wife of a crack addict

[lostwife]

Hi.  I'm new to this forum.  My husband started doing crack last December and it has become an increasing problem.  Whether he's doing it or not, he is a totally different person-always angry, easily annoyed, acts really immature and has a huge ego all of a sudden.  When I married him, he was a good Christian man with morals, or so I thought.  I am a recovering alcoholic myself, so I know about addiction, and maybe this is my payback to have to deal with the other side of addiction, but does anyone have any suggestions on helping him stop before it gets any worse?  I try keeping control of the money, but he doesn't go for that, and even if he has no  money, he'll get it advanced to him and then tell me on payday that the dealer will come after our family if I don't pay him.  The biggest trouble is, I am unemployed now and have children to support so for the 1st time in my life, I don't have the choice to leave because at least he does still have his job (for now).  Thanks.

[theirmommie72]

my ex husband whom i left in 97 was and still is to this day a crack addict.  he was in the Marine corp. and using.  got pinch and kicked out.  I left right before our 2 yr anniversary.  He is still to this day using crack.  he married his first cousin in 05 and had a child with her. they were both addicts and i guess thought this was okay.  this drug makes you lose all sense of reality.  they live and breath for the fix.  it's a horrible drug.  

[Lyteskyn1]

Hello, im new to the group,and ive been married 30 years last August and my husband has been using crack off and on for our whole marriage i think. Once i realized that he had a problem i helped him get cleaned he went to get help and would be clean for 3 or 4 years and that had become a pattern if he got stress out had a death he would run to the,streets.Now, we have a 17 year old honor student son never a problem and crazy about his dad, as of today my son and i havent seen or heard from him in 7 months. I am almost shamed to say i am worried about him, because i know he is going to kill himself. I know the area hes in and its,almost like zombie land. I have gone so many times to find him bcuz i thought i was helping save his life,
Now i know i didnt allow him to hit his bottom, so this time he has been out there for 7 months and i havent went to look for him as he probably was expecting, but everydy i fear that phone call that hes dead, he has lost all his siblings two of them to drugs and the other normal death, i want so bad to hate him and have no feelings for him i still love him we have been together sice we were 17 and we are 53 now, but im trying to just keep moving, hes doing what he wants and i must keep my head right for my son this is last year of high school and he will go out with a bang.This is no way for us to live and im praying god gives us both strength. It would be the perfect love story if he got treatment and we tried to repair all that was broken, because i truly believe in my marriage vows, but this binge is the longest hes been gone and thoughts enter my mind,i have all kind of all of terrible thoughts. I never thought in a million years this guy would be a crakehead he had everything and all the others were so jealous of him, We had a nice home good jobs nice cars a great son.Now look at him. My heart is so very heavy,i hate that there is nothing i can do to help him,i feel aweful, but i know i must, must keep moving for my son and i he has,to have one sane parent, that is sane,but,again i ask that god looks out for him and save him from his choices, his bad choices.

[Midwestheart]

Wow! I can't believe I found this page! I have been with my husband for ten years, married five. He smoked weed from the get go, I convinced myself he would grow out of it
Didn't happen, I learned to accept it. He drank as well. We have four children combined, ages 16 to 5. A year ago he came to me in complete desperation, said he had been doing coke. I stood by him and believed that this confession was his way to get clean. Four months later, he comes to me in desperation again, this time smoking Crack, for the last five years, occasionally. He said be was in total control, just tired of the lies! Refuses in house treatment, for fear of losing his union job! Needless to say, he is still lying ...crack every couple weeks, because when he is clean, I don't give him enough sex, still broke from playing catch up on bills, and I question hos whereabouts. He is a daily drinker, beer, anywhere from 2 to 4 after work. Smokes weed probability daily.  Help me please


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[deeandaj]

I know your pain but honestly you cant do anything for him.you can only help yourself.I had to recently put my hubby out bcz he was trying to hurt our 5 month baby that I laid on bedrest 2 months for. Yes I love him but I love me and my baby. When people are on crack thats all they think about. Im sad to say but if you love your husband then lethim go. You cant save him. This is something he had to do.it gets dangerous bcz they cheat and have sex with everything. Not everybodu, everything. I had to think of my son. He has heart issues from being a preemie but he doesnt care. In fact the baby is in the way bcz he cant get money for drugs. So to protect yourself you need to seperate from him bcz things will get worse bfre better. Im just speaking from a wife of addict point of view. Its not easy but you must think of you and your kids. I have been with my husband 10 years hoping and trying for change. The only thing I was gonna get was an early death for me and loss of my baby.  addicts dont care about bills or nothing. Crack is the choice. xmas just passed and no call of checking on the baby. Thats my baby and I am married but a single parent. Take care of you.

