain/struggle.

An old knee injury is what I fall back on everytime I begin to use the opiates again, and it usually leads to a habit of 10-15 vico's,perco's a day.

Typical day:

Wake up @ 5:30 to trade stocks online..jug of coffee and 3-4 vicodin.
Work out of the house or in the field, more vicodin through out the day.
Whenever the business day raps up, I usually smoke a little weed, drink some good scotch(few tall glasses), smoke a little more,spend time with my girlfriend(i'm not married) then usually 1-2 mg.'s of zanax and hit the sack.

I once again realized thst the drugs play too big of a role in my life, and it's time to make some extremely difficult changes.

Yesterday I took my last two vic.'s in the morning, preceeded throwing them up with most of my intestinal lining, and with the help of some good friends, and an addiction specialist, I'm about to exorcice these demons and devils  from my body once again.

Today, I'm clean. The doctor gave me clonodine to dilate the blood vessels, and ambien to help me sleep.  Also taking my vitamins, and I have a few Zanax just in case i feel like jumping off the roof.

Maybe it's because I've been here before, or maybe it's the clonodine, or maybe the worst is still yet to come, I don't know.  But I'm at home, took a few days off work to tackle this, and have ana appointment with my therapist later today.

We'll see what happens.

Just wanted to share my story..Best of luck and God bless you all.

Ernie Jr.

[angst]

If you read the other posts, unless some blessed soul reads this,
you can find the recipe.  I am on methadone, so I do not us it.  When I start detoxing, I hope to find it available down south.
Read the earlier and other posts, hopefully you will find it.