[lostwife]

Thanks for the advice.  I'm going to talk to his parents tonight & see what they think.  
How long have I been sober?  7 months.  I got sober 1 month after he tried crack for the first time.  Go figure, now the tables are turned.  Although I've never stolen or blown a paycheck for beer.

[gizzy32]

If there's a chance an intervention will help him, then I say do it. Sometimes it can really open an addicts eyes and get them help. I think they are great, but don't always work. Worth a shot though if there's a chance it could save his life. Having a counsellor/interventionalist present would be very beneficial for this.

I also wanted to say congrats to you for getting off the booze, that is great:) How long now? I don't say this to **** anyone off here or you, but crack is not like drinking or taking pills. The mental part is something, not many here will ever even comprehend. It sounds like he needs some inpatient rehab, but I am only reading a post and don't know all the details. Good luck and keep us updated.

[lostwife]

Thanks for your comments and suggestions.  I'm thinking of staging an intervention with his parents who he is very close to, but I'm afraid to tell them.  I don't know if it's a good idea or not.  Any suggestions?

[Lyteskyn1]

I say try the intervention,  it wouldnt hurt i was th8nking of doing the same thing for my husband, but i have to go and find him, he has been gone for 7 months, i really think sometimes they jyst might need that push, that touvh love for real because if we dont grab em i think they mught just kill themselves

[LIZZIE LOU]

honey...he doesnt need the cash.  a crack addict will sell every stick of furniture in his house...the clothes off his back...his shoes...and his childrens things.  he will rob his parents...his friends...total strangers.  a crack addict will sell his soul ! ! ! ! !  (and yours too)

[gizzy32]

It's almost certain his crack addiction will get even worse than it is now and it's already bad. The fact he is stealing money from his family (basically) to buy crack and then tell you the dealer will come after your family if he don't get money is disgusting and dangerous. Most Crackheads will do anything for their next fix and will act exactly like you just said, aggitated, angry and aggressive. One minute he may be in a good mood and next it could all change. Paranoia is common too.

I agree with worried, if u wouldn't have to be so dependent on him, you would feel so so much better and would not have to allow him to do this to your family. You do have a choice, but it's never easy. Is there any way you could get some assistance somehow. Look into al anon if your willing, it helps families that have someone addicted to drugs and alcohol and will get a lot of support there too. I am sorry your going through this, it's not fair:( Think about you and your children, crack is a monster to beat and if he doesn't want to quit or get help, it will continue like this. He is putting you and your kids in danger. Reading this post broke my heart. Big hugs, you deserve to be happy!

[worried878]

a statement of the times..i feel for u...jobs r far and few between..i am also out of work..plus 5 of my friends...but the stock market is climbing????sumpin smells fishy!

u know we gotta do what we gotta do to survive..i am sure 20 yrs from now the era we r in will be called a big depression..it is a scary time

maybe just hang tight..dont expect miracles...but plan ahead at the same time on what u will do if u r forced to do it..i mean u could call the police but then he would lose his job..u need to make a plan where u can be independent of him if need be...OBama has tons of stuff out there now...free stuff//well not really cos we pay dearly for it..but if it were me i would look into what help u can get with job assistance, education etc ..perhaps if u did not feel so dependent upon him u may feel better????

[lostwife]

Yes, I know I can't make him stop, I just wanted to know if anyone had any suggestions.  The reason I feel I'm stuck is because I don't want to hurt the children and also I have no job right now and no prospects, so I can't support my children right now.  The one good thing about my husband is that he still has his job.  I'm sure he won't for long if he keeps this up though.

[Lyteskyn1]

You are very right, he keeps doung crack he will not have that job, my husband couldnt keep a job he has had some great jobs and loat them at some point because of no call no show, i have learned over some time now.....that crack is a monster, ir takes away all the thing that made them who they are, ir makes them look old and ugly and messes up there teeth and body. I pray for my husband daily

[worried878]

I am not sure what ur question is???  how to make ur hubby quit doing crack?? that is just not sumpin anyone can make him do..not even u...he will have to do this cos he wants it..he will need to want to be clean...no one can do it for him

there r groups like alanon for those who love an addict....u sound as if u have no choice but to stay...why do u feel that way?